CuriousWriter Posted February 6, 2017 Report Posted February 6, 2017 Hello all! This is CuriousWriter and this is a feedback forum for anyone with ideas or comments to my story. The link is below. http://naruto.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600106089 Please let me know your thoughts and I would love to share ideas on how I can improve this story. Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 6, 2017 Author Report Posted February 6, 2017 Right now I’m considering the pacing of the story. The Academy years are the most interesting bc a lot of things can happen in a school environment. Quote
Guest Guest Posted February 6, 2017 Report Posted February 6, 2017 Looking forward to seeing what she does when she starts enjoying the sex for its sake. Quote
Guest Storylover Posted February 7, 2017 Report Posted February 7, 2017 Liking the story so far though I do hope you update soon. Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 8, 2017 Author Report Posted February 8, 2017 Next chapter is going to be called The Working Class~ Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 9, 2017 Author Report Posted February 9, 2017 (edited) Hm, stuck between the transition between Naruko’s reflection on what happened to her running into a sempai on “the clock”. Anyone wish to toss in an idea? Edited February 9, 2017 by CuriousWriter Quote
BitterNTR Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 I’d like to see a rich classmate either pay her for sex or be seduced into paying for sex. Either way should be satisfying. Quote
Guest CuriousWriter Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 2 minutes ago, BitterNTR said: I’d like to see a rich classmate either pay her for sex or be seduced into paying for sex. Either way should be satisfying. That's very do able. Plus we done w the latter it shows HER growth in her role. now just curious how to take her virginity. I got a build up it should really help reflect what her views of this job should be for the coming years. Mainly rough hate sex. Oh! Maybe on her b day Quote
BitterNTR Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 I’d also be interested to see a scene between her and Mizuki. I don’t know how you’d make that play out, whether or not he’d hatefuck her and show his true colours or not, but I'd say it would be a good read. Quote
Guest CuruiosWriter Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 1 minute ago, BitterNTR said: I’d also be interested to see a scene between her and Mizuki. I don’t know how you’d make that play out, whether or not he’d hatefuck her and show his true colours or not, but I'd say it would be a good read. I think I can do that. Maybe before the scroll or maybe a detection...now that's a scenario to play out. As for the hate fuck I think by then naru is just used to that Quote
BitterNTR Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 Just now, Guest CuruiosWriter said: I think I can do that. Maybe before the scroll or maybe a detection...now that's a scenario to play out. As for the hate fuck I think by then naru is just used to that While she might be used to being hatefucked, Mizuki is still trying to pretend to be a nice teacher and not a traitor. So he can’t exactly hatefuck her unless he’s willing to express why he’s doing it. Also, I think the hatefuck should expand beyond that of ‘because you’re the Kyuubi’ as it’ll get boring after a while. I think a good way to keep it interesting is to have her vandalise property or cause trouble for the citizens. Quote
Guest C.W. Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, BitterNTR said: While she might be used to being hatefucked, Mizuki is still trying to pretend to be a nice teacher and not a traitor. So he can’t exactly hatefuck her unless he’s willing to express why he’s doing it. Also, I think the hatefuck should expand beyond that of ‘because you’re the Kyuubi’ as it’ll get boring after a while. I think a good way to keep it interesting is to have her vandalise property or cause trouble for the citizens. Ah to keep things fresh n mean spirited. Nice. im also considering a genjutsu scene. She's trapped in one n her body defenseless. Leads to some interesting notions. Like say for any one or a way to resolve mizuki Quote
Guest goshujin-sama Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 Honestly, I'm kinda hoping her first time is more noncon than consensual, because I'm a dark motherfucker. Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 9, 2017 Author Report Posted February 9, 2017 I could figure that, one of her first jobs that goes over her head. Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 9, 2017 Author Report Posted February 9, 2017 Just realized once she gets the shadow clone jutsu and combo that with henge, she’d have a budding enterprise. Quote
BitterNTR Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 Here’s another idea. Before Hiruzen dies, I’d be interested in a scene where he finally gets tempted by Naruko and ‘collects his debt’ (e.g: Free home, monthly allowance, etc) from her. Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 9, 2017 Author Report Posted February 9, 2017 8 minutes ago, BitterNTR said: Here’s another idea. Before Hiruzen dies, I’d be interested in a scene where he finally gets tempted by Naruko and ‘collects his debt’ (e.g: Free home, monthly allowance, etc) from her. Now that would be poetic in a way. maybe drag Jiraiya in to it. oh, n him training, so many opportunities. hm, she’s a hooker, so she’s going to run into some weird kinks every so often. gotta think on that. Quote
Guest goshujin-sama Posted February 9, 2017 Report Posted February 9, 2017 You know, with the profession she is in, she might get pregnant. Before or after the academy. It wouldn't be impossible for her to get pregnant before the academy. Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 9, 2017 Author Report Posted February 9, 2017 That depends when Naru starts ovulating (idk when, probably 9 n work to her first period. Yes, I do research on this). n im a bit scares on the idea of preg since u kno what that means for a jinchuriki. Quote
Guest goshujin-sama Posted February 10, 2017 Report Posted February 10, 2017 Yeah I know what happens. But weren't Naruto's and kushinas seals fundamentally different despite doing pretty much the same thing. And isn't the fox connected to Naruto in such a way that it wouldn't be able to get out Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 10, 2017 Author Report Posted February 10, 2017 Yes, but the seal can still weaken during a pregnancy. i think that was a rule set. Quote
Guest goshujin-sama Posted February 10, 2017 Report Posted February 10, 2017 Or you could take creative liberties write in that the fox won't get out. Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 10, 2017 Author Report Posted February 10, 2017 still unsure I want that to happen. Its a coin flip right now. Quote
Guest goshujin-sama Posted February 10, 2017 Report Posted February 10, 2017 I mean this is fan fiction. Not canon. Plus I have read a few fics where a female Naruto is impregnated before the academy or during it. Quote
CuriousWriter Posted February 10, 2017 Author Report Posted February 10, 2017 Yeah, but bringing a kid in seems like a chore to the purpose to the story. Quote
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