StoryJunkie

Turn back if you don't like Ukrainian jokes

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Telling Ukrainian jokes and drinking beer was a pass-time amoung us back in the day. I came across one just a while ago, and I thought I'd share. Excuse me if I already told it to you. Know any? (No offense to Ukrainians out there. I am one btw.) The death of the ethnic joke has been sadly observed by me in the politically correct atmosphere in which I've spent most of my adult years. Enjoy. Share if you want.

One dark night outside a small town in Saskatchewan, a fire started inside the local sausage plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant.

They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became

desperate.

As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now

$100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.

It was the nearby Yorkton rural township volunteer fire department

composed mainly of Ukrainians over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these

Ukrainians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant...and

drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the Ukrainian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Yorkton old-timers had extinguished the fire and

saved the secret formulas.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a

superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to

personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Ukrainian firefighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking,

"What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Vell," said Nick Sputski, the 70-year-old fire chief, ".....da furst thing

vee gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck."

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Guest Madapple

Story! You wicked, wicked girl.

When the joke started out in Canada I was like, "I thought this was a Ukranian joke." Then I thought maybe you changed it to get a response from the Canadians on the Forum. XD

The punchline was, well, unexpected. But you type a great accent. tongue.gif

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k, here's another. (my personal favorite)

Three Ukrainians were out hunting when they came across some tracks.

The first Ukrainian says: "Dose are moose trecks."

The second Ukrainian says: "Vhat you talking about? Dey are rabbit trecks!"

The third Ukrainian didn't say anything, because he was run over by the train.

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both those jokes are hilarious. i liked the first one better just because i had no idea what was coming. plus the accent was dead-on which is hard to do when typing. i am definately going to tell the sausage factory joke to some people. agree that the ethnic jokes are too funny to just die.

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huntinggt5.jpg

OKOK, I've got another one. (It's a newfie joke this time. This is priceless!)

Two Newfies were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while the 1st guy said to the 2nd guy, "If'n I was to sneak over to your place Saturday, and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?" The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, then scratched his head and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he replied, "Well, I don't know about making us kin,

But it sure would make us even."

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that is definately my favorite so far.

decided to tell one of mine

So a guy goes to the doctor and asks for a vasectomy. When the doctor asked why he responded, "Well my wife just had her 8th kid. The trailer is getting pretty full. Gotta stop it." The doctor looks at the guy "Okay, i am going to give you the take-home vasectomy. Go buy a beer and a firecracker. Drink the beer, light the firecracker, put the firecracker in the bottle and put the bottle up to your head. Count to 10 and you will have your vasectomy. So the guy gets everything ready and sits down in his favorite chair. Drinks his beer. Finally he lights the firecracker and puts it in the bottle and puts the bottle to his head. He starts counting, one finger at a time. When he gets to 5 he pauses, looks at his hand, puts the bottle between his legs and resumes counting. 8,9...

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here's another. Guys might not like this one,...

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain:

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

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shamrock.gif Here's one in honor of St. Patrick's Day! shamrock.gif

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man.

"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:

"What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.

"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.

"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again." shamrock.gif

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I Laughed Out Loud. laugh.gif

I've gotten this Irish gem a couple times in my mailbox:

A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night the regular drunk a little more than usual.

The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures

he will crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on

his face.

He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches the bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly, "So, you've

been drinking again !!" "What makes you say that?" he asks as he puts on an innocent look. "The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again."

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Okay - I've really enjoyed all of these and I thought that I would share one of mine with all of you. BTW - I'm part American Indian so if this offends - oh so sorry.

One fine day a cowboy was riding through the desert looking for something - anything - to break the monotony of the Great Plains. It wasn't long before he came across an indian sunning himself on a rock buck naked and with a raging hard on.

"Jus' what the Hell do yer think yer doin'?" He asked as the indian cracked an eye and glared at him.

"Me tellum time." He said as he laid his head back down on the rock to continue sunning himself.

"Oh yeah smart ass - what time is it?" The cowboy asked as he sat astride his horse.

The indian peaked at the sun then looked down at his dick then back up at the sun before responding. "Ug - it's 1 o'clock."

The cowboy looked at his watch and whistled. "I'll be damned! You're right." He shook his head and continued on his way. About 2 hours later he came across another indian standing out in the open once again naked as the day he was born and sporting a huge erection.

"What are you doin'?" He asked the tall man standing before him.

"Me tellum time." He responded.

"Fine - what time is it?" The cowboy was almost used to this and reached into his pocket for his watch.

The indian looked at the sun and down at himself then answered. "It's 3:17." The cowboy grunted and went on his way wondering at the inginuity of these indians.

It wasn't long before he came across yet another indian standing behind a cactus and wanking off as fast as he could. Now this was completely improper even for the wild west. "What are ya doin' ya freak?" He yelled.

"Um - me windum watch."

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oh, I loved that, and got horny.

I thought of another Ukrainian joke today. (very short)

Why do Ukrainian dogs have flat foreheads?

...They chase parked cars.

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Don't worry. As long as there's at least one (insert race or ethnicity) in the audience to slap a seal of approval on these jokes (meaning they laugh at them and stuff), they can't possibly be bad. Ever. Also, home training isn't needed.

Edited by bitBlackmage

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