Stormbringer

Edge Of Nowhere, Half Past Never

Recommended Posts

discussion thread as angry mods didnt let me spam in the reviews :D

brownie 2014-03-21 id # 3000217155 I'm so confused. Beyond the multi nameless characters with vague personalities, there are things said that make no sense and places where it feels like something has been left out creating weird jumps in the story line. I really like it though, the plots intriguing and I want to know what happens next. I also really want lolli back in the picture.

do point out any gaps in logic or contradictions. im sure i leave out a chunks of important info since its only obvious to me, the author. that, and of course, im entitled to plain oversight. will iron them out eventually, hopefully with the aid of readers so fire away.

names - as confusing as it is, it has to be this way. adds to the whole slave thing. also, as our perception about them shifts so do their nicknames. though, if youre referring to the technical side, be forgiving. that likely wont ever make real sense - it is a setting laced in scifi.

Jess 2014-03-30 id # 3000217397 Wow! I can't wait for the next chapter!!! What will it be like when he goes back to the holding room and see's Happy again after this? Will he ever get a chance to be with Ghost again? Will he become Happy's again? I don't know who I want him with more - Happy or Ghost. Does he have a Master of his own? So many questions lol.

oh that will be priceless, lol. happy to see you're enjoying it so much. though, i am mildly surprised you're still supporting that guy even post ch15. i'd figure that would be a major roadblock. anyway, all the answers in due time x] though i can tell you for a fact main has no Master. merely a test sample.

ps, no love for the Shrimpy? even a little? poor guy he's completely out of your equation :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RainbowCupcak3 2014-03-30 id # 3000217410 What a wonderfully sick and sensual chapter. I fell in love with it. So sad for our princess, but was there real emotion in Smileys eyes? I think so, but am I right or just hopeful thinking on my part?

wonderfully sick :D thats exactly what im going for :D

Tsuu 2014-04-02 id # 3000217497 I felt like I should leave you a review.... Well, I really don't know what to say.... I like this fic a lot, even if its dark and depressing (even when I get lost and don't understand who is talking, I notice this clearly) as hell and I also like your characters quite a lot. The protagonist, brat and happy, above all. Happy us a sadistic bastard like his master but I don't know why I can't really hate him. Maybe because they tampered with his brain and the result is the actual him. He can be loving or compassionate, or maybe that's just me and my wishful thinking.

I also like the route this story is taking.... Well, to tell you the truth I don't know where is this going, but its improving. I wish for the ending to a happy one but I feel that's not going to happen. Or maybe there's a possibility?

Anyway..... To sum up, keep writing, I'll be reading your chapters whenever I see them. And good luck :)

P.S. Sorry if my rew seems weird! :(

looks like i really need to do major re-edit of all the chapters and set fixed nicknames x/ that sounds like work D: i need an editor ._.

"no clue where this is going, but i like it" amusing approach :D glad to keep the intrigue alive. linear stories with a couple made in heavens are not to my personal liking, so i try to shake things up a bit in mine. i think in a month or so it should be complete, im hovering over the edge of the few ending chapters atm, struggling to remember and tie all the loose ends and such. that said, i pretty much planned out the whole thing already. i could spill some spoilers, but you dont want to find out the great answer like this anyway x]

i am very surprised to hear you guys still like Sunshine even after all this. got to admit, these few chapters were taxing to write. even though i always knew who he really was, it was still an eye opener. and you still root for him! so many hopes and wishes! dawww how cute x] well, its true that he is also just a victim in this so its hard to blame him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jenn schwikaj@berea.edu 2014-04-03 id # 3000217525 I think this was my fav chapter so far, mabey because ghost and princess finally seem to be moving tword each other. It was a break from the constant abuse he has been enduring. I reeeeeeeeeeeally hope that they can all escape and have a happy ending(mabe the nicer lab guy will help ;D ?) Also, how many chapters do you think this will be? Thank you for the regular updates because i am checking every day!

why of course there would be few chapters of peace x] without that theres no proper despair ;D and vice versa. such a simple moment turned out so beautifully.

ending again, huh. you guys are really bothered by it x] nope not telling a thing =D its going to be around 35ish total i guess? not quite sure, maybe more maybe less. if i drag it out with some new content it can easily go 40+, though im trying not to (i originally planned to wrap it up around mid 20s but it turns out im very bad at calculating :D). ill be starting 29th soon and really anticipate writing that end bit, so dont want to put it off anymore. looks like it's bothering me too, sigh T_T7 if there's any demand later on, i could just write few more xx.1 chapters with additional events.

thanks for checking so often <3 keen interest fuels my inspiration to write x]

Edited by Stormbringer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jess 2014-04-07 id # 3000217602 I'm a little confused about chapter 17.1 because spoilers -> that chapter seemed to have Human Feast on lock down with images of his dead Master but in the next chapter he is with everyone else and is talking about his Master as if he is all fine and well. Am I missing something?

hey Jess, we meet again :D both 14.1 and 17.1 take place before the main story. just wanted to show what it's like in his head. obvious spoiler -> clearly, Master got resuscitated with their scifi tech

btw, post-20th chapter upload shall slow down, it takes time to go back and edit old events.

btw2 - good job, keep listing everything that doesn't appear to make sense if you come across it. will help me to edit and explain it better within chapters ;p

Edited by Stormbringer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

lalaland22

2014-04-15 id # 3000217828 First and foremost, I want to say that you've set up quite an interesting story, and I particularly love how you explained the setting and this universe without holding our hand through it. I mean you could've easily just wrote a couple of boring paragraphs and explained to us what was happening, but having taking us through the process with "Newbie" to understand his new circumstance, made the story a lot more intriguing. Secondly, considering that none of the characters actually have names, I think you've done one hell of a job making all of their personalities distinct from one another.

However, I must admit that there are times withing the story where it isn't exactly clear as to who is talking or you Newbie is referring to, it makes it sometimes difficult to understand critical conversations or key information...I'm not sure if it's because you've got too many nicknames for ppl or if it's b/c your are using too many pronouns to refer to characters. Secondly, while I really enjoyed the first half of the story, towards the middle when Newbie goes with the "Kid" it seemed to become a bit stagnant..b/c the plot feels less about Newbie's journey and more about his new crew and politics...I feel like Newbie is no longer an active participant, just observing his surroundings in a sort of brainwashed state. We hardly even ever see him anywhere else except for the "corner" or the bedroom, and the fact that he's no longer even trying or wishing he could leave from the "Kid" is just making things a wee bit boring and chapter after chapter of this is becoming redundant.

I get that suffering from abuse can change ppl or ruin a person's will to fight, but even when Newbie was suffering from the assault of Tattoo's crew, he was still 'aware' of his messed up circumstance and wanted to get away - which was exemplified when he called out for Lollipop to help him. Therefore, it seems a bit odd that now that he's with the "Kid" he seems completely brainwashed...if he could hold onto what little bit of character he had after his experiences with Tattoos, it seems plausible that he should be able to maintain some of that drive he had with the "Kid"..especially since he had formed allies since his time with Tattoos.

Even Newbie's decision to allow the "Kid" to "own" him seems odd esp when he wasn't exactly sure if Lollipop was done with him yet, but that aside, once the "Kid" started to try and corner him for sex, why hadn't Newbie tried to get away especially since Lollipop never tried to coerce or manipulate Newbie into sex...it just seemed a bit odd how he just accepted his new reality when it was becoming increasingly clear that the "kid" wasn't as innocent as he seemed...and especially since Lollipop didn't seem to be angry with him, if giving him the flashlight or inquiring as to what he did wrong was any indication.

With that said, I rarely comment on anything and I wouldn't be commenting now if I didn't think you had something really special on your hands. :)

yeah >_< looks like i will have to do major re-reading and fix the nicknames issue. oh joy :D guess their secondary traits arent as obvious to people who didn't come up with them x/ will tune down on the pronouns, too, they must be the major culprit anyway. that... won't happen anytime soon though D: must... finish... writing.... it...

stagnant huh. for the story following Newest, yeah, i guess it goes a little dormant. affairs of the new characters do overshadow him. figured it would be fun to see more Longings though. besides, there was a need to show lives of others, establish an actual norm, have something different to compare to. had to set up few things during that part, too. hopefully it picks up again after Lollipop comes back crashing into the picture.

but yeah, in the end New Entry wasn't happy in that team. though, he stayed in place because, where would he go? he was afraid Happy held a grudge for his misdemeanours. Lollipop is a tough nut to crack, you can never know what he's thinking o_O it was too late to come crawling back anyway, don't you think? and whilst he was miserable with the Brat, at least he wasn't physically abused as with Tattoos and that's what really mattered to him. oh, and of course drugs - he really didn't care most of the time. spoilers -> if you expect him to become great general and overthrow this unjust system and all the bullies, i'm afraid you can be a little disappointed. the circumstances will keep forcing him down an ugly path. guess we'll have to wait and see whether his future choices are justified.

btw, the allies aren't his allies, they're brat's. if he upsets kid, no one would have qualms about kicking him out. in fact Elite is eager to do just that =D being a standalone didn't work out back when he first arrived, either. besides, he needs the supplements. well then, as crazy as the circumstances are, i'm eager to hear what would you have done? =) lets see them plotholes

huge thanks for taking some time to write me x] outside input keeps me sharp :D will surely address the raised points in my grand editing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
pippychick 2014-04-25 id # 3000218030 While going through the archive I've started keeping a list of stories to go back and read, and this is one of those. I'm so glad I did.

1 - 5: It's all such an intriguing concept, and I like the way you're presenting it. We're seeing everything through "newbie's" eyes, so we're learning about the world at the same time as he does, and that's very skilfully done. As others have said, at points it's not entirely clear who is speaking but I totally understand why there aren't names. Besides anything else it adds an important extra layer of atmosphere.

If I had any real criticism, I'd say at some times you miss out connecting words like 'the' which I understand is probably deliberate for style purposes, but I'd say just ease off on it a little. At certain points it stops the writing from feeling immediate and crosses the line into offputting.

I'm very curious to see if Happy will come back and what's been going on with him. He certainly hasn't done much to live up to his reputation so far, and I can't help wondering if that is about to change.

A really well-written and interesting story. The world you've created builds layer on layer so that I hardly notice how much information you're getting in. Well done!

first off, thanks for picking up this story. always wondered whether that summary catches attention. looks like it does x] was it accurate? did you expect something else from the get-go?

now that you mention, the setting is complex. at least certainly distinct to ours. what better way to introduce it than with a blank, unbiased slate? glad it turned out to be enjoyable read rather than taxing :D

as for the lack the articles... this might be the fault of english being my second language and we don't have them at all in my first... ah ahahaha ^^; well, i guess you won't be wrong to say its my manner of speech :D i need to enslave an editor, as mentioned before -.-; both for grammar and for the names >_> know anybody who would sign up? :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Anon 2014-05-08 id # 3000218433 Hi, I just realized I have not reviewed this story, and decided to do so. I want you to know it's one of the stories I keep track, I like the way you have writen it and I am intrigued by what will happen next. In some chapters the level of violence reached is a little strong for my tastes, since I don't like physical abuse very much (most of all, I don't like torture scenes), but I understand it is part of the story, so I haven't stopped reading it. I wish I could do a better review, but I am not that good at English so I can't say all I want to say :P. But I like it! Keep writing it, please!

yeah i understand it can be taxing to go through all that dementia. good job bearing with it so far! i think we're through the worst part :]

Wolfwitch goldenwolfwitch@gmail.com 2014-05-08 id # 3000218466 I think I have to give up on this. Not because the idea isn't good, because it is and that's what's kept me going for this long, but because of how confused I am about who is who. I understand that the characters have no real names, other than one or two of the elites. That's fine. But changing what the point of view character calls everyone in his head all the time is super confusing. When you change what a character is called every single sentence, which you do remarkably frequently, I have no clue if you're talking about the same person or 4 different ones. Some are obvious, but most are not at all as obvious as you seem to think you are and when you simply change names instead of using an adjective or reprising information in another way, there's no making heads or tails of it. Because of this, I'm having a seriously hard time giving a damn about any of them. Half the time I don't know who to attribute what actions to and since I have no idea who did or said what the characterisation of each individual falls flat. When there are more than 2 people talking, I have co completely give up on understanding what's going on because I can't keep track of what names refer to what character and so I lose large parts of the story. It would be fine if it was just that every character had a different way of referring to each other and that it came up in dialogue, but the fact that the narration refuses to keep track of who is who is remarkably hard to follow. If one of my students gave me something of this nature to grade, it would be an automatic fail, just for lack of clarity. And I find that really sad because your idea is excellent and the story has so much potential. I love the idea of a facility full of clones and I love how you seem to have set up the politics of it all and I really, really would like to know more, but it's just far too complicated to try and keep track of your myriad nameless characters whose designation changes in narration every single time they're mentioned.

thank you for the feedback and interest thus far x] after i'm done writing (month, two maybe?) i'll do grand reediting and hopefully put all the dots on the "i". maybe you could give it another try then? ;] or, if you're not too busy you could always help me out on that x) as mentioned, characters are too obvious to me. perhaps it will always remain so and unless someone else points it out to me obscurity will remain.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lanna 2014-07-26 id # 3000220524 Felt quite a few time that if you don't find stories on your taste you should write one yourself..

Lucky me I can postpone that for a while since your story easily captured my eyes from the title, and first lines really.. and it kept me easily going on.. I have reached now cp 32.. ..maybe I'll reread it..

If I'd ask myself what I liked most about your story.. I'd start with a cheesy "it was the guy with long hair" that graced your story.. but I loved as well the flow of the epic line.. it did not felt forced, but natural and tidy.. and the dialogue was not insulting (not dumb).. and you gracefully moved from one group to another creating the right tension at the right time, smoothly and finely following the characters development ..it is not worth mentioning the general idea and the world building since that is pretty obvious..

Your epic has a nice tune and I encourage you to write more.

Be well and thank you for sharing this with us.

haha well said and so true. i feel the same. there are very few intricately deranged works of fiction. perhaps it was the need of this kind of fix that drove me to immerse myself in creation of whole new one x]

thanks for pointing out strong suits of the story! :3

if you are planning to reread it, hang on for a bit ;] i'm pages away from completing it (will be total of 39 chapters, or 41 by AFF standards). then I'll edit the whole thing and upload clearer version ;]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jess 2014-08-05 id # 3000220815 I miss Ghost! Will they ever be together again?

hello again Jess x] not telling. you'll have to wait and see :D its a little funny though, just a while ago people wanted for things to be like they are now :D

it's a little uncomfortable to discuss current events on AFF. if you ever want to share chapter by chapter impressions i suggest going there http://stormchainer.deviantart.com/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tsuu 2014-08-19 id # 3000221307 Oh, for the love of... Feast just doesn't get that Endless already feels something for him apart from submissive adoration, does he? He has a huge jealous streak going on and I think he haven't realized it by now... He's sure incredibly smart, but when feelings are on the table he doesn't seem to be :/ I hope he notices already, before destroying what's left of Endless' personality or this is going to be angsty as hell.

haha cute comment x] made my day. exactly as you said. Human Feast never had to deal with emotions before, so he has no darn clue :D

RandomReader 2014-08-22 id # 3000221388 I hope you do some sort of epilogue or sequel where Endless and Feast have some internal dialogue about their relationship which was never resolved. I mean if you really wanted to since it is SciFi you could even do a crazy long sequel related to getting new bodies and reviving the clones in new bodies etc but I feel you kinda just want to end it here. Would be nice for a tie up between Feast and Endless though and maybe a little insight into how Feast reacted to Endless's apparent death and how Endless Feast lives now that they are one.

honestly the whole last chapter was an epilogue in itself. i had few reservations whether the true outcome should be revealed at all, leaving it in a happy place was a strong option. i guess it does pose few new questions though... although the points you raised will probably be left for sequel if i ever get around writing it. this story has a way of branching off and not dying until its 400pages long, so i'll gve it some time. perhaps a lot of time, because potentially there are great many things to cover still. to make the suspense a little more bearable, lemme share a few facts that were perhaps left out. Human Feast doesn't view Brat as a child. there is always an influx of new guys and thus potential to view events from the other end. there are backup 100% Human Feasts being built. Some of the other Longings escaped too and are hiding out in the catacombs. new stricter rules will be enforced within compound due to that breakout. and such.

you're right about witnessing Human Feast's reaction, too. had to be quite an inner turmoil. makes me wanna witness it too a little :D see, the more you ponder on it, the more juicy situations surface. it just never ends... also whilst resolving their relationship would be nice, it was never something defined in first place. im inclined to leave it so, since no further relationship is possible. two people can't inhabit one brain. draw solace from the fact that Human Feast now knows, and he who has been Endless does too. no actual dialogue is really necessary imo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lavi1443 meytar1443@gmail.com 2014-12-10 id # 3000223880 I started writing what I feel about this story. But each out of the three times I tried, I found myself in lose of words. Not able to express what I feel right now.

Just like the main character, I was dragged lower and lower, sinking in the ocean of despair and yet always hoping for something better, even though I didn't allow myself to let the hope blank my reality.

It is bigger, deeper, stronger, than any other book ever written.

This is something else, it drives you mad.

If you were to ever publish it officially, there will be movies about it. Not just movies, this story is worthy of being part of history.

I have no idea how you ever got the idea of this plot, it is going to probably be part of my worst nightmares from now on. Anyway, even though I feel so like sobbing and crying my eyes out right now... I'm trying to make this story into part of my life, into something that actually changes the way I view the world.

Even if you go for nothing, at least die a free spirit.

thank you for the high praise. that's exactly the reaction i was after. always happy to drown someone else in the despair x] Misery loves company, yano? sounds like you abandoned the promise of hope at the end of the tunnel and expected the trainwreck to happen, unlike the main char. no idea how you managed that, but good job keeping it real! hope it doesnt haunt you too much, though. i have a feeling that if it was an actual place - it would drive people mad. don't dwell too much on it, even if i did purposely sow lots of bleak ideas in there.

Savvat 2014-08-22 id # 3000221414 I am so very sad that this is done and over with, I hope to see more stories from you though~! :)

currently trying to write a piece about outside world, but rules of that setting are so messed up and complex, i spend more time pondering than writing o,o well, eventually it's gonna happen.

sly hyper_tenshi87@yahoo.com 2014-08-23 id # 3000221428 I know, I know, its categorized under dark fic but even I was hoping for an actual happy ending. This story is so captivating and I am still screaming in my head at everything and now it seems so bleak, this life you've given them...it's never ending, it's hell just like princess hair longing says.

I really loved it either way....I'm just more of a sappy happy reader because life is already so hard. Please do more if and when you have the time.

I completely understand the sentiment. after all that's happened, at least some sugar at the very end would have been healthy. however, that's just the life they're living - nothing is ever easy. in a sense, it is hell, and once in - no one escapes, do they?

q 2014-09-21 id # 3000222300 Effing perfect (though in need of editing).

done all i could :D hopefully it's little better now.

Edited by Stormbringer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.