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Winter Holiday 2021 Reviews


InvidiaRed

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  • 4 weeks later...

From GeorgeGlass on December 29, 2021
 

Vampire Gynoids From The Future, by InvidiaRed

I don't claim to understand the plot of this story, but there's certainly some vivid imagery. 

 

That’s A-okay 100%.

The mixture of high fantasy and scifi can get weird. <3

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From Thundercloud on January 02, 2022
 

Vampire Gynoids From The Future

I think this is one of your stories that I enjoyed most with its very cool scenery...except it does not feel like a complete story but more like a promotional extract from the real story.

The bad bit is that it feels to me like you watching a tv-show and just before the last commercial break the thing happen with the Gynoid happen...but after the break there is nothing and I am left with the feeling that I read a build up for something that never came. I don't feel confused but rather like the story ended prematurely.

The bottom line is that I think your material would work much better as a single larger story where you include the full story arc to its conclusion rather than giving us a string of stories where we are given puzzle pieces but never get to see things resolved. Thanks anyway for giving us this holiday story.

Fair Point, I might gather all this particular holiday canon together,  after my major projects are done.

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Slither

Okay...I sort of read it to the end but honestly I didn't get it at all. It just seemed like random fights between gods about something that is not explained while namedropping the names of other gods again and again. I suppose there is a story burried in there, but I cannot make sense of why anything happened.

 

Holiday canon,, is probably another one that should be compiled.

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From Thundercloud on January 02, 2022

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Naughty and Nice

I cannot say how good the story works for somebody joining it fresh, but for me as a returning reading this was a very satisfying conclusion to your trilogy. The final answer for how the naughty and nice list was "manipulated" seemed fitting and clever.

 

Thank you! Having established in last year’s story (“Checking It Twice”) that the Nice List can’t be hacked, I was forced to get creative. Glad you liked the result.

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As you might have remebered I claim Anthro is really one of my kinks...but when it is not well written like this I cannot really mind. Some really good antler-chaser action and I am left with a-shame-the-calendar-is-not-real feeling.

Like the two previous stories, I wanted this story to have a sex scene involving the reindeer and one involving the elves. The elf one was easy to set up, since Greta and Ida are both established as antler-chasers, but I needed a reason for the reindeer to have an orgy. Since it was December, when it’s just about time to change the calendar, I thought it would be fun to have the reindeer do a calendar for charity and to use that to build up to the sex.

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Thanks for given us such a erotic story.

You’re welcome, and thanks for reading and reviewing!

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From GeorgeGlass on January 03, 2022
 

Slither, by InvidiaRed

There were some bits of language in here that I really liked (eg, the description of bacon as "the forbidden meat candy"). But I found the story hard to follow, mainly for the same reason that I found it hard to follow in "Vampire Gynoids From the Future": the confusing use of punctuation and sentence fragments. Take this paragraph: "As the serpent coiled like a lamb. A danger not just to the sheep but the shepherd as well." The first sentence is an introductory phrase that doesn't introduce anything, leaving the reader not knowing what was happening as the serpent coiled. The second sentence presumably describes the serpent but has no subject or verb to make that clear.

Being an editor makes me hypersensitive to these things, so maybe others are better to interpret this story than I am.

Feedback is always welcome! Part of that makes sense to my brain, and part of that is due to the mad character trying to describe something but not quite finding all the words. Or would it be ‘As the serpent coiled like the shape of a lamb. A danger  not just the to the sheep but the shepherd as well.” that sounds better.

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30 minutes ago, InvidiaRed said:

Feedback is always welcome! Part of that makes sense to my brain, and part of that is due to the mad character trying to describe something but not quite finding all the words. Or would it be ‘As the serpent coiled like the shape of a lamb. A danger  not just the to the sheep but the shepherd as well.” that sounds better.

No, that doesn’t solve the problem at all, because these are still sentence fragments and not sentences. Would this rewording capture its intended meaning?

“The serpent coiled into the shape of a lamb, becoming a danger not just to the sheep but to the shepherd as well.”

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On 1/3/2022 at 4:13 PM, GeorgeGlass said:

From Thundercloud on January 02, 2022

Thank you! Having established in last year’s story (“Checking It Twice”) that the Nice List can’t be hacked, I was forced to get creative. Glad you liked the result.

It was a really good idea since somebody hacking the Nice List is an too obvious plot development.

On 1/3/2022 at 4:13 PM, GeorgeGlass said:

Like the two previous stories, I wanted this story to have a sex scene involving the reindeer and one involving the elves. The elf one was easy to set up, since Greta and Ida are both established as antler-chasers, but I needed a reason for the reindeer to have an orgy. Since it was December, when it’s just about time to change the calendar, I thought it would be fun to have the reindeer do a calendar for charity and to use that to build up to the sex.

Twins in a threesome was likely the only way to raise the stakes for the elves scene.

BTW...I think I might have missed a negation in my review. The thing I meant to say is that I am not into Anthro but found myself sad I could not see calendar.

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30 minutes ago, Thundercloud said:

Twins in a threesome was likely the only way to raise the stakes for the elves scene.

Good point.

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BTW...I think I might have missed a negation in my review. The thing I meant to say is that I am not into Anthro but found myself sad I could not see calendar.

I figured that was what you meant. Thanks again for the review!

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The Exposition Fairy, by Thundercloud

  • First of all, what a great title! It really roused my curiosity as to what the story was going to be about. It also gave me the impression that the target audience for this story is other writers, which of course I can't disapprove of.:-)

The idea for the story came from a line of dialogue in JayDee’s hilarious story You (http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600107772&chapter=1) where a character complain about somebody treating her as an exposition fairy. JayDee’s story is a parody about AFF writing itself and IMHO well worth the time to read. Anyway, it made me start thinking about how fun it would be if having a fairy talking about sex toys instead.

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  • The fact that the fairy has to provide exposition for everything Peter looks makes her condition seem like a curse. But it's a pretty darn funny curse, especially once Peter starts looking at sex toys and making the fairy explain them to him.

I am glad you found it funny, that was my intention.

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  • The exposition fairy seems like she might be a character in a video game or a text adventure, in that she provides both direction and information to the player. I'm wondering if that's what you had in mind when you wrote the story.

It is very much coming from a video game context. Invidia Red does in his review refer to Navi from the Zelda series. If you go looking for cosplay of Navi (and you don’t get stuck with Avatar examples) the likelihood is great the Navi cosplay will feature a text sign with some quote from the game.

Tv tropes have a list of examples of exposition fairies in a number of computer games in case you want to educate yourself. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ExpositionFairy

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  • There were a few language issues (FYI, mixing up "lending" with "borrowing") but nothing that interfered with my ability to understand the story.

Thank for the tip, I will look into the difference in the meaning for "lending" with "borrowing". It is easy to stumble into false friends when you write in a second language.

BTW I am really glad you found just a few language issues. The work load of writing the story without a beta reader and the family suffering from sickness for a large part of the December was pretty much over the top. I am kind of surprised that I actually got it finished.

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  • I like how the fairy rotates in the air as she sucks Peter's cock. Great use of her powers for erotic purposes. Good use of her size, too; being deepthroated by a woman who's no bigger than a halfling sounds pretty hot.

*smiles*

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  • I like the reveal of fairies' secret weakness at the end. Even if Peter is stuck performing the fairy king's quest, at least he's going to have a lot of fun along the way.

Maybe I should return to develop the setting more. An actual visit to the fairy court sounds like it could be fun to write.

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@Thundercloud I didn’t know that the exposition fairy was actually a trope. I’m clearly out of touch. :) I’ll have to check out that link you posted.

I could easily see you doing more stories set in this world. Part of the fun is that it seems to be a generic medieval-fantasy world, which means that you don’t have to do a ton of world-building, but with funny and sexy quirks that you can reveal to the reader in the course of the story.

Oh, and I’ll have to check out JayDee’s “You.”

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