pippychick

17. Is it possible to base an entire song around the lyric: “Dreaming of a lighthouse in the woods”

1. Yes. Yes, it is.

There is no mead in the mead shop. Not a single drop. Not until after Christmas, anyway. In desperation, I walked into the ASDA earlier to ask if they sold it. They’d obviously never heard the word before in their lives, and insisted on pronouncing it as: “Meeeeeed…?” That is what I call a wasted youth, and *waggles finger* it’s a sign of just what has gone wrong with this country since the time of King Arthur.

Let’s make Britain great again. Let’s make mead! We could employ at least… ten people! And thousands and thousands of bees. That will give the bees work to do, and stop them from dying all over the place from worklessness. We have lots of bees, all doing nothing for most of the year. Hiding in their homes with the curtains drawn while the rest of us go out to work in the morning.

We all know China is making cheap mead on the side, flooding the market with it. That was a fantastic day… but anyway! We will install a giant net over the UK, keeping our bees safe, and foreign bees out!

/satire

Tip! To make this parody for yourself, mix equal parts Donald Trump and Iain Duncan Smith. Full recipe details can be found on any mainstream news outlet.

Oh, but sadly I wasn't kidding about the mead

This is looking more and more likely.

Pent le thand. Tiro narn mîn. Tiro erthad mîn. Tiro nin. Makalaurë. Lín dannen, lín bŷr, lín mûl. Daro an nin. Im buia le an uir. Baug Herdir nín. Melin... tiro...

@Melrick and @BronxWench

Happy Birthday BronxWench!!!

Hope you are having a wonderful day, and that you have a brilliant year ahead! 

2016 is not done with us yet. Goodbye, Andrew Sachs, and thank you for making me laugh.

“I know nothing!”

2016, how I hate you. Several days ago, we were watching a modern take on A Christmas Carol, and checked to make sure Liz Smith was still alive as she has been in three versions of that story. Today, when I was showing my mother how to use the voice activated google search on her phone, she asked it first about Liz Smith, since we already knew she was all right (or so we thought).

RIP Liz Smith, who died on Christmas Eve.

Seriously, I can’t even… *sighs*

Advantages to online xmas shopping: Done in an hour, easy, get stuff for cheaper than out in town, get stuff you couldn’t get in town.

Disadvantages: The delivery. I’m waiting for around thirty items, but today, if I’m lucky, the postman will deliver one or two of them at best. Also, I went back to bed at 8:15 am, then got an email at 8:26 which I didn’t read, advising me a driver would turn up between 9:25 and 10:25. Seriously!? I woke up at 9:45 to find an annoying card. They didn’t even manage to wake the dog up. They must have tiptoed to my door… *growls*

Right now I officially hate Christmas. And I was doing so well this year.

I can’t help imagining how much worse Scrooge would have become if he’d woken up on Christmas day morning to find cards from the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future saying: “We’re sorry we missed you!”

After all the crap lately, guess who is putting up the Christmas tree alone? Yep… because, well I’m not quite clear on the because. I took some poinsettia’s around to various neighbours earlier. My mother is under the impression it can be put off even further. Except it can’t, because later this week I will be good for nothing, what with work and various other things, like appointments and other activities. Her birthday meal is one. I haven’t done any christmas shopping. I’m looking at friday at this point.

I’d write in rebellion, but all the words are flying around in my brain like shrapnel right now, and have been doing for a few days. I don’t know what this means. Maybe an extended break again. I hope not.

I know moving all that furniture about seemed to finish me. I could barely move for two days… then I had to go back to work. I don’t know how to survive this week. I have to go out twice to eat. A dicey prospect on my medication, let alone with the lack of energy. I really don’t have a Christmas in me. 

I know retreat isn’t the answer. I know it. But honestly this shit is just like stumbling and crawling around in thick, black smoke and the urge to just stay still is unbearable.

I need space, and time, and something easy for fuck’s sake. Just one thing that’s easy. I am so tired of fighting this.

Damn. I’m going to make myself a neat, orderly list. When all else fails, a list. Because giving in is not an option.

*sighs*

Please send jokes. Or cute pictures.

All I ever really wanted out of life was to wake up one morning with Alan Rickman on one side, and Hugo Weaving on the other, possibly with the Glenister brothers in the next room.

That isn’t happening.

Bugger.

--- message ends ---

All right, so sadly it’s not happening at all for me on AFF (I’m not sure why, and I’ve given up wondering), and while I’ll never go back to certain other sites as myself, I’ve had no choice but to post there. it’s either that or lose my motivation entirely. There’s also a chance it might just be one slightly enthusiastic person, but…

I got 45 kudos overnight.

This is encouraging.

Anyone ever have those days where you think:

“What is the actual point?”

And then have to go back to bed before you start hitting the delete button all over the place?

*sighs*

I can never work when I feel like this. Although if I could only harness it… the sensation of being almost completely invisible while screaming into the endless void would surely come in useful for writing Maglor.

*tries to tempt brain into creativity*

Nope…

*goes back to bed*

As the UK government ends a scheme requiring us to take in vulnerable unaccompanied Syrian children trapped in Europe, this quote now seems apt on both sides of the atlantic…

“The way a government treats refugees is very instructive because it shows you how they would treat the rest of us if they thought they could get away with it.”

Tony Benn

COUPLE OF KIDS LAST WEEK AT WORK: We’ve never heard of BlackAdder. What is it?

KID AT WORK TODAY: I didn’t know who George Michael was until I saw the news this morning.

Clearly, these kids live on a different planet to the one I inhabit.

Currently wrestling with Tormund. He’s winning. Good job it’s not literally.

For a character who seems pretty simple on the surface, even in his own thoughts, this one is ridiculously deep. In fact, out of the three, he’s probably got a whole lot more going on than the other two once you dig down a bit.

I think it’s time for that last resort in getting right into a character: the fictional interview.

I kind of hate writing these, but in the absence of anyone to discuss it with, it’s the next best thing.

At least when this is done, I can drag them off to war. That should make for an interesting journey. All that sharing a tent business, the imperative need to stay absolutely silent no matter what… that will be fun for someone, I’m sure. Ok, that’s my reward! If I can just get over this little hurdle now…

Come on, Tormund, you obstinate sod!

*sighs*

Day UK leaves the EU: 29^th March.

Day UK government bans internet porn: 1^st April.

Nothing can go wrong here… nothing at all!

Seems you will be able to visit porn websites if you go into an actual shop and physically purchase some kind of weird licence for a fiver, which you’ll need to use within 24 hours. This will be sold to you by the very last person alive that you want thinking of you and sex. Though even getting to the counter may well mean having to fight your way through a violent melee involving people fighting over toilet roll AND people who left it too late to buy bread and are now battling it out for the last Soreen.

Feeling kind of low tonight, and tired. Just so much stumbling around in the dark without a guide, way too much wondering what I’m doing, every single day, when maybe it’s all too clear: I’m setting myself up.

Hope. It makes fools of us all, doesn’t it? People like to blame love, but love is just a part-time accomplice. Hope is the really vicious one.

I’m sorry for a million and one things, but mostly for being myself. You’d think I would have learnt by now to hide that part. I just never hated it enough.

Well, perhaps I’ll learn another lesson here. Don’t stare at mirages. They’ll make you crazy.

*sighs*

The stress is killing me, and maybe that’s why I’ve had my first serious nightmare in what feels like months, which is what has me awake at just gone four am.

MIA, 2018

Food shopping commenced at 0700 hours. Food shopping completed at 0900 hours.

A dog ate my mince pies while I was putting the shopping away.

*tries to wrap things*

*fails*

*panics*

Status at 1100 hours: Panic.

Frankie Boyle. Please don’t ever stop.

Quote

Trump alienated the Republican base. There are Republican politicians who didn't vote for him. Those are some of the worst people in the world. How can you lose them? There are people who didn't vote for Trump who would have voted for Magneto.

 

Quote

He said a lot of mad, racist and sexist stuff – stuff that would have got you fired from any other job. Just imagine, you get called in by your HR and they go:

“We're sorry, Larry. You've said a lot of mad, racist and sexist stuff. You can't stack timber anymore. The only job you're now qualified for is President of the United States of America.”

 

From dictionary corner today via Twitter:

Confelicity: a much-underused word meaning delight in someone else's happiness; the opposite of Schadenfreude.

Gifts wrapped this evening = 1

Gifts waiting to be wrapped = [in the style of Edward Woodward in The Wicker Man]: Oh, Jesus Christ… Jesus…. Jesus Christ… [WAILS IN TERROR AND DESPAIR]

Total Gifts wrapped = 1

Goodbye and RIP John Hurt

Who said of Downton Abbey: “I just think it is poxy! I mean, I'm sorry, but it is rotten writing and rotten acting.“

And also this: “I remember talking to Olivier when we were doing Lear. He said: 'When it comes to your obituary they will only mention two or three performances, and they will be the ones that defined you early on.' I said: 'What will they write about you?' Richard III and Wuthering Heights_', he replied. And he was right.”

So today you’ll hear a lot about his death scene in Alien, and his role as The Elephant Man, but let’s also remember we’ve lost a man who played The Doctor, who voiced the dragon in Merlin, Winston from the film 1984, Mr Olivander from the Harry Potter films, and the narrator of Dogville (which imho is one of most horrific studies into human nature ever conceived).

Goodbye, Leonard Cohen; thank you, and peace to you.

2016 continues to march... On remembrance day, too. It seems as appropriate as any of the other insane things that have happened lately.

“They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old,

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn,

At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,

We will remember them.”

At the two minutes silence today, it’s obligatory to look back, but recent events might cause a few of us to look forward.

Hectic, stressful and nonsensical… but that’s just my life atm. Now onto the election.

Everyone lost, but Labour won. Labour is not forming a government… yet. I predict another election by October, which Labour will win by a landslide. And when I say Labour, I mean socialist Labour. Bring it on!

Kensington is Labour! The richest people in the country voted for socialism! Also Canterbury, which Labour has never held, ever, is now red. New poll today shows the surge continuing, meaning Labour would win outright an election if it was held now.

Not sure what you guys make of it across the pond. There’s a good Irish contingent amongst you. Tories making deals with the DUP breaks the Good Friday agreement. This is awful. Remains to be seen how much damage May can cause negotiating with the EU, given that she shown herself to be utterly inept in every way. We’d be better off sending the Chuckle Brothers. “No deal is better than a bad deal”… wtf?! No deal means standard WTO tariffs for EU market access, which is 40% on agricultural goods. 

Hey, did you see my title… I’m a Master… lol

(runs and hides)