BoobsWriter

Hopefully I can reply at greater length to more peoples’ reviews in the near future. I’m just too busy with work/life stuff lately, so whenever I get a chance I’ll just write rather than post in the forums. But I wanted to reply to this one in particular, cause, well, I just don’t get it… I started off liking this story and your writing is leagues above a lot of the writers I've come across in this community; but I'm officially tapping out on this story. Some teasing is fine -- but now it's just gotten to the point where you're just building and building and building only for it to never pay off in a satisfying way. And now there's prequel chapters as well? Gee. Because I totally didn't get the concept of Lara being a tease. I needed that spelled out further for me in a completely repetetive manner. /s Like I said -- I like your actual writing; but I'd recommend making yourself an outline before writing chapters. One big tip for writing is to pick three things you want to make happen in your chapter and then focus on executing those milestones. But, as I mentioned, I'm officially done. I just find this story exhausting at this point. Sorry. ~ Countess. xoxo. So first of all, just give me a second so I can throw myself off a building at the prospect of you not reading my story anymore… …. Ok, done. But in all seriousness, I think you’re missing the whole point of my story. First of all, I just fucking love writing the kind of scenes I’ve been writing in the past two chapters. Personally, I find it much more interesting and satisfying to write cock-teasing/blue-balling scenes because I get to decribe tthe female characters’ bodies in so much detail and I like writing about pent-up male sexual desire. That’s just my interest I guess, but I’m pretty sure some of my readers (I’m looking your way, JViper) enjoy reading this kind of material too. Also, I guess you’re a girl, Countess. So maybe I can understand that you don’t really ‘get’ the whole male gaze sexual objectification of women angle that I am exploring here. But to say that I am not accomplishing anything in the last two chapters is just not true in my opinion. The chapter is called ‘Blue-Balling Zip’. That’s clearly my purpose in writing the chapter. And I’d say that is what I set out to do and that is what I accomplished. Same goes for ‘Lara Croft: Cock Teaser’ – the purpose, or thing I want to make happen, is laid out right there in the title. On the other hand, I appreciate that my writing is too slow, and it lacks events in the normal sense of narrative progression. Yeah, that’s true. I need to work on that big time. Thanks for what you said about my writing ssttyle, but if you find reading my story ‘exhausting’, well, yeah, I think you’re just not getting the point.

I am glad it ended so badly for James - he was a real piece of shit, and his unquestioning acceptance of Parmistani amorality, sexual deviancy, atavistic idolatry, and human rights abuses throws damning light on his total lack of... well, a soul, to be brutally honest. As a English guy myself, I feel more than a little disappointed to have my countrymen represented in your story by that moldy little nugget of skunk turd and.... Neville, who comes across as some kind of retarded wannabe child molester who was dropped on his head as a baby. Given what your male characters have put Lara through over the past four or five years, I would say they beat my Zip and Alister hands down in terms of ugly, anti-feminist, sexually deviant, repressive masculinity. Which I guess is a compliment.... given the niche genre we're both writing in.... Was reassuring you gave this a happy ending though... I seldom feel sorry for characters on AFF, but the shit that your Lara had to live through, perhaps due mainly to your extended narrative timeline, was pretty harrowing. A continuation, in the form of a more comforting and assuring coda, would be welcome

Wow, really not a fan of James then? I guess HunterOpera should take this as a compliment to his writing skills, that his character has inspired such strong feelings of revulsion in one of his readers, lol

Yeah, Waverly in particular

Agreed about the Jolie Tomb Raider movies - bloody terrible. She's a good actress really, just her Lara was painfully unsympathetic and not even remotely hot. This new girl may not be the worst thing to happen to the franchise, but I would still much prefer it if Megan Fox got a boob-job and signed up for an R-rated soft porn version with bondage and pervy bad guys - which of course I know will never happen, but it can't hurt to dream, lol

BTW, have you heard the news about Alicia Vikander securing the role of Lara Croft in the upcoming movie? Not sure how I feel about that yet... but not overly impressed frankly...

Just caught up with your last 2 chapters... and definitely enjoying the races. Seems like Lara is really having a tough time in your world. The continuous, casual abuse of her dignity and frankly her rights as a human being certainly seems to have taken a heavy toll on her mind. Has she really forgotten how to even understand spoken English, let alone communicate through language herself? I guess that is possible given the circumstances of her life over the past few years, but I can't help but wonder whether she still retains at least a little of her old self... if only for her to realize just how far she has fallen. My suggestion would be for Drasha to subject her to some form of a final test, just to make sure she is broken once and for all. Like maybe she can be shown some footage of herself pre-Reins, where Lara is her old self-confident and arrogant self, perhaps video footage from an interview or something. Then they watch her for any sign of recognition - I guess it's up to you as to whether she does regain (even momentarily) a little self-awareness, But then again, as I said, the things she's been forced to endure over the past few years of your story would be enough to break even Lara - Just doesn't hurt to rub it in her face a little is perhaps what I'm saying, lol I admit I'm a little confused about who is who in the race... I'm not really familiar with many of the characters you've co-opted into your world, and since they now all have new pony-names too I'm finding it difficult to keep track. But I guess Lara is still the main focus of your story, so it doesn't interfere with the overall purpose and route of your narrative. Regarding your comments about DC/Marvel TV series and movies - I agree 100% that Agent Carter is by far the best Marvel TV show. Hayley Atwell looks great in all those period power suits and cleavagie evening dresses - seriously, five years ago, maybe 10 pounds lighter and in a little better shape, she would be my dream actress to play a sexualised Lara Croft character on the small- or big-screen. Even now, she could still pull off a more mature, milf-like Lara with some serious aplomb - would just love to get a look at her figure in some hip-hugging hot pants and a tight tank top... damn, really tempts me to write a new story set in the Agent Carter universe - so many potentially porn-adaptable scenes in that show!! BTW, I posted up my next 2 chapters... nearly 10,000 words in total - got a little carried away with the oil wrestling, and am not entirely satisfied with the results, but it's set up the next stage of my story rather nicely. I also posted a thread for discussing my stories in the forums, and replied to your review there. Check it out if you have time.

OK, I've decided to create this thread for discussion regarding my stories. I will try my best to leave a response here for anyone who comments on my AFF work. Here's what I've got so far (including the reviews I replied to...) MF 2016-04-11 id # 3000052459 Latest chapter was... well... a little too on the nose in my opinion. The male characters are a little too one note in their lechery and crudeness. The stereotypical Asian accent was also more humorous than it was probably intended. That being said, I dig the setup, as well as the DOA crossover. I do hope that in future updates there's more nuance to our male villains, so we can differentiate between them. Cheers. JViper 2016-04-11 id # 3000052460 Another great chapter(6). Things seems to be going to be over the top from here on out, but it's a good over the top so far. I wasn't expecting a crossover in this story, though. It shames me not to have realized that with the name drop last chapter, but somehow I thought it was just a coincidence. This version of the DOA girls seems more 4th wall breaking, I guess. Which is fine, since I don't imagine a teenager being able to subjugate both Tina and Rachel in the physical department. Then again this is erotica. As long as things don't turn too self-insertion-y or too mary sue-ish I'm digging the new angle. I don't know if I can credit Zip and Alister's actions to sexual frustration. I hope they get at least one redeemable thing on the whole story. I'm not sure if it's just me, but one thing hotter than a Lara who doesn't want to do the sexing, is one who actually want to do it. So maybe we can have some glimpses of that later on, as I imagine this is all setup to make her "break". I know it's already announced but I think a sexual battle is better than plain violence. I kinda wish you went the sexy game route on the condition from Itagaki, instead of a fight. Even if it is oil wrestling. The violence on top of the humiliation is a bit too much if the only thing Lara did was tease her employees. Now if you showed a really malicious tease from her, then my opinion would change. But this seems undeserved so far and I can't help but want to see Zip and Alister get the shit beat out of them instead of wanting them to fuck Lara. I'm hooked and intrigued as to where you'll go with the story. And the broken English from Itagaki was comedy gold. DrkVrtx 2016-04-11 id # 3000052461 "RADIES AND GENTREMEN!" Some might call foul on the stereotypical Engrish but it gave me a good laugh; humour and sexy time work together well so I definitely appreciate that. Speaking of sexy time, that Limo scene from Chapter 5? I'm all about that. Love your descriptive sequences, like I've said before it just paints the picture so well and your version of Lara is undoubtedly smoking. Besides this, the only other stories that have been able to paint such a vivid, sexy image of her for me are those written by PornEater, so personal kudos on that. I would like to see some kind of small victory for Lara here soon though, keep a sense of tension present between her and Zip/Alistar. Lara's a very wilful character and I think it would take more than a bit of (admittedly advanced) tech to 'break' her, as it were. Still, this is your story and you seem pretty invested so I'll just sit back and let you get on with it. It's top notch stuff thus far and I'm enjoying what's on offer. Sammycolt 2016-04-12 id # 3000052462 Hope this doesn't make me look too much like a suck-up, but personally I disagree with some of the criticisms the other guys uttered. While I agree that Lara should get some wins along the way I don't feel like you portrayed the male characters too "on the nose". I feel like the atmosphere you're going for here is pre-reboot Tomb Raider, with Lara much more in badass-mode than the new, more sympathetic version of the character, so in that respect I think the male "villians" of the story fit it well in their characterization. Plus, it is a porn-parody after all, so making Zip and Alastair rather horny and taking advantage of Lara seems like a logic choice. Not that I want to condone their behavior in real life, but I think in the early chapters it was established that Lara did drive them mad and her teasing was far from innocent (she did grab Zip's dick for example), so I can see them building up a lot of frustration over years of this and in a porn-pre-reboot-Tomb-Raider, I could absolutely act the way you described them. In the future, I'm sure you have some kind of twist for the fight in mind, so it will be sexy rather than a pure beat-up and I'm itching to see some Lara-action!!! Overall, this is PornEater-level writing, which is the biggest smut-related compliment I can think of! Really glad you're writing this! mty14 2016-04-12 id # 3000052465 I'm not sure why you spent the first four chapters subtly building up to the moment when the two of them finally get their hands on Lara only to subvert it completely and totally pull the rug out from under us. That was very disappointing. Other than that fiasco, this is quite good. FuckUSay 2016-04-12 id # 3000052468 Let me get this out... I HATE Alistair and Zip. 'not too mean?' I'm scared to ask what you think is. GREAT writing... but I have no sympathy for these two assholes. HunterOpera 2016-04-16 id # 3000052473 Okay. This is gonna be a little long, but bear with me. I'm wordy. There's an old truism that writing comedy and horror are pretty much the same thing. When I saw horror, I'm not meaning gore or jump scares, I'm talking deep-seated dread. The idea is that both comedy and horror are rooted in tension, the build to an eventual climax. I've heard people argue that the same is true of porn, though there are very few professional examples of this: the stereotype of wham-bam-done is far more prevelent than I'd care to admit, and it's dull. This? The story you've written? This is a strong argument for porn as art, following that sense of tension from one scene to the next, setting up specific punchlines and following through with them to build up to a larger climax. This is awesome. You've also done a great job with Zip and Alister, establishing what their motives are and how they were able to trick Lara. They could be sympathetic if they weren't so terrible, each of them a conniving bastard, and their actions are made so much worse by the trust Lara put in them. The situation they've put her in is fantastic; it reminds me a lot of an old story called the Axis of Tantilus, but while the villains their were terrible on a world-wide front and were villains from the start, yours are worse for their simplicity and treachery. Lara herself is well written, a perfect mix of fury and dignity being fought for under circumstances in which she has no control. It's incredible, thrilling, and I keep wondering if there is any way for her to escape this. Her employees have turned her body into a prison for her mind, and I have the sense that Itagaki is just going to make things worse. This is incredibly well put together, and I'm can't wait to see what happens next. Xcinergy 2016-04-18 id # 3000052481 Excellent work so far, as much as I'm anxious for the story to progress the pacing is done rather well. JViper 2016-04-28 id # 3000052508 Awesome chapters! I'm really glad you went with a no "bruises" battle. Some authors get a little too out of control on their fights and frankly Lara is more of a gunslinger than a fighter, so it would feel pretty strange if she was winning fights against martial artists. Leveling the field to chokes only was a good step in this direction. Otherwise it was a pretty by the book fight. Nothing much to comment on it. It was hot imagery, no denying that, but it was also kinda predictable with its plot twist. I liked the ambiguity though. I'm not really sure if the DOA girls are being fully controlled or if it's a more soft blackmail type of thing. Alister conversation got a little bit cut at the end. Even if most of it could be understood. The best part of the chapters was Christie's BJ. I think it's only the third sex act since the story began. This is one of your qualities as writer: keeping the sexual tension high even though there's few scenes of sex proper. I'm loving it. Curious to see where things will go now that the plan has gone south. Alister isn't the rescue guy, so we're probably going to have to see Lara fight from inside. If she gets out. I can see some punishment to Zip too. I'd love to see the guys getting their dues, but I understand they're the guys of the story and they're probably be submitted to some kind of sexy torture or something. Still at least wipes off the smile of their faces, like when Christie kept denying Zip his orgasm. Overall, loved the chapters and can't wait for more! FuckUSay 2016-04-29 id # 3000052510 KARMAS A BITCH! Lara's just gonna get what she's had delt to her for the last week. Zip... is gonna get fucked. Shame Al's last command was to comply. WELL DONE! And my replies... So, MF, I'm not really sure what you mean by 'on the nose'. I'm just having fun with this story really and don't want to limit myself too much by restricting my ficitonal world to the standards and maxims set out by the creators of the universe(s) I write in. So it's very possible I will make things a little OTT sometimes, but come on, this is porn writing - it's not like it has to obey the rules. As for my bad guys being crude and lecherous, well, yes, they are, but not uniformly so. Alister is still very much the mastermind behind the operation - he is much more devious, conniving, and smooth-talking than Zip, who is just the tech brains and a conveniently large cock for Lara (and others) to struggle with. Itagaki needs a little work, I admit, but I'm still thinking him over. Soon, some female bad-guys should make their presence felt to add a little more colour to the proceedings Thanks for the feedback. JViper, thanks for your continued support. But the inclusion of the DOA girls, and their enslavement to Itagaki, is not going to break any 4th walls in my story. In fact, their subjugation by him is all part of an overall plot-line which will have an ongoing impact on the next few parts of my story. As for the fight itself, yes, I'm not really interested in writing about hot girls beating the crap out of each other - not really one of my fantasies. But neither do I intend to have Lara 'break' and become a horny sex slave for Zip and Alister - it wouldn't really interest me to write about a strong female character like Lara if all her characteristic strength of personality (particularly towards members of the opposite sex) were suddenly not present. So she's not gonna start liking it any time soon, unfortunately for her... And yep, Zip and Alister are not gonna have an easy ride from here on out. Replying to your latest review: Yes, the fight scene didn't work out as well as I had hoped. Reading it back, it feels much too static, lacking the fluidity of movement present in the real DOA fighting games. I'm a little disappointed I didn't do a better job there, but I certainly gave it my all - something I can certainly improve on in my furture writing, I guess. As for your predictions about how the next part is gonna play out... lol, glad I can at least slip a few plot twists past you - your assumption that Lara is gonna fight her way out is way off. That's all I'm saying for now though. Your reviews are much appreciated! DrkVrtx - Thanks for that man. Glad to know some of the funny lines I throw in there are not wasted on my readers. Honestly, I have a blast writing these stories usually, and often make myself laugh out loud with some of the dialogue, particularly between stereotypical African-American guy Zip and equally stereotypical upper-middle-class British guy Alister, and let's not forget super-stereotypical rich Asian business guy Itagaki... as you can probably tell, I'm not taking things too seriously when I write - this is just a way to blow off steam and escape from reality for a while when I'm not working my busy day job. Also, thanks for your kind words about my descriptive technique - I could do with losing about 40% of my adj's and adv's if you ask me, but it's become like a compulsive grammar tick for me now to over-describe the female form with so many details. guess I just enjoy that too damn much to ever become a real writer, lol. OK, SammyColt... thanks for defending my story there. And you are dead right about my Lara being the bad-ass no-nonsense Lara of pre-reboot Tomb Raider. I don't really find the new games all that compelling as far as fan fiction goes. Sure, they are undeniably better made, with compelling storylines, striking visuals, great combat etc... but I really miss the cock-teasing outfits and constant upskirts and downblouse camera angles of old... it was just more fun back then. De-sexualised Lara is such a let down for me... Hope you liked the latest chapters. mty14 - I see your point, but writing long sex scenes that don't really take the story anywhere is no fun for me. If you want that kind of thing I think you may be disappointed with my future work... FuckUSay - Thanks, I think...I didn't really intend to make Zip and Alister total assholes, just conniving lecherous douches who strike lucky... They will get their commupances soon enough though, kind of... mostly for Zip however, and some of which he may enjoy a little more than he should And HunterOpera, wow, this is taking longer than I thought it would, lol... maybe I will take a leaf out of your book and start a forum discussion... I understand the parallel you mention between porn and horror – the build-up, the growing sense of dread/sexual tension that ultimately leads to a climactic scene of shock/terror/sex. I've read a few stories online by some classic porn-writers and found that the scenes which really interested me where the build-up, in which the heroine is still herself and struggling with the situations the bad guys throw at her in their hopes of subjugation. So these kinds of scenes are what I hope to write most often in my stories. I'm not really sure about my work being porn as art, lol... maybe not possible by definition, but I do try my best to create a riveting story with a few twists and turns, set in a world that at least I can believe in, and into which I can escape temporarily while writing – which is the main reason I'm doing any of this anyway. As a writer yourself, perhaps you can understand... So thanks for your review! and I hope you have something to say about chapters 7 and 8... certainly took a lot of time and dedication for me to write them... far from perfect, I know, but they do set the scene for some interesting things to come. Ok, I'm gonna catch up on your latest chapters now... you should hear from me soon in your forums thread There... hopefully will post OK Feel free to leave feedback whenever

Yep, writing as I post... coming along pretty well so far - 7000 words and counting divided between two chapters, which will progress my plotline by all of.... about two hours, according to the internal timeline... goddamnit... still, I think this kind of thing works differently for porn-writing, since in my opinion some of the most important details of writing erotica are the visual descriptions and beat-by-beat recounting of physical actions. Although, yes, taken to an extreme, even that can be a little excessive if it prevents the plot from progressing at a reasonable pace. Just wanted to add that I totally agree about the DC universe movies. Batman Vs. Superman was a huge letdown for me - completely humorless and lacking a cogent storyline for most of its first hour or so. Sure, Gal Gadot was hotter than I'd anticipated as Wonder Woman, but Superman came off as a total dufus, and Batman (aside from a few badass fight scenes) just looked dumb, getting manipulated so easily into fighting Superman by (by far the most annoying ever big-screen) Lex Luthor. Didn't the makers of the movie realize that Batman is at the heart of his character a detective? Meaning that he is smart enough to actually figure stuff out for himself. But on the flip side, yeah, the TV series made by DC are generally pretty good. Whereas most of the Marvel TV shows are a little lame if you ask me, but their movies (Deadpool, Iron Man, Cap America, Avengers etc.) are outperforming DC's in every respect. Ah well, back to writing... BTW, I'm really not sure who the other guys and girls in your latest chapter are. The inclusion of Selina Kyle is much appreciated though - she was awesomely hot in the Rocksteady Studios Batman games!

Very nice work on your two latest chapters. I get the Green Arrow references, although personally I would prefer to see Felicity Smoke kitted out as a pony girl - nothing against Speedy, but she's a bit of a waif. I can't imagine her really having the power to pull a chariot at a decent pace. Whereas Felicity has got some seriously nice, solid looking thighs and ass, not to mention them calves she shows off with her knee-length power dresses. Still, your story, your choice; just my preference there. Oh, and I'm guessing this is the old Ra's, who's now dead in the TV show's continuity, not Malcolm Merlin, since why would Merlin Ponyfy his beloved daughter am I right? You're really moving things along at a good pace now. That's something I have to admire about your writing, and something I struggle with in my own - your ability to tell a long, intricately plotted story that occurs over an extended period of time, but to tell it at a fast pace in comparatively few chapters. I tend to get bogged down in the details of my writing, always describing minutiae of scenes and physical appearance or subleties of expression and character that don't really help progress the story as much as I'd like. Guess I just enjoy writing that kind of stuff way too much... Speaking of which I'm gonna try to finish off my next 2 chapters and post them today... hopefully... although still a lot of action to get down... soon, at least - looking forward to the races!!