lazyninjas
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Posts posted by lazyninjas
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3 hours ago, Mal said:
Now, Emma could sit out and there would be 10, but I just really don’t see Alex forcing the girls to do this. The only way it could work would be if they freely signed up for it and chose their partners, or signed up for it knowing that they would be assigned a random partner.
I think this could easily be worked around with Alex saying it’s fine to not enter, but then each girl who would sign up reads that they may get partnered up with a random girl and have each girl think about it before finally accepting. For a prize he could do something like give them no weigh ins or chores for a week or even maybe a “get out of the punishment room” free card for a one time slip up. They couldn’t do anything on purpose for it to be used but an “oopsie” situation could be worth it.
3 hours ago, Mal said:Second, Alex is a fairly measured guy. Meaning, I don’t think he would just willy nilly take power from Emma (someone who earned the right to lead through her action and her attitude) just because someone else won a contest.
You can always have it so if Emma is not in the game and keeps her top status. Alex could make it so they have level 5 freedoms but are still their level they’re at before the contest started, so the two winners still have to obey Emma by the end if you decide to do the level 5 reward. This can also help Alex develop stronger bonds with girls that have just arrived like dove or have had a bad history in the harem like Bella and help build/rebuild a stronger relationship to Alex.
For the recent chapter, I love that dove got an entire chapter to herself mostly and how she had sorta of a split personality thing going on as she said we and us. Like the darker side of someone seen as pretty innocent isn’t as innocent as we believe. She needed some character development like this. Great Chapter.
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Had an idea for a day or chapter that might interest you mal. Here’s what would happen.
Alex decides he wants to make a contest within the harem. Alex would pair up the most unlikely couples (Bella/Felicity, Ariana/Margot ect..) and they would have a sort of sex contest. they would choose to either have a threesome with Alex or do a lesbian session in front of Alex and the duo he finds turned him on the most or made him cum the hardest gets to sleep with him in his room for 3 days and also have level 5 privileges for those three days too.
I know Alexandra Daddario or Gal Gadot is supposed to enter at some point so then there would be 10 girls exactly to match up. Now as to why I think this would be a good idea for you to write is because it gives the readers chances to see girls together that don’t really interact much sort of develop a relationship while grouped together and it spices up things for you in case the same relationships get stale. It also gives Alex a chance to see what certain girls would do with level 5 clearance. The absolute best part of this however is if you ended it on a cliffhanger of who alex chooses as the best “act” so to say and let the forum vote on who wins the challenge. Hope you take this idea into consideration Mal.
-LazyNinjas
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How much of Dove and Ariana can we expect in the next chapter?
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Might seem like an out of the blue question for you Mal but have you ever considered doing a story similar to Billion Dollar Harem or a new project entirely on your CHYOA account? just notice you have a story and account there and little chapter adds on a story over could please the appetites of those waiting for a longer BDH chapter here. Anyway enjoyed the last chapter and good luck on the next chapters.
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Not going to spoil who the other woman is in the forum but I must say I love Ariana and the surprise girl together. I can’t wait to see them interact with the other girls. great work on the latest chapter Mal. Masterpiece as always
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3rd spot selection for me is Alexandra Daddario because I think it would be nice to have a girl who is a lot more curvy than the other girls, plus her nude scene in true detective was iconic.
4th spot selection is Karen Gillian because I think she’d have a good dynamic with the other girls more so than Rose, but I could easily flip between the two
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great addition to the series and good to see you back Mal
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sorry to see a good story stopped because of real life stuff. I know the pain man. hope everything works out for you.
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Just posted “Take Her Home” in the celeb story section. I wrote this in 2016. It stars Dove Cameron. Hope you guys enjoy it. Might post another story today not sure.
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This is the exact kind of constructive criticism I want. You were not mean at all. In response to the first part of your critiques, I can see why people can get lost in my stories sometimes because most of the time I don’t write my stories from beginning to end. I usually write the sex scenes first or I write dialogue that sounds hot in my mind, then build the story around that. And the she and he was just me forgetting the s on she so I’m glad you caught that. I have fixed those parts that you mentioned.
For the second part on believably. In my mind I found the guard asking for sex right away to be jarring on purpose, I tried to show people he’s assertive and knows what he wants. I can see people getting confused at that part but the way it worked out in my mind was that Nina found his “let’s not beat around the bush” attitude refreshing and made her willingly. I just didn’t add in the part for reasons I can’t remember. I will consider this going forward.
For the word choice and repetition, I have been working on this issue since this story was originally written in April of 2016. I’ve been working on this problem and hope it’s getting better in other stories I’ve written since then. Also for future reference most of the stories that are posted on here will be from 2015-2016 so these problems may pop up again in stories you read unless I say that this was written in 2017 and beyond.
Thank you for the constructive criticism Mal. I really do appreciate it.
-LazyNinjas
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dude you finished that chapter quickly. Must have been that good old writing burst (that’s what i call writing a story relatively quickly) anyway I read it and I really like the orb’s powers. Not exactly mind control by not exactly hypnosis either. Since I’m not a fan of Game of Thornes I appreciate you keeping the story in the real world but made them act like their characters on the show. I also don’t know if you are sticking with Sophie and Maisie for the entire series or not but I think moving on every from girl/girls every 2-4 chapters could work well but not moving onto other girls could work as well. Hope some of this was helpful and wish you luck on future chapters of Orb and BDH.
P.S. Hope you don’t find me starting threads for my stories on here. I liked leaving a thread open on the forum like you did and figured I could leave one here to update future projects like I do on my website and mine will be different from yours in the sense I will just keep one thread for everything so it’s not completely idea stealing lol.
-LazyNinjas
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This will be the forum thread where I will discuss future stories, post updates about stories being posted, and where I hope most of you will interact and tell me ideas or thoughts on stories or series I’m working on. Glad to see you here and don’t be afraid to be critical. As long as your not trolling I won’t have a problem with you voicing any displeasure you have. So I hope this thread works out. Later everyone
Sincerely.
LazyNinjas
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If it doesn’t ruin your mojo with either story i would love to you take turns writing BDH and the one shot so I will vote YAY. being a write of series myself that people ask about and go out of their way to comment on I know the pressure to continue the series can be a lot. So if you need a break from BDH in order to keep the chapters fresh than do you bro. I just find working on a different story while working on a Waking Up chapter can sometimes help me improve the quality of both.
For an idea for a one shot, it’s an idea i had for dove and ariana that i have already done a similar concept for so i’ll offer it to you. Ariana and Dove were recently in “hairspray live” a few months back. was thinking before the live show Dove would be in her dressing room stressing out over the live performance since its her first time performing in front of so many people. So ariana goes into her dressing room and shows what calms her down before shows, which is having sex. Ariana then helps out dove and gets her calm before the show.
Can’t wait to read the chapter and good luck with what you end up doing.
-LazyNinjas
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- Cara and Margot
- Alex
- Rape
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Also I think at some point there should be a day where Alex decides to not necessarily make all of the girls fuck but give them a choice to participate in an orgy with everyone , maybe a reward for a certain amount of time without someone having to go to the punishment room(maybe a week or 2), and they can still be bad but not to the point where they need to be sent to punishment room . Maybe Alex can also takes mental notes of who pairs up with who and see if certain girls care for other girls more (like Cara and Margot getting into a more romantic relationship) and use their budding relationships against them down the line (maybe if Margot steps out of line, Alex could make Margot watch as Cara is sent to the punishment room and it makes Margot fear acting out knowing Cara could be punished if she steps out line). Anyway, Great work as always Mal.
-Sincerely
LazyNinjas
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Looking at that map you made i was wondering if that lake was ever going to be used at all or is it just there? As for Emma I feel like she needs to be punished a bit but her character is great. Maybe alex makes margot and emma spend time together until they reconcile
ALSO: I think that there should be a new girl who is great to Alex and is not much of a problem for him but is such a real bitch to the other girls. I feel like the girls really need a girl they can get them to forget their differences and team up to not let this girl ruin the relationships they have with each other and their individual and group connection to Alex. not all gang up on her at once but they work out ways to not let her get into their heads and keep her at bay. just an idea.
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Thank you for the reply Mal. I am the same LazyNinjas and thank you for the kind words on Waking Up. It really helps me get going on the next chapter when I know people are ready for the next one so thank you very much for the kind words and welcome. also sorry to hear about the job loss and i understand the Ariana situation. In fact she was one of my 1st choices for waking up 5 but now I am also going to not write about her for a while out of respect to that situation. hope everything looks up soon for you man. Loving this story and appreciate the hard work u put in
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Great story so far. can’t wait to see cara and ariana be integrated into the harem
Billion Dollar Harem
in Het-Male/Female
Posted · Edited by lazyninjas
I’ll obviously go with the option of the idea i suggested so option 1 . To address some of the concerns I’ve seen with the idea I’ll say this. The way Mal writes BDH, he’s not going to have the girls just start fucking in the living room, he’d give each duo their own time in his room and give them time to feel comfortable. Second, I think that the contest would help with relationship drama especially if a certain duo have a hot session that makes them hot for each other, which could develop a new relationship and drama to go with it, or it could add up to become a love triangle which i think mal could work with as well.
I only came up with the idea in order to create new dynamics and get the more forgotten girls more involved. Like guest juan said also, it’s a chance to let the girls lose some of their inhibitions and let loose. Alex does care for these girls in his own way so making sure they’re having fun and trying new things. So I suggest if Mal goes with my option, he push it back until he’s got a good feel of the personalities of everyone in the harem (mainly the two new girls).