FairySlayer

Ever have a story idea so stupid that you had to write it, just to see if you could pull it off?
I have had such an idea. It’s a furry story about four boys from a racoon-like race whose island home is under occupation by tiger-like invaders. The boys manage to find an ancient artifact that they hope will give them superpowers to drive the invaders away.
Instead, the artifact turns them into a boy band. 
God help me, the story going to be called “Band Together.”

What I say: "Hekapoo" (the name of a character from Star Vs. the Forces of Evil).
What my phone hears: "Heckapoo," "pecapoo," "Hackaboo," "Packaboo," or "Hecka poop," depending on its mood.

So I’m dictating dialogue into my phone for my upcoming story “The First Adam,” and my phone thinks Adam just whispered in Eve’s ear, “You were born to beat bread.”
My question is, beat it at what?

My phone now has a bilingual mode, which means that it will do predictive typing in Spanish as well as English. So I was doing a Duolingo Spanish lesson and typing “Te gusta el…?” (“Do you like…?”), and the next word it suggests is “sexo.”
Apparently, my phone thinks I’m a perv in any language. It’s right, but that’s not the point.

Being an American, I normally prefer to use American spelling. But I just can't bring myself to write "epilog" rather than "epilogue." "Epilog" reads like the output of an '80s computer program, or maybe the men’s version of the Epilady.

The definition of irony is wanting to scream at your cats, “Just live in fucking harmony goddamn it!”

What I say: "He was a stallion in the truest sense."
What my phone hears: "He was a scallion in the truest sense."
So keep an eye out for my upcoming story about a sexy green onion.

So, the post-Halloween trick-or-treater tally:
At least one kid dressed as an internet meme -- check Multiple Elsas and Harley Quinns -- check A whole family in themed costumes -- check A hot mom in a borderline-inappropriate outfit -- checkity-doo
 

Last night, I was adding "heavy cream" to my grocery list, and the two words my phone suggested after "heavy" were "breasts" and "balls." Phone, you know me far too well.

I know it’s automated and generic, but I still like the birthday cake Bing made me.

My story “The Cartooniverse Mother-Daughter Crossover Sextacular” references 75 different cartoons from every era. My thought this morning: “It’s like I was trying to ruin as many childhoods as possible.”

I don’t really get dystopian scifi. Isn’t the real world bad enough? Or is the idea to make the real world look better by comparison?

So I'm working on a Star Vs the Forces of Evil story, and I was amazed when I started typing the phrase "magical princess from another dimension" -- which I had last typed several months ago -- and my phone actually pulled up the correct next word. At least, up to a point.
magical
princess
from
another
recipe
Good try, phone, good try.

I’ll admit it – I’m transmogriphobic. Shapeshifters give me the willies.
I know, I know, I should get to know some of them before I judge.

I honestly don’t see Trump hanging out with this group. 

Lately, I’ve seen a lot of people (mostly on TV shows) misusing the expression “Divide and conquer.” This phrase does NOT mean “Split up to tackle separate tasks.” It means “Separate your enemies from one another so you can more easily overpower them.”

The video system that the Chinese government uses for mass surveillance of its citizens is called Skynet. I am not making this up.

Every member of Congress who has been humoring Trump about his election loss for the past 2 months had a hand in what happened today.
I have spoken.

You know what’s really lame? The biggest reason why I want to get the COVID vaccine is that I want to see Wonder Woman 1984 in a movie theater.

It’s done! 50,000 words. Whew.
NaNoWriMo is over. Let PornoWriMo begin!

Next year, I really need to create a trick-or-treater bingo card. Items would include
at least 3 girls dressed as Elsa at least 5 boys dressed as Batman a whole family in themed costumes a mom wearing a decidedly inappropriate costume while escorting her kids around (This year’s was a slutty cop.)

I think my phone is trying to get rid of me. The other morning, I took it out of my pocket and found that one of my airline apps was open and had gotten a couple of steps into booking me a ticket to Amsterdam.

After 10 years of writing porn, I have finally learned to spell “ecstasy” without the help of autocorrect.

The upside of being an unpublished SFF novelist is that you have tons of made-up names to use as website passwords.

Lately, Chrome has been randomly assigning the icons for my frequently visited sites. Right now, AFF has the IMDB icon. 
There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I can’t seem to pry it out.