Kurahieiritr
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Posts posted by Kurahieiritr
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I am thinking about posting All for Love as is due to it being complete, and revising chapter by chapter as an ongoing project. I discovered with Alternate Tracks that revision lag does prevent reading the whole series efficiently.
What do those who have checked this thread think? Should I post the current 3rd story, and modify as I get the time? OR: would readers prefer it if I crawl along the updates as real world allows scenario that has been experienced with Alternate Tracks?
This is one of the moments where I find myself flustered over taking review suggestions to heart and correcting the trouble spots I learn about from my readers. I really am debating the idea of putting All For Love up and revising as I can. I've gotten annoyed with the headache of constant intrusions preventing people interested in the stories from reading the tales. Some days being a perfectionist with mild dyslexia fits is too much to ask of readers I think.
I have gotten chapters 34 and 35 revised and posted in Alternate Tracks story today. Finally got the real world problems cleared away so I could get back to revision work. There are 41 chapters total in this completed story, so I am frustrated that I can't plaster the complete tag onto the revision version yet. I am seriously ready to add the last few chapters to get the completed tag up, and then complete the revisions with the replace chapter function.
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I adored the following post.
Of course there always has to be a bottom and a top... but I think it's kinda kinky to switch it once in a while. Even if you have an extremely effeminate man with a much more masculine man for a pairing (like an obvious uke/seme role), it's interesting to put the stronger dude on the bottom occasionally. I don't think there should be clear 'roles', unless you're just writing a PWP or a short story.
I am bouncing up and down that I am not the only one that loves the fresher kink of switching role! This is the truth of real living gay couples! There is not absolute uke/absolute seme within real life gay couples. I have several gay friends and am a nosy enough old broad to ask questions when I found out my own son was bisexual. The truth made me into a person who despises absolute Uke/Seme roles. I thought I was completely alone in my love of shaking up readership expectations. Thanks so much for saying the same thing I have thought for ages!Now for the next response.
Wow, am I the only one who likes when men look like men and behave like men ?
I like them rough, strong, independent... I like them being a challenge, not just waiting to be seduced and moaning at the slightest touch
I can see rough and tumble men getting into gay relationships as easily as the innocent, too perfectly pretty, and weaker looking types. Strong and beefy men can be as much fun as the expected bishi boys that dominates so much of the Yaoi fan fiction base of many diverse anime/manga series lists. Someone recently got me interested in Bleach yaoi, so I am investigating the typical couples that are written by fans. I can see a couple of beefy boy combinations in that series already. We'll see which ones I settle on after I finish the series I am currently revising and posting here.
And a general reply to all of the other replying people! Shota is good when used in small doses, I think. I got burnt out on it after doing one roleplay that -sorta- involved it. -_o It's just.. not fun. Clueless is cute sometimes but.. @_@
Agreed! A character should evolve once he gets his cherries popped! When the character remains too clueless the story becomes a lame read. I can see the prude flashing up and the blushes as the character evolves into an equally sexy partner, but when the innocence goes overboard for too long it gets obnoxious. Nobody stays that dumb after they get accustomed to sex.
One thing I have noticed is a lack of comments about personalities in yaoi/slash writing. Personally, when it comes to putting together yaoi couples, my biggest thing is the personality between characters. Whether they are fighters, lovers, or whatever tags you want to insert within the cannon universe, the men involved have to have conflict and harmonic aspects to make them believable. The body types are not all that important to me since a big and beefy man can get with a short and petite innocent and I'll love the tale so long as the personalities mesh and retain sparks. Yaoi needs the personality meshing quality to make it a hot read. Both characters need to have conflict sparks to maintain interest. They can't be too perfectly alike in their meshed characteristic states, or there isn't anything worthy of reading unless it is mindless PWP formats.
Here's an example of what I mean by character meshing: In the Initial D yaoi cannon couples, the number one written is Ryosuke x Takumi. Ryosuke is always the seme over Takumi. I for one find the idea of Ryosuke only boning Takumi actively putting me to sleep. There isn't enough sparks to make the relationship interesting. Takumi's hero worship can only hold so much interest for me, or Ryosuke being my gut reaction. With Ryosuke being in medical school it is easy to imagine him manipulating Takumi into everything he wants to do. I can't see Takumi's personality as that meek however, so I feel those stories become too OOC-ish for my taste.
However, the super competitive Keisuke getting put with Takumi and wham, I am wide awake and rearing to read more. Keisuke and Takumi have the needed personality sparks. Misunderstandings, and competition create electricity and friction between these characters. The two men share common ground and love of driving hard and fast, yet they are different enough to have to work with the other instead of a blind, one character following the other character's lead 24/7. Both have violent streaks so it is easy to see them having mild to hard core verbal tussles over which is the dominant partner. Disagreements and working things through to remain together gives them the needed zippy dynamics to fuel a great reading fan fiction when they are kept within cannon characteristics.
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The AU thing
in AU
I find nothing wrong with it myself (and not just because I write almost exclusively in AU). For me, it's like a challenge. I keep thinking about what I can do with certain characters to fit them into the world in which I've made up. Or even how can I make them seem real enough to live in our own world. I have an aversion to messing with cannon. Especially if a manga isn't finished. I really just want to see what the original artist is going to do....where they're going to take things....then imposing what I want to happen on it. (agian, personal preferance)
So I'd like to hear from you. Do you like AU? Hate it? Only like it in some circumstances?
This topic caught my interest so I figured I would respond. I can understand wishing to let the cannon stand on originality merits. However, there are plenty of ways to remain in the cannon world while writing a story. Most Yaoi writers fall squarely into the problematic gray area of staying within the confinement of a cannon world. It can be very difficult keeping the characters from going ooc while promoting a clandestine love life that weaves into a behind the scenes feeling position within the cannon structure. It is a very tough task to do with finesse so most writers don't bother.
I find that many AU writers are not up to the task of keeping cannon characters true to their established personalities. OOC is my second biggest complaint with AU writing. My biggest pet peeve is having to read way too much Original Character take over in an AU storyline. IF I am reading a story about an anime I like, I want to read about the actual characters from the series, and not get overwhelmed without break by an original character that was created by the writer specifically. When AU has too much Original character, and too little cannon it makes me gag.
I do not mind a splash of OOC happening due to an emotional strain the character endures. All people have those moments, and it makes the cannon character more realistic/human. I can handle the cannon acting out of character for a couple of chapters while they resolve an overwhelming problem. If I find the OOC behavior continues non-stop over a number of chapters, I will stop reading because I get fed up with the non cannon portrayal. It feels way too disrespectful to the original creator.
There are a few well written AU stories that I have read. However, most often those are way too far and few between for my comfort. I only like AU that remains faithful to cannon characterization. So long as it is the genuine character from the anime I like, I will read and love the tale. Even if it goes very AU, I will be content so long as the author does not make me gag on an original character, and keeps the cannons within expected boundaries. My hatred of OOC makes it impossible for me to stomach tags that simply do not fit the cannon character personalities. A gentle cannon character will not get into sado/masochist bondage and pain in example. I can't see it, and have trouble suspending my expectations for that characterization. Character evolution is a different beast all together, which I do not mind. The differences between OOC and evolution of character determines whether I will stick with an AU story.
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Yeah Raymy, thanks so very much for the review.
Thanks so much for updating, I'm anxious to read beyond chapter 33. I have to find out how the two deal with the shootings.
Not a problem. AS soon as I get this stupid hard core yard work for the duplex (X) 3 units communal yard is completely cleared up I will be posting again.
Sad to see the first good next door unit neighbor go though. At any rate I hope to be completely done with final clean up within a couple more days. I will be posting the last of Alternate Tracks as soon as I can get past the real world infringements. On to your review.Chapter 2: When I read, "I have to help get that baka to bed", I got the impression of a double meaning which Keisuke wasn't aware of. It's fun to know what's going on with him before he does! I so enjoy the different descriptions of Takumi in Keisuke's mind:
-oo0oo-
You did pick up on his denial- slash "what he really has on his mind" but is hiding from himself. ROFL. It is so rare anyone gets that specific double dealing loaded foreshadowing of the plot to come. Grins big and happy., I am so grateful someone finally picked up on that one after it being published for 2 whole friggin years. ROFl..
damned little punk
spaced out little genius
that baka or that young baka-oo0oo-
Ah, Doncha love his way of strengthening his denial through equating everything to a fighting scenario? Keisuke strikes me as being exactly like that. Try ot deny via convincing himself it is the enemy.
-oo0oo-
In Takumi's POV, I'm uncertain as to the cause of the blurry vision. I know that when I'm tired my eyes can go unfocused but to go blurry and stay that way even when you know it's happening, I haven't experienced. Are you implying that the lack of caffeine caused him to see blurry and blackout; his deep need for sleep finally catching up to him?-oo0oo-
It is acute exhaustion. I know how the eyes finally refuse to work since I am a chronic insomniac. The caffeine wears off and then the body is totally screwed because it says shut own and to heck with the situation. My intent was for people to recognize that his anger burned the caffeine off too fast while he was in a situation that it needed to stay in effect so he could get back up to the top of the mountain. Emotions can completely yank caffeine out of the system that quick. At least it does in my own life experience.
Thanks so much for your review. I really appreciate it.
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I have added more chapters to Alternate Tracks, including a couple of previously deleted chapters that are lemon. Working on chapter 30 today. Getting so close to the second story's completed tag I can smell it!
I am shooting for 2 weeks max before I am officially revising and posting story number 3 All for Love.
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Second, if you ever get reviews like that, notify a staff member, please. That way we can document. I assure you, as soon as we've documented, we'll let you know so you can delete if DG doesn't delete it herself. We Hall of Shame aresholes.
ROFL. I find the Hall of Shame one of the best reasons to move here from FFnet where I had the aforementioned problem. At FFnet a signed in Review can never be deleted, only anonymous review can be removed. The Mod squad at FFnet didn't do jack because a minor caused the stink. I deleted all three completed Initial D novels I had posted over 2 years. To be blunt, I'm fed up with children getting by with plaguing me through fanpoodle or outright nonsense such as the unacceptable hatemonger lines.
I would rather get zero reviews and have peace of mind about who is reading my angst heavy stories.
I placed a single chapter up at FFnet for each novel removed after adding a very hardcore warning that I have zero tolerance of hatemonger reviews that are off topic.
ROFL. I also added the information that chapters 2 to the end of each story are getting moved to this site for my hardcore fans. I have been very focused on getting everything revised (minus dyslexic moments I am hearing about) and permanently housed here at AFFnet. -
It is a great idea to have anonymous review because it lets people who don't plan on joining the archive as members give feedback.
Thanks so much for the update on the stats for this review feature. Will we writers still have the same ability to keep or delete reviews from Anonymous sources? I only ask because I had a nut-job who was fixated on putting up tons of off topic reviews for my series of fan fic novels at FFnet.
For some reason I was one of 20 authors this particular weirdo thought would be a good showcase for Kill all Evil White People comments when there were no white people anywhere in my stories.
Anyway, thanks in advance for your response. -
Started working on revising the rest of the Alternate Tracks story this morning. I am so glad I am finally cleaned out from the stupid pain medication. Woke up and my brain was clear. Hip Hip Hoozah!
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Okay, yeah. I read the first and second books. I see the fourth posted but I won't read it until I read the third. Where is the third? I haven't reviewed yet, because I've been just barrelling through. So, sorry about lack of feedback. I'll get there eventually when I reread from the beginning. It's sort of like the way you describe their intimacy. I can't take my time on the first round, too stimulated. Heh, heh. General impression, though, is that I like it. Otherwise, I wouldn't be reading it steady and daydreaming about the pair.
I am so sorry I have not gotten the second finished or the third revised and posted. I've been too dratted sick to do anything but stay in bed for over a week now. I've been brainless level high on very intense pain medication. As soon as I can I will get back to work and finish posting all the completed novels. I am sooo sorry I did not get them done yet. Keep fingers crossed that I get over this disgusting illness please.
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I still think it's laziness for the most part. Especially with seeing the lack in so many different places. Unless, as you said, the story is based on the "pairing du jour".
I've noticed that there are some pretty fanatical ideals of pairings that are and are not acceptable in several fandoms. I'm personally sick of standard cannon Yaoi pairings so turn them all on their heads in my fandom writing. Some people like it, and others don't. A truly fresh approach can get review results. I think it comes down to how genuine to the character the cannons remain if you want to get reviews, pro or con.
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The cartoon is a double edged sword in truth. Science can be both good and bad. I got the ideal that it depends upon how the science gets used in the end. When the guy got his own head dumped on, I saw that is a reminder to be careful how you chose to use the science. The fact he burns the cave, another such reference. Chuckles. I saw both sides of the equation in the cartoon you posted. The good and the bad have a place, and requires common sense is the message I got.
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Here is another worksheet I use when I am a little iffy about the direction a story in my head could go. This is a handy tool to write a decent story in a matter of weeks, instead of requiring months to contemplate new steps when things get foggy and the story seems to dry up without explanation also. Copy and paste this one, and fill it out. It can help speed story writing and give you a great overview of the technical aspects of the overall story. It is called a Snowflake technique. I forget where I got this info, but it has worked well for me. Hope it helps someone else.
STEP 1: HOOK LINE: In one sentence, what is the essence of your story?
STEP 2: BLURB: A one paragraph summary of what will happen- think the back cover of a novel at the book store.
(STEP 3: Part 1: this section deals in clarifying the Blurb as in what starts the trouble, and how it affects characters
LESSER INCITING INCIDENT:
GREATER INCITING INCIDENT:
GOALS (Lesser & Greater/Mental) How does the character perceive the inciting incidents and why they choose to take action:
GOALS (Lesser/Physical) The physical actions taken to counter the inciting incident; the personal stakes:
GOALS (Greater/Physical) The impact the physical actions have in overcoming the inciting greater incident for the greater good of the majority:
STRATEGY (Lesser):
STRATEGY (Greater):
OPPOSITION (Lesser):
OPPOSITION (Greater):
STAKES (Lesser) What does the character have to lose personally?:
STAKES (Greater) If character fails, how much will the rest of the story cast have to lose?:
BLEAKEST MOMENT (Lesser & Greater):
EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL HOLE (Lesser & Greater):
HOLE FILLER (Lesser & Greater):
REVELATION (Lesser & Greater):
DECISION MADE (Lesser & Greater):
Step 3: TRUE : MICRO SUMMARY the one full page condensed main character actions list :
STEP 4: MAJOR SUMMARY the one page interaction of all characters to gain resolution of conflicts:
SECOND VERSION Snowflake main: the outline for the story. This section is where you come up with the good and the bad character plot lines and how the characters will be affected and seek to overcome or dominate each other to gain their ends. -
I must say that your cartoon is both entertaining and has validity also, Tigro. Whenever science does more harm than good, it is time to rethink the reason for it to exist. The same applies for Religion, and many other regulatory disciplines. Harmonic living is important, self responsibility is necessary. Science can do many great and wonderful things, yet it is also capable of destroying and enslaving also.
When it enslaves and harms it does become a case of Ego out of control me thinks. Thanks so much for sharing this cartoon. -
Why am I not surprised to read that AOHell is even worse than It was when My aunt worked for the company in the early 90's? Snorting over here. The horrid ideas sent my aunt packing from that place long ago. She said that the main powers wanted a lot of control over people, and it is not surprising that they still do that crap. Oh well, we came up with a side plan. Owl said she is working with you also on how to get around AOhell.
She said comcast is giving her better access now that she knows how to get that open instead. Grins. Thanks so much for your patience and help, Demon Goddess we both appreciate it a lot. -
Chuckles. It is okay if I make it a work trip. Her newest son in law thinks he knows computers and it takes me hours to undo the nightmares he creates all the time already. It won't be long before I have to resurrect their computer at any rate. On average I do it 4 times each year. I'll schedule in the added Chrome on my next visit to fix his stupidity.
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Thanks so much for the input. I will relay the message to OldOwl ASAP. Looks like I need to make a trip to Catalina to fix her computer and teach her about navigating online. She does not know how to download anything and Her Hubby is as ditzy as her about computers. Both need serious computer basic classes. I'll get things fixed as soon as I can schedule in the hour long trip each way.
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Sorry to sidetrack this thread. Buuuuut ... I'm still gonna.
Hey, thanks for the clarification. Although, I watched the series before I read this post, so I figured out my error pretty quick. Since I'm so into Bleach (and know you've seen it), I made a parallel between KT and Grimmjow's attitudes. But Takumi just takes the cake! I totally agree with "cute little prude". There was this one subbed line that described him as "clueless" and that's him in a nutshell. I love that about him.
Hehe. Takumi truly is clueless and it is often somewhat intentional on his part. His horrid self esteem problem is so obvious it is painfully adorable. I also love him for it because he makes writing his perspective interesting to say the least. Itsuke is the other character I'm picking on more each day. He's so ADHD and seriously Chemical Imbalanced I can no longer resist the urge to explore his possibilities.
Anyway, I think I've gotten off topic long enough. I really should get back to revisions and posting the 4 stories here. -
I am in a very good mood now. Dancing on the Air good mood in fact. I got a concrit review that actually told me the correct Japanese words to insert for once! Hip Hip Hoozah. I don't know if the reviewer Anonym-kun will ever see this, but I am so grateful for the corrections mentioned. As soon as possible, I can go back and revise the already posted chapters. Gotta start the corrections in the middle of Alternate Tracks, but I'm going to get busy with it now that I know. Looks like the spellings I got from the book Japanese In Ten Minutes A Day has a lot of misspells in it. Plus, I am learning the reason for Nani and Naze being the wrong words for the first time. I was wondering about the grumbles I was getting without any backing it up. Here is the review that is going to make my writing better for those who do know Japanese.
Review:
I like the story a lot. The first time I read it was long time ago, when it was still fully presented on fanfiction net, and the second part was only somewhere in the middle of progress, I think. It fascinated me from the beginning and didn't let go, so now I decided to renew my memory and reread it (thanks to the fifth anime series finally appearing, but anyway). I was still extremely pleased. But.
Why did you use so many "japanese" words? Most of them are picking on my hearing (or reading in this case) and are usually unnecessary. You don't hear a Japanese saying "Kimi ha(wa) WHAT wo shite imasuka?" (君はWHATをしていますか) And I was really rolling on the floor every time someone cursed - it does sound funny when you see "naze/nani the hell".
If you still insist on using words in your work (your choice, really), then you should at least use them correctly. For example: If you use "onnas" instead of "women" - then why do you still use "men", not "otoko"? {I learned a new word! Yeah!!!!}
You use "ryoushin" and "aniki" - but instead of "otouto" you use "Little brother".
When you want to say "everyone", it's "minnasan" (みんなさん) - not "minasan"
With "isha" is used not "san", but "sensei", as any politic, teacher, doctor or simply very respected person. Though in your story better use the name with the suffix.
When you use "naze" - there's another word "doushite", and half of the times you use "naze" there should be "doushite" instead. Or even "douyatte". It's hard to find the examples as the story is big and I don't remember where I saw those, but here's one:
"I really don't understand naze Fujiwara san's behavior is unusual when we'r doing the same thing he is right now."
Naze means "what for", and here you have a different meaning of "why", better use "doushite". They have a few different "why", you know?
"Arigatou" (ありがとう), not "arigato".
"doumo" (どうも) - not "domo".
"doumo sumimasen" is Ok, but no "gozaimasu" - it is not used in apologies. If you want to stress an extreme apology, you'd better use "moushiwake arimasen" (もうしわけありません) - something along the line of "there is no forgiveness for me".
"Yoroshiku" is used only during the introductions or when a great help is given.
"Gomen nasai gozaimasu" - actually wrong, too. "Gomennasai onegaishimasu" (ごめんなさいおねがいします) is what you emotionally ment. Probably. Though if apology is to the person of higher ranking, then "gomennasai" is a rude mistake at all. (P.S.: besides, "gomen" and "nasai" aren't two words. "nasai" is simply the grammatical ending, so the simplified version sounds "gomen", when the word is stripped of all ending that add politeness.)
"Nani time do you get off" - well, there is a special case about it. Japanese say "Nan ji" for "what time".
"iie kidding" - extremely wrong grammatically. "Kidding ja nai", if you insist.
I hope it doesn't look like bullying, cause I didn't intend it to. The first time I read this I don't remember such words in the text, and now the whole effect of some angered speech is completely ruined because of "nani" every five words.
And if you wonder "what the hell is she blabbering about" or "what gives her the right to say so" - I'm finishing my 3rd year in University right now, Japanese major.
Good luck with your muse - I definitely like the stuff she's smoking.)Anonym-kun if you ever see this: Thank you so very much for the input. You are awesome. I will definitely give you a high five anytime you wish to yell at me for making mistakes in the verbiage. Also, I am trying to get this right with Japanese because I am trying to cut down on he said English/Japanese non stop when the Project D crew is stuck in America ion later stories I am still posting. Well, I guess it is time to get cracking on the revisions again, and although readers are going to go Huh? when they see the changes mid story, I will Author Note the corrections in bad grammar fixes and go from there.
So danged happy right now I can barely stand myself. I finally know the problem, so I can fix it! -
In the event anyone reads the series, and has questions, this is the right place to come. I am moving all of the series here from FFnet. It is taking me a bit of time so please be patient with me since each of the three completed novels are in excess of 300 pages long. I do frequent updates so I will get it all here as fast as I can revise and edit based upon reviews I have received at FFnet. All except for removing Samantha Singing Wolf as several reviews demanded of me, that is. Sam and a few scattered Japanese words in dialog will remain. So on those problems, unless it is a Japanese usage correction, please do not scream at me on either topic. Now onto the stories that this review response thread is intended to cover.
Driven Heart: the Prequel to the Rivalry Revealed series. Keisuke meets Takumi and falls head over heels but is in hard core denial about it. Heheh, I am so going to enjoy putting so many wicked thoughts into poor Keisuke's head as this story continues to get written. It is a response to all the PM and IM requests I have recieved from readers since I first posted A Rivalry Revealed at FFN a couple years ago. People wanted to know how Keisuke fell in love with Takumi, and this is the answer to those questions. This story features wet dreams and self gratification smut.
A Rivalry Revealed: The first Initial D fic story in this series that I wrote. It is completed and now on AFFnet. Keisuke goes from hard core denial to cleaning up his act so Takumi will consider him as a possible boyfriend. Not much smut, but, I did add a couple good kiss scenes and a round of masturbation fantasy on Keisuke's part. Keisuke is frustrated and squirming because Takumi is not picking up his signals for most of this story.
Alternate Tracks: 2nd in the main series. It is also another complete story. This is where the smut takes off for those who love hot men getting nasty together. Plot gets dark however since I am an angst writer by nature. Mogi becomes a stalker and she and Keisuke go to war over who gets to keep Takumi. Mogi does go nuts and hunts down her darling Takumi. Enough Said.
As the Smoke Clears: Third in the Series and also completed. Synopses: Takumi moves in with Keisuke's family. Has sex scenes. Another tale that tends to be dark and twisted. Keisuke has to return to his old Gangster group and hunt down Takumi's Kidnapers to get his boyfriend back.
As the Smoke Clears: The fourth story. I have part of it up since this is the only site it has ever been placed. This one is a very dark story and has controversial themes. It includes recovery from rape, flashbacks of rape, and other very disturbing elements. Increasingly kinky sex is in the mix. In fact Takumi is the one turning kinky. Plus the long awaited "Love's Legacy Ceremony" has been written and posted officially. I did a lot of research on Shinto ceremonies, especially weddings to get that written.
Romp For Perverts: This is an ongoing plot what plot fan service. It contains a variety highlights of all the sex scenes, minus the many chapters of plot line story telling for those not at all interested in story lines. Contains all the cut sex scenes from the Rivalry series novels from whence the deleted chapters were written and then axed.
Doubt this story will ever get a Complete tag unless I stop writing Takumi x Keisuke fics. -
Oh my Gods! I laughed so hard. I don't know "wot" was intended for the words "tak" or "kts" but I loved the word, "wot". I think I'm going to be seeing that spelling in my head every time I say the word from now on. It makes sense to me if I hear a British accent when I read it.
Hey, you're right, I can see it with a Brit's accent also now. Cool.
Gives it even more amusement value. Too bad the reviewer was not from Britain. The kids said they were using IM shorthand when I did a head bang on the computer desk moaning about illiteracy in this country. Wot is supposed to be what as they explained it to me.Tak stands for Takumi Fujiwara from Initial D. KTs - shorthand for Keisuke Takahashi, the other main street racer from Initial D and Takumi's Project D Teammate. I understand that Tokyo Pop coined the names Tak and KT for their version. It was a complete flop in America the first time it was released because fans had complete melt downs over the changes made to several Character names.
I own Stage one through four in the Japanese version. Heard that Funimation took over and re dubbed the series. The names are correct now. Plus, the cursing and other things were returned to the series.
Blame my addiction to this street racing show on my older son. He's a car fanatic, and mechanically inclined the same as myself. When he brought the Initial D box sets home, I kind of confiscated them after I saw the first few episodes. He thinks it is hilarious how often I watch the series.
Hehehe. Keisuke is so much fun to pick on cause he is a bad boy. Then again, Takumi is also, only because he's such a cute little prude. -
OldOwl says her husband pays for America Online service as their main internet provider. She hasn't got a clue what kind of Java set up it uses. Neither does her hubby it seems. She is on Windows 7. To be honest, I think that must be the main problem. I am aware of how much of a pain the Aol program can be when it comes to setting limits on people's usage. I stopped using them for my internet provision over a decade ago because the program is set up to be so controlling over the users when it is control of their internet access.
I will talk her through the process of turning on Internet Explorer specifically when she is visiting AFFnet. Hopefully that will resolve the problem she's having.
If Aol continues to cause interference, we will have to try and talk her stubborn hubby into going with a different internet provider. Unless you have some idea of how to bypass aohell's bull? Big hopeful smile as I daydream of slaughtering A.O.Hell. . . .
I really learned to hate that friggin program years ago. -
Personally, I love to get reviews like that. When I do, I'm delighted. I won't improve without knowing what works and what doesn't. I also don't have a beta reader, so I sometimes miss an error like a wrong tense (has/had) where spell check doesn't pick it up. Knowing about those little errors is also very helpful, so I can go in and fix them.
Then again, I treat my writing seriously, so I welcome serious concrit. A publisher's editorial staff isn't there to pet authors and make them feel good, either. Me, I'd be delighted to have her input.
I can let OldOwl know of Author names to look up as she gets settled into the groove. I know she has been one of the best assets I've had since she does hold my nose to the grindstone as hard as any professional editing staff to publish something readable.
I have a question also. Owl sent me an email saying that she is getting limited on the number of chapter reviews she can give here. She can only give five, or maybe six per day as far as she knows. Is there a specific reason for that shut off limit? I told her I figure it may be due to spam bot blocking software, and that I would find out more about the situation for her. Or is the setting intended to put limits upon the number of concrits to a specific author per day? If that is the case, I can tell her to shift focus to a couple writers each day so she can keep herself amused.
Thanks so much for the information in advance. -
Wiping tears from my eyes as I read all of these great typo terror moments. My contribution came from several reviews I have collected over the years.
#1 { in my opinion, detrimental to the writing style and injures the flow of the story. } When I read this, I wondered how typed words could get physically injured.
#2{ But, I have just joined so I can not really say anything at all good job! }
For the first week I pondered whether they were saying my writing style sucked, or that they were so new to reviewing stories they were not doing a good job. Considering how many coherent good jobs I received, I decided they were probably saying the same.
#3{I still get the same thought wot happened when tak finished work and wot is kts idea of a first date.}
It took me 5 minutes to stop seeing light bulbs in my head over the "wot" shorthand. Not certain as to why that happens. However wot looks to me as if it should be spell checked into the genuine word "watt" for some reason.
#4 {when do u plan to update this chapi check it just about everyday but no luck. and thank u for putting in the missing parts so one can only gather what the next story will be like compelete }
The story this child (?) or ditzy bad joke variety Blond (?) was reviewing was already marked completed in big bold letters. I ended the number one novel's final page with the obligatory Author's Note stating that the "Next story is Alternate Tracks, Sequel to A Rivalry Revealed."
Is it only me, or do people not comprehend straight forward English in this day and age? Something has gone seriously wrong within the education system in place for American children I fear.
And the grand Finale that had me twitching when I saw it two years ago: #5 {and i see
it's a YAOI
and YESH! i love YAOI!
i wonder who'll be the pair
would be be my fave
ahhaha
i wonder why people don't review in this}I have yet to decide if the reviewer was high on crack, another illegal substance, or suffering from acute insomnia exacerbated by caffeine overdose and too much sugar when they sent their review.
-
On a side note: I hate the phrase "grammar Nazi" - it marginalizes a series of events that cost over 10 million people their lives, and nearly destroyed several nations as well as introducing a terrifying amount of power into play that shaped the formation of politics and world events for the next sixty years (and continues to do so).
I understand completely. I do not use the term to degrade the nightmare of World War 2. It is not my favorite phrase either, however many authors have referred to OldOwl as "The Grammar Nazi" for a decade. Her infamy began in the Urbis website feedback arena. Thin skinned vermin posing as authors have fits such as the ones I've seen in this thread over her reviews. Many foolish egomaniac pretenders scream foul about her input. The sad fact is "Grammar Nazi" is the fastest way of giving the Moderators posting on this thread a heads up because "Oh poor abused little me! I got told I'm not a writing God. Boo-hoo! Waaah!" type authors will throw tantrums once Owl figures out this archive.
I've seen OldOwl leave reviews for stories that were so horrid she simply wrote: "Please learn the rudimentary uses of your Grammar Checking/Spell Checking features within your word processor program. They are valuable tools of your trade." OldOwl's meaning; "Please study and master the basic structure of the English language."
Owl knows the difference between conscious use of grammar glitches to advance characterization, and genuine ignorance. She understands the purposeful use of bad grammar, namely in dialog. She knows that people do not speak in perfect syntax, Grammar perfect English. In fact I have seen her leave reviews where she told writers; "people do not speak perfect English in the real world. Relax grammar in dialog to give the character more personality."
OldOwl is a tenacious reviewer when she sees an author has promise. She looks for strengths in every writer's creation.
In my case it was plots and unique word descriptions for characters/backgrounds/items. Because I do evoke emotions well, Owl began pushing me to polish my weak spots. I whimpered and cried 10 years ago, but I've never regretted considering corrections she advised.
The funniest thing is that Owl will leave a rehash in a review if the overall feel of the chapter fits the character point of view to perfection. If she leaves opinion reviews and rehashes instead of please correct this, that, and the other, it means she felt the chapter was a perfect reflection of the character's world lens.
Old Owl's only major reviewer flaw is she gets character names wrong if they are Japanese, Russian, or similar ethnic roots. She has warned me that she inserted pronounceable names in her head to keep track of the cannon Keisuke and Takumi characters because she can't pronounce their names. Otherwise, Owl is an incredible Beta Class reader that should be respected. If you want to fix your problems in writing, she is the best reviewer I've had for a while. She's the reviewer to watch for over the next few months.
Initial D Yaoi Keisuke x Takumi- Rivalry Revealed Series
in Yaoi-Male/Male
Posted
I can place the old version up. Despite having to revise to reflect the original deleted scenes, it is a completed story that has been read by a lot of peeps at the FFnet site before I took it down to keep my account safe.
I am glad to get any input at all on this dilemma. I have been quite disenchanted by the conundrum I've had over whether to put it up as the raw form or to wait.