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Posts posted by Sparrow

  1. 8 hours ago, Desiderius Price said:

    Suppose the best question is how much detail do you want?  Need to know it’s 60% cotton / 40% polyester?  A chapter, a paragraph, a sentence, or a few words?  Gender (identity) matters too.  For boys, “green T-shirt” is likely sufficient to get an image.  For girls, lace, frills, buttons, beads, zippers?  I tend to view it from the perspective of another character, what’s the first couple of things that are noticed?  Outer garments, shirts & jeans being the biggest targets.  For younger characters, the shirts might often be promotional, so an orange Safari World T-shirt, for instance.  Underwear matters for lesser dressed characters.  Of course, if the character is wearing their “LUCKY” socks/underwear, describe that!  Or, simply dress a 4-year old in a Batman T-shirt and they’ll be unafraid!

    Another source of ideas, catalogs, if you can find them.

    Yeah, true. There’s always a point when if you add anymore it’s just useless faff that’s slowing the scene down.

    Should probably qualify my statement from earlier by saying I do like there to be an actual point to it, not just having it there for the sake of it (mostly). Most obvious one is for characterisation purposes, though now I think about it I’m struggling to recall any stand-out examples of having done it this way in my work so far, lol. Don’t I feel silly.

    Anyone got some tips to pass along in that regard?

  2. 10 hours ago, GeorgeGlass said:

    I didn’t actually try to describe it in that case, but I probably should. I might use a phrase like “...demi-bras, which left everything above the nipple uncovered.”

    Legit. See, yeah, that’s the kind of detail I like to go into. Not just describing what something is, but what it actually looks like. I feel like that’s what really gives a description life instead of just being a list.

    Have heard from some that it can make my writing somewhat dense as a result, but eh. I like it that way.

    Same principle applies, thinking about it, with characters’ whole appearances. Not just clothing, but I like trying to dig into their whole look, how their face looks, their body, the whole thing. Especially if there’s something about them that means they’d stand out from the norm. Films or games or whatever might make a go of it, but you can go so much deeper into these things with prose.

    Kicking myself now for never getting around for figuring out any particular ways that Miranda could’ve stood out, appearance-wise, from normal humans in the story I mentioned the other day. Anyone have any ideas, just out of curiosity?

    Or indeed any thoughts on describing characters’ whole appearances. Faces are definitely the one thing I struggle the most on myself, if that helps.

  3. 16 hours ago, BronxWench said:

    Women’s clothing, unfortunately, tends to be ridiculously fussy when it comes to suggestive/revealing/sexy wear.

    Yep, that’s been what I’ve come across as well. Either it’s really complicated or quite plain. Your description of the Mass Effect one is pretty good though, quite a bit better than what I think I ended up coming up with in the end.

    15 hours ago, GeorgeGlass said:

    I often talk about color, material, and cut. For example, in my upcoming Christmas story, Santa’s (anthropomorphic) reindeer are doing a photoshoot to make a sexy calendar for charity. For the shoot, Dancer and Prancer wear matching demi-bras and panties (Dancer’s in red, Prancer’s in green), and the panties are high cut to show off their shapely legs.

    I’m very glad you specified they’re anthropomorphic, I was getting the screwdriver ready to dig that mental image out before it could put down roots. But that’s a good example, and probably about as far as I’d go with something like that in my own work. Out of curiosity, though, how would you describe a demi-bra there? I had to look it up to be sure what it was, and I feel like, if I were doing it, I’d try and specify how it’s different from a regular one.

  4. 12 hours ago, Desiderius Price said:

    While I tend to opt for nudists in my stories (thus, clothes aren’t an issue), might suggest browsing around fashion sites/shows or the like?

    Yeah, that’s usually my main recourse. Something I’ve been finding useful lately are various tumblrs that people have set up for exact this purpose. This one in particular I found the other day, already found a couple of outfits that could be of use in future.

    1 hour ago, GeorgeGlass said:

    My friend and frequent beta Jomahawk has been helpful to me in pointing out when I’ve failed to describe clothing (and especially lingerie) in sufficient detail and in making suggestions about what characters should wear.

    I’ve also done a certain amount of googling to learn more about the varieties that bras, panties, bikinis, etc come in. And just googling “unusual sexy outfit” or something like that can give you ideas. 

    I know what you mean, a friend of mine once told me that the most common mistake he sees in fanfic, and he included my work in this, was that people seldom bother to really describe what characters look like in stuff. Since then I’ve been trying to do my best to get better at it.

    How much detail do you tend to go into where lingerie is concerned? Like, how far can you go with it, beyond just naming what the items are?

    1 hour ago, marley_station said:

    Using an image found online as the basis for the description helps – in some cases the image can be included with the story.

    For sure, like I said earlier that tends to be my usual MO. That being said, sometimes even having it to hand can’t really help. I definitely remember once when I was doing a Mass Effect story, trying to describe one of the space-dresses the character’s wearing (this one, I do believe it was) I had absolutely no idea how to describe the criss-crossy bits at the front in any way other than, well, that. Thinking about it, I do wonder if just sticking it into the story would’ve been the best option. God knows I have enough pics already for stuff like that.

    Furthermore, sometimes I want to come up with outfits of my own devising, that’s usually the hardest part cause I don’t know a screaming thing about clothing design. Best I’ve done so far, for references when commissioning art or whatever, tends to be just putting together bits and pieces of other outfits that I’ve seen.

  5. Anyone else find themselves enjoying describing clothing in their stuff? I have to admit, it’s pretty hard sometimes, especially with more intricate or unconventional items, like ones with lots of straps or gaps in them (looking at you, Ivy from SolCal!). Or where I simply don’t know how to describe something, can think of a few that have been like that. 


    And yet I find it really good fun. I’ve even been trying to come up with wholly new designs for characters to wear, or that I might commission someone to do art of if I enjoy what I’ve come up with enough.


    Any of the rest of you have any similar thoughts or experiences? Anyone have any advice on how to better describe more unusual outfits, or how to come up with new ones?

  6. Just now, InvidiaRed said:

    Looking through some battle pics does confirm the smear on the ground bit.

    Yeesh. I wouldn’t have thought you’d need photographic evidence to figure that part out, but whatever works for you.

    Honestly, if something like this can’t kill your character for good, then I doubt anything ever could, so you might want to keep that in mind going forwards if you’ve got anything planned.

  7. 2 minutes ago, InvidiaRed said:

    True but I want to be accurate at least. Epic fantasy meets an alternate WW2 decaying timeline.

    I meant more because of how getting hit by a tank shell is gonna turn you onto a smear on the landscape no matter what size it is.

  8. 12 minutes ago, InvidiaRed said:

    I’m gonna go with a standard shell from a panzer 3. I’m checking specs right now.

    I don’t really suppose it’d make much of a difference if it was a high-explosive or armour-piercing shell, nor how big it is. Unless it’s something massive like the 152mm from a KV-2, but then those were Soviet tanks.

  9. 2 minutes ago, InvidiaRed said:

    Right? But the character in question is a regenerative immortal type.

    Right, right. In which case they’re probably going to be really pushing the limits of their regenerative capabilities. I mean, if it was a direct hit on them then a large portion of their body is gonna have to grow back from pink mist. If it missed and detonated say behind them, and they merely had their organs liquified by the shockwave, flesh shredded by shrapnel, and skin burned off by the explosion, they’ll have a bit more to work with.

    In any case, it’s really gonna hurt. What kind of shell was it?

  10. 1 minute ago, Desiderius Price said:


    If you’ve got the patience, the stealth armor is about the best, IMO, at least for me.  Snipe out a bandit, duck back somewhere to hide.  Of course the others might say “nothing to see here, must’ve been my imagination” next to their dead friend, guess loyalty doesn’t run very deep there.

    Beh, it’s still just more fun to go full Pelinal on them. Charge at them screaming and batter them all into a fine red paste while zapping them with your cybernetic arm cannon er, magic. Or Shout them into next week.

    I was never one who played it on any of the actually difficult difficulties anyway, so there was never that much pressure to cheese things like you guys.

  11. 12 minutes ago, JayDee said:

    My first playthrough was the same big-axe good-guy Orc I try to create for all of them – responding to dark brotherhood recruitment attempt by twatting Astrid and so on – but i played the stealth archer build everyone was on about later for sure!

    Laaaame. I never had the patience for stealth-archery, either I played as a big guy Nord smashing everyone’s heads in, or an Altmer battle-mage, zap people with lightning and then stab them in the face.

    Much more fun. 

  12. 28 minutes ago, JayDee said:

    You ever think about introducing a good guy character who is too big to fit in the bunker? Kinda interracting with them outside, but having to face it all alone. A Transformer maybe, or some other big ol’ character.

    I laughed at that, because


    we are gonna use a Transformer in future. Specifically Soundwave, though I’m unsure if you could really consider him a good guy, even if he’ll work with the fleshlings in exchange for shelter and stuff. Though, I hadn’t thought that a lot of what’s out there would really be able to threaten or concern him in any appreciable form. Most of the things out there he can crush underfoot, and it’s not like he can be infected with the zombie plague.


    That being said, I had considered some characters in future either spending a lot of time wandering the dead city before they’re found, or people from the Bunker willingly going and staying outside for long periods of time for whatever reason. Was never really sure where it could go, though, aside from them just eventually returning. What do you think?

  13. 1 hour ago, JayDee said:

    I had about a ten year period where whenever someone suggested something to me I could pretty much write it

    And naturally I wasn’t around for that. Figures.

    Lol, though, as the only other person who’s reading along with this has indicated to me, there is some interest in a spin-off of MO. If you feel interested why not give that a go, fuck it. I’ve basically set up a sandbox anyway (well, more like a sinkhole, in that every fanfic idea I have anymore gets drawn into it), so the framework is there for you.


    59 minutes ago, JayDee said:

    Possibly not the best recommendation of the original there

    I disagree, someone at the start actually paid money to see more of the concept. God, you’re as bad as me and IBD, take a compliment, you dingus.

  14. 44 minutes ago, JayDee said:

    Come to that, I watched it when I was a kid so it’s gotta have been before your time originally hasn’t it? I forget this stuff!

    Oh yeah, way, waaaay before my time. 

    45 minutes ago, JayDee said:

    I liked playing her a lot back when MK3 came out I guess. Well, there’s a lot less violence/gore in my Sheeva-and-Sonya starring Shokan Lust and when it does appear it’s not the focus.

    Oh yeah, now you mention it, I did read some of that a while ago, it was good. Meant to go back and finish it at some point, actually. Liked how you tried to come up with some in-universe explanations for how the characters can do some of the weird stuff they do, like Sonya’s kiss of death. Why’ve you done so much about her, out of curiosity?

    48 minutes ago, JayDee said:

    poorly written niche at that so worth skipping if ya don’t dig the themes

    Lolno. Seriously. Your stuff wouldn’t be half as difficult to read as it is in places if it wasn’t as good as it is. You’ve inspired at least two writers of our acquaintance into doing spin-offs/sequels of your work, one of whom is in your own signature, for crying out loud. I’d give my left hand for that kind of a positive response.

  15. Quote

    On re-reading I can feel some anger behind it, some heavy brutality. Someone really felt bad for all those Shredder losses.

    @JayDee You know, I don’t think I ever actually watched any of the OG TMNT show that this April is ostensibly from. Or indeed consumed much of the setting’s material at all. In fact, now that I think about it I have no idea why I used April in the first place. Huh. Maybe I did know once but I just forgot it. Was about about three or four years ago that I came up with a lot of this stuff, after all.

    Though, you’re not far off the mark with anger. IBD, poor fellow, he got very upset when we were writing this. Mainly because I didn’t realise what he was having to go through to get into the right frame of mind, and kept poking him to add some more bits I thought he’d left out. Not my finest hour.


    Uh, I mean, someone was putting art out there to tell the story that needed to be told.

    After we finished this story, I remember actually thinking about stuff like what’s in this chapter and wondering if it was really necessary. Think I decided in the end that it was, but there was a lot of stuff (mainly related to the story’s connections to Deathstalker’s OG work this was all based on) that I thought didn’t help. Mainly all the rape-y stuff in part one, which I really wish I’d left out now, even if it did let me do the stuff with Chun-Li. It’s just a bit too grindhouse for me now.


    As for the end I mean, for one, wow. That’s some amazingly drawn out, slowly escalated detailed torture. I bet the folks on DS’s forum loved it, it’s top grade guro. Psychologically, the way it built up with April trying to show defiance all through and breaking in the end – and everyone breaks in the end- was really stunning. Best line was that Nazi Whore one… and April’s still alive and screaming and suffering there.  

    I don’t really remember if anyone did comment on this bit on there, actually. I think I only got two people commenting on it, and neither of them mentioned it in particular. Figures.

    As for April’s breakdown, yeah, I never considered looking up any details of real-life interrogations like this (cause I have enough trouble sleeping as it is), but I did sort of get the feeling that this is how it’d go in such a situation.


    I know InBrightestDay’s feelings on that kind of content, but if Sparrow enjoys it more you might like to read/review some of my darker stories sometimes.

    did, back in the day, though most of them were a bit too gruesome/scary for me. Nowadays I’m not so into that sort of thing, though I do recall recently poking through your take on a Deathstalker-world spinoff (nothing new under the sun) from a long time ago, even though the only character I was really interested in that was Sheeva. Her messy death in that swiftly reminded me of why I’d wanted to disengage these stories from that kink in the first place ( and why I never put in the technically correct but unpleasant detail of people voiding their bowels when they die). Sorry.

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