Hyperminimalism

I'm in need of some critique from a beta/crit partner who is willing to go over the last two chapters of my story. Everything else has been read and edited, although I do--in the future--hope to find someone who is willing to beta the entire thing. For now, I think that the last two chapters will be sufficient as I have not had a chance to go over them with critique from a second pair of eyes. I am looking for things like sentence structure, flow, if anything needs to be omitted/added, rewritten, grammar, punctuation, stuff like that. In this particular section, there are no slash scenes, but there is a meeting between my MC and the character he slept with in the last chapter. I'd also be curious to hear if their interaction is believable or if it makes sense. At this point, it is 8,373 words long, so not a huge chunk. Please message me if you're interested. I can be contacted by PM or the other contact information on my profile.

Here's the scoop. I've been working on a story for around four years now, and have struggled greatly with finishing it. For a little over a year, I've been struggling with a nasty spell of writer's block I have around nineteen chapters at this point, all of which have been edited at least 4-5 times by several different people as well as myself, so it shouldn't be too bad to look at. However, I am stuck (and have been stuck) on how to complete the story. I would think there's about one or two more chapters left--three at most, though I don't want to put a number on it. I don't see it going any further than that. What I am looking for is someone to help kickstart my muse, by some miracle, as he has hitched a ride out of my brain and disappeared somewhere far, far away. I'm not quite sure how this would work out, but I guess we can talk more about that if anyone is interested. A little background on the story: It is essentially both a psychological piece and crime-drama. Detective Elliott Reese works for the narcotics unit. Although a passionate and caring detective, Elliott is dealing with family issues as well. His partner isn't exactly easy to work with, and turns out to create even more problems at work, which helps to shove him off the edge. He turns to the one person--an informant they were working with--to confide in, and eventually allows himself to give into the urge to just let everything go. It's a lengthy story, but it's not uploaded anywhere at this point. I can upload it to Google Docs, however, if that will work and someone is interested in seeing a sample of my writing.

Of course I understand that; however, I do post my original stories on sites that are primarily for original fiction. And what's funny is that I got WAY more reviews for my original fiction here, on AdultFanFiction, than I ever did on FictionPress or some other place like that.

Do you think it's okay for the author to request concrit specifically? Or do you think encouraging readers to explain that that is what the want and what they are looking for might not make much of a difference? If the author says it's okay and explains that is what they are looking for, would it give them the permission they needed to take that step or is it something else?

Rogue, I actually did have a story up I was posting regularly on in the last 3 years, but I took it down because I was frustrated with it and I'm going on hiatus. I figured it would be better to just take it down for my sake, so yes, I was posting on a new story. And within those three years, I got little feedback, which is a long enough time--I think--to garner some reviews.

I guess one of the main reasons I don't get many reviews is because I don't write in a fandom with a dedicated fan base. I write original stories, which makes me wonder if people actually want to go through the trouble of trying out a new world with new characters that they have no knowledge of. Of course, in an anime, a video game, or a television show, they're stepping into a world that is familiar to them, and they don't have to venture outside their comfort zone. So really a lot of the replies here don't apply to me. I am guessing the reason reviews are lacking in my case are: 1) I really, really am not that good of a writer; 2) My stories are boring and cannot hold the readers attention; 3) The readers are too lazy to review; 4) Any combination of the previous three.

I made a video game forum a while ago that essentially died off due to inactivity and my inability to continue trying to keep it alive. But I have recreated it in hopes that it'll work again this time, so... If you like video games of all kinds: consoles, pc, role playing, come check it out at least! It's not just a forum for video gaming, however. I have added categories for a general chat sort of "hang out", serious discussions, and also a place to share your artistic skills! It is called The Sandbox, and it can be found here: http://the-sandbox.boards.net/

Deleting things like spam unrelated to the story makes sense, but for me, even if it is a flame, I couldn't care less. I don't get troll reviews, though, so it's not something I have to deal with...ever, lol. Back when I wrote fan fiction, it was a more prevalent occurrence, but I am no longer writing in any fandom and haven't been for some time now. At times, however, if I'm being honest, I'd rather get flames than nothing because at least then I've got someone taking the time and effort to talk to me, regardless of whether it is helpful or not. That's sad, isn't it?

I consider myself to be this type of writer. I write for me, but I post my stories to share with communities such as this one. One of the main reasons I post is to get feedback on my stories. I do enjoy hearing what I can improve upon because it makes me a better writer. It also helps to hear what you're doing well so you can continue doing that, if not improve upon it. But in the last five years or so, maybe even longer, reviews have become a thing of the past. I feel incredibly lucky and excited when I open that email labeled: "You have a new review for..." At this point, I'll take just about anything; however, I will not delete any reviews. It's a practice I have never understood if one is sharing their stories. I will never beg for reviews either, although they really do lend a hand in helping to motivate me. Then again, they are not the reason I would hold a story hostage, and they never will be. It defeats the purpose of sharing and hoping to garner concrit. In turn, I've always made an effort to review everything I read, even if it's to mention that a comma has been used improperly, but the dialogue is really fun and true-to-life (or something of the sort). I guess reviewing is just a dead practice now-a-days.

This story has been put on an indefinite hiatus and has been deleted.

I read this and laughed. As a writer, this is my formula. No, not the 'get-straight-to-the-sex' part, but the focusing on plot and characterization as opposed to rushing into the good stuff, which in my opinion is typically overrated. It's a bonus, but not the goal I am striving for. And I have to admit that it irks me when folks pass up a story simply because it's not riddled with grammar and spelling errors, missing punctuation or the use of too many. Or lacking that immediate gratification with the use of fluff, cuteness, straight-up sex. But who am I to tell those people what they should or shouldn't like? *shrug* In any case, I don't think I can add much to the definition of what 'good writing' is. Everything BronxWench wrote is what I feel good writing should be. Aside from the technical stuff, it becomes very a individual matter, straight down to the genre, setting, time period, sexual orientation, so on and so forth. Good writing is much too detailed to fit into a general description, but you're always going to have a critic or two. Not everyone is going to like what you write, and as long as you have a firm grasp on how to properly use the English language (or whatever language you're writing in), what you like to write is not necessarily going to be the issue.

Right now I am in the midst of coming up with ideas for a new story. I have one that I am creating characters for, but I am not working heavily on the plot as of yet. I do, however, have an idea of what I want the plot to be about, and it involves a genre I haven't written in yet. It will be centered around the genre of science fiction, so if you have any experience or interest in that avenue, your help would be greatly appreciated. I am not looking for a beta/editor so much as I need someone to help me toss around ideas, as well as tell me what you think about the ideas I have already, to help me carve a clearer path for what I want to do. What I am considering writing is going to be an original piece of fiction. I already have a handful of characters I am creating, but they need a lot of development. This story will most likely be more humorous/amusing. Not necessarily a "comedy", as those are incredibly difficult to tackle, so let's just say a crime/action-adventure. This is very much up in the air to be changed, so it's not set in stone. I will say now that I am a writer who prefers to take time developing plot and characters as opposed to jumping straight into romantic or sexual issues. There will most likely be M/M (primarily), but also (M/F), bisexuality, homosexuality, heterosexuality. If you are comfortable discussing this, then your help would be appreciated! It's more of a light-hearted idea for a story, so no heavy aspects like rape or anything like that. I hope to find someone who is open-minded, willing to listen, and willing to give me an opinion. There isn't much else i can think of at the moment, but we can talk more about anything if you have any questions or concerns. If you are interested in becoming my beta/muse, I can be contacted in a couple different ways: Responding to this thread Through PM on the forum Email: mwat_@hotmail.com AIM: knifecrew While I do have other messengers, I am primarily on AIM. Please let me know by responding to this thread or any other means of contact if you prefer a different messenger. I am more than happy to use what's best for you!

Anise: It's still a little difficult to me to pinpoint how I want my characters to react to one another as I have not fully 'developed' them, if you will. While I have a pretty good grasp on who they are, that is the fun in brainstorming, writing and rewriting (which I do A LOT). You never know what you'll come up with. Especially when you've got people to talk to to bounce around ideas with. Fortunately, I've had this in the past, but it has not been a constant. There are still a lot of things about Michel and Elliott that I am not sure of, such as how their relationship will progress after what happens next. I know what they are both feeling and I know what they want and don't want at this point in time, but there are still some uncertainties. As for Glenn, well, I didn't like him being so one-dimensional in terms of the "bad guy". I felt like he needed to be something more than just, "jealous-partner-with-the-upper-hand-" / "good-cop-bad-cop". Glenn is a person, and while he has anger issues and some things he needs to work on, he does have feelings and he is capable of expressing them. In fact, most of the anger he's been expressing has formed out of fear. For instance, when the article spread around and when Cole and Elliott went head-to-head, Glenn did not expect that. He hesitated, actually tried to convince them that it wasn't a big deal and they needed to calm down, but that obviously didn't work. I don't know if you noticed that, but it was just one snippet of his emotions. And, of course, this new development with the security footage. He really doesn't care what Elliott does, but that means on his personal time and as long as he doesn't make a big deal out of it or bring any attention to what he's doing. Glenn is looking out for his own ass and no one else's. There is going to be another turning of a new leave in the next chapter. Glenn will show a side of himself that he hasn't showed before, and for good reason. I wanted to bring Michel and Elliott's relationship back to how it started instead of leaving it how it had ended up. That's not to say it's no longer to the next level, but it has certainly matured to something past the point of just sex. Yes, they've had sex, but there is more to it. Much more. It started out as a soft place for Elliott to fall on, and it will always be that way. Despite coming from two different worlds and living opposite of one another, they have met a common ground and realized they are more similar than they think, than how society construes them. It's funny that Glenn--of all people--simply does not care about what's going on between them. Elliott is smart and thorough. he could have simply met up with Michel at another location, but he didn't. There was a point in his life where he decided that he didn't care enough to take those precautions. He was at the end of his rope, thinking that even if he did get caught, it would've happened sooner or later and he'd be out of a job anyway. So Glenn's finding out about it didn't necessarily surprise Elliott. He knew exactly what Glenn had come to talk to him about early on in the brief confrontation. I think I like the way everyone's relationships and characters are heading, but the plot does need to come to a head, and it will. Definitely look forward to the action as that it was is planned next. FortunateM: I have to admit, the kiss thing was hard for me to decide on. Elliott is a much more passionate person when it comes to sex. He doesn't just have sex. There are feelings behind it, although at first--for him--and at this time in his life, the first time had been just sex. When he came to his senses, and when they had sex again, Elliott felt a little more romantically involved; not necessarily to the point where love had blossomed, but the respect, the understanding and the mutual attraction played a bigger part. Michel, on the other hand, can be romantic and passionate, but this was more of a 'just sex' situation for him. He likes Elliott, he respects him and he always has felt that way. I would say Michel feels a bit more concerned with how this man, this detective, is going about trying to act like nothing is wrong when he knows and has seen first hand that Elliott is torn up inside. There is genuine worry that exists, and he has no qualms helping out in other ways, although at first it was a little awkward. Michel just felt like being a bit reckless because he too had been going through some serious issues. He's afraid of what Frank will do to him if he is discovered, so he has to trust Elliott and Glenn will look out for him. And while he doesn't trust Glenn any further than he could throw him, he really does trust Elliott because he's seen that they're not so different. So it's a little complicated when it comes to their relationship, and it's not over yet by any means. There will be changes with Glenn, Michel and Elliott and I look forward to sharing the next chapter with you.

Chapter Nineteen - CONTAINS SPOILERS Lisa: You would think Elliott would be scared, but at this point, he sure as hell doesn't give much of a damn at this point, mainly because he is so far past having crossed the line with Michel that there isn't any going back. Regardless of what he was doing in the motel room--which they don't have any evidence of--he can still get in quite a bit of trouble. As for Glenn, well, he doesn't trust him despite their being partners. Of course Elliott doesn't trust him, but Elliott has seen a bit of a change in Glenn. While Glenn presents himself in the same manner, there is a different way in which Glenn follows through. Glenn is being truthful with him this time and Elliott can see that. The way I was going with it was a bit of character development on Glenn's part. Yes, he's been an asshole and yes he's been truly heinous to Elliott. He's secretly "tattled" on him by asking Cole to do his dirty work, thus spreading Elliott's secret. He's just been a downright prick. But he wasn't expecting the kind of backlash that followed. And not just the way people reacted toward him when they found out, but the sickness and death of his father, etc. Glenn is--in a way--maturing--to the point where he realizes Elliott is on the brink of completely losing it. He's been there for a little while and if Glenn pushes, who knows what'll happen. In a way, he was being honest when he said he didn't care about what Elliott did with Michel. He doesn't care. What he cares about is following through with the case and not creating anymore bumps along the way. As long as Elliott is able to control himself and keep a handle on things, Glenn couldn't care less. Glenn knows he's not perfect either. He's not been the perfect image of a detective/cop and he knows Elliott is aware of that. Part of him thinks that, with the way sometimes Elliott snaps at him, that Elliott might turn on him (Elliott has ammo against him, too). Part of it is out of fear. Most of it is out of apathy. But he is "growing" in some ways. He realizes he needs to pick and choose his battles, and perhaps Glenn DOES have some hidden feelings in that blackened heart of his. He's not entirely a dick, but for the most part--yes, he is. He's just not so dickish that he would do the same thing and torture Elliott by bringing this to the higher up's attention. As for who is watching the footage, Elliott, Glenn and Maria tend to watch most of it unless it needs to be reviewed by a higher authority like Fenwick. For instance, any kind of footage they can use in a case against Frank and whoever else they end up arresting. This is probably why Elliott didn't bother so much to hide the fact that he was visiting Michel because he knows Maria probably wouldn't tell if she knew. He just so far past giving a rat's ass at this point.