Need advice: Is my scene credible?

[NinjaGaijin]

Hi guys,

I need your input on something.

I'm currently writing an original story about a young housewife that gets slowly corrupted into becoming a slut.

I'm planning to have the following scene:

The housewife and her older sister (which is a promiscuous woman) went out to town one night, wearing rather skimpy clothes. They were ambushed by a bunch of thugs who thought the two were easy women and demanded that the women service them sexually. The housewife was frightened, but her slutty sister tries to protect her by offering to service the thugs herself. The housewife ended up having to watch the thugs gangraped her sister, because she was not allowed to leave.

My questions:

1. Is that a credible scene? Especially the part where the sister offers herself.

2. How should I get the housewife to finally agree to fuck the thugs too?

3. What makes a believable aftermath to that scene (after the thugs left)?

I hope you guys can help me about this.

[erullisse]

Alright – I'll bite and give you MOO.

1) Is this a credible scene? Sure – why not? Unfortunately these things do happen in society. wrong place / wrong time / wrong clothes

2) In said situation would older sister offer to protect younger? Most definitely. Is nature to protect our siblings, and particularly younger ones

3) Younger sister / housewife would offer the same for the same reasons – in protection for her sibling, but the circumstances would have to warrant it – most likely setup? A deterioration of her physical condition that would prompt little sister to intervene in order to feel that this was necessary to “save” her . . . i.e. after fourth man pounds into big sisters rectum, blood is now running down her legs and pooling on the ground and she about to pass out and little sister is positive if 5^th and 6^th man continue, sister will die.

4) Aftermath? First physical damage: Varied according to position and if rapes occurred vaginally or rectally, but standard is going to be torn clothing, possibly ripped out hair, choked / gagged = bruising, busted mouth, nose, bites are very likely, broken or missing shoes, possibly broken teeth, expect bleeding possibly profuse if rectal rape, and other injuries according to position i.e. on pavement torn skin off back, buttocks, etc. / against metal fence, possible puncture wounds and tears from loose pieces of wire, etc. / against wood, splinters, etc. You get the idea. It would be difficult to walk and they would be in obvious pain, expect stumbling, vomiting, etc. Emotional? Bouts of hysteria and shock that could last days or even weeks, possibly longer. Immediately after? Sisters would try to comfort one another but primary goal would be to get the hell away from there by aiding one another and getting somewhere safe, then to clean themselves of all evidence pertaining to this – burn clothes, scrub their skin raw, drink alcohol out of desperation to get taste of nasty man from tongue, etc. (I am assuming the police will not be involved?)

Does viewing or participating in gang rape equate little sister turning into slut? No – not quickly or slowly. But a very reasonable untreated emotional response could easily be perceived as one of two extremes - the “nun” approach, no man ever looks or touches me again, I’ll run screaming from the man who said hello in the grocery store - or the “slut” approach, I’m worthless now so why not? Go ahead and fuck me. You are obviously interested in the latter effect.

Person observations? There would be very few gangs of rapist thugs who would take liberties with one female and simply allow the second to watch unless there was something extremely unappealing physically about her . . . and I would see perceived innocence as simply a further turn on. Possibly one or two members might have some semblance of pity and waylay true rape for forced hand / mouth, but again, very unlikely. And you're gonna need a reason why these thugs don't kill the girls afterward.

Hope it works out for ya! Best of Luck! ~E~

[NinjaGaijin]

Alright – I'll bite and give you MOO.

1) Is this a credible scene? Sure – why not? Unfortunately these things do happen in society. wrong place / wrong time / wrong clothes

2) In said situation would older sister offer to protect younger? Most definitely. Is nature to protect our siblings, and particularly younger ones

3) Younger sister / housewife would offer the same for the same reasons – in protection for her sibling, but the circumstances would have to warrant it – most likely setup? A deterioration of her physical condition that would prompt little sister to intervene in order to feel that this was necessary to “save” her . . . i.e. after fourth man pounds into big sisters rectum, blood is now running down her legs and pooling on the ground and she about to pass out and little sister is positive if 5th and 6th man continue, sister will die.

4) Aftermath? First physical damage: Varied according to position and if rapes occurred vaginally or rectally, but standard is going to be torn clothing, possibly ripped out hair, choked / gagged = bruising, busted mouth, nose, bites are very likely, broken or missing shoes, possibly broken teeth, expect bleeding possibly profuse if rectal rape, and other injuries according to position i.e. on pavement torn skin off back, buttocks, etc. / against metal fence, possible puncture wounds and tears from loose pieces of wire, etc. / against wood, splinters, etc. You get the idea. It would be difficult to walk and they would be in obvious pain, expect stumbling, vomiting, etc. Emotional? Bouts of hysteria and shock that could last days or even weeks, possibly longer. Immediately after? Sisters would try to comfort one another but primary goal would be to get the hell away from there by aiding one another and getting somewhere safe, then to clean themselves of all evidence pertaining to this – burn clothes, scrub their skin raw, drink alcohol out of desperation to get taste of nasty man from tongue, etc. (I am assuming the police will not be involved?)

Does viewing or participating in gang rape equate little sister turning into slut? No – not quickly or slowly. But a very reasonable untreated emotional response could easily be perceived as one of two extremes - the “nun” approach, no man ever looks or touches me again, I’ll run screaming from the man who said hello in the grocery store - or the “slut” approach, I’m worthless now so why not? Go ahead and fuck me. You are obviously interested in the latter effect.

Person observations? There would be very few gangs of rapist thugs who would take liberties with one female and simply allow the second to watch unless there was something extremely unappealing physically about her . . . and I would see perceived innocence as simply a further turn on. Possibly one or two members might have some semblance of pity and waylay true rape for forced hand / mouth, but again, very unlikely. And you're gonna need a reason why these thugs don't kill the girls afterward.

Hope it works out for ya! Best of Luck! ~E~

First, thanks for the reply!

Guess I should explain the story some more. I've written two chapters. The young housewife (let's call her T) enters a crisis in her married life, because her husband ( realizes that T is too plain for his tastes and started to seek entertainment from prostitutes. Older sister © suggests that T try becoming what her husband likes: a sluttier woman. C, unmarried yet promiscuous, likes to dress provocatively and owns a beauty salon. She gave T a makeover. T is unsure whether it would work, but she's willing to try. On her first attempt to seduce her husband with her new look, she succeeded. B likes the change and asks T to continue with the slutty appearance.

T is initially conservative and shy, and she's still uncomfortable about being a slut for her husband, but she wanted to keep their marriage. C also encourages her sister, because she thinks T would be happier if she doesn't repress herself that much. Therefore, one day C takes T shopping for sexy clothes. By the end of the trip, T is wearing some of her purchases, following C's suggestion that she try to wear them in public.

So we have two women in suggestive clothing, walking down the road one evening.

My story's inspired by local events and circumstances. Where I live, there are parts that have laws banning streetwalkers, and authorities may conduct raids on the streets to arrest women suspected of being streetwalkers because of their appearance. (Very iffy laws, IMO).

Therefore, the "thugs" are not actual thugs, they are a corrupt band of officers conducting such a raid, and they happen to encounter T and C. The two are at the wrong time, in the wrong place, wearing the wrong clothes so they got arrested. The officers decided to have fun with their quarry, however.

Thanks for the ideas on how to make the scene flow smoothly. I intend this scene to be a turning point for T, who until this point still consider herself faithful, having sex with her husband only. That's why I don't plan to have T raped by the men, she would have to willingly (or reluctantly) offer herself to them. Good idea on exhausting her sister, I think that fits T's personality.

Since the rapists are not criminals, they're not likely to kill or maim T and C, but the two would receive some physical and mental damage. Also thanks for the ideas for the aftermath. What I'm still looking for is how T would face her husband after the incident, and how her husband would react. I intend to use the fact that she was picked up because they thought she was a slut, and she fucked people other than her husband (although it was to relieve her sister) to push her further into depravity, if that's plausible. Thanks for hinting the "slut" approach.