Petofsuccubus Posted January 13, 2009 Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 I'm not sure if this is a matter of opinion, a failing on my part, or just something that tends to happen; but I got some rather constructive criticism recently about my stories. I was told essentially that aside from a few variations, my smut scenes basically boil down to "demon ties up warlock and she likes it". Now I'm not about to complain about someone's feedback, but I write the way I do for a reason. Because of the limitations of the characters (real or perceived), I'm not really sure how to make it not seem repetitive. Here's the summary of why I think it ended up being repetitive: - Nessa (warlock) is submissive by nature, and utterly devoted to Karasae (demon). - Karasae, though she loves Nessa enough to let her have her way sometimes, is dominant by nature; as is her species in general - Real couples end up being somewhat repetitive in bed Here's what I've done to try and make things different: - Added a third person (multiple times, different characters) - Added a group scene where the two couples didn't swap partners - Used different toys/positions Now I'm not sure what else can be done (or indeed if anything else actually needs to be done) to solve this problem; but I'd love to hear what other people think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canterro Posted January 13, 2009 Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 I haven't read your stories so I can't refer to them, but you might consider different moods as well. Sex is different when people are tired, excited, angry, safe, horny, sad... We express various states of soul and mind by sexual behavior Many things are somewhat repetitive in real life, like shopping, working, brushing your teeth, but you don't describe it in your stories again and again The same goes for sex. Sex scenes included in the fiction only because you want them to be there, can be boring. They must mean something; introduce new light, new quality... Well, that's how I see it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Pairing Guy Posted January 13, 2009 Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 Yep, Canterro gives good advice. In published novels, if two characters have a steady sexual relationship, usually the author still only actually shows them having sex two or three times, spread out across the novel. So it would be a good idea to skip over most of the times Karasae and Nessa get in on, or just hint at it without actually showing the whole thing. (Sometimes I find that when two characters who we've seen have sex before hint that they're going to take another roll in the hay, it's hotter than actually seeing them do it over again.) Otherwise, I really like Canterro suggestion of different moods. Also, you mentioned toys and different positions... don't forget that you can be creative without using either of those. For instance, there's a really good novel with a scene where a guy does it with his lover while she's talking to a friend on the phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorbidFantasy Posted January 14, 2009 Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 Here again with the shameless self plug. Go read my Tomb Raider FF, titled Fat Man Remake. It has 11 chapters (ongoing), and around 9 sex scenes give or take depending on your definition of a sex scene. I feel I've managed to make every one of those different. If not, do tell me and I can take that into note. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Inc. Posted January 14, 2009 Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 Well, even if you had something new, unique, unexpected and mind blowing each and every time, some critic would boil it down to 'demon tries something new and the warlock likes it.' It's possible that you're not repetitive, it's just that you aren't providing exactly what this reviewer wants/needs in the way of smut. I really think you need to be true to your characters, so if they're happy, your writing won't suffer. I do agree that you might consider changing how you approach/describe the sex, or in how much detail. But again, it's your story, so write what you think the narrative demands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petofsuccubus Posted January 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 Well, even if you had something new, unique, unexpected and mind blowing each and every time, some critic would boil it down to 'demon tries something new and the warlock likes it.'It's possible that you're not repetitive, it's just that you aren't providing exactly what this reviewer wants/needs in the way of smut. I really think you need to be true to your characters, so if they're happy, your writing won't suffer. I do agree that you might consider changing how you approach/describe the sex, or in how much detail. But again, it's your story, so write what you think the narrative demands. I hate to sound like I'm doing a self plug here, but would you mind taking a look at my stories? It was Accusations in particular that received the concrit. Here's the link: http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600083789 The reason I link this one even though it's the second in the series is that according to the feedback, the smut in the first one seemed to resolve conflict more. I didn't really think it was done improperly in the second story (otherwise I would have written it differently), but if it is indeed a matter of opinion I would be happy to know. Of course, if it's an actual problem with my writing I'd like to know so I can avoid it in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Inc. Posted January 14, 2009 Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 I hate to sound like I'm doing a self plug here, but would you mind taking a look at my stories? It was Accusations in particular that received the concrit. Here's the link:http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600083789 The reason I link this one even though it's the second in the series is that according to the feedback, the smut in the first one seemed to resolve conflict more. I didn't really think it was done improperly in the second story (otherwise I would have written it differently), but if it is indeed a matter of opinion I would be happy to know. Of course, if it's an actual problem with my writing I'd like to know so I can avoid it in the future. Well, the sex seems to rise naturally enough from character issues and opportunities, as near as i can tell. I think you're doing okay. I did notice two things. Pet peeves if you will. Just a couple of suggestions. 'Cum' is a Latin term. Successful sex makes people come. It's easier to conjugate that way. I'm coming, I came, we all came together, I will make you come like a donkey with a five inch fire hose shoved in his asshole and the water turned on and off to the beat of an air traffic controller's heart... She looked down into the other girl's face and saw her looking back at her. And i try to limit the number of people that are referred to by a pronoun in one paragraph to one. keeps the reader from being confused by who 'her' is. "She saw her sneaking up behind her friend but she was apparently aware of her and was on her defensive." You can alternate the she/her or him/he between paragraphs, but not within a sentence.Try something like, She looked down into the other girl's face and saw the elf looking back at her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petofsuccubus Posted January 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 Well, the sex seems to rise naturally enough from character issues and opportunities, as near as i can tell. I think you're doing okay.I did notice two things. Pet peeves if you will. Just a couple of suggestions. 'Cum' is a Latin term. Successful sex makes people come. It's easier to conjugate that way. I'm coming, I came, we all came together, I will make you come like a donkey with a five inch fire hose shoved in his asshole and the water turned on and off to the beat of an air traffic controller's heart... And i try to limit the number of people that are referred to by a pronoun in one paragraph to one. keeps the reader from being confused by who 'her' is. "She saw her sneaking up behind her friend but she was apparently aware of her and was on her defensive." You can alternate the she/her or him/he between paragraphs, but not within a sentence. Try something like, She looked down into the other girl's face and saw the elf looking back at her. Thanks for the feedback. A lot of the time I don't think about how the story will be perceived. I always know who 'she' is on any given use of the pronoun, but that doesn't necessarily mean everyone else will. 'Cum' is used as an odd quirk really, so I can differentiate between when someone is coming into the room and when someone is coming from sex. Of course these should probably be clear anyway if the sentense was even a little bit descriptive, but like I said, it's an odd quirk. I'll try not using 'cum' in the third story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Inc. Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks for the feedback. A lot of the time I don't think about how the story will be perceived. I always know who 'she' is on any given use of the pronoun, but that doesn't necessarily mean everyone else will.It's a difficult task, conveying a story without the benefits of telepathy. Who's talking, who's taking action, who's the person talking to the other person about the other other person. This is one habit i've tried to form, to help get the scene across no matter what i'm writing about, so i don't have to wait for a reviewer to say that they had to read a paragraph three times to get the choreography down. 'Cum' is used as an odd quirk really, so I can differentiate between when someone is coming into the room and when someone is coming from sex.Which brings up an interesting image of someone collapsing to the floor in ecstasy every time they turn a doorknob...Or someone qualifying for the sex Olympics as "He came into the room from across the hall. We were all impressed, we hadn't even heard him breathing hard." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canterro Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Which brings up an interesting image of someone collapsing to the floor in ecstasy every time they turn a doorknob...Or someone qualifying for the sex Olympics as "He came into the room from across the hall. We were all impressed, we hadn't even heard him breathing hard." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petofsuccubus Posted January 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Which brings up an interesting image of someone collapsing to the floor in ecstasy every time they turn a doorknob... I've seen smut (and hentai) with less believable premises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Inc. Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I've seen smut (and hentai) with less believable premises.I write for size/shrinking fetishes. I've DONE smut less believable... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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