KoKoa_B

KoKoa's Review Responses and Discussions- Original Works

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Hi, guys! Okay, so I don't get reviews that much and didn't make a thread for the original stories that I have... until now! Feel free to leave reviews here or in the stories; either is fine by me!

As of 2-21-16, I have two original stories: Me Being Me and A Chance Meeting. A Chance Meeting is an adopted work and I took on the tough assignment of trying to tidy it up a bit. Once I do, I will make a thread in the Slash department for it.

Added: Changes and Beyond the Milky Way. 

Added 10/20/17: Soundwaves

Added 11/9/17: Unconventional

Added 01/04/18: Maid For You

Added… 2019, ish: The Summoner’s Destiny

Added 05/24/20: Don’t Jump

Alright! Let's talk! :D

Edited by KoKoa_B
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This will not end well. I hope she finds happiness, but I sense heart ache on the horizon.

-Tahn, Me Being Me

You're perceptive! Then again, I was never good at foreshadowing!

Uh oh, I see a harem forming in the distance! LOL nice story, post 5 now! I have spoken! :)

-Magusfang, Me Being Me

-___- No. No harems in this... XD

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*peeks over the window sill*

Psst, I see you there.

Meh, don't make a new thread in slash, just keep adding to this one. They don't mind do they? CL keeps adding to hers, and some of hers had threesomes. Hmm, this should be asked of the Bronxie one.

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Yeah, you're right. I'll just add on to this one. Besides, I have plans on more original stuff... just got to get a grumpy Martian off my back...

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So, my question is, how on earth did that ring do that? Did a magical being curse/bless it just for her, or what? Is it gone into or are we just going with it? - Tahn, Changes

All of that will be answered in due time! This is a short story so you'll find out, soon!

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So I read all but the last chapter last night and then read this last one this morning. It's an interesting concept and I wonder if Jasmine will end up with the husband she seems to have loved in her first future.


CL - Changes



I won't put any spoilers here :P


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Aww, I like how she saved his dad. They are cute together, but that whole no marriage thing is prolley gonna bother her more in the future. How did Allen's life go? - Tahn, Changes

Because I forgot to mention it in the latest chapter, I'll go ahead and say it here. Allen's life improved; he heeded her words and didn't get into trouble with his unit like before. Which meant he got a promotion and will make an effort to turn the military into a career. :)

I do love Jazzy and Darren's relationship, except for the fact that he doesn't want to get married...

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First off, one complaint: It was too short, lol.  I enjoyed it and wanted more at the end, so, good job.  (You can't see it, but there is a thumbs up in front of my screen.)

I liked the start, what most people consider the mundane routine that permeates everyday life.  Then there's build up to the letter's reveal and the contents within.  I thought it was done quite well.  The husband/wife banter and the love between them showed their relationship quite well.

But, yes, interesting.  I will definitely be keeping an eye on it and find out where you take it. -tcr, Beyond the Milky Way

Welcome to the agonizing world that is my forgetfulness to update! :D I want to apologize for it being so short but trust me, there are more chapters! The plan was to post a chapter a day or every other day due to the shortness of them. But… yeeah… I’ll get on that…

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I have to warn you that this story isn’t going to be on the same level as any of your sci-fi fics so there’s that. As I stated in my review to your story, I don’t do true sci-fi. I’ll try to put as much detail as I’m capable of but you’ve been warned! :P My repertoire is romance, humor and smut lol 

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Chapter II:

I like the introduction of the next member of the cast. In such a short chapter, Bradley, to me, at least, comes across as perceptive, intelligent, and driven.  I wait to see whether those qualities come out further in your work or if there might be some darker side behind them.  On a minor note that is likely my stylistic approach, but a point all the same that I just wanted to note off, but I’ve only ever seen, for example, ‘Bradley Smith IV’, written as that, without the comma (like I said, perhaps just mine approach, so please, feel free to disregard it).

I did like the suspense aspect in the end.  What is Bradley going to find?  While the idea is of one thing, reading the summary definitely leaves it wide open for that assumption to be turned on its side and kicked in the jangles a few times.  Even while typing this, I’m eagerly waiting to move on to Chapter III.

All in all, good Chapter II.  

 

Chapter III:

So that was good.  Expanded on the list of characters and showed a tinge of apprehension in all of them, which I can only assume would be anyone’s reaction to it.  Indeed, it would be my reaction to everything that was said.  You learn a little more about Lizzie in comments that flow with the rest of the conversation.  (By the way, I did like the explanation of the MOS.  It didn’t feel like you had shoehorned them it and it was excellently done to give people who do not know that knowledge.)

I do have some concrit I'd be more than willing to share if you would like...  Or you can throw tomatoes.

(I think I have rambled on enough for now…)

All in all, another good chapter.  Well done characterization of the two previous and I look forward to seeing more of the rest of them as well.  I look forward to seeing what is about to happen to all of these individuals.  My apologies for a long review. – tcr, Beyond the Milky Way

 

*cracks knuckles* That’s a lengthy review! Let’s see if I can respond properly!

First and foremost, by all means: critique away! This story isn’t a final product nor am I a grammar and editing pro. I definitely need more pairs of eyes for everything that I write; you never know what you’ll catch that the writer has not. For example, the comma in Bradley’s whole name. That was definitely a mistake that slipped past me.

I would never throw tomatoes at anyone, even if they’re being trolls (not saying that you are; just saying that I’m nice about things...) :)

I love long reviews! I love reviews, period! The more, the merrier! So, never apologize for the length of any review you give me. I take all shapes and sizes! And I thank you for taking the time to do so! :D

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Chapter IV:

By now, good chapter at the start of the reviews is probably becoming white noise, but they are good chapters.  I like the description of Area 51 and the reasoning behind why it can’t be seen; I snickered at the slight jab at the Hollywood movies portrayal of it, too.  Your description of the tower was good, although I would have liked to have seen a little more involved (but that’s probably just my style of over-descriptiveness, so…).

The characters grow a little more with the addition of Keith and, I admit, I haven’t really been able to place him.  He comes across as a bit of a dick, I won’t lie, in some scenes, yet also well mannered and determined in others.  I do like the characterizations of the guys in this chapter, too.  They’re all ‘gentlemanly’ and stuff and Keith’s just ‘nope, stop it’.  I especially like Lindsay in this; perhaps it’s my own little style involved (...), but she sounds like she’s not someone to be trifled with now.

You have a good way of placing the exposition in.  It seems natural in the way it’s presented (in this case, through Keith, who has all the information it seems and is logical to assume).  As always, looking forward to the next chapter. – tcr, Beyond the Milky Way

 

The one problem that I have is with descriptions. I either force an info dump down your throat or give things out vaguely; there is no in between with me lol! That and I can never transfer what I see in my brain to a document. It’s very frustrating.

Oh, good; you got that little jab I threw in! There’s a reason for it; nothing hugely important but it’ll be touched on later.

I definitely need to describe Keith better. You will find out later why he’s the way he is. 

And yes, Lindsay had had enough by then and now you get to see her in true form. :D

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Hi, again.  Sorry I took so long to review this again (...RL sucks at times...And maybe me not reviewing is a good thing?  lol), but, V-IX work quite well and I’ll try to keep it short .

I like the description of Enuh and his introduction; it was well done and he’s not what I expected, though that’s a good thing.  The image you painted of the ship, too, is frigging awesome and, at least from my visualization, I’m in agreement with Malik at first ‘sight’.  Well done on the aliens within nine, too.  And the interactions were interesting and expanded the potential competitors.  (I do like your differences in cultures and, indeed, having Lindsay communicate the idea of marriage.  It’s a great scene.)

I’m not sure what to make of Bradley in Five, since he seems to be flirting with her.  I’m not sure if he’s just ignoring Lindsay’s ring or maybe she’s not wearing them?  I do like how she knows she’s not leaving with Keith’s rough sigh, too, that got a laugh.  Lol.  The opening section in six was nice and lends credence to the developing relationships between the group.  (Lindsay does like her sarcasm towards Keith, doesn’t she?  Not that I’m blaming her in there.)   The interaction of Malik and PAS in seven had me chuckling a few times and, though Naav’s only been around a few times, I want to see more; she seems like she’s going to be an interesting character.  The introduction of Ehsa was good, too, and followed with the established Qees comments from the previous chapter; Areiv’s was done well, too, little bit of a knight in shining armor (...Baron in gleaming robes?)  The ‘conversation’ between Areiv and Bradley was funny, too, and I look forward to seeing more of them; Bradley’s ego and Areiv’s refinement are a wonderful foil to each other with the possibility of repercussions because of it further down the line.

Overall: I’m really enjoying this.  Your characters are coming great, their interactions work well, and I’m enthused to learn more about each of them as it progresses.  I don’t think I need to comment on your descriptions any further than I have.  (Hmm, am I becoming too irritating now?  Lol.) – TCR, Beyond the Milky Way

 

*blinks at review* You certainly made up for your absence! :P I definitely know a thing or two about RL interfering with things so no worries there (I believe you’ve updated, yourself and I’ve yet to go back and read… >.>)

I wanted to touch on Bradley’s flirting with Lindsay, which is funny when I think about it. I put this story on another site and someone asked the same thing: does he not know she’s married? He does. I never looked at it as him ignoring her wedding bands, though. He’s trying to get her to open up more and not be so shy around him. Could he have done it in a less flirty way? He could… but it’s fun to see Lizzie become rosy! :D

Hahaha; “Baron in gleaming robes”! 

Call me vain but I like Areiv and Bradley’s “rivalry” as well!

I’m glad that you continue to enjoy the story! Anyone who leaves lengthy reviews to anything I write will never irritate me! 

 

 

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From MonaMina on November 09, 2017
 

Awww I'm glad she might be okay. I like this a lot. More please.❤️ (Unconventional)

 

Woo! Thanks! ^_^ 

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Unconventional:

From Tahn on November 10, 2017
 

I wonder what is in store for our new heroine?

 

Hopefully some good things! You know my characters have a mind of their own and this one’s a bit full of herself… 

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Soundwaves:

 

From Tahn on November 10, 2017
 

I wonder if she's kinda like a siren?

 

Hmm… that’s a good theory...

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Unconventional:

From Tahn on November 14, 2017
 

They are so cute!

 

I’m so glad you think that lol! She’s opening up little by little to Zay :) 

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“Maid for You”

From Tahn on January 04, 2018
 

Please Ma'am, may I have some more? *innocent face*

 

 

 

Lol! I’ll try to update every day!

Edited by KoKoa_B

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49 minutes ago, Tahn said:

You should remind me when you do these, cuz I am a malfunctioning human social thing.

lol as am I so we’re in trouble depending on each other for reminders :P 

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From Tahn on January 09, 2018
 

I kinda hope she becomes better friends with Tyler and starts to branch out a bit

Not a bad idea, honestly

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“Maid for You”:

From Tahn on January 14, 2018
 

You kill me with these short chapters. Need moar

 

I will admit that chapter was a bit on the short side but of course, there’s more to come! :D 

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“Maid for You”:

From Tahn on January 16, 2018
 

I like that you don't shy away from things that make normal people uncomfortable, like mental illness or brain damage.


 

I try not to although I will admit that this is the first time those two things have been brought up in my writing. Sometimes, we need a dose of reality...

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