Kimmimaru

Just had a thought...it's odd how the vast majority of my fics have the father figure as the instigator of abuse. Hmm...

I agree with the lining up and shooting idea! Lol. I accept that I'm far from perfect, having read through everything I have ever written I have come across many mistakes, from spelling to grammar to plot inconsistencies but I usually just say; What the hell, i'm only human! I simply try harder to remove such mistakes in future. I probably should have a Beta as I do find it hard to tell if I have made a mistake but I tend to be very particular about how I want my story and if someone tries to change it I'll get pissy, lol. As for my Original Story well, it's a Trilogy and it's already written. I am just going back through it, fleshing it out with description (My first drafts always tend to be the very skeleton of the story) and stuff like that. I also have a friend of mine who went to University to study Creative Writing and wants to become an Editor, she's said she is willing to act as Editor on it and she will get it up to publishing standards. But the offer is much appreciated, thank you. I'm glad you can find the humour in my fics, I don't consciously write it in so it's nice to know it's there. I doubt I'm going to be able to stay away from writing, I haven't written anything for a few hours and can already feel my fingers itching and I'm being bombarded with a ridiculous amount of plot ideas... -.-' It actually does my head in a little, lol. I am kept up at night by my brain going; Oh! You could do this! This would be good! Why don't you try this! Arrrrg! Shut up! I still think that perhaps my fanfiction is a bit...Same-y. But I can't write anything without angst in it and with fanfiction I always like to stick as close to Canon as possible, even in an AU. I just can't get my head around WHY people troll my stories. What is their REAL issue with them? Why can't they explain to me where they think i'm going wrong? And saying; 'Your Sirius is a wimp' does NOT count. In my stories the majority of the time he's a CHILD, children won't have the same control over their emotions that adults have, they cry when they skin their knees ffs. Then of course there's the whole 'Sirius isn't a bottom' thing...it's the one constant in the trolls' reviews. I have spoken to gay men, I have researched it, I have watched porn and I have had plenty of personal experience in the bedroom myself, as far as I am concerned Gay couples don't always have set roles. Being human beings they don't fit into typical yaoi stereotypes, REAL gay couples can be versitile too if they wish. Then you have the whole Sub/Dom relationships, I definitely have experience in mild BDSM and the Sub has ALL the power. People seem to assume that the Dom does but that's not true, the Sub is the one who can make the Dom have a good or bad time. I mean think about it, if they just lay there and did nothing the Dom the would also not enjoy himself, then you have the whole 'Safeword' thing, the Sub says 'Stop' and the game stops. It's the same in Bottom/Top relationships, the bottom can just lie there like a wet fish and the top will be left doing all the work and probably feeling really terrible about himself and his performence, so, I will stand by my convictions that it doesn't MATTER who is top and who is bottom. In my personal view Sirius makes a rather excellent Bottom because I reckon he'd be able to seduce the pants off of anyone, I see him as someone who breaks all the rules, he is the dominant one even though he is the bottom as he would be able to dictate to his top what feels good and what doesn't...if you get me? I have always seen him as a bit of a playboy, finding seduction as easy as breathing, and what is more of a power trip than knowing you can make people chase you? I find the stereotypes to be almost sexist because it makes me wonder what these silly little children think about women...Women have no choice BUT to 'bottom' so to speak. Women don't have cocks, and yes, there's strap on's etc but i'm talking about normal, everyday sex. And yet you get some very Dominant women, even without toys...no one ever thinks about that do they?

Honestly I have no idea what is wrong with me at the moment, it's not just bad reviews because to be honest I expect haters in any creative field but I am really struggling with self confidence and having my stories spammed and hated on to the point where I have to actually delete the story and repost it is just wearing on me. I love creating, I believed it was what I was born to do, whether it is stories or art (I'm an artist too). Hell, it's the ONLY thing I'm good at. I suppose that if I wasn't feeling so emotionally vulnerable at the moment I'd just brush it off, but my dad walked out on my mother recently and I am the only one who is with her twenty four seven, she also has heart trouble and so I'm looking after her. The reviews are just a tipping point I suppose. I do write a LOT of angst but writing has always served as a form of stress relief, I literally pour my emotions into my stories and in some ways this could make me more vulnerable. I don't know, perhaps it's just a temporary thing, I might just be going through a phase and will return to writing when I'm feeling stronger...who knows?

Ok, so, thanks to the help of many abusive reviews and people saying that my writing is boring I have decided to give up writing. Sounds overly dramatic doesn't it? Well, ordinarily a bunch of disgusting, childish trolls wouldn't bother me but the abuse has been nearly constant and that, on top of numerous other personal issues, has made me reconsider my abilities. I thought I had talent, I have, in fact, written an original fantasy story that I was going to get published after much needed editing but now I am even reconsidering that. I suffer from Dyslexia, I wrote fanfiction with the intent to improve my writing abilities on the advice of a well-known, published author who told me; 'Never stop writing'...except now I just can't do it anymore. I read a lot of fanfic and there are is some wonderful work out there, work that I can never even hope to compare to. I put a lot of my heart and soul into my writing, I even got over 100 reviews telling me that I made them cry. I draw heavily on personal experience to give the story depth and dimension but aparently that's not what people want, people seem to want one dimensional characters who have little to no emotion, characters who are unrealistic and OOC. Because god forbid if a male character cries after his best mate is murdered! God forbid if they suffer emotional damage after being consistently abused! No one wants stories that stick close to the original books of my chosen fandom, I don't know WHAT they want but its not my stories. I have been told, not just by trolls, that my stories are all the same...well, I can't write humour. No one gets my sense of humour and I tend to get a load of blank looks from something that I find hilarious, so I tend to stick to angst. What is the point in continuing something that will, inevitably, end in disaster? I wanted to publish my own books. It's been my dream since I was a kid to have my own work in book-format, I used Fanfiction as a way to test the waters so to speak, to see how people reacted to my style...but aparently that's boring. Many times I have received concrit telling me that my 'style' is boring, well, my style has been developed over ten years of almost consistent writing so really I don't see how I can change that. I have stories ranging from third person to second! I have experimented with different ways to write, I even reduced one story to almost entirely speech. I am dyslexic so my grammar/spelling is not going to be up to scratch but even THAT has improved exponentially, and yes, I DO have a tendency to stick to simple sentence structures and words but what else can I do? I don't want to spend hours attempting to find the correct spelling for a long word that will only be in there to make me look intelligent. No, I won't do that. For years I suffered from horrendous confidence issues and for a while Fanfiction actually helped me, I found that with support I had the confidence to overcome a condition that would ultimately hold me back in Writing. Now I have come to the conclusion that I will never improve, if my very style is boring and my plots repetitive, how can I ever hope of publishing my own Original Fiction? I loved writing, but now I just can't do it anymore! It's driving me nuts going over everything I have written like some kind of OCD turtle and evaluating my own talent...or lack thereof. So there we have it, Kimmimaru is bowing gracefully(Or not, depending on your outlook) out of writing...for good? Who knows. I refuse to put up with consistent abuse telling me what a terrible author I am, ok, I get it. I'm a bad writer. I hope to god that no one else ever has to feel like this, giving up on dreams is agony. Fanfiction was never a game for me, it's not even really a hobby, it was a means to an end. But now Dyslexia has conquered and this bad author is going to stick to reading, because no one can go wrong with that...oh wait! I can because I even read shit backwards. (Update: 11/01/13 or, if you're American: 01/11/13...I think that's how it goes...) JUST AN FYI: I wrote this in the heat of the moment, I have decided, after extracting all my frustrations and taking them out in this rant that I will not give up. I apologise for any confusion but I like to rant about things, it gives me an objective stand point when i re-read my feelings...like punching a punch bag I suppose. I needed to vent to people who understood the situation, having probably been there themselves. Also, I have some personal issues IRL at the moment which do not help my state of mind, but slowly I am sorting through them and will come out stronger for it. Thanks for the support and advice, it's always much appreciated.

Thank you very much, I appreciate that. I just wanted people to be made aware of the names being used in case they were to appear with those names.

Recently I have been literally stalked across the internet by a Troll who insists upon flaming every single one of my Remus/Sirius stories, it began back on FF.net and I ignored it, unfortunately it reached the point where I was unable to delete the comments and subsequently ended up deleting the whole story simply to get rid of the offensive, threatening reviews. I was sent stuff like: 'You suck go die' all because this person does not like the way I write. Now it seems they have followed me here, unfortunately the reviews are Anonymous and I have no idea how to go about finding them or even if there is a way to prevent such things from happening. I'm posting here just to see if anyone else is having this problem, I am almost certain it is the same person/people using many different accounts. These are the offending accounts that I have blocked on FF.Net, just to warn you: Little-pixie-19 2286642 11/21/2012 remove silvermistoo 2295572 11/21/2012 remove starsdust10 3497890 11/21/2012 remove sunshinelovebrian 4139978 11/21/2012 The types of reviews I have been getting HERE are: fuck off 2012-12-28 id # 3001396532 this is still the worst piece of shit in this fandom and you are still the worst writer in fandom so go die and don't spam this fandom with your shit you dumb slut! ani 2012-12-28 id # 3001396533 you stupid cunt shove this horrible abomination and your unmanly nelly bitch Sirius up you gross ugly ass because you suck!!! Neither of these are constructive criticism, I am so, so BORED of receiving this kind of hatred. I know there MUST be people out there who read and enjoy my stories, but many will be put off of reading if they read the review section first. There will also be some people who are upset by this kind of horrid abuse, people who would otherwise be very talented authors (I myself used to have serious confidence issues with my writing, in fact it was Fanfiction that returned that confidence.) Here's the story URL for reference, I will not remove them so people can see for themselves what kind of vile things they are saying: http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/review.php?set=read&no=600096830 Anyways, hope this helps some people, and if you DO happen to suffer this kind of relentless abuse, I assure you you're not alone.

I'm glad I got to unburden myself, lol. Feeling much better. I don't visibly get riled up, in fact I ensure I stay super passive agressive...admittedly I think it may be partly my fault for attempting to dissuade the troll by PM'ing them...I was really calm, I kept my head but I was really patronising and condescending, I told her that she's obviously far too young to be reading my stories and she obviously has some issues she needs to work through... :/ I'm probably paying for that, lol. I was good though, I didn't swear or rant or do anything much except send smilies and hugs...like the hippy i am. Ah well, I'm sure she will get bored and if worse comes to worse I can just re-upload the story then all the nasty comments are gone.

Lol, thanks. Glad someone else agrees. I also can't see Remus topping Greyback, I mean seriously he's a Psychopathic monster, and I couldn't ever see them in any kind of relationship other than a forced one. But I write Sirius/Remus with Sirius bottoming, I DO sometimes let them switch if it's a multi-chap fic but for some reason I prefer writing Sirius as a bottom to be perfectly honest, dunno why but like I said I go through phases. I'm just bored of getting my stories spammed because now no one's reviewing them on FF.Net. Which is irritating as I need the Constructive crit to develop as a writer...ah well, I will see what happens and if they continue to spam my story I will take it down and re-upload it again just to get rid of the annoying reviews.

To me constructive crit is where someone makes suggestions where you could possibly improve your writing, I accept this. It helps people grow and it is usually done in a friendly manner. Then you have people actually telling the author that they should die, their characters are 'shit' without giving a decent reason. I have to say I prefer posting here because there is a lack of trolls, if people don't like a story they tend to just move on rather than spamming the reviews section, which is good. An example of the kinds of hate I have been receiving from this troll is: 'You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!You suck go die!' Repeated about 100 times. To me, this is not constructive and yet I am unable to delete these comments...So there's now twenty comments about how 'shit' my story is, without giving me any decent crit.

Yet another rant about Bottoms and tops in Slash fiction, this time fandom specific. Ok, so I'm casually writing away and posting chapters of my fics on FF.net as you do (Because I cheat on Aff...I'm so sorry...I...I just can't help myself!) And I get someone actually threatening to KILL me because I dare to write Slash with Remus as Top...I am actually getting a little sick of it tbh but I enjoy writing that way, I mean, I do sometimes allow them to swap roles occasionally but for now my thing is Remus Top...that will change at some point i'm sure, I go through phases. Anyways, I am sick and tired of it because there is no way to actually get rid of the spam they post in the review sections so people will read the reviews and see all these bad reviews made by the same person but with different accounts. I know I am ranting about it in the wrong place but I need to get this off my chest...*Sigh* So, now those stories have nothing but horrible, violent and non-constructive reviews because no one else is actually reading them anymore. Or perhaps I am genuinely a crappy writer...I don't like to think that though...

The Marauders I think are a special case because you get enough of their personalities to have a certain amount of Canon-ish-ness (yeah, I made up that word, lol.) but you can still have a certain amount of play room. I admit to being ignorant of Gundam Wing, although I do know Bleach...i mean, who doesn't? I can't say I have read any Bleach Fanfics or Naruto, god knows why, I suppose I'm currently obsessing over Harry Potter. I have only a couple of AU's that i've written but I do prefer to write around Canon, or as much as I can considering I write Slash. I am in the process of writing a Harry/Draco fic but I am currently struggling with it as I am trying to keep it Canon-esque while in some ways making it AU (It's set when Harry is Thirty and ignores the Canon Epilogue). It's a challenge and I keep getting stuck because to me there isn't much wiggle room (to steal Cuzosu's words) around Draco/Harry. Whereas my Black Dog AU is a lot easier to work with as once again the Marauders aren't quite as well known as HP. So I suppose it all depends upon how you work with the Characters and how well you know them. I once again state that I despise OOC-ness. It's a real turn off. I have read a few Harry/Severus fics where they turn Sev into a soppy git and it bugs me, it's so wrong it may as well be an OC. :/

Plus the whole world-building thing, since I like to take bits of canon and mix them into the AU plot line.... In one way I guess you could say that doing so is cheating, or makes it easier, but the thing about mixing canon details into an AU story is that first you have to know how much is too much, how much should be discarded. And then you have to figure out how to fit it all together into one story. Complicated and time consuming, but ultimately worth it. In relation to the above I have managed (Somehow) to write a long multichap fic surrounding the pairing of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black in Harry Potter, the storyline is basically canon however, rather than writing it from Harry's Pov -which I couldn't do anyway as it begins in the Marauders fifth year- I have written it from both Remus' and Sirius' pov. It was so, so much fun to twist canon around what is more than likely an AU-type pairing. I managed to write in a LOT of information that is absent (and probably never existed) from the books, I put in every single little hint from Rowling of what the Marauder's got up to and wrote it from their fifth year right up until Remus' canon death. It is horribly tragic and really depressing (and probably has atrocious spelling/grammar but I cannot help that being Dyslexic.) but I certainly had fun playing with it and those who read it gave it some good reviews...it was just annoying posting it from FFnet to Aff as I had to sew it all together with bits and pieces taken straight from JK Rowlings brilliant mind and had to cite it all properly rather than just say 'This chapter contains bits taken and adapted straight from the books' as I normally do, lol. So yes, I do enjoy twisting and skewing canon, in most cases i have to to make the pairings i write fit.

Hi there, I apologise I am currently working on a challenge already at the moment along with several other projects at the same time. If I have time I will give it a go but I'm wary of working with other people's OC's as they tend to have a picture in their mind about them that I may mess up (not deliberately!). I will have to see how things go, also I DO tend to lean more towards slash as for me it's more of a challenge to write...But like I said I will see what happens. Thank you for the suggestion though and for taking an interest.

Glad you enjoyed it, I will be updating as soon as possible but I have been away for the past couple of days in London so I haven't been near a computer. Hopefully will get back into the flow of things soon.

OK! Just got the first chapter of the fic done, here's the link: http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600096714 I am waiting in nervous anticipation...*Wrings hands* I hope you enjoy! I will try to cover as much as I could, and it WILL get darker but this is the prologue chapter so it is just an intro. Smut will soon follow! (Why did I choose Sirius? Because he's my character of choice at the mo. lol.)

Will try and get onto it asap!

I personally only have written two AU stories, my particular fandom being Harry Potter. However I suppose I do cheat in the fact that I use the Marauders, because there is a LOT of room to play around with those particular characters and it is a lot easier to slip them into an Alternate Universe. I have done a Non-magic AU which I am enjoying writing so much, it's a lot of fun to turn them Muggle. It's also fun to turn magical creatures into humans. I have to say though I haven't read an AU fanfiction story, I just enjoy writing them. Also OOC characters annoy me mightily because then it becomes almost an Original story but with someone eles' characters names, in my opinoin if you want to do that then why not just write an original story? Fanfiction, in my mind, is all about keeping the characters as canon as possible...even in an AU setting. It is difficult though, even though I do try my hardest to keep the Marauders as close to canon as possible it's made even harder by the fact that they are such minor characters and their personalities are subject to personal interpretation.

I like the idea behind your Original story, it kind of reminds me of the Greeks and the Spartans where it was ok to have a homosexual relationship as long as you weren't the bottom...but then in Spartan society they never had penetratitive sex so that solved that issue, lol. I'm so glad I'm not the only person who has an issue with stereotyping, yes, I admit I have my preferences for example I prefer to write my Sirius on bottom but I do hint that he is not solely a bottom It's simply how I prefer to write him especially when he's paired with James Potter...but then in that pairing I take into account (if you know Harry Potter) their Animagus forms or totum animals. James, being a stag, would be the apitome of male virility and pride, therefore I cannot write him as a very good bottom (although I have done in the past...but when I wrote it was just...awkward! lol). Sirius, being the dog, would be loyalty to the point of self-deprivation and that seems to me that he would be willing to go to any lengths to please his friends...(It makes for a fun D/s story!). But generally I do attempt to be a bit fairer with my characteriszation and it really gets to me when I get childish, pointless reveiws telling me my story is rubbish simply because I use Sirius as a bottom. So, now I will have to say that my version of Sirius Black will remain a bottom, if only simply to annoy those who don't like it. (Call me childish but I can't help myself! lol) And because Sirius bottom stories are so few and far between...

I do that, especially if my character is Bi, I tend to make them against bottoming as they themselves don't see it as 'manly'...even if they don't mind having sex with another bloke.

Now, I have been given a really hard time on my stories (Not on AFF, you're all nice (so far...lol)! ) I write Harry Potter Slash mainly centering around the Marauders, and mainly focussing on Sirius Black (with any partner)...people seem to have it in their heads that a gay couple have set roles such as 'bottom' and 'top' I like to mix it up and because of this I have had some rather hilariously useless attempts to make me stop writing. I know I am a reletively good writer, hell, I do it all the time whether Fanfic or Original stories. I am a little bored of trolls using the feedback sections to abuse me because my Sirius Black is 'unmanly' because he bottoms...now any ADULT could tell you that in real relationships the partners can switch back and forth if they so wish...so why is it so terrible that I follow this in my fics? What is it about people's obsession with a certain character being stuck in a definate role? It's not realistic, it's boring as hell and it's actually borderline offensive! Some people have some messed up naieve delusions and It confuses me completely...if anyone reading this can clarify why these trolls (and I use this term lightly...as at least real trolls make me laugh and don't bore me stupid!) continue to plague my internet footsteps I would be grateful. Also, is there an issue with having a male character show emotion in fanfiction or something? People have told me my stories are...erm... 'shit' before (lol, original!) and I cannot understand why they seem so offended if a character is showing emotion! People are so weird! Would love to hear other opinoins on this if possible, I hope I'm not the only one who thinks this way! lol.