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Showing content with the highest reputation since 06/27/2021 in Status Updates

  1. 7 points
    Last night, I was adding "heavy cream" to my grocery list, and the two words my phone suggested after "heavy" were "breasts" and "balls." Phone, you know me far too well.
  2. 7 points
    I wanted to share a real zinger for anyone who needs a laugh today. For this to make sense, you need to know three things: 1, I'm bi with a very supportive straight husband; 2, I'm in the closet IRL because of homophobic loved ones, and 3, I'm "out" online under my pen name. Oh, and 4, my husband Cold is an adorable smartass. I spent some time today working in our big hall closet, up on a stepladder. When I heard Cold come through the front door, I warned him to be careful coming through the hallway because "I'm kinda in the closet." "Kinda?" he retorted. "You're entirely in the closet." I could hear the unspoken bi joke like a cat hearing a can opener. "I'm only in the closet IRL," I reminded him, "online, everyone and their gay stepdog knows I'm bi." Cold poked his head around the door. "Either you're in the closet or you're out of the closet," he teased me. "You can't be both. You're not Schrodinger's bi." And that's how I realized it is entirely possible to laugh yourself right off a ladder, and that, despite getting older, Cold IS still able to catch me before I can fall on my oversized rump. I'm still grinning about this, and it's been over an hour!
  3. 5 points
    Big shout-out to @BronxWench for granting a hojillion category requests today!
  4. 5 points
    Gotta continue taking a break for a while, I’ll be back to catch up and finish reading some ongoing stories when I can. Stay strong everyone.
  5. 5 points
    My story “The Cartooniverse Mother-Daughter Crossover Sextacular” references 75 different cartoons from every era. My thought this morning: “It’s like I was trying to ruin as many childhoods as possible.”
  6. 4 points
    M Denis Villeneuve had best be working on Dune Part Two, or I shall hunt him down, remove his liver with my bare hands, and offer it to the Morrigan. And yes, Part One was an enormous improvement over David Lynch’s effort, although I might had chosen differently for the role of Lady Jessica. But by and large, c’est incroyable!
  7. 4 points
    Desiderius Price

    (taken from facebook)

    (taken from facebook)
  8. 4 points
    A very happy birthday to @foeofthelance and hoping this year brings lots of good things for you! See you at Ren Faire, lad, and I’ll stand you a mead!
  9. 4 points
    Sending birthday wishes to my darling @pippychick and wishing you all the very best for this year, and all the years to come. Love you!
  10. 4 points
    Found this excellent gardening tip on facebook! REMEMBER: When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig it up.
  11. 3 points
    I want my money back! Third COVID shot so far, no super powers.
  12. 3 points
    So, is eating a rabbi considered Kosher? (Asking for...a friend cause ‘tis the season for questions.)
  13. 3 points
    Do you think that when Theodore Maiman switched on the first laser at Hughes Research Laboratories in 1960, he realized that he was inventing the 20th century's greatest cat toy?
  14. 3 points
    Not fiction, this happened in my house recently-- It was a dark and stormy night, in a great big house. Thunderclouds had swirled down from the north and were dumping the rain. On the phone I had just talked with Jenny--who, with our son, was out-of-state on their road trip to see a massive museum. I was in my recliner sitting quietly a moment because I was ready to go to bed. The dark filled every room, all but disregarding a few puny battery-powered candles: Left the only soul in the house, I was downshifting for sleep. Power briefly flashed out. The kitchen clock winked--otherwise I wouldn't have missed power, since I'd already had the lights out. But over the din of the pounding storm, I made out some grating noises and then--footfalls. In our bedroom, over my head. In my mind I inventoried what had caused this big house to creak like that from time to time. Creaking I could explain, yeah. But there were also the little dull impacts. Unmistakably, movement upstairs. It sounded exactly like Jenny getting out of bed and walking across the floor--a sound I knew well from repetition, having heard it here above my head-- sometimes every morning in a week--yes indeed: footfalls ! But with Jenny in Ohio, then: who? The noise was, beyond my doubt now, a presence upstairs. I froze to stone not wanting to be detected—trying to reassure myself thinking: It’s the noise of the storm—that’s nothing upstairs ! And when would that Nothing--responsible for what almost was starting to sound like distant angry bangs and thumps--descend the stairs, coming this way? Starting to hear my heart in my ears, I mentally rejoined the presence by trying to reduce it to some mundane cause I knew--finding it nuts-- Because nobody--especially in a pounding storm--breaks into the TOP floor, while rain slides off the roof and sheets down windows. Over the roar of the storm, I finally caught a distinctive sound: A plastic case, wheels on an axle jarring with an impact. Our vacuum 'droid was loose. I'd been petrified by what I found to have been the noise of his slamming into furniture like a drunken bad actor who hadn't rehearsed his action scene. The power spike had jolted his dumb plastic butt right off the battery charger. And in the dark and fury of the storm, he was-- VACUUMING.
  15. 3 points
    My son was downstairs getting ready for school. Upstairs--off from my normal workday commute--I'd been quietly absorbed in my thoughts: out of sight, unknown or forgotten by all--next to the light switch for the stairs. I heard my son tell his mom he had to go back up for his socks. As he was reaching for the OTHER switch--downstairs--I flicked the light on. Ta da ! I'm told they looked at each other. Then he looked back up the stairs. "Daaad ! ? " 'Tis the season, for haunting. He wasn't all convinced that was me !
  16. 3 points
    Don’t mind me, chuckling where I had Dumbledore refer to anybody under a hundred twenty as a “youngster” in my potter fanfic.
  17. 3 points
    I know it’s automated and generic, but I still like the birthday cake Bing made me.
  18. 3 points
    Desiderius Price

  19. 3 points
    Protip: Best to not use poison ivy as toilet paper.
  20. 3 points
    That moment, after you crawl in bed, that you think of the perfect line of dialogue! Time to forget sleeping.
  21. 3 points
    From FB, but still…
  22. 3 points
    Pro tip: Do not french kiss the cobra.
  23. 3 points
    Making Progress. Slow progress but a step is still a step by any measure @BronxWench you were right It was way more cost effective to buy 10 ISBNS I feel like that’s how they suck you in. Well you only wanted one but…. You got the rest of your life to use the rest of them ahaha.
  24. 3 points
    This summarizes up today, though it omits the gaming distraction….
  25. 3 points
    Ok, so it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here. Not a long time since I visited the site, but I’ve been very quiet. I have, however, in the last week had JayDee, Sparrow and one person on the DR asking “Are you dead?” Allow me to settle that. I am, in fact, dead. I’m sure you’re all wondering how I’m typing this, and it is a mystery. I can’t quite answer it myself. Blame JayDee’s slumber party super team for this; it sounds like something that would happen to them. Ok, obviously I’m not dead. A lot has been going on, some of which is cool and some of which will be awkward to talk about, but I feel like I should tell you all about it. First off, I turned 35 back in April, and had my latest midlife crisis. I have one of those every year, stressing about all the things I haven’t done in my life, and they’re getting more appropriate since, in four years, I’ll hit what, statistically, is mid-life for an average American male. Likely in response to this, I am...endeavoring to get a new job, after working at a grocery store for the last decade. I don’t want to elaborate too much, because this might fall through, and I may instead have to just push harder to advance at the store. If things work out, there will be a prolonged training program (about six months), but after that I should be making enough money to live on my own, meaning I will no longer be an approaching-middle-age-man living with my parents. I don’t want to say any more than that now, lest I get my own hopes up too much, but I will let all of you know if things move forward. Up next, I should explain why I stopped talking. Part of my Asperger’s is something whose technical name I don’t know, but that I’ve heard referred to simply as “avoidance.” Generally, when something stresses me out, I tend to begin looking at or doing anything else. That became a factor recently. Some of you have presumably been following Mortuus Orbis, a multi-franchise crossover story I co-wrote with Sparrow. It’s massive, far larger than I realized it would be when I agreed to work on it (to be fair, I also think it’s far larger than Sparrow thought it would be). Two arcs, the one just titled Mortuus Orbis and the second one, titled Bunkerkampf, have been written, but there are three more to go, and then there were also plans for a sequel. It’s part of a much bigger multiverse too, and as we talked during writing, I remember multiple other stories being discussed, including a story involving the Halo and Metroid franchises, another involving a massive planetary siege, and another that involved Avatar: The Last Airbender. I also couldn’t see an endpoint to this, a place where it would really be over and done with. Assuming these were all like MO, I would be doing the vast majority of the writing. I saw this multiverse stretching out ahead of me, potentially forever...and I panicked. Well, panicked isn’t the right word. That sounds like I was like… What really happened was that the avoidance kicked in, and I began to not-entirely-consciously withdraw from conversations that could or would likely involve this huge project, ending up with me going very quiet on AFF. This did result in me being more relaxed, but at the same time it meant me abandoning Sparrow and not interacting with all of you here, so this is an untenable situation. I have to figure out how to approach this again. I’m not entirely sure how to do this, but I want to make it work. At the very least, I will eventually finish the remaining three arcs of MO. I’m not sure what the writing schedule will look like, given what I said about the possible (fingers crossed) change in careers. If I get settled into an apartment and therefore don’t have to constantly take care of dogs, I’ll actually have more uninterrupted time to write, but again I really don’t want to get too far ahead of myself. At any rate we’re in an uncertain time right now, but I hope to know reasonably soon whether the training will start or not. I do have some other projects going on at the moment, though, so I’d like to take a moment to discuss a few of them. Mommy Loves You: Games (Dungeons & Dragons). A oneshot, it is nearing completion, expecting around 5k words. This story is entirely Sparrow’s fault, and he will thus have it dedicated to/inflicted on him. Sins of the Fathers: Games (D&D). A possible sequel to MLY, this is still somewhat theoretical, but I have a rough idea of how it would go. Noctis Sector Chronicles – Do Not Go Gentle: Original (kinda). In progress. A oneshot and partway done, but longer than MLY (will likely end up around 15k words). This is part of the Dark Star universe created by John Drake. He allowed several of his readers to design alien species for the universe, which led to characters created by readers and stories that introduce them, which came to be called the Noctis Sector Chronicles. Two are already up, and this is to be mine. The character, Selara, will also be one of the protagonists in a huge project below. Title Redacted: Miscellaneous crossovers. In progress. Sparrow-adjacent. Takes place in the multiverse; obvious connection. Entire cast classified, wish to preserve surprise, but fact that I’m speaking like a scientist Salarian *inhale*...suspicious. Found Family: Original (kinda, again). In progress. This started out as a story idea of mine, using all of the alien OCs as characters, and then another reader, currently going by Aia (she changes her screen name frequently) got super excited and REALLY wanted to co-write. And then she just took off with writing it herself. I’m very much involved in story planning and editing, but basically Aia and my writing relationship is Sparrow and my writing relationship backwards. I came up with the story idea and most of the plot, she writes (except for a few select scenes I did myself) and I edit. Aia is a beast, though. Where I may get a scene done in a day, Aia usually gets a chapter, something like 18,000 words, done in a day. It’s a lot to read and keep up with. Anyway, FF started out as one book with three acts, but given the increased character focus, it became three books (it’s like the Snyder cut of an internet fic). Anyway, this will go up on AFF, along with my NSC story, once both are done. Tales of the Multiverse: Containment Breach: Anime crossovers. In planning. Action/horror story starring Marlene and Yuji from Blue Gender and other characters I need to come up with (‘cause what’s the point of a multiverse team if you can’t throw some other people in there?) facing a threat from an alternate Earth that went very bad. The Arena: Miscellaneous crossovers. Still very much in planning. I haven’t started writing because this one needs more work in terms of story structure, specifically laying groundwork for the third act. I have a lot of moments in there, but some of the things I’d thrown in fall into that category where they’re badass, but aren’t rooted in character arcs, and without that the events feel empty. I’m somewhat nervous now that the field of “Deathstalker Giant Crossover-Inspired Fics” is no longer empty, so this has to be as good as I can make it so that it’s not completely overshadowed by MO. Long Is the Way: This one won’t even be on AFF, but I want to mention this for completeness’ sake...and because you all will laugh when I tell you that yes, I am in the process of rescuing someone else’s angel. I have an outline, which I’ll almost certainly share with JayDee because they must suffer all of my stories like this. The short version is that this will be “InBrightestDay does Dante’s Inferno” and the title comes from a Milton quote: “Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.” The Spider House: Original. In planning. Cody and Yua’s intro story. Y’all know about this one, but I am looking forward to whenever I get to writing it. Low on the list because it doesn’t have to come out at any specific time. Anyway, I hope this sheds a little light on things. I wish I could elaborate on the job thing, but again, I’m really scared of getting too optimistic and then being let down, so I don’t want to go into detail.