A Dark Medieval OC

[Bandito]

Hey y'all,

I'm doing an original fic based on the medieval time period. To put it simply, it's my take on the legend of St. George and the Dragon. And the Twelve Dancing Princesses.

That's right, it's a frickin' crossover. *sighs*

A damn stupid story that's giving more trouble to write than I like to.

So henceforth, I'm showing this OC of mine that is to be the main heroine of the story. I'm not altogether confident of what I have of her, so if there is something flawed about her filling the role, go right ahead and voice it out!

Thanks in advance,

Bandito

Name: Pepajn (pronounced: Peh-Pahnn)

Age: 16.

In actuality she first meets the Dacian (St. George), when she was just 14 in her wedding; It was the time of her conversion to christianity as her father the king was establishing an alliance with the Byzantine papal state--since her homeland is a strange cold (and fictional) place teemed with viking-like robber-barons that had since gotten used to having their own way. The christians were viewed with both distrust and superstitious fear, and hence why Pepajn views these 'strange beardless men' as freakish.

These christians were the element of her fall from her family's favor when, 2 years later and now widowed from poisoning her husband, she was caught sneaking out with her fellow sisters 'selling their virtues and worshipping devils' in a sex-and-grog-filled banquet with the lower nobles. They were rounded up and arrested for treason, yet Pepajn escaped and ran to the marshes where, by mistake, she was caught by a dragon and incarcerated herself in a hiding place where the dragon cannot reach, but decided to guard nonetheless.

Bio: Her world is of a bleak, very closed-in kind. She was the third eldest and born from a concubine that may have been a foreign serf, and was thus looked down upon by her sisters and their nursemaids.

Because of this also, she was seen as expendable and hence why she was the first to marry. Her father had pit her into this to lure the barons to hold them down with false promises of becoming heirs, all the while studying their behaviour more closely with his daughters with these men.

Pepajn was meant to be the first, being the most disposable, and it was not meant to work. Pepajn was to marry a robber-barron that was pillaging a necessary food resource, and Pepajn knew that the king might use her as an excuse to lay siege to the man and kill him once married and in his mercy. Not wanting to chance herself getting potentially killed, she snuck poison in her groom's cup and forced him to dance to quicken his death. She became a widow within the next morning.

St. George was, to her, a quiet, shady man of an unusual appearance. He was clearly more than what he presents himself as a monk, and as an outsider she keeps her distance while viewing him with a general disapproval of an intruder. But this man clearly shows an interest to her.

Personality: Quiet and brooding; she is also lofty and becomes indignant if anyone looks at her the wrong way. Often spiteful and snappish, she has a childish penchant to jump to conclusions right to the point of murder. She does this because she is cold and not really exposed to a large depth of human kindness and responsibility. However, she finds it necessary to sit down and study the people she is with, it was an enforced habit which happens frequently as much as a normal person would absently play with their hair.

Appearance: Pepajn stands out from her sisters, who share the genetics of being long and sleek, fair-haired and rosy. Pepajn is short, with frizzy dirty blonde hair and a face that reminds others of a cat's stare. The only beauty others would say she has is the fair skin and soft hands that very few men would have the luxury of possessing. Her hair is often pulled back with a copper wire headband and wears a wool gown with a high waist.

Welp, thanks in advance for your insights, people! Hope this makes sense.

[Melrick]

My only real concern is that she comes across as a rather unpleasant person, one that I think I would find hard to have any real sympathy or empathy for, so you'd need to watch how that develops, I would think. Because if the reader has little empathy with the character then they're less likely to care what happens to her - and, consequently, with the story. But if you can pull it off then it should make for quite an interesting read.

[Bandito]

Thanks for the insight! I really didn't think that the chara may have that effect if I'm not careful in writing this. Guess I'm gonna have to emphasize more on how brutal and unforgiving life in the middle ages is--(or at least make the princess more kinder and innocent).

Speaking of which, I was wondering, on what parts did you think she's particularly unpleaseant?

Should I tone down the murder, maybe make her less snappy and hateful to the people she knows?

There are some cases where people can make unpleasant characters exciting to follow as readers and even cool...but I'm just wondering what makes her putting on this bad taste...

[Melrick]

It could easily be the case where she sounds quite unpleasant in a short bio like that, but come across much better in a fully fleshed out story. You can really only tell so much with these little bio's - that's one reason why I don't really like them, because they can give wrong impressions. The only way anyone can really tell what the character is like is to read the finished product. Ultimately, the person you should be trying to please most is yourself, so if you're happy with it then you should go with it as is. But just keep in mind that a character with no redeeming features will appeal to no one, unless, perhaps, they're the villain. So if they're not a villain then you need to give the reader a reason to care about them. Good luck with it!

[Bandito]

Thanks, melrick! I'll take your word for it. Glad to hear a second opinion about this. X)