Why It Pays to Pay Attention

[foeofthelance]

Foe's Note: This was taken as is from Baen's Bar, Ringo's Tavern, where Steve Yee regularly posts. If this isn't true, he made it up himself.

Rather, a funny thing happened in the bookstore.

I had to kill some time yesterday afternoon, waiting to snag two

boomsticks that went on sale and the stupid sporting goods store

couldn't do an FFL to FFL transfer right.

So - I hit the local bookstore mega mart nearby. It was a great way

(so I thought) to spend/kill about 40 minutes.

I picked up some juvenile books for my son (when, oh when will Baen

ever do GOOD juvenile sci-fi...PLEASE??? Traditional stuff for boys

to enjoy!!!), looked at Mercedes Lackey's new book from Baen (with

it's rather odd foil bound cover that was rather washed out), and I

overheard an interesting conversation taking place nearby the new

books section of the store.

This middle aged woman (black hair, overly huge sunglasses, wearing a

black swim coverall type thing and sandals) was talking to the

information counter person about something her son wanted. The item

title?

"Insurgency Manual".

Now, that brought up some hackles to my body here. Funny thing - a

police officer (uniformed) heard the same thing. Stopped, turned

around, and just watched. So did I, for that matter. He and I looked

at each other, and we started watching the conversation. We were

behind this woman the entire time she's prattling on.

It basically went like this:

"Hi....I'm looking for a book for my son"

"Sure. What's the title?"

"It's called the Insurgency Manual"

(Bookstore Girl doesn't skip a beat - she starts hammering away at the keyboard)

"Well, ma'am, some of the books with those keywords in that title

isn't available through the normal means"

"What do you mean, you can't order them?"

"Well, one book in particular is in print, was just revised, but is

somewhat of a limited distribution chain".

"I can't believe that you can't get every book out there. Why can't

you get this one"

(again, credit goes to the bookstore employee - I bet if you asked her

for books on vivid tantra yoga with all the applicable positions,

she'd tell you in a no-nonsense format. She was cute too, in that

perky tattooed bookworm kind of way with no glasses - she had one arm

with a half sleeve and a nose stud, long black and bright red-streaked

hair plus a curvy bod...but I digress)

"Ma'am, there are actually two books out there of recent printings

that contain the term "Insurgency Manual". One of them is distributed

to the U.S. Army as a technical manual for Counter-Insurgency Tactics.

The other is distributed in Pakistan only and is written in a

non-english format and was written by members of the Taliban. That

book is rather hard to get here in the United States".

(Now this bookstore girl is either funnin' this lady, or she's good....or both)

"Oh....well, I don't think I'd want my son going over to Pakistan...."

"Of course, there are other books on counter-insurgency tactics....."

"Well, my son's not interested in counter-insurgency, he's just

interested in what the insurgents do, not how to prevent it. This is

what he said, and since he knew I was going to the bookstore today, he

wanted me to ask."

(Is this mother *STUPID*?!?!?)

"May I ask why? If this is for a school project of sorts, I'm sure we

can guide you to the appropriate references he needs without causing

any major issues (the bookstore girl looks at the cop, looks at me,

looks back at the cop, then continues on, knowing we are watching this

conversation with more than normal interest)

"Well, he's interested in knowing how they work, you know, the

insurgents. What they do to train, how they build stuff, things like

that"

(By now, the cop's hit his EM button on his radio. The EM button is a

discreet warning button used for when the police officer needs backup,

can't talk or is otherwise injured. When they start their shift, they

register which EM radio transponder code matches with their badge

number)

"Hmmm....let me look a bit more. I'm sure there are some public

domain items that your son could use...."

(The bookstore girl starts hammering away at the computer. The mother

doing this "innocent asking" has absolutely no idea what the hell

she's asking for, how much of a trigger is staged on her head from a

virtual standpoint, and I shift back a bit more and to one side, still

remaining in earshot, but out of any firing solution. Either that, or

this mother is one good actor and she knows exactly what the hell

she's doing. The bookstore girl is clearly stalling for whatever

reason, since I don't think she saw the cop hit his EM button on his

radio)

"Ma'am, there are some public domain documents that you might want to

get, if you have access to a computer...."

"Oh, that would be so useful. It's amazing, with all these things

going on, that my son's taking an interest in building and stuff like

he does now - but he says he wants to build stuff a bit better than he

has before....and I love the concentration he's putting into these

things he likes to build"

(Now, this is September 10th, you have a mother asking for insurgency

manuals, and everyone in Public Safety has been briefed on stuff

relating to 9/11's anniversary. My workplace's Disaster group got

briefed on Friday. Add to that some recent chemical bombs that have

been created by kids in a neighboring city causing damage, and the

cop's about ready to start pulling the mom aside here any second once

backup arrives)

"Ma'am, I'm kind of curious - what is your son trying to build?"

"Something he calls a fay. He wants to cook it out of cocoa powder,

of all things! I never knew that my son would take an interest in

food."

(Okay, this woman is now confirmed as an absolute total freakin'

dumbshit in my mind. The bookstore girl seems to be a bit more on the

sensible side of the fence, and continues asking...)

"Well, what else would your son want to do with Cocoa?"

"Oh, he's trying to mix cocoa and some stuff like my butane refills to

create a fay. I don't understand these recipes they are working with

nowadays, who would eat stuff like that I don't know. And what is a

fay anyways? Sounds like an archaic cooking show"

(Gotta give credit to the girl. Doesn't miss a beat. Sensible.

She's gotta be one of those that reads everything from romance to

milfic to sci-fi to Harry Potter. She's too good to work at B&N. If

I wasn't married, I'd ask her out on a date. Heck, I might intro her

to my brother....)

"Well, ma'am, fay in this particular application stands for a fuel-air

explosive bomb. Eff -ay-ee, for your reference"

"Oh, my...are you sure?

(By this time, 3 other officers have arrived. Radios turned down,

they have basically snuck up on the lady. Bookstore Girl doesn't even

acknowledge their presence)

"Yes, ma'am. I believe that your son is making something somewhat

illicit. And I also think these gentlemen behind you want to talk to

you"

Dipwad mom turns around - shocked to see 4 officers basically around

her. They end up taking her (uncuffed) to the attached coffee shop to

question her. She still has no idea as to what the hell she's in for.

I'm sure that the son is ready to get his ass whipped and thrown into

some military reform school for wayward boys when mom gets home...

Bookstore girl? She runs out the front door, on the bounce, with her

hand over her mouth. I go, pay for my two books, and find her out on

the sidewalk, laughing her ass off so hard she's sitting on the

ground. It seems that she left her radio (yes, some Barnes and Noble

stores illegally use FRS radios with headsets for inter-store

communication) on so everyone else could hear it. I don't know how

anyone on that store staff kept a straight face.

There are days where I miss working retail. This is one of them.

[Guest Agaib]

If that's true...

well

I just don't know! That's pretty screwed up...

[StoryJunkie]

Yeah well, I can top it, although not that funny.

The Dalai Lama has a Medicine Lama out on the lam, and guess who the fuck massaged my head today? A reincarnation of a 14th century monk who until he was 21, lived with the Dalai Lama. He said he did everything he could to escape the Tibetan stronghold (he had guards and everything), including pretending to be drunk and smoking every stray leaf that came his way. The other monks kept wondering who was supplying their healer with contraband. (He said that smoking the leaves made him feel sick, but he kept it up anyway.)

So now you know why I've not been around here for a while. Life has suddenly become very interesting. He can see auras. And he kept hearing my husband's name in his head for a few days before he actually met him. Which leaves me wondering who the fuck I'm married to.

Yeah. He's a Feng Shui master. He told us how to arrange our bedroom. We rearranged it the day before yesterday.

edit:

My contribution to 9/11.

(From Joseph Terelya, a Ukrainian visionary)

"Every murder is a blasphemy. It is a sign of man's vices, an act of godlessness. Scriptures tell us those who blaspheme against the name of God will die. The great tragedy of the twin towers and the torrents of tears of America should fix itself in the memories of all Americans with the memory of this great manslaughter of September 11."

[Elvy]

Argh! Stupid parents make my brain hurt! I can't believe that woman can be so absent-minded like that. I think it would be funnier if they went to her house and arrested the son. Oh, if only to see the aftermath!