Inspiration, writers block, co-writers, feedback and idk...some other crap too

[sweetmamajama]

Ok I'm just gonna go and get into this shit, coherency and dignity be damned! I have some things to get off my chest and possibly get or even give advice. Although idk if anyone should really take my advice might not be a good idea… don't recommend it!

So I’ve had some difficulty with writing, ok a lot of difficulty. I just can’t fucking do it! I manage writing once in a month or 2 but that’s about it. This is kind of a recent problem but it’s also kinda not… I wrote things when I was about 12-14 and when I was about 15-16 and as I recall I was a super fast writer, I wasn’t good but I was fast! I took a break for a few years and I’m back now, s been about a year and I ain’t got shit to show for it! Also I really hate writing, it’s kind of a chore for me now and before you go like “wtf are you doing writing if you don’t like it?! bitch get off the stage!” let me try and explain wtf I’m talking about…

So my mind is a strange and dark place, tangled in all sorts of crazy psychotic ideas, it’s a scary place for most ppl, ok? Since I was really young I used to come up with stories and such, and I still do. I have A LOT of ideas. Some better than others, but they’re there, in my head and idk what to do with them! I just need to get some of this shit out before it drives me insane! So writing is one of my outlets and probably the best one for me when it comes to storytelling at least. Idk is this crazy? Am sure I’m not the only one out there who feels this way! Now a lot of writers say they write for the sake of writing, they enjoy it, even if it doesn’t get them much feedback. I am not one of those ppl. I write cuz I need to share my stories with ppl, that’s all I care about. If I knew nobody would see something I write I would never write it at all. Ugh idk if I’m even expressing myself correctly it’s just hard to explain! I know many people must think this is wrong or narcissistic or not noble of me but it’s just how I feel. And it’s not just cuz I want ppl to suck on my balls and praise me (though, not gonna lie, that would be nice too). Um… it’s like when something happened to you and you have to tell it to someone, you know, you wouldn’t be satisfied just talking to yourself out loud, would you? That’s how I feel. I just have stories I need to share. If I was a good speaker and had an audience Id just sit down and tell them my story. But I’m kinda stuck with writing shit down, which wouldn’t be so bad if I liked doing it more… And this is the thing I don’t feel this way about my other art. I’ve been drawing, painting and doing all sorts of shit my entire life and I love doing it regardless of what people thing about my work. I’ve never questioned whether or not I would quit drawing or was it worth it. Sure sometimes you hit a road block, it is only natural, but at the end of the day I was always certain it was my true calling and still is. So yes, writing is more of a hobby and a side-thing to me, but storytelling is not. I need to share my stories and many times other forms of art just aren’t adequate enough. (And don’t you dare suggest graphic novels and comics! It’s even worse than writing! Trust me I tried…) And…ok I have no idea wtf I was talking about… welcome to my brain I guess! I said this was gonna be incoherent didn’t I?!

But yeah, idk wtf to do… I don’t remember hating writing when I was younger. But I don’t remember liking it ether. Maybe I just got lazy, or lazier that it. Maybe that’s it! I don’t really know. It’s kinda funny, back then I didn’t have much time for writing but I did it anyway, I was pretty productive. Now I got time, I still got passion and better skills too but apparently I lack something else! Motivation? Inspiration? Discipline? Idk, could fucking be!

Its discipline isn’t it….. fuck its always discipline! How dafuck is my depressed, emo, suicidal 13-yearold self more discipline than me?! I hate that bitch!

But like I did decide to like get into writing again and really try this time, about a year ago, like I said. I picked a shorter, simpler story, a kinda fun one as an experiment, to see if I could stick it out, you know. I wrote 2 and a half chapters in a fucking year. That’s just… that’s really fucking disappointing… I mean it’s not a failure…per say…but it’s definitely not a success! And that’s not the only story I wanna write! By this fucking rate I won’t have anything done! And I’m free right now and it won’t last forever so I feel like I’m just wasting precious time!

So I’ve been thinking of maybe getting a co-writer, somebody who can make my dreams come true, ya know. Idk should I? How dafuck does that even work?!

I have no idea! I would also probably be the worst co-writer ever… I’m kind of a perfectionist when it comes to my work (it doesn’t really help…) and people may have accused me of being too harsh at times… So I’d probably destroy this person! But I mean how do you trust a stranger with your baby?! My friends don’t wanna do shit with me (I wonder why…) and I’m kinda scared just seeking out strangers. It didn’t really work out with the entire roleplaying thing, why should it work with this?

Speaking of rp, that’s kinda how I got to the whole co-writer conclusion. I do apparently feel motivated enough to write while in a good rp. I’m even having fun writing and I feel all exited and giddy about it, so maybe that’s the thing for me! There is hope! My co-writer Jesus! I mean idk should I make an add? Anyone have experiences in this sort of thing? I’ve been thinking about it for awhile but I still just can’t decide if it’s a good idea in practice...

I had an idea that maybe I should get someone to watch me write, like in google docks, you know, be there and just…keep me company. You know like when your jacking off (well chicks don’t jack off, but masturbating doesn’t really sound as funny as jacking it, so…) and its always better if somebody is watching you then when you’re doing it by yourself. Like it’s not as fun and as exiting, you know. So I thought maybe I’m like an exhibitionist writer! Maybe that’s the thing I need! Well to make the long story short –didn’t really work… Maybe I try it again, but yeah I doubt it’s gonna help much…

I also wanted to talk more about feedback, cuz the lack of it just kills me. Like I said the feedback is the thing that I’m writing for. I’m sure all of you guys out there know what I’m talking about when I mention feedback though so idk why dafuck am I even complaining … I don’t even know why dafuck am I writing this!

Some might say I’m writing for the wrong reasons; I kinda understand your point, but your wrong… the end! Lol I’m joking a bit (or am I..) I mean really, when we look at art, the audience it a very important thing. Art could be considered a form of communication. I went to art school btw, as you can see by my pretentious bullshit… But not to bore you (and myself) with this crap, I say to those who claim my reasons for writing are flawed: Fuck you!

Ok… let me try this again… I say: Who are you to say to me that my reasons for expressing myself are wrong? Sure everyone has a right to opinion…including me and my opinion is that your opinion is wrong and you should shut up!

…..umm…… Idk…. Even I don’t know what I’m talking about at this point… Like nobody ever even said to me anything about my reasons for writing, I just randomly started ranting about these possibly non-existent people! This isn’t even ranting at this point! This is just nonsensical gibberish! Who’s even reading this?! Go home brain your drunk! Why do you always close your eyes when we make love?!

You know when I’m writing I like to have things like underlying themes and messages and pretentious crap like that. And I like to leave hints around too for readers to find. (and yes I’m just gonna move on like nothing happened…) You know Easter eggs? Well I call em Easter turds. (Trademark) But what’s the point of it when nobody cares or notices or even reads? Like should I make a note that there is a hint somewhere in there? I mean I understand my readers don’t have much faith in me (they’re right, I suck) but come on I can do stuff to! And it’s like if nobody says anything about my turds how am I supposed to know if they smell or not?! I forgot where I was going with this…

I don’t fucking know where I was going with any of this shit! Wtf was the point of all of that?! Don’t ask me! I just feel like shit I guess…

Ok rant over! Any questions?

 

 

[CloverReef]

On 3/16/2017 at 3:56 PM, sweetmamajama said:

of writers say they write for the sake of writing, they enjoy it, even if it doesn’t get them much feedback. I am not one of those ppl. I write cuz I need to share my stories with ppl, that’s all I care about. If I knew nobody would see something I write I would never write it at all. Ugh idk if I’m even expressing myself correctly it’s just hard to explain! I know many people must think this is wrong or narcissistic or not noble of me but it’s just how I feel.

I think a lot of writers feel this way. Like it’s a little easier to say you write just for writing itself and don’t require feedback if you’re getting ample feedback, you know? Like rich and comfortable middle-class people saying money doesn’t buy happiness. Some writers, of course, might be perfectly happy just writing without feedback, but I think the majority are right there with you. And some are like me. I don’t write a lot. But I looove writing. And even though I love writing, and don’t feel like it’s a chore most of the time, I still write to be heard. 

I won’t mention graphic novels again… But I got a new idea! Podcasts! You should totally tell your stories that way! 

[sweetmamajama]

10 minutes ago, CloverReef said:

I won’t mention graphic novels again… But I got a new idea! Podcasts! You should totally tell your stories that way! 

Well Id still need to write that shit as like a script! I could just lay out the basic plot, but that's not really hard to do in writing ether. Maybe I could just babble on and on about a story and what it would kinda look like and stuff, but would that really be entertaining? I mean it wouldn't be artsy or emotional at all

[CloverReef]

10 minutes ago, sweetmamajama said:

Well Id still need to write that shit as like a script! I could just lay out the basic plot, but that's not really hard to do in writing ether. Maybe I could just babble on and on about a story and what it would kinda look like and stuff, but would that really be entertaining? I mean it wouldn't be artsy or emotional at all

The way you described the stories to me. That’s your script. There was plenty of drama and emotion in it – and thats how most oral storytelling works, like a story around a campfire. You’d just need to edit it a little then read it out. 

[sweetmamajama]

Just now, CloverReef said:

The way you described the stories to me. That’s your script. There was plenty of drama and emotion in it – and thats how most oral storytelling works, like a story around a campfire. You’d just need to edit it a little then read it out. 

Well I guess I can try. But the emotional impact wouldn't be there as if ur actually with the characters the was it is in writting