I'm a ghey, queer, gender-bending/breaking lesbo dyke with a boyfriend. And I am not heterophobic because I have several straight friends.
I don't want to offend anyone, but I kinda hate that cop-out. I'm not racist because I have black/asian/latino/native american/enter-your-favorite-ethnicity-here friends. I'm not a feminazi because I have male friends. I'm not a classist because I have rich friends (used here because I'm po, yo!).
I think one of the main problems is that we do, as a species, have a bit of an inherent fear of the other. Originally a means for survival, US vs. THEM. My tribe, your tribe. My clan, your clan. We label as a consequence of evolution.
Fear, as I understand it, stems from the unknown, psychologically. Or the already known to be harmful. Therefore, in an effort to eradicate fear, we stay away from the known evil and educate about the unknown possibly but probably not evil.
So, I think anyone who refuses to look at/learn about/educate themselves to the experience of something that is other is making a decision to continue the idea of "other" thus perpetuating the unknown, thus perpetuating the fear.
So, refusing to watch BBM because it portrays gay love falls into the realm of homophobic, whether or not it is because you "just aren't interested". I think that refusing to watch BBM because Heath Ledger is now dead and it will be just one more movie I can't experience him in for the first time is valid. (I'm saving it, see...)
Overcoming phobias only works through exposure, education, cognitive behavior modification.
And I don't know that I have the wherewithal to get into a discussion about linguistics. Homophobia is a fairly accepted term used in reference for those who don't outwardly hate, but still have issues with, the idea of the ghey. Anything more than that turns into a lot more ugly terminology, like bigotry, etc. But, it may eventually change, as language and culture have a tendency to be fluid, evolving cohesively through time.
I hope that wasn't too much ramble, I'm just getting back into the swing of forum debate after a four year hiatus.