Help with plot for M/M Hypnosis fic

[ricotehemo]

I just want to make it clear right now, before you go "oh, another LOL rape=LOVE" fic that this isn't that sort of fic at all. It's not going to have a happy ending, or at least not a happy one in which these two get together. But I'm thinking of writing this fic, I'd just like a little bit of feedback/help deciding which way to go about it. It's based loosely off a dream I had years ago that I can't get out of my mind. Anyways, the main character is 15-17 (tentatively named Austen), one of those brilliant, manipulative types who get straight As, study constantly, always seeking knowledge etc. He's richer than most of his peers, haven't decided if he's actually rich or just upper middle class. He started doing self-hypnosis because he didn't like the thought of his subconscious working against him, also to help him with relaxing and focusing. Eventually he gets addicted to it, and controlling himself isn't enough.

The second character (tentatively named Sergei) is his victim. I have his personality down fairly well. He's the same age, a normal guy. Goofy, carefree, not the sharpest tack in the box but not "uke" dumb he's just casual about most things and a bit gullible. Here's where I'm having trouble determining the plot.

It might be A. that they're best friends, or at least just friends. In this scenario Austen wouldn't have started out with the intent on raping Sergei, it would be a spur of the moment thing when he had Sergei under his control. He forces Sergei to become addicted to the hypnosis without letting him remember all the specifics, and eventually makes Sergei to ask him to erotically hypnotize him. They go too deep though, to the point where when Austen says something that even remotely sounds like Sergei's trigger word Sergei trances out, meanwhile Austen himself is getting lost in the bliss of self-hypnosis. Depending on how magical realism I want to make this, Austen will either develop a second personality that wants to destroy the original Austen and keep Sergei as his pet forever, or (the more magical route) the personality puts both Austen and Sergei under, and in some sort of secondary dream world type thing tries to destroy both their minds...just through magic instead of mind control. If that makes sense.

B. Option B, a bit more on the incestuous side. In this one, Austen's parents take Sergei in (either they're cousins, half-brothers, full-brothers sent to live with different parents, or Sergei is a foster/adopted child) and Austen doesn't like this sudden intrusion into his life. He decides to make the best of the situation by pretending to befriend Sergei, convincing him to be hypnotized, and slowly trains Sergei to be his servant. Starting out with little things like 'you will always clear my dishes' up to 'you must tidy my room every day before you do anything else' to 'you will give me a massage whenever I come home' to 'you will always sleep in my bed naked, because I'm the only thing that can protect you from the monster.' And is basically about their downward spiral into depravity with parents too busy to notice, Sergei's friends slowly leaving him until all he has is Austen, all he cares for is Austen etc. Austen's sickness in this will eventually show through when he's convinced he's protecting Sergei, either from Sergei's friends or his own once they find out what's going on, his possessiveness, and his anger at the fact that he can never believe Sergei when he says "I love you."

C. Is very similar to the above one, but involves crime families. Namely, Austen's family is a mafia family, and he's either in line to succeed his father or his older brother is (if I decide to give him one, since that will change the story somewhat). Meanwhile Sergei's father is either a higher lieutenant suspected of being disloyal/thinking about leaving the life of crime, or a hitman/assassin type thing also thinking of going straight. Or alternatively the boss of a lesser crime family that answers to Austen's. Anyways, Sergei is sent to live with Austen to insure his father's unwavering loyalty. In this one, Austen (come to think of it, I'm definitely changing his name when I write this) is given much more leeway to do what he wants with Sergei, as Sergei is more or less a hostage even though they all pretend like it's just an 'opportunity' to expand his horizons and send him to a better school etc. Austen also dislikes Sergei in this because of the boy's carefree attitude, rather unsuited for a life of crime and thinks he's 'helping' not only his family but Sergei as he tries to remold the boy. I have no idea if I'd end this one with Sergei ever escaping or if he'd remain enthralled. This one also has potential for some elements of magical realism.

Currently I'm thinking of mashing up B&C, but I'd love some feedback on what sounds best/what you'd want to read.

[CloverReef]

Personally, I believe that the type of plot that's best depends 50% on the author's style, and 50% on how inspired/motivated the author is. With that in mind, it's hard for me to say what would be best for you specifically because I don't know your style, so I'll focus more on what I think about the options in general.

A: Sounds a little weird. Difficult to pull off, but if you manage, it could be awesome. Would the hypnosis be like going into some sort of alternate realm or is it just a normal meditation type hypnosis? The rape doesn't bother me as much, unless - as you said at the start - the victim immediately forgives and falls in love with the rapist. I don't think it's bad if the victim falls in love with the rapist over time, as long as he doesn't forgive him, at least not without a fight. Unfounded, quick forgiveness for an atrocious act irks me. I think, though, that Austen's obsession with hypnosis sounds really cool. I like that, and I think that's awesome as a central plot. The second personality bit doesn't appeal to me though.

B: This one sounds a bit easier to accomplish. It sounds more manga inspired, and simple. I'm a firm believer that simple is better. A lot of people like that kind of angst and drama too. Incest might turn some off, but it'd attract others. There's the danger of it being a lot like a bounty of other slash fics on AFF though, but that could be good or bad, depending on how you look at it and how you pull it off.

C: I like this one too. If you avoid the boring crime meetings that tend to come with mafia based fics, even better. Might be interesting to combine with B, as you said. The only thing I'd look into about this one is how the readers in the slash section on AFF respond to crime drama fics - assuming readership and feedback is what you're going for? To see if other authors had any trouble attracting readers.

Anyhoo, good luck with whatever you choose!

[ricotehemo]

Yeah my problem with A is that other than the other personality bit I don't know what I'd really do for plot, I mean yeah there is their lives and how it's goign to effect them but I'm just afraid I won't be able to find a conclusive ending and it will just meander off into nothingness. The first one I wrote was like this and I just stopped because I had no idea where it was going.

I think I'm going to do the combination of B&C, and just avoid the random criminal meetings with a simple "well Austen is too young to be privy to much of these things" or I'll just have it summarized briefly instead of going through it. If Sergei does end up loving him in the end, this will definately be one of those fics that spans a couple of fics, because after all this it would take him at least that much time to heal.

<33333 thank you so much for the feedback! It's really helping me think this through =)

[CloverReef]

I get that. My plots often wander off into nothingness, especially my supernatural thrillers. I have a naughty little habit of starting with a concept and not planning the actual plot and climax until I'm a few chapters in. Even then it has a tendancy to keep changing on me (both the plot, and my mind...). Can get pretty confusing for the reader. But all is not lost for option (A), if that's what you're most inspired for. It might take a few hours of brainstorming, but there is potential at least.

[ricotehemo]

Man do I feel you <3333 I've...never actually finished a fic before that wasn't a one shot. but this time, this time things will be different. For one thing I have a lot of it planned out already. For another thing...I'm older, which I'll pretend gives me more drive. Just got to take this math test and then I can freely start writing this fic =) it's technically going to be a cool down/fun write while I work on my novel, but since my novel is so light hearted I'm going to work on my literary prettiness on this one...or at least with some semblance of depth XD My usual light hearted, crappy joke filled style would just clash horribly with this.

[CloverReef]

You're writing a novel? Awesome! I've recently thought about writing a novel to get published, but I don't have the discipline to stick to something that I'm not getting feedback for. I'm going to a writers conference in April anyway. Maybe that'll help.

[ricotehemo]

Yeah ^^ I can't decide between it being kids or teens yet. And I know the feeling, I've been trying to get a writers grop together but it's only been mildly successful. If you'd like though, to motivate you and whatnot, I'd love to read what you got and give feedback/poke you to write more =) if not I understand XD just an offer. <3

[CloverReef]

Yeah ^^ I can't decide between it being kids or teens yet. And I know the feeling, I've been trying to get a writers grop together but it's only been mildly successful. If you'd like though, to motivate you and whatnot, I'd love to read what you got and give feedback/poke you to write more =) if not I understand XD just an offer. <3

That would be awesome! I'll keep that in mind for if I start trying the novel again. At the moment I've started another fic that will probably be going on aff instead... eventually.

[ricotehemo]

Sweet Just let me know if you ever take me up on it <3333 and whats the aff story about?

[CloverReef]

Well currently its a M/M about corruption within a monastery. But I've gone through like 6 plot ideas in the last two months that haven't made it past the second chapter, so it might be awhile before I post anything XD

Sweet Just let me know if you ever take me up on it <3333 and whats the aff story about?

[ricotehemo]

=D The best kind of corruption <33333. (Eventually I want to get around to writing this one about the son of a drug lord who does his teenage rebellion thing by joining the monastary, being super religious (in the kind, gentle way. Not the YOU WILL BURN IN HELL way, he's a pure soul) and eventually falls in love with another priest. The other priest turns out to be the devil who's trying to find closeness to God again, but can't help but corrupting the priest. Eventually the priest confesses that he loves Satan more than God. He finds out who Satan is, but by then its too late he's too deeply in love.)

Or some bullshit like that. XD Sorry >> I talk about myself an overabundance of a lot.

Anyways, I'm going to finish the first chapter of the MC fic than start browsing through your stories =3 (and I changed my characters names. Austen is now Dominic since all Austen's I've known have been douchebags and the one whose face I remember was buttfuck ugly, and Sergei is Sasha because for some reason even though I love the name Sergei it just makes me giggle.)

[CloverReef]

=D The best kind of corruption <33333. (Eventually I want to get around to writing this one about the son of a drug lord who does his teenage rebellion thing by joining the monastary, being super religious (in the kind, gentle way. Not the YOU WILL BURN IN HELL way, he's a pure soul) and eventually falls in love with another priest. The other priest turns out to be the devil who's trying to find closeness to God again, but can't help but corrupting the priest. Eventually the priest confesses that he loves Satan more than God. He finds out who Satan is, but by then its too late he's too deeply in love.)

Or some bullshit like that. XD Sorry >> I talk about myself an overabundance of a lot.

Anyways, I'm going to finish the first chapter of the MC fic than start browsing through your stories =3 (and I changed my characters names. Austen is now Dominic since all Austen's I've known have been douchebags and the one whose face I remember was buttfuck ugly, and Sergei is Sasha because for some reason even though I love the name Sergei it just makes me giggle.)

Love the new names! Dominic and Sasha. Doesn't that sound like a cute couple already? Send me a link when you get something posted. I'm all curious about where you're going with it now. ... I just lost my train of thought. A couple straight guys were making out on TV. O_O... Ahem, anyway... Um, what was I going to say?

Oh yeah, that idea about the kid rebelling by becoming a priest! That oughta be fun. Ironic on so many levels that he'd end up picking satan over god too. Love it. Like a full circle, ain't it? rebelled against corruption only to fall in love with corruption.

This is a little crazy, but I got my monastery idea while I was watching Oprah (yeah I watch oprah...) and she was talking to some nuns and showing the inside of their convent and I was all like, "Wouldn't it be awesome if there were male nuns?" Then I remembered (duh) monks. And of course, that train of thought eventually led to corrupting those monks with sex and scandals. By eventually, I mean within like 2 seconds... But now I'm procrastinating. I'm supposed to be writing. I'm aware that other people don't really care how my plot ideas are born, but I find their conception wildly amusing, to an almost unhealthy extent.

I'll stop rambling now. (As I was typing all that I was admiring my own lack of attention to grammar and punctuation in select parts. Now I just think I'm weird.) ... Yeah, I think I'll shut up now before I start making even less sense. Great time to write, eh? Ciao!

[ricotehemo]

Thanks! Here's the link <3 http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600103513

Haha why were they making out? and the most important question...are they hot?

XD I like hearing other people's inspiration for their stories <3 especially how one thing like Opera can span into a completely unrelated fic. You should definately link me when it's up ^^ I just finished heirloom like an hour ago and once my head stops pounding Imma read more of yours.

Love the new names! Dominic and Sasha. Doesn't that sound like a cute couple already? Send me a link when you get something posted. I'm all curious about where you're going with it now. ... I just lost my train of thought. A couple straight guys were making out on TV. O_O... Ahem, anyway... Um, what was I going to say?

Oh yeah, that idea about the kid rebelling by becoming a priest! That oughta be fun. Ironic on so many levels that he'd end up picking satan over god too. Love it. Like a full circle, ain't it? rebelled against corruption only to fall in love with corruption.

This is a little crazy, but I got my monastery idea while I was watching Oprah (yeah I watch oprah...) and she was talking to some nuns and showing the inside of their convent and I was all like, "Wouldn't it be awesome if there were male nuns?" Then I remembered (duh) monks. And of course, that train of thought eventually led to corrupting those monks with sex and scandals. By eventually, I mean within like 2 seconds... But now I'm procrastinating. I'm supposed to be writing. I'm aware that other people don't really care how my plot ideas are born, but I find their conception wildly amusing, to an almost unhealthy extent.

I'll stop rambling now. (As I was typing all that I was admiring my own lack of attention to grammar and punctuation in select parts. Now I just think I'm weird.) ... Yeah, I think I'll shut up now before I start making even less sense. Great time to write, eh? Ciao!

[CloverReef]

You Finished it?! I'm impressed, I don't think many people could make it to the end of that one. I had a little too much fun writing twists in that one that by the end of it I had twisted myself into knots. Seriously. Boy scout knots - that's hardcore knotage.

Thanks! Here's the link <3 http://original.adul...hp?no=600103513

Haha why were they making out? and the most important question...are they hot?

XD I like hearing other people's inspiration for their stories <3 especially how one thing like Opera can span into a completely unrelated fic. You should definately link me when it's up ^^ I just finished heirloom like an hour ago and once my head stops pounding Imma read more of yours.

[ricotehemo]

I loved the twists =3 =3 =3 They kept me absolutely enthralled through the day <3333