Macha

Entelechy - discuss this story here

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I'll respond to reviews here as well, since this was a one-shot and I've been asked to respond to reviews posted at AFF in this forum.

Thank you, SchizophrenicPsycho. I'm hoping I inspired you to write more DBZ fanfiction. :P

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I'd like to thank Saiyansecret for her review (or, I'm assuming her is the correct pronoun. :think: ) I hope know there was a lot of metaphors, but I'm hoping there wasn't too much.

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Guest SchizophrenicPsycho

*Waves awkwardly.* First I'd like to say, hi there! Ultra fan of yours (I say ultra because big doesn't justify it). I left a second review to your 'Entelechy' story in which I asked you a question and then realized it might make more sense to ask here and so I deleted the second review... *Sweat drop.* Anywho... I was sort of wanting to ask you a question however I would like to ask it privately. Is there any way I could contact you? Email per chance? Please? ^_^'

- Schizo,

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Guest Macha

in my adultfanfiction author bio, you find where I often haunt. If you go there, there is a way to message me privately. :) The fastest link to go to the author bio is to click on my name for a story.

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E_B_Midnight 2013-08-08 id # 3000237849 Well well well! I was wondering when this was going to show up on here. Hey sweetie! I'm so happy you ended up posting this. And coincidentally, I still had the rough draft version of this you emailed me and I read it the other day! How awesome. Perfect as always dear. Drop me a line sometime! ^_^

Hi E_B_M! Thank you for the review. Glad you cruised through and saw I had posted. :)

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pixelgoddess pixelgoddess@likeacat.com 2013-09-20 id # 3000237927 Simply lovely. Goku's fears and worries were real and well expressed. Description of the rain and the colors and the mud were perfect. I could see it.

:D Thank you for reading and reviewing, Pix! I'm glad the weather, colors and mud came through loud and clear - I was making a concerted effort to be more 'descriptive'. It seems as though I may have done well!

Goku's emotions were very much a roller coaster ride. :P It was fun to write, even though it was a challenge.

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I spent five years writing this and going over it and still finding errors! lol - clouds formations has been changed to cloud formations. Anyone else see anything, feel free to speak up!

I was thinking of changing the word 'intruder' to 'stray' in this sentence -

Opening his mouth to protest – at least that’s what Goku assured himself – the redeemable action was silenced as Gohan’s tongue stole its way in: an unexpected intruder who meant no harm and became enjoyable company as talents were proven.

If anyone reading this forum posts wants to respond with their opinion on that, let me know. Intruder is a little darker than stray, but not doesn't implicate a crime, such as the word prowler would. Stray makes me think of kitties and puppies, and I'm not really certain that's what I was going for here. :P

I still see things that I could update - Maybe I should have kept this as a work in progress for myself, but I didn't, and don't want to take it down, either.

Edited by Macha

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