Hobgoblin Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 http://naruto.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600103537 It's my first time writing (though I did have help), and I want to know what I can improve upon. Pairing is Naruto and Hinata and it's romantically inclined. Warning: Futanari/dickgirl content. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
And Your Little Dog Too Posted April 2, 2011 Report Share Posted April 2, 2011 It's my first time writing (though I did have help), and I want to know what I can improve upon. Pairing is Naruto and Hinata and it's romantically inclined. Okay, I guess I'll bite the hook since no one else will. The secret ingredient of the Secret Ingredient Soup is...tension. Everybody's too happy in this story. They start happy, end happy, and have plenty of happiness in the middle. 1. In the first act, introduce something that comes between Naruto and Hinata. The obvious place to look is between Hinata's legs. The non-obvious place to look is in their psyches. Both of them have undergone profound changes since their last significant interactions during the chuunin exam. Both of them have a lot of baggage, and the revelation of Hinata's "condition" provides an excellent excuse for them to dredge it all up. N: Oh. My. God. You've got a-a... H: Yes. And so does Hanabi. Another of the Hyuuga's many secrets. I can still bear children, but- N: But... I mean, how can you... H: You said you liked me. A lot. N: But you've got a... (brow furrows) I'm not a fag! H: And I'm not a boy! I'm Hinata. Your girlfriend. If you weren't lying about how you felt, then come over here and kiss me. N: But you're a...a freak. H: (Steps forward) Yes. Just like you. 2. For the second act, have the two struggle to resolve their differences. Make sure that there are a lot of surprises and reversals of power. Always defy expectations. Make it hurt. Make us worry about how it's going to turn out. H: Naruto, lend me your kunai. N: (Angry) Why? So you can... (Lifts head, looks in her eyes) Is that why you were so brave against Pein? Because you wanted him to kill you. So you didn't have to suffer with being a- H: I did it for you! So you could defeat Pein. And live. I would do anything for you, Naruto. Anything. Now lend me your kunai. N: Why? H: (Reaches down, grabs self) Like I said, Naruto. Anything. If this thing is all that's standing between us, then- N: No! I-I'm sorry. I'll...kiss you. H: Not if you don't mean it. Nothing could hurt me worse than that. And so on and so forth, grinding deeper and deeper until they come to their most fundamental difference. 3. In the third act, they resolve that fundamental difference in an inevitable, yet unpredictable, fashion. Reunited, they then proceed to release their pent-up tensions by having the best make-up sex in the history of the world. Massive ejaculations ensue and people leave reviews that say "I don't usually read het or F/D, but this story really drew me in. Plz update!" The couple has been hurt, then healed, then satisfied. And so has the reader. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobgoblin Posted April 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2011 Ooh, that's really profound. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.