lennoxmacduffes

Review responses for "Disclossure & Interloper" [Gravity Falls]

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Hello. This thread is for the responses to the reviews of “Disclosure & Interloper”

 

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toonguy

Enjyoing the story so far. I REALLY hope you include anal in a future chapter if that's ok.

While I am not fully interested in anal, it does not appall me either and I find it funny in some situations, so I’ll certainly include it in the future. I was thinking it would be either Pacifica just due to how strongly against it she was, or Mabel because of how expensive contraceptives can be, and I always pictured the twins not very wealthy.

 

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Fairy-Slayer 

It was terrific to see Wendy get in on the action, especially with Pacifica getting to call the shots because of Wendy's mistake. Along with the sexy action, I love the way you revealed the little blonde's ulterior motive... and how it backfired on her a bit as she tried to "take it all" (figuratively).

Unfortunately though, I felt that Dipper went somewhat out-of-character when she went too far and that kind of killed the mood for me (as well as it should have for all of them, IMO); Wendy's plan didn't seem natural to me, as it was kind of cruel towards Dipper in its own way; and while it worked out fine in the end, that stretch felt awkward. Maybe if there had been a way for Pacifica to show her contrition (even if she refuses to apologize) probably would have let me feel better about the end.

Still, I'm happy that they all got to spend some sexy time together, especially after Wendy's little confession and how it affected Pacifica so nicely. More so, I still love the way you are focusing on Pacifica's needs, fears, defense mechanisms, etc. as a main driver of the story. Anyway, good to know that there are more play-dates in store. Thanks for more fun with the cute couple and friends.

I imagine that, despite her young age, Pacifica’s parents are already educating her to be a shark in the business world, and to take advantage of every situation that she can, so she reacted almost instinctively to the opportunity presented to her. Wendy simply had no chance. This will be even funnier after something about the broken vase is revealed in the next chapter when Dipper has a second of privacy with Pacifica.

I’m really sorry a scene ruined the mood for you; that is the opposite of what I try to achieve when writing the scenes. If it’s the scene where Pacifica forbids Dipper from having sex with Wendy and Dipper gets furious, I had planned that to be the spot where part 2 ended and part 3 started, but ultimately I put everything in a single part, so that scene and the one after that indeed wrecks the pacing because up until that part everything is meant to be one sex scene, and after that part, another separate sex scene. I feel, however, that Dipper reacted in-character because Pacifica had been pushing him more and more throughout the day, and he was bound to snap at some point.

I like focusing on Pacifica’s behavior because I feel she changed a lot through the series, and I like giving depth to that. I imagined that she grew up in a cold and superficial environment, and she enjoyed that because she was at the top of the food chain. She was the queen. However, when Dipper arrived, she discovered someone disinterestedly caring and affective for the first time, and much to her surprise, she actually liked that. This was a problem for her because nobody in her social circle could provide her with that newly discovered interest; her parents were cold and wanted only achievements out of her, and her friends were all bullies like her. Pacifica was so young and impressionable, that Dipper suddenly became like a superhero to her, and he climbed to the top of her priority list. For this reason, she wanted to keep him at any cost, and she was very insecure about anything he paid more attention to than her.

As for the future of the fic, I have two ideas after Interloper is wrapped: one about adding Mabel to the mix, and one about some serious exhibitionism with maybe cross-dressing for Dipper to play with the whole thing of Mabel and Dipper being twins, because I feel it is less suspicious to see two girls entering a changing room than a boy and a girl. The issue that I’m having now, however, is that I have too much material to wrap Interloper in one more part, and too little to make two, so I guess I’ll have to do another extra long one or discard scenes.

 

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Frank

Frankly I was looking forward more to this being about Pacifica and Dipper that Wendy or other girls. I just really prefer Pacifica better, both in design and personality, over the other female characters of GF. Well, I like Mabel too, but this story is a little more grounded on logic rather that your usual smut where characters just go at it for no rhyme or reason. So I wouldn't see a reason for Dipper to suddlenly want to be interesed in his sister like that when this isn't that sort of smut. But even so, I still would prefer Pacifica over Mabel, but anyhow, it's your story so I can't tell you how to go about it. But, I do really enjoy this regardless so, thanks for putting such hard work into writing all of this for our enjoyement. Looking forward to next chapter!

 

I like the Dipper/Pacifica pairing the most, mainly because I have a very easy time coming up with scenarios for them, but I already had 105k words of that between the “There is a First Time for Everything” and the “A Camping Trip with Mabel” stories, so I wanted to try something different. I wanted to write something about Wendy and explore that size and age difference she has with Dipper, but without leaving Pacifica out, so I made the short story of “Disclosure” where they are in their original ages (unlike in the other two stories mentioned) to act as a setting for “Interloper”. Therefore, the story was never meant to be a Dipper/Pacifica exclusive story, but more of a Dipper/Other-girls where Pacifica gets a say.

As for Dipper being suddenly interested in Mabel, I plan to add Mabel, but it can’t be possible with that approach. In the way I see regular behavior, people tend to their needs before they tend to their desires. Someone that is hungry will make a priority to get food, but once the hunger is satiated, getting food stops being a priority unless a desire such a gluttony makes it so. In this instance, Dipper’s sexual urges are being kept in check by both Wendy and Pacifica, who drain his testosterone regularly, so it would never cross his mind that he could add a third girl into that routine, let alone Mabel. Furthermore, it would probably scare him rather than appeal to him the idea of having a third girl competing for milking his seed on a regular basis. So Mabel will join, but the idea will not come from Dipper; it will come from Mabel. I’m not 100% decided on this because I only have a rough draft of that arc, but I was thinking something along the lines of Mabel getting seriously jealous of Dipper getting to punch his v-card before she did, even though she had been trying really hard that summer and Dipper hadn’t really, so she wants to solve that situation by joining them.

 

Edited by lennoxmacduffes
Bah, forgot to add text alignment.

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Maybe Dipper's immediate reaction at that point would have been a good place to close and then give the situation "time to breathe" in the next chapter. Regardless, I love what you were doing with Pacifica being mean after her plan – which was supposed to allay her insecurities – backfired so massively (at least from her way of looking at things). Perhaps after reading so many fanfics where Dipper gets abused it just felt a bit dickish for Wendy to gang up with Pacifica – the person who did the bad thing – to mess with Dipper even while he was in such a fragile state.

At that point even my twelve-year-old self would have flipped them both the bird, grabbed my clothes, and left.

Though my ill health etc. has been making me pretty cranky lately too; so take my criticism of style with a big honkin' grain of salt. Also, I know that you had a decent beta reader or two look at it first, and judging by their input and other responses, it's pretty clear that I'm the outlier.

Whichever direction you explore next, I look forward to seeing where you take it from here. (…though cross-Dipper sneaking into ladies rooms with Mabel sounds adorably sexy.) Thanks again for all your hard work (and patience with my mood :) ).

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5 hours ago, FairySlayer said:

Though my ill health etc. has been making me pretty cranky lately too; so take my criticism of style with a big honkin' grain of salt.

Don't worry, I didn't take the review badly. The biggest issue I had with it, was that by “she went too far” I wasn't sure if you meant Wendy or Pacifica, as Wendy also made the impregnation joke that got Dipper a neck-breaking slap, but I guessed it had to be Pacifica.

I enjoy all reviews I can use for improvement, whether they are regular, extensive, or even flame reviews. For me, the worst kind of reviews are those along the lines of “good chapter, can't wait for the next one”, because I can't learn anything from them to apply to future chapters. And even in this case, it's not like I dislike them, but I always prefer reviews to be specific so that I can put more of what they particularly liked, or less of what they disliked if I agree, on the next chapters.

I do indeed have 2 beta readers, something I'm not sure how it leaked out because I always only mention 1, and this is because I consider it 1.5 since one of them only solves my grammar doubts and doesn't actually get to read more than a couple of separate sentences of the story. The other one reads the whole story, although in short 2-4k words parts, and I find it as a fantastic motivation to write because, especially with these long stories, any part you can mark as “proofread” and forget about, helps greatly with writing the rest. I did promise him as compensation a scene where Pacifica forces Wendy to look like a lady instead of like a tomboy, so I have to see where I can fit that in the next chapter too.

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