Slayitalldown

I wouldn't get depressed, I'd start exploring the mechanics of story-telling more. The first part is a lot of exposition. I don't know the first thing about Mass Effect so lets just focus on the mechanics of your method of narrating - your 'story' starts out as a documentary. The information is awesome but not really entertaining. It is one of the biggest conundrums - how do you take all that data and make it interesting instead of a history lecture? Still working on it myself so no expert here but one tip I've found is to de-construct, analyse and put it all back together but think of how it would be presented in a film. Think of Avatar (I reference it because unless you live on Jupiter you must have seen it at least once and come on, Jupiter would have it on Blu-Ray by now even with the space program in ruins) had been a 20 minute info-dump, Star Wars style, straight down the screen to fill in the picture to start off with no one would sit through it. They took a very big and elaborate idea and broke it down into the parts we needed to know - every character had a very explicit purpose in explaining the setting through dialogue and action. Its 35 minutes into the film before the real story starts and its intriguing, entertaining, the characters are set into place and we understand the environment enough to feel something when the real stuff starts to happen - "That woman is throwing away Jakes fire-stick... is she crazy?!??!?!" I would de-construct the characters and assign them a purpose as both character and information providers as part of their role and have them in the beginning of the story, not half way through. Beginnings are hard. Maybe someone standing by a window musing at the colourlessness of space? Remember that in telling a story, everyone in it has a purpose - there really are no 'extras' with written stories. Be their purpose great or small [eg: unknown red-shirt runs in: "Captain, the incredibly touchy back-up power supply has a red flashing light, we're all in imminent danger!" he gasps, then collapses. "He's dead, Jim." says Bones.] if they have a purpose to further the story then we don't need to know about the brush with tapeworm that his cousin's best friend's sister's boyfriend's mum's puppy had last summer, just that his death signals imminent doom. So he does a little info-dump before we discard him... disposable characters are a great way to foreshadow. Remember the truck rolling past with the big arrows sticking out of it, the marines commenting 'meals on wheels' before the 'good old-fashioned safety brief'? We had questions following that moment that the General got straight into answering. He may have had a duel purpose in being the villain at the end of the story but the General's speech in the beginning of Avatar made us feel small, human and unsafe in this strange setting. I won't go into the rest all I can say is it would have made a great screen-saver if it weren't for all that crap in the middle, but you get the idea. Having said that, bigger characters were essential to setting up the conflict. The argument between Grace and Parker that shows us the 'Unobtanium' (its so clumsy if makes me giggle every time) plot device and they maintain their trajectory to their demise. We feel for Grace's cultured and scientific mixed with caring ideals and we hate Parker's materialism and total lack of compassion - that was their purpose. Your story has a lot of information that could be passed on in a similar way. Don't discount it. You need to do more work but it will be worth the effort when you produce something you're proud to call your own, a big idea with lots of relatable characters with a story to tell. By all means, good luck.

Welcome back! Sounds like you're on the road to recovery!

You're most welcome. I would love to help more but my ignorance is a complete burden. My enthusiasm in no way compensates for my woeful ignorance! I could offer you some websites and articles that helped me with scene-building? Its one of the things I focus on in detail with original fiction as I'm so petrified of not being able to transport readers through the 'suspension of disbelief' to the make-believe world I want to tell them about that ironically, I can incorporate a setting to perfection in original fiction but tend to lose the art completely in fanfiction. I think it has something to do with (arrogance) thinking that the reader has to be a fan to read the story in the first place if they're reading it, by mentioning the setting they can envision it in their minds as they have literally seen it before!! But this is a very bad attitude to have and I am working on correcting it. Best of luck with your new beta - they are hard to find so snuggle up close! As for reviewing... rule of thumb, remember that authors are essentially are strangers, don't say anything you wouldn't want to hear and be as honest as possible? I try to use good manners and do the 'compliment sandwich' if I have to concrit... good advice can't be a bad thing but as we've learned here... they want reviews, we want reviews, do your best and hopefully good things will come of it! So some people are sensitive and get sand in their vaginas about a little friendly advice... my philosophy is if you don't want sand up there, don't go to the beach!!

Noobs who are wary survive their first days in the jungle... LOL! I didn't explain that as well as I should have, I meant in established lines of communication - I find that writers are super eager to phish for reviews but less eager to reciprocate. I end up feeding the beast and starving myself and it gets tiresome really quickly! Part of the reason I don't leave short reviews is I don't want them in return but when I've left a detailed review and then I get phished for compliments on new chapters, I get a little snarky and retreat into silence.

Thank god for the honesty of this thread. I think I'm finding some peace! I'm a guilty author - - for the sin of "she'll be right". I'm looking into it but my enthusiasm to 'cross it off my list' and post a chapter as a measure of accomplishment outpaces my social responsibility to 'get it right the first time'. Part of my attitude is arrogance - its fanfiction, come on, the odd mistake? Pfft! I can't see any! - and the other is simply a reluctance to make someone else endure the mass of words I produce in chapter for free! I'd rather get it right myself but who can improve with that mistaken idea?? Its a conundrum that I'm hoping a kind-hearted and eager reviewer will take a minute to help me rectify. I'd rather find a reader who read the story and thought "Its good but it could be better... hey, author, a word!" which is why I unashamedly post sans beta. I am looking for a beta and I do check as many times as I can to get my chapters are good as I can alone but as Bronxwench said - not delusional and there is always room for improvement... the more vast the more desirable! Its just that on the other side of 7K+ words, I'm at a loss and just have to hope and pray that by casting my story into the ether something will come of it. I try to do the same when I read but I am also a guilty reader, I like to be entertained but I don't rely on fanfiction to entertain me so I am fussy, I am hard to keep interested and I lack a great deal of sophistication as far as reviewing goes. Unless they come up with a code for "Its good but I didn't stick through it because I got a notification on FB, KTHNXBAI." or a polite way of saying "More porn. Srlsy, all your characters did was talk. Someone set something on fire or drop their pants and call me when its done." I'm a just not going to be able to review every story I peruse. No one likes hearing "Its good but it could be better, figure it out and get back to me." and for that very reason, I'm not keen to say it. Writers get frustrated when you can't back up what you're pointing out and honestly, I'm spontaneous and more likely to forget I wrote something before anything comes of it. This kind of scattiness doesn't really fly with many people and while I'm not getting the desired reviews on my own story I'm busy trying to figure it out for the next chapter - selfish and unkeen to start throwing chips to the seagulls while I'm starving for a feed myself. After all, I don't just want a beta, I want a beta in my fandom who reads and writes. Same with reviewers, I would prefer the reviewers who can offer a bit more but I have learned to accept that I won't get back what I can't give so I give where I can. I just don't like being expected to like something that is updated if I read once and enjoyed on the day. With no investment in a story I tend to be "unreliable" later down the track when my mood shifts. "I just posted a new chapter!" they'll tweet me and my response will be positive but not much more than "Good for you!". Beta reviewing, you get the good stuff. Review-reviewing? School-yard rules: "Show me yours then I'll show you mine!" I am trying to network but there are going to be days when I just can't give like I wish I could and they are far more frequent than days like this when I have all the time in the world to ponder the mysteries! Its not fair because I know writers want to be rewarded for all their hard work, just like I do, and that a little positive boost can have a massive chemical reaction with the muses and produce copious words because it happens to me. I like the chemical reaction - share the love, free and without guilt I say - but how to turn that into positive concrit without getting dragged into a relationship? I haven't found a short cut - POST IF YOU HAVE!!! Its a lot like one-night stands.... "I don't need your name and your number and your life story, honey, I just said you were good in bed. There's the door. Good luck with life."

Sometimes I quietly wish there was a simple system built in where you can score out of ten for a story you've read or a poll: "Liked it", "Didn't like it", "TL;DR", "YAY PORN!" and "We need to talk." to shortcut the anxiety of trying to say something you don't want to be attacked for!

Bless! Funny story - I received a mod review the other day and was devastated that I couldn't find an address to send flowers!! I had no idea where to send my profuse and overjoyed thanks for being noticed. It was one review but it was a major "SQUEE!" moment. I'm sorry, I don't care if its an expected custom it was an honest review and I'm taking the time to take what has been said on board. I love praise. Its built into the human condition. Actually, its built into the social mammal condition - I've trained dogs and horses and I work with special needs kids and I promise you there are some personalities out there that would die of starvation and thirst if they had a choice between sustenance and praise. Its essential. It kills me when I read something I can't offer praise on. Concrit yes but actual praise... sometimes its nearly impossible to provide without omitting the truth which really, boiled down, is on the same par as lying. Something I find difficult with reviewing is the problem of 'So, what does the author want to hear?'. Okay, yes praise but... what else? My fear of reviewing is much like my fear of commenting on a friend approaching my and saying 'how do I look' without context. If they're dressed in jeans and a jacket and they're going to a wedding well... not so good but without context... fine...? Covered to the extent society dictates, appropriate for the weather, reasonably fashionable and tidily presented? Reviews that are vague 'Good story, nice work' feel cheap. Okay, yes, praise - yay - but I hunt stories to entertain me. I can't leave a review for a story I skip out on half-way through because I lack interest in the content on a personal level, it would do the author no service at all. Even worse for an author to get a review on a story I have no investment in. If I say something like 'I got to the part where x and y went to the shops, lost interest and flipped over to twitter' I don't have anything for the author to reflect on other than I have symptomatic ADHD. If I read a WIP and make it through more than one chapter I will leave a review of encouragement but I prefer PM conversations where I can interact with an author. "I liked this but this seemed a little unclear, was that intentional?" This kind of back and forth interaction is so much more satisfying than a public review - and I can dig out the author's intentions. "I write for myself and I like to a little ego stroking." is very easy, "Great story *pat pat pat* good for you *pat pat* keep up the good work *pat pat pat*" where as "I'm not sure if this is right, I glossed over this, I got lazy here and this part I guessed... they do that thing, right?" is so difficult to glean without discussion, and I feel publicly going through something like that is the rude option - especially when I like to site references and refer to further reading with things that need improving. Of course, if the author believes they are perfect in every way and their story is a work of genius I'm not the best person to disillusion them... I reference my advice because I do so much research of my own and a PM out of the blue - "Yo, your story could use some improving, here's the list." is confronting. I'd be confronted by it. Particularly if it was in an area I wasn't interested at that stage in reflecting on, or its part of a set up for something further down the line like fore-shadowing. A reviewer deserves to be thanked and appreciated for taking the time, not sized up in a hostile 'Excuse the f*ck me??' kind of way. Of course, it all comes down to wording but blunt bitches like me always get the short message wrong. I remember receiving a text message from a complete toss-pot - seriously, the kind of person you wish you could go to their mother, slap her and say "You should have swallowed, you selfish cow, now we all have to suffer" - that said "I don't like the tone of that last message." And all I could think was "Tone. REALLY? A three word message with the depth and sophistication to have a tone??? F*ck me, I'm amazing." but it has made me more cautious. I'd hate to rile up a complete stranger with my 'tone'!! Especially when I just want to pay if forward and spread the wordsmith love! So I err on the side of caution and when in doubt, I say nothing.

Hi Aysha, We are stuck in a misunderstanding. I appreciate your time and effort. Your suggestions have been extremely helpful to me but I need to stress that it wasn't what I was asking for. I wanted an overview of the story as a whole. I am aware that it is not a literary masterpiece, I am aware that a beta would have been more than useful before now because they wouldn't have overlooked the things I am happily ignoring like misuse of words and minor grammatical errors but I have chosen to post regardless because my focus is on the narrative. While I would happily tear it down and repost it sans imperfections in the future should I find the right beta, at this time I see no point - its readable. And lets face it, its fan-fiction. I'm not being disrespectful, its just my priorities rate it lower than other things. The investment of time you have made is not wasted - I assure you I have taken it on board - but it could have been prevented and left you with time for your own writing. As for your story, I'm not entirely sure "PWP" is the right classification. True "PWP" is a situation in which two(+) characters find themselves in an (often semi-inexplicable) erotic situation. "Why are you in my bed nak... you know what, I don't care. You're naked, I'm horny. Spank me! I'm a bad girl!" [insert sexy times] Your story (yes, its a story I wouldn't dare argue that, you can write a story in one sentence that consists of religion, sex and mystery.... "Oh my God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who's it is?") seems to have more depth. Yes the sexual nature and content is a plot device and a huge part of the character development which would make your story a ficlet, not a PWP so my confusion results from this. Having said that all I could find is one chapter. I can't tell you if its worth writing more, that is up to you. I can only offer my opinion and I am but one little person. I am not a fan of the characters or the original source material so I can't give you any real insight. To me its as new as original fiction and from this point of view I can only be unhelpful in saying that a flash-back at the beginning of the story didn't draw me in so much as put me off because I have no idea why the character is standing in the middle of a library pondering bad thoughts. I know you then say 'PWP' but its not truly 'PWP' if its the set up to a plot. I'd rather read the story itself first and you can add flashbacks later to fill me in on a character I want to know more about. First, I need to be intrigued and this did not intrigue me. Having said that, my opinion isn't worth much to you, I can't offer encouragement for this particular story and I would hate to deter you from writing so please, don't stop because I can't offer you anything helpful. It is my failing, not yours. If you feel you are doing the right thing and telling a story that needs to be told then please continue. All I can tell you is that in my experience, fan-fiction is a fickle mistress and if you cannot write it for yourself then you will find no pleasure it in. Based on the number of hits I would be wild about the lack of reviews too but perhaps an adjustment to your summary indicating the intention of your story might be more helpful? Otherwise I have no revelation or insight that will help. Slayitalldown.

Hi Aysha, Thank you for your time and your detailed response. I will definitely look into your suggestions. At this stage I'm not looking for technical corrections, more for an overview on the story as a whole. If the technical errors distracted from the story too much for you to want to continue with into the narrative then that information will be useful to me - while I do my best, one can always improve and the quality of a piece of work is really in the details - but I am unsure if this is the case so perhaps a summary to clarify? Again, thank you for your time.

Author: Slayitalldown Title: There's A Third Option? Summary: This is a long story, like an entire season arc - 95K words over thirteen chapters and counting - that is a mainstream offering of Supernatural fun and shenanigans with all the known and regular characters. It begins directly after Season 7 Episode 1 and becomes in immediate AU that is outside the box but pressing right up against it (respectful to the canon). It introduces a female original character as a protagonist and potential love interest who might not be one of the good-guys but for now is part in the way and part handy to have around. It introduces old characters as new threats and explores the troubles that females typically bring to a man... or men. Feedback: Please dear god anything would be so helpful. Concrit most especially, is desperately desired. Put me in my place, my ego is out of control, I assume that its so perfect everyone is too scared to say anything. There. Tear me a new one. Please! Fandom: Supernatural. Pairing: The OFC scores with Dean and Sam on separate occasions but pairing might be a strong concept. Warnings: Mainstream - there's swearing, violence and smutt but HBO would consider it sissified so nothing confronting. I'd be more specific but I've tried to keep it interesting and there are 95K words of action. All the usual warnings you would label the regular seasons with? It basically the same but with actual swearing. URL: There's A Third Option? @ AFF

Do you prefer the slow burn or drama in every chapter and have you read any Dr Who - those Whoville girls know how to write the romance!

Hi there Aysha! I am a happy participant of quid pro quo and have been labelled with a great many positive adjectives and their synonyms in regards to my beta-skills and services. If I ever find the time, I'd like to be an editor so I've educated myself as best I can. I can provide a very thorough and thoughtful feedback for technical matters and overall story-telling but I have never seen nor heard of Teen Titans. Just let me know what I should know (I am woefully ignorant to the point of flinging my eyebrows up in trepidation that I may lack the qualifications from a canon point of view to be up for the task, but that's not to say I can't catch up or research what I don't understand) and what you are seeking and perhaps I may be of use to you yet! Personal warning - I'm an Aussie, born and bred and I live in the most remote, dusty and uncultured part of Australia so you might have to forgive a few things - putting an 's' where a 'z' would go as we Aussie's side with the Brits on our English, euphemisms, common slang and brand-name merchandise might be entirely lost on me (you don't want to know what happened the first time I heard of a pumpkin-spiced latte. I live so far out in the sticks that I get frowned at for adding vanilla), an ignorance for cold weather (it gets to 9 degrees Celsius at night in the dead of winter which is called 'the dry' because there isn't a cloud or drop of water seen for six months straight - the rest of the time its up in the late twenties and early thirties and beyond in the very same day so if you are creating an atmosphere just be aware that that anything you take for granted from living in a cold climate will also stump me. It might not seem like a big deal but I've noticed that it can be. I'll never forget chatting with a marine who became a little exasperated that he had to explain every detail of riding his motorcycle in the snow because I had no idea what a 'snow chain' was) and its effects and a little bit of Hollywood glamoring - stereotypes sometimes get right past me without me noticing, particularly racial stereotypes. Its not that we don't have them in Australia its that American media is saturated with them and I've grown up used to it and when you're immersed in your own culture you tend not to spot the flaws as you do with your own and a bit of 'forest for the trees' has occurred. I'm aware of it, I do my best to educate myself but it still happens. I would easily believe that the word 'ese' is used every day and is a literal translation for 'friend' (or as we say, 'mate') had I not scoured the internet for several versions of the truth! They are little things but if you have something in particular that you want noticed and I don't, you now understand that it wasn't ignored, merely unobserved! Now if that overwhelming exposition dump hasn't put you off, onto the next part; the story. Now, I've just crossed the 90K word thresh-hold so my warnings are this: I'm a main-streamer. There isn't anything weird or bizarre happening in the story - characters aren't having sex on every page and no one is biting the heads of chickens. I rated it R/NC-17 for language (expletives and curse-words), violence (SOP for SPN) and sexual content (peeps do be gettin' busy) and the story is purposely het to keep it respectfully close to the canon. All my muses are Amazon warriors with lady-boners for Buffy-type characters so that's the worst you'll see to offend you - girl-stuff. The sexual content that does exist is explicit but I've done my best to keep it relatively tame - particularly by ff standards - you won't be re-reading 'Fifty Shades of You Know What', no one is tied up, unwilling, coerced or imposed upon, its more or less a lot of spontaneous mutual shenanigans with little or no imagination implied. Mainstream. Its long. Its kind of turning into a whole-season arc in a story. Its a lot of words, stuff is happening, there is a B and C plot-line, action mixed with drama and lots of dialogue and I'm just trying to keep it interesting. Mary-Sue. I am working my ass off to avoid it but I don't know how successful I've been so I might as well just admit that my OC could very well be a Mary-Sue. As the muses play their music, I dance to their Mary-Sue tune.... Okay, I hope I've added all my warnings and given you enough info to make an informed decision. Please add a link to your story, at worst and I can read it and give you an outside outside impression of how it reads. Just so you are aware, I want to be a "real" writer and write "real" books (there is no way to expunge the arrogance of how that sounds so please try to imagine I am hinting at my own shortcomings and not anyone else's and that I am just suddenly struck with laziness and a desperation to pee at this point and that's why I haven't rephrased it) and this is how I have fashioned my fanfiction so if it is not fanfiction-y enough I understand completely. Being non-fanfiction-y is basically my goal and some readers are bugged by that, which I forgive wholeheartedly. I'm looking for the ones who aren't. I do not, however hold anyone else to that standard, if your work is purely fanficiton with all of fanfictions goals and ideals then I respect that and will still happily participate - the difference isn't a deal breaker but I like to acknowledge it so I don't say stupid things like "Where is your B story" and "That chapter was a little short". Horses and ponies. I love both but I don't try to race shetlands against thoroughbreds! I look forward to hearing from you!

Hi! I'm just looking for an over-all opinion on a story I've already posted - I've generally got my little technical issues under control but I'm not sure if the the story is entertaining or if I'm wasting everyone's time because I've missed something due to 'writer's blindness' so a beta who can look at the bigger picture of where the story has been, where its going and have feedback to make sure I've respected the canon would be much appreciated. The story in question is "There's A Third Option?". I'm sure I've done or I am doing something wrong, the silence is absolutely deafening wherever I post it but my muses persist and harass me out of my sleep to write it! It's maddening!

SQUEE! My apologies, I tend to be excitable. Thank you so much for your interest!! I can be patient as a stone if need be! I am well-aware of what it is to be busy... My soul starves in the education system and is further crushed by corporate employment later in the day - seriously, I had to 'buy' two weeks of my own freakin' time!! - so I understand the desperate need to bond with the ethreal souls of interwebs peoples who try to blossom unencumbered by society's shackles amongst the untamed and untended fanfiction weed-beds - while maintaining a rich full life in reality at the same time. Some of my best friends are interwebs fanficiton writers with the same problem! Impart your wisdom to me, sensei! Feel free to be brutal, the more I know the more I have to work with! I worry constantly about fluff. I love that you would viciously discard entire pages. I always work from three documents - the manuscript, a 'plot points' page and a page I call 'scraps'. My favourite theory has been to write as I would carve a statue of an alien - "take a block of stone and just cut off everything that doesn't look like an alien!" So I might end up with 10, 000 words but I'm happy to take a machete to it and only keep the 7,000 good ones, for the sake of the story. My pride is only allowed to speak if it has something useful to say. We're in a good place. I will admit to not having a beta - the reason is simply that I haven't found anyone with that much free time! It would be an onerous task and while endlessly appreciative of any interest I prefer at this time not to impose. My chapters are enormous, I live at the bottom of the earth in a completely different time zone and I am impatiant and eager to post my work. My doubts are often smothered in their sleep by my eager and prideful muses... they are great for inspiration, but bad, bad caretakers of emotion. I blame them for a great many things... LOL!

Hi ClumsyPinkTiger! I'm not so much chasing a beta just yet as I am chasing an overall opinion to the fundamental question "Can Slayitalldown write, or would she starve to death as an author?" (That's not to say that I'm not open to an in-depth analysis of my abilities, talents, strengths/weaknesses and other details, I just need the big question answered quickly so I can get on with my original works! My muses are very, very shy. I am getting no reviews at all from LJ and practically none from FF.net and its eating away at my confidence. And all I want is that question answered... anything else is freakin' Christmas!!) I don't have any original fiction ready for review but I do have two epic-size fanfiction available. One is for Supernatural and the other for the Chronicles of Riddick. (Links will take you through to Livejournal for those.) The reason I point you to those is so you can choose a sample at your discretion - otherwise you can go through my ramblings if you like! A general opinion would be much appreciated. The original fiction I would like to write is an epic fantasy saga with strong female characters. I love historical fiction, second only to my unabashed adoration of high fantasy - it was your mention of your thesis that caught my eye and the fact that you have taught English Composition and Creative Writing for a living has prompted me to unabashadely beg for your attention! In fact, should you read the first paragraph and have an opinion immediately, that would be GREAT. I really need an honest impression. I'd like to be an auther 'when I grow up', I've been saving for six months just to 'buy' myself two weeks of uninterupted time in front of my computer to write and my muses have suddenly contracted down into my subconcious like disturbed sea anemones. Its a little frustrating, to say the least! But I have been filling my time with fanfiction to keep the juices flowing! Oh, BTW, none of my education is formal, I have been studying the art of writing as a hobby for the last 20 years and avidly read everything I can get my hands/eyeballs onto so if there are 'gaps' in my training that my ignorance can't see, by all means, point them out! I am eager to learn. I am not offended, disappointed or put off my critisism AT ALL - anything that makes me a better writer so I can get all the universes out of my head and onto paper to share with the world, bring it on! Your time will be hugely appreciated, whatever you choose to spare will be fine. Thanking You, Slayitalldown.