LordAardvark Posted May 25, 2013 Report Share Posted May 25, 2013 Hello all! I'll try to be terse here (and assuredly fail miserably at it; terseness and myself simply do not mix; hence why I choose to be a writer! !) when I say that I really don't know what I'm doing with all of this. I'm brand new to the forum, and I have never publicly shared any of my stories - let alone my erotic or pornographic ones - with anyone, really. I'm not new to sharing pornographic creations, but since I don't know how off-topic we're allowed to go, I'm just going to leave it at "you can google my username and see what exactly I mean." This thread is for my original fictional work, Lesbanon, subtitled "A Tale of the Son of Woman." I'm not exactly how the forum and archive work together, so I'll just provide a link directly. You can view the story in the archive by following this link. Looking around, it seems that that authors' replies to reviews need to be done in a thread like this, so I suppose I'll use this thread primarily for that. However, I also want to use this thread to discuss the story itself - its lore, my reasons for making it the way I do, how I am progressing on writing the story, how the story itself is progressing within its universe, things like that. Since I don't have any reviews currently, I suppose I'll open with some information about the story, which either be not evident when reading the story itself (especially in its far-from-finished state), or is just some random "the more you know" information. The title of the story: This one may not be so hard to figure out, especially if you read the first two sentences of the story, or even just the summary. The title - and name of the fictional country it takes place in - is a spin on the term "lesbian." It is actually a portmanteau of the word "lesbian" and the real-world country name of "Lebanon." Why Lebanon? I originally thought of using the name "Lesbos," but seeing as that's an actual place in Greek mythology, thought that'd be a bit too boring. I needed another name that started with an L for the sake of the quasi-pun, and Lebanon was the first thing to come to mind. LESBANON as a deconstruction: Firstly, I want to point out that the story is a deconstruction. What, exactly, is it a deconstruction of, you may ask? It is a deconstruction of the tropes within both sexual media (which is to say porn novels, porn films, porn comics; anything pornographic, really) and the modern interpretation of high fantasy. More specifically, it is a deconstruction of the overt sexualization that mainstream media has bastardized the phrase "high fantasy" with. Look at any modern fantasy MMORPG - TERA Online, for example. While the men are clad to the teeth in heavy steel and spikes in every which way, the women's heaviest armor set is effectively a bikini top that can barely contain breasts that are larger than their heads. I find the entire ordeal entirely distasteful, and more than a bit objectifying. I'm not a hardcore feminist by any means, but I recognize the validity of some women's complaints about such things. Certainly there are some women out there who don't have problems with it, or possibly even find such sexualization empowering in some fashion, but all in all I find that it makes a joke out of the genre as a whole. It's hard to be taken seriously of a fan of high-fantasy, especially high-fantasy RPGs, these days. Dragon Age? "Oh, that game where all you do is have sex?" TERA Online? "Oh, that game where all the women run around half naked?" Vindictus? "Oh, that game where all the women are asian porn stars?" It's very frustrating. With all that being said, why is Lesbanon written the way it is, enforcing those very tropes I just detested? Well, that's simple: I'm a bit of a satirist! ! When I find something that I can't take seriously, that I find makes a joke out of itself, but others can't seem to see the joke like I do, I try to make the joke I see abundantly clear. I take what is already absurd, and stretch it to hyper-absurd means. To really drive the point home of how silly I think it all is, I put the absurdity into an otherwise realistic situation: having sex-crazed lesbians who run around in armor that exposes their breasts and lower bodies fighting to maintain a crashing economy and a society that is starting to fall apart and break into a civil war should be a pretty jarring contrast. . Inspirations for LESBANON: I won't lie when I say I am a huge fan of the Oglaf web-comic series. The basic idea for the story actually comes from the Oglaf episode, "Kronar, Son of Man," which is about manly-man barbarians who "have been freed from the taint of women for generations" and who are able to somehow reproduce in their male-only society, while at the same time (in true Oglaf fashion) being pretty sexually active and experimental. The basis for the story basically flipped the idea Oglaf presented on its head, where it is a woman-only society who has been "freed from the evil of men for generations" and who are able to somehow reproduce in their female-only society, while at the same time being absurdly sexually active and experimental. The main character of the story (who was only introduced as a newborn in the prologue chapter), Cro, derives his name directly from "Kronar", as a less subtle nod to Oglaf for giving me the original idea. I assure you all, though, that is where the similarities end. The same very basic idea, but an otherwise entirely unique idea. Before I wrap this post up, I would like to say that I would really appreciate if you guys would read what I have so far and give me some feedback. I wrote the whole seven or so MSWord pages of the first chapter (prologue) in about 90 minutes' time. I only proofread it once, immediately after, so it is prone to grammatical and semantic errors. Please let me know if you catch any, and I'll work on correcting them as quickly as possible. Again, this is my first time sharing my writing publicly, and I won't deny I am a bit shy about it. I like to consider myself a good writer, but then, I think every aspiring writer likes to think so as well, no matter how crummy their writing may actually be. My only request is that you don't beat around the bush or drown things in sugar: if you think my writing is shit, please just straight-up tell me you think it's shit. I would like it if you offer some constructive criticisms - what you think is shit, why you think it's shit, and suggestions on ways to make it less shit - but if you don't, at least an honest opinion will be respected. I'm a big boy. I can take it. Honest. (I'll only cry a little ). Well, that's about it for now. I told you terseness and I weren't close friends. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordAardvark Posted May 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2013 Since it appears there is no edit button (and a nice green-named person in the shoutbox who I assume to be a moderator suggested I do this), I want to add one last detail: I have no idea when I am going to be able to write and publish the next chapter of the story. It may be 2 or 3 days, or it may be 2 or 3 months. As a Computer Science undergrad at uni, who has quite a few personal (and some pornographic) side-projects, finding time to dedicate to any one thing is a bit of a shuffle for me. There are infinitely more things that I want to do than I have time to do them in. I hope ya'll understand. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordAardvark Posted May 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2013 (edited) Chapter 1 has been posted! Check the story's link in the archive. New chapter is "Chapter 1", since the chapter first posted was technically the prologue. New chapter adds another 12 pages (MS Word, standard font and spacing) to the existing 8 (so it's half against as long as the prologue). New chapter is chock full of action, and this time, only a small portion of it is sexual! There's character development, and relationships, and drama, and even someone getting slapped who wholly deserves it! Don't miss out on it! Edited June 5, 2013 by LordAardvark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordAardvark Posted May 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2013 Appendix Last updated: May 27 2013, Chapter 1 History -35 AL Deep exploration of the Ocean Yrmythin pushed by the Yeldwins, with the advent of recent technologies that allowed for sustaining extended journeys at sea. -19 AL A small, densely-jungled island is discovered by Yeldish explorer Myan’mar. The island is named Myan’mal, after its discoverer. -15 AL The island Myan’Mal is explored overland by Yeldish expedition teams. Platinum and Lodestones are discovered, leading to the rapid exploitation of the island by both miners and sorcerers. -9 AL The Sorceress Lillith visits the island to partake in the exploitation of the Lodestones. Discovers a previously unknown cove of them, and does not share the information with the other Sorcerers. -5 AL The Sorceress Lilith and the Coercer Sandra are jumped by a group of miners. Before Lillith can react, she is incapacitated, as Sandra is gang-raped and murdered. Awakening to find Sandra dead, Lilith calls upon the power of her cove of Lodestones to cast the Lillithian Binding, instantly destroying all men on the island and draining her life’s essence. With her last breath and power, she immortalizes Sandra as an iron statue, laid over the very ground she died on. 0 AL The first child is conceived and born from two women on the island. The women’s fear of procreation without men is abated. Sorceresses who had been studying the Lillithian Binding conclude that after-effects of the spell instilled properties into the women who had been within its range with the ability to asexually conceive. The widely-accepted mark of the foundation of the country to later be known as Lesbanon. Circa 100 AL Throughout the previous one hundred years, the women worked to form a city about the statue of Sandra. The city would later become the capitol of Lesbian, built alongside the River Lesbian. Circa 300 AL The jungle was progressively worked away to fuel a rapidly expanding nation. During this time, two different but widely-held schools of thought about the Lesbanions’ unique situation began to emerge. Disputes were had, and as time passed, the schism only widened. These schools of thought later formed the Rodhin and Predhin Empires. 533 AL The boundaries of the Empires clashes over the previously unclaimed capitol city of Lesbian. Where before both Empires agreed to be adjudicated by a neutral third party in the capitol city, they began to fight for control over it. The Rodhinians struck first, with a flash occupation. The Predhinians retaliated. The Lesbian War raged for seven years. The Rodhin Empire pulled out victorious, with control over the capitol city. 562 AL Queen Malmestin of the Rodhin Empire orders a march into Predhinian territory, launching a series of lighting attacks that occupies nearly 70% of the Predhin Empire’s territories in less than a year. Peace is struck with a painful compromise of chattel slavery on the part of the Predhinians. The Predhin Empire is officially declared dissolved. 731 AL Nearly 170 years of slavery conditioned the children of the Predhin empire, whom were indoctrinated through the generations with tales of their former glory and the cruel enslavement of their people, for revolution. The insurrection is bloody and brutal. The former capitol of Predheros is reclaimed, deep in the Predherin mountains. 735 AL After four years of constant insurrection, Queen Yelsig of the Rodhin Empire strikes for peace, officially declaring the slavery of the Predhinian peoples to be over, and making a public apology for the wrongdoings of her ancestors. The Predhinians are officially given back their capitol, as well as thirty percent of their original territories. 1461 AL The over seven hundred years of peace that had befell the two nations lead to great prosperity in both peoples, with technological, cultural, and economic breakthroughs that were previously stagnated by the in-fighting that had plagued them previously. The matriarchy of the Predhinian Empire ends, and the first President, President Eesa, is voted into office. Democratic reforms shake down the entire political system, completely restructuring the internals of the empire. Circa 1730 AL The Democratic Predhinian Empire has pulled far ahead of their matriarchal sister nation, gaining superior technology, standards of living, literacy and cultural adroitness, and overall happiness. The Rodhin empire’s progress over the past 270 years has been minimal in comparison. 1841 AL A disgruntled Rodhinian Queen Malis, jealous of the superiority of the Predhinian Empire, launches a series of attack against their sister empire. Each attack fails miserably, with the Predhinian armies being superior in both armor and weaponry. When the Rodhinian Empire began to lose its ground, a peace was struck, under terms of annual military auditing of the Rodhinian Empire and annual diplomatic meetings between the leaders of the two nations. 2012 AL The birth of Princess Myrmi’s son, Cro. This marks the end of the history of Lesbanon, as described by this appendix. Characters & Groups Cro The son of Princess Myrmi, herself the daughter of Queen Xelsys, of the Rodhin Empire. Born in 2012 AL. Hidden throughout his early childhood within the Lesbian keep, cared for by teacher Erisa and guards-maiden Yefe, when the Keep is stormed by Predhinian raiders, he is evacuated from the city by Erisa, to be raised the rest of his life in the wilderness. Princess Myrmi The only daughter of Queen Xelsys. Mother of Cro. Upon her son’s birth, the child is taken from her before she can learn of its gender. She is told the child died shortly after, as to protect her from the knowledge of the child, should the worst befall her; the fact she had birthed a male could challenge her right to lead in the stead of her mother. Born in 1992 AL. What becomes of her after the Predhinian raid is currently unknown. Queen Xelsys The ruling matriarch of the Rodhin Empire. Born in 1974 AL. Known throughout the country for having a lascivious sexual appetite, she was the first Rodhinian Queen in over 300 years to expand the royal harem (her “entertainers”). She expanded it from two women to nine. Some rumors of the amount of women she had slept with over the years approach one hundred, spanning the caste spectrum from high-level aristocrats to simple peasants. Some rumors allege she had even slept with the ruling Predhinian President. Still other rumors allege she had slept with her own mother while still a Princess, and has slept with her own daughter. All rumors and allegations are unfounded. Widely seen by the common people as unfit to rule. What becomes of her after the Predhinian raid is currently unknown. Guard-Maiden Yefe The First Guardswoman of Queen Xelsys, and long-time friend of the Queen. Born in 1984 AL. Head of the Queen’s personal guard, and high-lieutenant of the Peacekeeping and Civil Defense force of the Rodhin Empire. Widely respected among the political affiants of the court, and recognized by the common populace, she has a strong sense of duty and prioritizes it over personal satisfaction. Marries Erisa. What becomes of her after the Predhinian raid is currently unknown. Erisa Former entertainer for Queen Xelsys, and school-teacher for the youth academy within the Lesbian keep. Born in 1994 AL, in the Rodhinian countryside to a simple farmer and blacksmith, she is brought into the Queen’s service at the age of 18. The Queen favors her and personally sees to her education, as well as personally asks both her and Yefe to look over her grandson, to school and protect him. Retired from service in 1996 AL, she later marries Yefe. When the Predhinian raiders attack the keep, Yefe protects Erisa and Cro as they escape through the sewers into the wilderness. Erisa ends up raising Cro by herself. President Nyssamald Ruling president of the Predhinian Empire. Her undisguised dislike of the Queen Xelsys is well-known, and her disdain for the Rodhinian aristocracy is never understated. Her wanton insulting of the Queen’s appetites and incompetence leads in a retaliation that ultimately results in a war between the Empires, initiated by a lightning siege of the Lesbian keep by Predhinian raiders. Predhinian Empire, The One of the two major factions throughout the history of Lesbanon. Originally formed from the school of thought that sex is a distracting and destructive practice, now that it was no longer necessary to reproduce. While sex is not outlawed in any fashion, it is looked down upon and generally not discussed publicly, and is seen as a taboo subject. Many Predhinians, due to their upbringing, find the Rodhinians to be at both an interesting and barbaric nation, being raised that sex is a primitive endeavor, and being raised that they had evolved beyond such point. Likewise, Predhinians tend to find the Rodhinians’ embrace of sex and sexuality to be offensive, finding themselves uncomfortable in the presence of Rodhinians, who have a tendency to display their bodies without shame or self-consciousness. For over 500 years, the Empire has been a democracy, with elections for every seat of office being staggered over a seven-year period. It is far more technologically advanced than the Rodhinian empire, and its population considers itself to be culturally advanced as well. The capitol city is Predheros, founded in the Predheran mountain range, after which the city and empire is named. Rodhinian Empire, The The other major faction through the history of Lesbanon. Originally formed from the school of thought that sex is a naturalistic function and should be indulged in without shame or hesitation, now that it is no longer involved in reproduction. Sex is considered entirely natural, and is discussed in early childhood, and actively encouraged once girls reach early teen-hood. A typical Rodhinian practice is for mothers to assign “exploration dates” for their daughters, if they have not had a sexual encounter by the age of fourteen. Rodhinians are by no means forced by their culture into enjoying sex, and asexuality or only shallow interest in the activity is not uncommon, but Rodhinians widely believe that all girls should at least try it before deciding whether or not they enjoy it. Despite their widely sexual culture, concepts of monogamous love and marriage are still held dearly by many Rodhinians; many sexual encounters a Rodhinian woman will have throughout her life by no means implies an emotional attachment. Rather, sex is simply seen as a hobby or pastime, much like sports or gambling. The original capital was Rodheros, founded in the Rodheran Plains, but has since moved to the city of Lesbian since its occupation in 533 AL. Sorceress Lillith, The The Sorceress whose magic served as the foundation for the country of Lesbanon, and who initiated the Lillithian Binding. A powerful sorceress who discovered a cove full of Lodestone, and kept the discovery to herself, using them to channel her magic and intensify her strength several fold. Was the lover of the Coercer Sandra, though their relation was hidden due to the machismo and anti-homosexual attitudes of the Yeldish people. Upon her death, Lesbanian scripture tells that she elevated to the status of goddess, and forever looks down upon her children, who can live without fear of the persecution she faced for her own sexuality. Coercer Sandra, The A weak sorceress who used her magic to instead become a powerful temptress. Was ill-reputed for using her allure and magic to manipulate men and women alike, extorting them to do her will, through sexual energy. Was genuinely the lover of the Sorceress Lillith. Her brutal rape and murder served as the catalyst for the Lillithian Binding, eventually forming what would become Lesbanon. Places & Things Ocean Yrmythin, The A vast ocean spreading over much of the known world. It was barely explored until -35 AL, where food-storage technologies advanced to such a point that allowed sustaining month- and even year-long voyages at sea without break. The Lillithian Binding destroyed much knowledge of seafaring for the Lesbanian people. Even in the modern day, the seafaring technology has not yet reached a point to allow re-exploration of the Yrmythin. Many of the lands and peoples that the Lesbanians originated from have fallen into myth, due to this isolation. Yeldwins, The A race of people that had spread over much of the known world. Typically fair-skinned, tall, and lean, they were an explorative and hugely expansive race. Discovered and exploited the island that later became Lesbanon. Have since fallen into myth. Lodestone Naturally-occurring rock that has physical properties that help magic-wielders channel their powers more easily. Due to magic’s naturally volatile nature, many sorcerers and sorceresses find it nearly impossible to wield spells without at least a small Lodestone present, typically fashioned and worn as a necklace or bracelet. The stone glows a soft blue when in the presence of magic, and grows warmer to the touch as it channels magic. Inert, the stone has a glassy, gray appearance to it, and is easily identified due to its inability to be visibly scratched, even with diamond tips. Lillithian Binding, The The name that later became attached to the powerful spell that the Sorceress Lillith unleashed as she mourned for the rape and murder of her lover, the Coercer Sandra. The Lillithian Binding was an immense burst of energy, facilitated by the synchronized channeling through the Lodestone cove that Lillith had discovered, that encompasses the entire island and instantly killed every man it touched, including those who were merely conceived at the time. It was later discovered that the Lillithian Binding, as a result of its melting of the Lodestone Cove (through the sheer amount of magic channeled through the stones), released a small amount of magic into the air. This magic imbued itself into all the women currently on the island, and allowed them to be able to conceive children with simple mutually deep desire to have them, without the need of copulation of any fashion. All women born from this first generation have the magic innately within them, ensuring that they can all breed without sexual intercourse with men. Lesbanon A small island-country discovered deep in the Ocean Yrmythin. Originally named Myan’Mal and exploited for its richness in platinum and Lodestone, the Lillithian Binding made the island inhospitable to men. Efforts to exploit it were quickly forgotten. The country was populated entirely by the women that remained on the island, their breeding facilitated by the asexual side-effect of the Lillithian Binding. For over a hundred generations, the country has been populated by only women. The teachings of the Sorceress Lillith and the Goddess Lillith profess the evils of men, and have embedded a deep distrust and even hate of mankind. Rarely, a male child is birthed to a Lesbanian couple; the reasons are undiscerned, and often the child is killed in infancy, before it can grow into a perceived embodiment of evil. Predheran Mountains A range of mountains that spans the southernmost half of the island. Largely unnavigable, trails exist throughout the mountains, linking many of the Predhinian empires’ militaristic cities. The more populace-based cities of the Predhinian empire can be found at the base of the range, where it is easier to cultivate food and encourage livelihood and travel. House the capitol city Predheros, of the Predhin Empire. Rodheran Plains A massive plot of rolling plains in the center of the island, houses the sprawling former capitol city of Rodheros, and many other giant Rodhinian cities. River Lesbian, The A massive river that cuts the island in half. The city of Lesbian, the original Lesbanian capitol before the split into two empires, is built along and around the river. Myth tells that the Coercer Sandra died upon its shores, and later the Sorceress Lillith; the iron statue of the Coercer Sandra can be found in the central square of the city of Lesbian. Myth claims the name comes from the Sorceress Lillith and the Coercer Sandra themselves, so named to spite the title that the hateful Yeldish men labeled their love with. Doctrine teaches that the word was originally used to oppress women who loved one another, that it was a derisive slur used to encourage women into having sex with men; that in embracing the label as the name of the heart of their country, they spit in the metaphorical eyes of men, and say to them that “we will love who we love.” Lesbian, the City of See River Lesbian, The. Pronunciation Guide About Lesbanian Lesbanian is a language derived and evolved from the Yeldish people, whose language is in itself markedly similar to English. As a whole, the language is slower and more languid that common English, with an accent that tends to put stronger emphasis on the harsher and more guttural syllables. Yrmythin “URR-Mah-thin”. ‘Mah’ is pronounced like “Ma” in the English word “Mama”. Yeldwins “YELD-wins”. “Yeld” is pronounced like the English “weld”, but with a soft rolling of the tongue to give that “y” sound. Myan'Mar / Myan'Mal “Mayan-mar”, like the verb “to mar”, and “Mayan-mal”, like the Spanish word “mal,” meaning ‘bad’. Lesbanon “LEZ-bah-nawn”, with “bah” pronounced like the phrase, “Bah, humbug,” and “nawn” like the word “dawn,” but with an “n-” sound starting it. Rodhin / Rodhinian “ROD-hinn” and “rod-HINN-ee-inn”, with “hinn” sounding like the English word “inn” but with a soft “h” sound before it. Predhin / Predhinian “PRED-hinn” and “pred-HINN-ee-in,” with “pred” sounding like the first syllable of the English “Predicate”. All other pronunciations are the same as previous. Predheros “Pred-HER-ouss”, with “ouss” sounding like the “os” in English words like “mythos” or “diagnosis”. Rodheros “Rod-HER-ouss,” pronounced the same as “Predheros.” Cro “Crow,” like the black bird of the same name. Xelsys “ZEL-sis,” with the “Zel” being pronounced like the video-game Zelda, and the “sis” being pronounced like in the English word “sister.” Yefe “YEE-fee,” with the “yee” sounding like the first syllable in the phrase “Yee-haw,” and the “fee” sounding like “feet” but without the hard “t” send at the end. Myrmi “MURR-me,” with the “murr” sounding like the first syllable in the English word “mermaid,” and the “me” sounding like the common English word in phrases such as “You wanted to tell me something?” Erisa “Err-REE-sah,” with the “err” sounding like the first syllable in the English word “error”, the “ree” sounding like the first syllable in “rebate” or “revise,” and the “sah” sounding like the “sa” in the name “Lisa.” Nyssamald “Knee-SAH-mauld,” with the “sah” pronounced the same as in “Erisa.” The “mauld” sounds like the English verb “to maul”, but with a hard “d” sound at the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordAardvark Posted June 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2013 Chapter 2 has been posted. This chapter adds another 16 pages, becoming the largest chapter so far. Cro is a grown man now, having lived his life in isolation with his Aunt Erisa. But that all changes when he comes across two young women getting frisky in the woods he hunts in, and it raises all kinds of questions for Cro about his human male body, and its unexperienced reaction to those two women. There's a lot of self-discovery in this chapter, with a sheltered young man first discovering his sexuality - a sexuality that is shunned and cast as the very definition of evil by creed. This chapter also introduces a new character that will (unfortunately) become a main character, and critical to the plot: Gresil. Why do I say unfortunately? Because Gresil is a sick duck. A very, very sick duck. That's what makes her a perfect tool for her purpose in this previously unknown scheme that is scratched upon though in the very end of this chapter. Be aware that Gresil is single-handedly responsible for a majority of the extreme tags in this story (bondage, abuse, torture, etc). Nothing too intense happens in this chapter, as it ends with introducing her, but be aware that future scenes with her will be more morbid. I would personally like if the character was unnecessary, but my modus operandi for writing is to let myself be a slave to the story, and let it write itself - and the story, as it has come to be, calls for this unfortunate sadomasochistic shapeshifting woman. I'm not one for changing a story simply because I don't like it, and so it has come to this. I have tagged the chapter appropriately, with a special warning regarding the ending scene with Gresil. Be sure to check it out, and don't be afraid to tell me what you think so far! The appendix will be updated in a few days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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