Kurahieiritr

Initial D Yaoi Keisuke x Takumi- Rivalry Revealed Series

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In the event anyone reads the series, and has questions, this is the right place to come. I am moving all of the series here from FFnet. It is taking me a bit of time so please be patient with me since each of the three completed novels are in excess of 300 pages long. I do frequent updates so I will get it all here as fast as I can revise and edit based upon reviews I have received at FFnet. All except for removing Samantha Singing Wolf as several reviews demanded of me, that is. Sam and a few scattered Japanese words in dialog will remain. So on those problems, unless it is a Japanese usage correction, please do not scream at me on either topic. Now onto the stories that this review response thread is intended to cover.

Driven Heart: the Prequel to the Rivalry Revealed series. Keisuke meets Takumi and falls head over heels but is in hard core denial about it. Heheh, I am so going to enjoy putting so many wicked thoughts into poor Keisuke's head as this story continues to get written. It is a response to all the PM and IM requests I have recieved from readers since I first posted A Rivalry Revealed at FFN a couple years ago. People wanted to know how Keisuke fell in love with Takumi, and this is the answer to those questions. This story features wet dreams and self gratification smut.

A Rivalry Revealed: The first Initial D fic story in this series that I wrote. It is completed and now on AFFnet. Keisuke goes from hard core denial to cleaning up his act so Takumi will consider him as a possible boyfriend. Not much smut, but, I did add a couple good kiss scenes and a round of masturbation fantasy on Keisuke's part. Keisuke is frustrated and squirming because Takumi is not picking up his signals for most of this story.

Alternate Tracks: 2nd in the main series. It is also another complete story. This is where the smut takes off for those who love hot men getting nasty together. Plot gets dark however since I am an angst writer by nature. Mogi becomes a stalker and she and Keisuke go to war over who gets to keep Takumi. Mogi does go nuts and hunts down her darling Takumi. Enough Said.

As the Smoke Clears: Third in the Series and also completed. Synopses: Takumi moves in with Keisuke's family. Has sex scenes. Another tale that tends to be dark and twisted. Keisuke has to return to his old Gangster group and hunt down Takumi's Kidnapers to get his boyfriend back.

As the Smoke Clears: The fourth story. I have part of it up since this is the only site it has ever been placed. This one is a very dark story and has controversial themes. It includes recovery from rape, flashbacks of rape, and other very disturbing elements. Increasingly kinky sex is in the mix. In fact Takumi is the one turning kinky. Plus the long awaited "Love's Legacy Ceremony" has been written and posted officially. I did a lot of research on Shinto ceremonies, especially weddings to get that written.

Romp For Perverts: This is an ongoing plot what plot fan service. It contains a variety highlights of all the sex scenes, minus the many chapters of plot line story telling for those not at all interested in story lines. Contains all the cut sex scenes from the Rivalry series novels from whence the deleted chapters were written and then axed. :) Doubt this story will ever get a Complete tag unless I stop writing Takumi x Keisuke fics.

Edited by Kurahieiritr

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I am in a very good mood now. Dancing on the Air good mood in fact. I got a concrit review that actually told me the correct Japanese words to insert for once! Hip Hip Hoozah. I don't know if the reviewer Anonym-kun will ever see this, but I am so grateful for the corrections mentioned. As soon as possible, I can go back and revise the already posted chapters. Gotta start the corrections in the middle of Alternate Tracks, but I'm going to get busy with it now that I know. Looks like the spellings I got from the book Japanese In Ten Minutes A Day has a lot of misspells in it. Plus, I am learning the reason for Nani and Naze being the wrong words for the first time. I was wondering about the grumbles I was getting without any backing it up. Here is the review that is going to make my writing better for those who do know Japanese.

Review:

I like the story a lot. The first time I read it was long time ago, when it was still fully presented on fanfiction net, and the second part was only somewhere in the middle of progress, I think. It fascinated me from the beginning and didn't let go, so now I decided to renew my memory and reread it (thanks to the fifth anime series finally appearing, but anyway). I was still extremely pleased. But.
Why did you use so many "japanese" words? Most of them are picking on my hearing (or reading in this case) and are usually unnecessary. You don't hear a Japanese saying "Kimi ha(wa) WHAT wo shite imasuka?" (君はWHATをしていますか) And I was really rolling on the floor every time someone cursed - it does sound funny when you see "naze/nani the hell".
If you still insist on using words in your work (your choice, really), then you should at least use them correctly. For example: If you use "onnas" instead of "women" - then why do you still use "men", not "otoko"? {I learned a new word! Yeah!!!!}
You use "ryoushin" and "aniki" - but instead of "otouto" you use "Little brother".
When you want to say "everyone", it's "minnasan" (みんなさん) - not "minasan"
With "isha" is used not "san", but "sensei", as any politic, teacher, doctor or simply very respected person. Though in your story better use the name with the suffix.
When you use "naze" - there's another word "doushite", and half of the times you use "naze" there should be "doushite" instead. Or even "douyatte". It's hard to find the examples as the story is big and I don't remember where I saw those, but here's one:
"I really don't understand naze Fujiwara san's behavior is unusual when we'r doing the same thing he is right now."
Naze means "what for", and here you have a different meaning of "why", better use "doushite". They have a few different "why", you know?
"Arigatou" (ありがとう), not "arigato".
"doumo" (どうも) - not "domo".
"doumo sumimasen" is Ok, but no "gozaimasu" - it is not used in apologies. If you want to stress an extreme apology, you'd better use "moushiwake arimasen" (もうしわけありません) - something along the line of "there is no forgiveness for me".
"Yoroshiku" is used only during the introductions or when a great help is given.
"Gomen nasai gozaimasu" - actually wrong, too. "Gomennasai onegaishimasu" (ごめんなさいおねがいします) is what you emotionally ment. Probably. Though if apology is to the person of higher ranking, then "gomennasai" is a rude mistake at all. (P.S.: besides, "gomen" and "nasai" aren't two words. "nasai" is simply the grammatical ending, so the simplified version sounds "gomen", when the word is stripped of all ending that add politeness.)
"Nani time do you get off" - well, there is a special case about it. Japanese say "Nan ji" for "what time".
"iie kidding" - extremely wrong grammatically. "Kidding ja nai", if you insist.

I hope it doesn't look like bullying, cause I didn't intend it to. The first time I read this I don't remember such words in the text, and now the whole effect of some angered speech is completely ruined because of "nani" every five words.
And if you wonder "what the hell is she blabbering about" or "what gives her the right to say so" - I'm finishing my 3rd year in University right now, Japanese major.

Good luck with your muse - I definitely like the stuff she's smoking.)

Anonym-kun if you ever see this: Thank you so very much for the input. You are awesome. I will definitely give you a high five anytime you wish to yell at me for making mistakes in the verbiage. Also, I am trying to get this right with Japanese because I am trying to cut down on he said English/Japanese non stop when the Project D crew is stuck in America ion later stories I am still posting. Well, I guess it is time to get cracking on the revisions again, and although readers are going to go Huh? when they see the changes mid story, I will Author Note the corrections in bad grammar fixes and go from there. :) So danged happy right now I can barely stand myself. I finally know the problem, so I can fix it!

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Okay, yeah. I read the first and second books. I see the fourth posted but I won't read it until I read the third. Where is the third? I haven't reviewed yet, because I've been just barrelling through. So, sorry about lack of feedback. I'll get there eventually when I reread from the beginning. It's sort of like the way you describe their intimacy. I can't take my time on the first round, too stimulated. Heh, heh. General impression, though, is that I like it. Otherwise, I wouldn't be reading it steady and daydreaming about the pair.

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Okay, yeah. I read the first and second books. I see the fourth posted but I won't read it until I read the third. Where is the third? I haven't reviewed yet, because I've been just barrelling through. So, sorry about lack of feedback. I'll get there eventually when I reread from the beginning. It's sort of like the way you describe their intimacy. I can't take my time on the first round, too stimulated. Heh, heh. General impression, though, is that I like it. Otherwise, I wouldn't be reading it steady and daydreaming about the pair.

I am so sorry I have not gotten the second finished or the third revised and posted. I've been too dratted sick to do anything but stay in bed for over a week now. I've been brainless level high on very intense pain medication. As soon as I can I will get back to work and finish posting all the completed novels. I am sooo sorry I did not get them done yet. Keep fingers crossed that I get over this disgusting illness please.

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Started working on revising the rest of the Alternate Tracks story this morning. I am so glad I am finally cleaned out from the stupid pain medication. Woke up and my brain was clear. Hip Hip Hoozah!

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I have added more chapters to Alternate Tracks, including a couple of previously deleted chapters that are lemon. Working on chapter 30 today. Getting so close to the second story's completed tag I can smell it! :dance:

I am shooting for 2 weeks max before I am officially revising and posting story number 3 All for Love.

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Yeah Raymy, thanks so very much for the review. :)

Thanks so much for updating, I'm anxious to read beyond chapter 33. I have to find out how the two deal with the shootings.

Not a problem. AS soon as I get this stupid hard core yard work for the duplex (X) 3 units communal yard is completely cleared up I will be posting again. :( Sad to see the first good next door unit neighbor go though. At any rate I hope to be completely done with final clean up within a couple more days. I will be posting the last of Alternate Tracks as soon as I can get past the real world infringements. :) On to your review.

Chapter 2: When I read, "I have to help get that baka to bed", I got the impression of a double meaning which Keisuke wasn't aware of. It's fun to know what's going on with him before he does! I so enjoy the different descriptions of Takumi in Keisuke's mind:

-oo0oo-

You did pick up on his denial- slash "what he really has on his mind" but is hiding from himself. ROFL. It is so rare anyone gets that specific double dealing loaded foreshadowing of the plot to come. Grins big and happy., I am so grateful someone finally picked up on that one after it being published for 2 whole friggin years. ROFl..

damned little punk
spaced out little genius
that baka or that young baka

-oo0oo-

Ah, Doncha love his way of strengthening his denial through equating everything to a fighting scenario? Keisuke strikes me as being exactly like that. Try ot deny via convincing himself it is the enemy. :)

-oo0oo-
In Takumi's POV, I'm uncertain as to the cause of the blurry vision. I know that when I'm tired my eyes can go unfocused but to go blurry and stay that way even when you know it's happening, I haven't experienced. Are you implying that the lack of caffeine caused him to see blurry and blackout; his deep need for sleep finally catching up to him?

-oo0oo-

It is acute exhaustion. I know how the eyes finally refuse to work since I am a chronic insomniac. The caffeine wears off and then the body is totally screwed because it says shut own and to heck with the situation. My intent was for people to recognize that his anger burned the caffeine off too fast while he was in a situation that it needed to stay in effect so he could get back up to the top of the mountain. Emotions can completely yank caffeine out of the system that quick. At least it does in my own life experience. :)

Thanks so much for your review. I really appreciate it.

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I am thinking about posting All for Love as is due to it being complete, and revising chapter by chapter as an ongoing project. I discovered with Alternate Tracks that revision lag does prevent reading the whole series efficiently.

:help:

What do those who have checked this thread think? Should I post the current 3rd story, and modify as I get the time? OR: would readers prefer it if I crawl along the updates as real world allows scenario that has been experienced with Alternate Tracks?

:bash:

This is one of the moments where I find myself flustered over taking review suggestions to heart and correcting the trouble spots I learn about from my readers. I really am debating the idea of putting All For Love up and revising as I can. I've gotten annoyed with the headache of constant intrusions preventing people interested in the stories from reading the tales. Some days being a perfectionist with mild dyslexia fits is too much to ask of readers I think.

:tomato:

I have gotten chapters 34 and 35 revised and posted in Alternate Tracks story today. Finally got the real world problems cleared away so I could get back to revision work. There are 41 chapters total in this completed story, so I am frustrated that I can't plaster the complete tag onto the revision version yet. I am seriously ready to add the last few chapters to get the completed tag up, and then complete the revisions with the replace chapter function.

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Sorry to take so long to respond to your query. I finished Alternated Tracks, with the unrevised chapters, and am glad you posted them. So, from my perspective, I'd like to continue reading the 3rd story, even if you haven't revised it yet. Since I'm rereading and reviewing from the beginning and I'm excruciatingly slow at it, by the time I get to the unrevised chapters, you may have revised them. But I'm itching to read more now cuz you tempted me with what I might have to expect and I don't want to wait, knowing you're done, with only revising to do. Ultimately, It's your baby, but if I have any influence, I vote for posting the entire 3rd story.

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Sorry to take so long to respond to your query. I finished Alternated Tracks, with the unrevised chapters, and am glad you posted them. So, from my perspective, I'd like to continue reading the 3rd story, even if you haven't revised it yet. Since I'm rereading and reviewing from the beginning and I'm excruciatingly slow at it, by the time I get to the unrevised chapters, you may have revised them. But I'm itching to read more now cuz you tempted me with what I might have to expect and I don't want to wait, knowing you're done, with only revising to do. Ultimately, It's your baby, but if I have any influence, I vote for posting the entire 3rd story.

I can place the old version up. Despite having to revise to reflect the original deleted scenes, it is a completed story that has been read by a lot of peeps at the FFnet site before I took it down to keep my account safe. :) I am glad to get any input at all on this dilemma. I have been quite disenchanted by the conundrum I've had over whether to put it up as the raw form or to wait.

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I have begun posting All For Love in the original Raw form. Trying to multitask a dozen directions at the moment. Will add more chapters soon to that one, and will finish revising Alternate Tracks 38 and get it replaced in a day or two also.

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Have finished putting all chapters through 30 up in the All For Love Story. It is the old version at the moment so will have incongruities due to my having returned a couple of chapters to Alternate Tracks that I removed before posting at Fanfiction net. I will get those revised as I get the chance. I hope to have a complete tag on All For love by middle of next week. It will depend on whether or not I have any more family emergencies.

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I loaded through chapter 49 of All For Love today. I am going to take a break and see if I can finish that story off and add the Complete tag by evening here. :) Will revise as I get the chance. HAve a B-day for roomy today. But, there is plenty of original story for people to read in the meantime.

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I have completed All For Love story's uploading as of today. I added a new chapter 50 because of fanfiction reviews that complained about Bunta not weighing on on the subject of Takumi's abduction. It is shorter than most of the chapters I write, yet I hope it satisfies that ongoing grumble somewhat. I still need to revise the full story based upon prior review input, but do not have the energy or the mindset to do so correctly yet.

I will work upon adding new chapters to the two incomplete stories in the Rivalry series for a couple of weeks before I begin fine tooth combing, and replacing chapters. Sorry for the hold up on the Smoke and Driven stories that some have been forced to put up with while I got the other novels loaded.

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I am finally back to working on both temporary hiatus stories in the Rivalry Series for Initial D. Added a new chapter to the Prequel story, "Driven Heart" this afternoon. I am going to focus on getting that novel out of the way for the next few days. I apologize to readers of the 4th novel, "As the Smoke Clears" who want to see new chapters ASAP. I will get it completed after I find the dratted notes I have misplaced. I had a very specific setting in mind and I can't recall the specifics without my little notebook. Never fear, I will find and get Smoke caught up soon. I may even have a 5th novel to write the way the stories keep writing themselves one after another. However, I will return to my write the novel before putting it up as completed habit. Thanks so much to all the people who have read and reviewed my stories to date. I genuinely appreciate every drop of concrit feed back I have received.

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Chapter 13 of Driven Heart is posted. Chapter 14 is fairly close to the rough post acceptable status also. Thanks for the feedback Raymy. I am grateful for your idea to help get Keisuke's inner chaos coming across better. I hope to have chapter 14 up in the next 48 hours.

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Although semi raw, I posted Chapter 14 of Driven Heart. I am having to learn a new writing program since the old version is no longer compatible with Windows 7 even using the compatibility wizard. AS of yesterday, grammar and other tool checkers flat stopped working. I apologize for any awkward sentences or run ons that might be found in the text for the moment. Once I get a better handle on the new program, I will be sure to revise and replace the Chapter 14 section. Thanks for everyone's patience.

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Chapter 15 is up for Driven Heart. Same warnings as normal such as spoiler heavy for Stage 2 anime. Hope everyone enjoys the latest chapter. I decided to add a Takumi P.O.V. chapter for a change.

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I apologize to anyone who was waiting for the next installments of both WIP novels for taking so long. Driven Heart 17 is posted. Having suffered a case of acute writer's block has thrown my schedule into complete chaos recently. Please forgive me for my tardiness in getting new chapters written and posted for everyone to read.

Thank you to those individuals who have sent me encouragement emails while my Plot Bunnies were on strike. I truly appreciate every positive and supportive comment received. It helps to know that I do have a few die hard readers waiting for each new installment. As the Smoke Clears chapter 40 is getting worked upon at this very moment. I have been doing the bare bones version of the actual chapter, but with new research notes included, it is slowly evolving into a decent reading chapter.

Special thanks to Raymy for reading over raw drafts, and being a most welcome sounding board when I get so annoyed that I have not portraying Keisuke's upheaval well enough to suit myself. I truly appreciate the input you gave me to help me unlock my stubbornly silent bunnies. Glad I am not the only person who has noticed all the subtle "Takumi is a psychic" references found in the actual anime/Manga also. Here's hoping that the Keisuke drawn to Takumi because they are soul mates continues to make this a worthwhile read for everyone as I get more Driven Heart chapters written.

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I continue working on chapter 40 of As the Smoke Clears. As the chapter is turning lemon, and I am infamously slow about getting sex scenes written, it will take a while to get the newest chapter posted. Still, once I get the right words, and descriptions settled, it will be a great reading chapter like all the others which people compliment, at least I hope it will be up to snuff. ;)

I have also started the revisions to "All for Love," in between lip gnawing fits of trying to find the right words for the chapter 40 lemon. I am replacing chapters as I get the wrong Japanese words replaced, and spelling/grammar hot spots fixed. I want to thank everyone who pointed out my problem spots in reviews. I really appreciate the tips I have received. I am taking my time to get the 3rd novel in series revised to reflect the return of axed chapters also, so it might take a while to get that story completely revised. I am considering returning other axed chapters from when I had it posted at another site. We shall see how the revisions up to the deleted chapters go. Once I have the off kilter stuff repaired, I will decide whether to return the graphic violence scenes to the story, or not.

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Quick notes about the lack of chapter posting: I have been experiencing a bit of a writing block. My apologies for having been remiss in posting new chapters for the last couple months. Unfortunately until such time as my imagination starts firing up, I am completely blank.

Second of all, I was asked to join the Moderation cleanup crew and accepted. For the moment I am learning the duties so am on a temporary hiatus. Once I finish training, and my imagination starts to function, I will complete the stories I have temporarily set aside. I will get to back to writing as soon as both situations are resolved.

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I have gotten back into writing now that my health has improved. Have begun posting chapters to Driven Heart and to As the Smoke Clears again. The plot bunnies are slowly awakening from hibernation, so perhaps the overall integrity of the stories will improve. Have done some long overdue revision work on A Rivalry Revealed so expect some chapters to get replaced ASAP. Much of the revision work done is correcting wrong Japanese words inside the dialog, and streamlining bad paragraphs for clarity. Hope the new clarity will be well received.

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Hello, everyone. After so many months of being trapped in an unexpected limbo due to real world crisis scenarios, I am back to do some long overdue writing and editing. Due to some serious considerations about the complaints involving the requested Japanese words that I added to the multiple stories I have uploaded here in their entirety, I am going to be trying to get some kind of happy medium going with all the stories. Expect all the story chapters to get revised without any Japanese words outside of san, kun, oyaji, aniki, and otouto variety direct address terms that the cannon characters do habitually use when speaking to each other. The rest are going to be history as fast as I can humanly strip every other word out of the chapters and repost everything ASAP.

I will be attempting to get a new chapter for each of the two incomplete stories posted over the next couple of weeks. I still have a lull in the complicated real world situation I have not quite gotten fully cleared out of my life, and I plan to take full advantage of it while it exists. My family still comes first, but I am rearing to gt the honeymoon scenes finished between Takumi and Keisuke. Cross your fingers I can make it before the next round of real life drowns me. A massive revision and updating for the complete series is also underway.

To those who have followed this series, and my move to AFF, thanks so much for the patience in waiting so long for me to get back to writing and revising to get rid of the sticky out of synch moments now that I am returning some of the deleted sex scenes and miscellaneous inconsistencies that are getting created due to the new material getting returned to the completed novels. I really appreciate the generosity extended by those of you who have stayed in contact via e-mail.

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Guest Chickipu

So sad that this has been abandoned.  I have enjoyed the series and would love to see it resurrected. 

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