pippychick

@BronxWench Thank you, but I know you have time issues, and it’s not down to you personally to keep writers happy. I want you to read, obviously, but when you’re happy, relaxed, and ready to enjoy it.

Without you, I go back to the beginning of November for the last word or two. And as a whole I think without you, the story has about six or seven reviews. I know it’s more than some get, and now I feel like I’m whining, but that doesn’t stop it feeling like a vacuum. Lately, I get to the point of posting, and then I think.. “Do I have to?” That kind of hurts, to be honest. But I think it’s because in fanfic the response is all. There’s nothing else to gain from it, from all the hours you put into it, from all the time you spend planning and plotting it. From all the work you do, because for large periods of time it is work. A long story like that is work. It’s not all excitedly tapping away behind the keyboard. It’s hard. *shrugs* When I’ve finished, and it disappears into the annals a response will be less and less likely. So if they aren’t there now, they won’t be there later. No one’s saving them up… except perhaps you.  

Being that I won’t ever go back to AO3 as myself, regardless of how much I love the readers there, I think I might be watching the demise of my fanfiction writing career with this story. I’ll finish this one, but I don’t know if I’ll really have the heart to finish my other stories. I just don’t know. It just feels like so much work. Years of work. I should probably be concentrating on something else, while I’ve still got enough self belief to think it’s possible.

@CL Mustafic Thanks, CL Don’t worry about it. I know what it’s like to be a writer rather than a reader.

My dissatisfaction here is aimed mostly at myself. I’ve always known this stuff was more of a popularity contest than a serious test of skill or talent, but like an idiot I just kept on deluding myself, year after year. I’ve got to stop doing it. At this point, it’s just approaching self harm. *shrugs* If I have to write without a response, I may as well do it without posting, and keep trying to do something else. Something different. Until I have something new.

I normally only write original, which isn’t a popular category, so I’m happy if my story gets a single review.  If it gets that then I consider it a success, because I rarely get more than that.  But I just write to please myself anyway.  I really like my story “Ripples”, even though I know I’m in the minority, but you know what, I don’t really care, I like it and that’s all that truly matters to me.  So if others are uninterested in my stories then I don’t really care, just as long as I am.  Now all I need is even a trace of motivation to finish writing the story I started months ago.