Just bitching

[Shinju]

Okay, I'm antisocial. I want to be left alone, at least right now. But I can't say no and it drives me insane. What? You want me to help you with that one thing? Oh, okay, even though you stopped talking to me pretty fast when you figured out I didn't want a boyfriend, or would not stay faithful to you if we did have sex, because I hate monogamy at the moment. What? So and so wants me to do that thing with her? Well, I'm depressed and don't feel like it right now and might break down in tears at any moment while we're at that thing, but okay. What? A party? Okay. <----(seeing as that one requires the least amount of responsibility or accountability, it's actually okay with me) Huh? So and so's mom wants me to eat chicken soup even though I don't eat chicken? No. What? She insists? Okay . . .

How hard is it to say no? Two letters, N and O. What the hell is my problem??? And now I'm booked up for two weeks now when I just feel like DYING. I will probably go crazy and piss someone off, I know it. Even if I don't, when I go out when I'm feeling like this, I feel even worse for days after. AND I ate soup with chicken stock (blegh!)

I just wish I had a "put life on hold until my convenience" button.

[canterro]

Okay, I'm antisocial. I want to be left alone, at least right now. But I can't say no and it drives me insane. What? You want me to help you with that one thing? Oh, okay, even though you stopped talking to me pretty fast when you figured out I didn't want a boyfriend, or would not stay faithful to you if we did have sex, because I hate monogamy at the moment. What? So and so wants me to do that thing with her? Well, I'm depressed and don't feel like it right now and might break down in tears at any moment while we're at that thing, but okay. What? A party? Okay. <----(seeing as that one requires the least amount of responsibility or accountability, it's actually okay with me) Huh? So and so's mom wants me to eat chicken soup even though I don't eat chicken? No. What? She insists? Okay . . .

How hard is it to say no? Two letters, N and O. What the hell is my problem??? And now I'm booked up for two weeks now when I just feel like DYING. I will probably go crazy and piss someone off, I know it. Even if I don't, when I go out when I'm feeling like this, I feel even worse for days after. AND I ate soup with chicken stock (blegh!)

I just wish I had a "put life on hold until my convenience" button.

When it comes to my private life I probably give such a strong impression that nobody is invited, that people don't even dare ask for some things. And that's good.

Sometimes I just give someone only the look meaning: 'I'm surprised that you could have asked for it."

The things we don't feel like doing... I guess saying 'no' must be that strong and determined that it doesn't give away the slightest hope that you could change your mind The tone suggesting that you could be annoyed if asked again is even better

[cu-kid9]

I guess saying 'no' must be that strong and determined that it doesn't give away the slightest hope that you could change your mind The tone suggesting that you could be annoyed if asked again is even better

Haha!

I kinda feel your pain, Shinju. I have a terrible time saying no. I can spend all day saying if work calls and asks me to come in on my day off, I'm going to tell them just exactly where they can stick that idea...and then they call...and I go in *sigh*

I have several tactics for not using the word "no." Ignoring the question works sometimes, unless they ask you again. In which case, I do the, "Well...I don't know..." If the person persists, I start thinking of all those things that I need to do but have been putting off (for the express purpose of having an excuse when someone asks me to do something I won't want to ) like laundry, the dishes, meticulously dusting every piece of furniture in the house. If these don't work, I use another friend as an excuse ("Well, I actually already had plans that day with so-and-so...at that exact time."). Even better are my parents ("Ah, sorry, I can't. My mom wants me to go over and help her put up tomatoes/hang pictures/paint the basement/demolish something in the house again without telling Dad that day."). Before I get to actually saying "no," I say, "I'd really rather not." I have found, in most cases, this works out fairly well.

As for the chicken thing...I would have just said no. It's something you don't do, you don't like. My friends always try to get me to do shots when we're out and I always refuse. If someone buys me a shot, I pawn it off on someone else. If I get caught doing this, I just shrug and say, "I don't do shots. Ever." And no, nothing you say or do will persuade me to do one. It's just one of those things I don't do. Maybe pick one thing (like refusing to eat other people's chicken ) and try saying no to that for a while (if it still spawns a feeling of guilt in you, try tacking a "thanks" on the end...at least you're refusing politely). Maybe your firm resolution will bleed over to the other things you want to say no to.

[greenwizard]

Been there done that. Actually, it's not that I have trouble saying no period, I just have trouble telling certain people no. I guess it's another one of my weird quirks. I have a passive agressive personality.

Around some certain people I feel dominant and I will tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine no problem. But around other people I will be very submissive. There was one night I was feeling kinda down and was invited out. I should've said no. At the end of the night I ended up being a pimp. I don't know how I get roped into these things... But I can honestly say if that situation ever presents itself again I will dig my heels in and go home to curl up in bed. My boyfriend now wants to murder that particular friend for puting me in such a dangerous situation.

[shinigamiinochi]

once again, social anxiety disorder. It makes it very hard for me to argue with people and to say no to people I don't hate. For example, my friend is coming over this weekend. I do not want this person here. I have finals and fanfiction and she's going to eat my food, use my computer, drink my water, and want to go out to dinner despite the fact I have no money (hence me not wanting her to use my stuff because it has to last me for at least another week). I know all of this, yet she's still coming over because I can't say no. A pipe burst in my room over winter break and all my stuff got wet. My Res Life person told me that they would reimburse me for everything, but as soon as I talked to her face to face, she said that I should have home owner's insurance for my dorm room and they weren't responsible for anything. I didn't say anything. Didn't yell, didn't scream. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Then, my mom got involved and they gave us 250 dollars (big deal). I recently discovered that the girl above me had the same problem, only her mom brought lawyers into it and the Res Life lady not only replaced everything that was damaged, they gave this girl two thousand dollars to placate her! I was totally pissed about this, but still couldn't say anything. The girl gave me her mom's phone number though, so my mom is hashing it out with her as we speak *crosses fingers* Really, I've been debating getting my cousin involved. He's a sweet, great guy when you get to know him, but he's 6'2 and also pretty imposing when he's angry (he can swear in over fifty languages!) and I'm sure that if Res Life heard that he's a (heavily medicated, but I won't tell them that part) schizoaffective with post traumatic stress disorder, this issue might get resolved reeeeeeally quickly. But, yeah, total inability to say no or fight back whether or not it is in my best interest to do so. Just the thought of standing up and saying something makes my heart beat really fast. Fucking disorder. My sister and I had this little converstation:

sister: so, you don't have to do oral presentations ever? Gee, I wish I had social anxiety!

Me: Ok, I'll trade you my social anxiety for.... oh, wait, you don't have any mental blocks, do you?

>.> I really wish she would get a brain. My friend said the same thing yesterday when we had to give a presentation and the teacher just let me give handouts, only, she knew how tough it is for me and I know that she was just kidding. My sister was not. Cause she's an idiot and half the time doesn't realize just how stupid what she just said was.

[greenwizard]

I just had a huge fight with the cell phone company over $15. They charged me a reconnect fee because apparently my service was shut off for 3 1/2 hrs... They had received my payment that day, but it took them a few hours to get it processed. Not to mention I talked with a representative the day before I sent out a check and TOLD THEM IT WAS COMING!!!

I used to be like you and not stand up for myself... but I just got really sick of being screwed over by large companies. Now I'll fight tooth an nail over the tiniest things. Though with my budgest, $15 actually makes a significant difference. How sad is that...

I wish my school would've let me skip public speaking. I hate being looked at. Don't know if you would call that social anxiety or not.... but my whole body blushes when I have to speak in front of people.

[shinigamiinochi]

unless you have a panic attack, doesn't exactly count. Apparently when you faint at school, they have to give you a med release. Apparently that med release is still good even though I fainted in the seventh grade. I had panic attacks before then, but there's nothing like a violin solo performance to make clonk out. It is actually a paradox, having a med release, because the teacher announces to the class that I won't be doing my presentation like everyone else, which makes people stare at me like I'm some freak and demand why I'm so special. Until that moment in seventh grade, I thought that that kind of intense fear was normal. All kids hate talking in front of class, right? But I guess panic attacks and being scared of people in general is abnormal. My mom still doesn't believe that there's anything wrong. She says I'm being melodramatic and that I just need to keep doing it and get over it. Been there, done that, went to therapy, hasn't helped yet. Actually, its made it worse with the whole failure thing. I love having my cousin around because I can say to myself: my friends are normal, I'm the only one who has this stupid mental block, but at least I'm not like yuki and have schizophrenia! Yeah, it's really easy seeing the bright side in life when my cousin's around. I'd feel bad about thinking that, but when I told him that, he said:

"Hey, no harm. Whenever I have a really bad remission, I go to my dad's grave and say "hey, at least I'm not a dead, rapist bastard!" Then I spit on his grave for good measure and give myself a pat on the back. Whatever makes you feel better."

So, I guess the secret of happiness is finding someone else whose life sucks more than yours.

[greenwizard]

I really hate panic attacks. I've never fainted. I'm just convinced I'm dieing and I'm inconsolable. I actually called 911 once because I was relaxing in bed and half my body started going numb. I was home alone and seriously freaked out.

The doctor and nurses treated me like I was an idiot that was wasting their time. I didn't appreciate that much. I thought I was having a stroke or something and I was terified. Half your body is not supposed to go numb!

[Shinju]

I really hate panic attacks. I've never fainted. I'm just convinced I'm dieing and I'm inconsolable. I actually called 911 once because I was relaxing in bed and half my body started going numb. I was home alone and seriously freaked out.

The doctor and nurses treated me like I was an idiot that was wasting their time. I didn't appreciate that much. I thought I was having a stroke or something and I was terified. Half your body is not supposed to go numb!

I hate the way dr.s treat people with panic attacks, especially when you don't know your having one, it makes you feel horrible to have them treat you like an idiot. I had a panic attack in my sleep, woke up not being able to breathe, mistook it for an asthma attack (which I do have) and had a friend drive me to the hospital where they made me wait for three hours, wheezing, feeling dizzy and feeling like I was going to die, and being treated rudely by the lady downstairs. Some nice lady in the front made sure the wait was only three hours for me instead of six, and then I felt hella dumb because the doctor told me it was panic and not asthma. And I was like, wtf? I just WOKE UP like that???

shinigamiinochi, although I've never actually passed out, I know the terror.

[Gnome]

unless you have a panic attack, doesn't exactly count. Apparently when you faint at school, they have to give you a med release. Apparently that med release is still good even though I fainted in the seventh grade. I had panic attacks before then, but there's nothing like a violin solo performance to make clonk out. It is actually a paradox, having a med release, because the teacher announces to the class that I won't be doing my presentation like everyone else, which makes people stare at me like I'm some freak and demand why I'm so special. Until that moment in seventh grade, I thought that that kind of intense fear was normal. All kids hate talking in front of class, right? But I guess panic attacks and being scared of people in general is abnormal. My mom still doesn't believe that there's anything wrong. She says I'm being melodramatic and that I just need to keep doing it and get over it. Been there, done that, went to therapy, hasn't helped yet. Actually, its made it worse with the whole failure thing. I love having my cousin around because I can say to myself: my friends are normal, I'm the only one who has this stupid mental block, but at least I'm not like yuki and have schizophrenia! Yeah, it's really easy seeing the bright side in life when my cousin's around. I'd feel bad about thinking that, but when I told him that, he said:

"Hey, no harm. Whenever I have a really bad remission, I go to my dad's grave and say "hey, at least I'm not a dead, rapist bastard!" Then I spit on his grave for good measure and give myself a pat on the back. Whatever makes you feel better."

So, I guess the secret of happiness is finding someone else whose life sucks more than yours.

This makes me think of the song Schaudenfreude from the musical Avenue Q. You should look it up on youtube. I can't say I enjoy public speaking. I tend to psyche myself up and build up a huge adrenaline buzz, and then bounce my way through it. I'm more afraid of speaking to strangers on the phone. I hyperventilated the last time Mum shoved the phone in face and told me to speak to the scientist dude friend of hers that could give me work experience. The time before I burst into tears. Mum still tells me I just need to keep doing it. Shudder.

[shinigamiinochi]

This makes me think of the song Schaudenfreude from the musical Avenue Q. You should look it up on youtube. I can't say I enjoy public speaking. I tend to psyche myself up and build up a huge adrenaline buzz, and then bounce my way through it. I'm more afraid of speaking to strangers on the phone. I hyperventilated the last time Mum shoved the phone in face and told me to speak to the scientist dude friend of hers that could give me work experience. The time before I burst into tears. Mum still tells me I just need to keep doing it. Shudder.

actually, I was going to mention that song, but I couldn't remember how to spell it and I was too lazy to look for it on my itunes, but damn do I love Avenue Q.