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swirlingdoubt

Before the Storm: Review Responses and Other Nonsense

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The following is a review response thread for the Pokemon themed fan-fiction Before the Storm, featuring Mewtwo and Nurse Joy. The “Promote” thread can be found here and the archive location here for more details.

I realized just how impressively dark it was that Mewtwo was mind controlling Nurse Joy. It is easy to gloss over the depth of violation for a kid’s movie, but I became interested in what kind of psychological effects this would actually have, and how inevitable it was – considering the Pokemon’s sociopathic tendencies - that he was abusing her in some way, especially if he decided to memory wipe her and give everyone a dastardly look when he did so. His entire character is built on subverting the paradigms of the Pokeverse, so if any Pokemon is going to get freaky with a human, it would be him.

Ok that’s it. On to a review – contains spoilers.

@JayDee Thank you so much for the thoughtful review! It is very generous of you to take the time to give it a read, and your input is very helpful and inspiring. I’m answering some of your points within the quote, colored in blue.

Quote

From JayDee on July 08, 2018
 

I liked the use of switching in and out of visions/memories between the two and how it shows they’re getting samples of each other’s memories. It’s a good build up that shows the control that Mewtwo has over Joy’s situation and how easily he could kill her as in the bath.

I think Mewtwo pretty much nailed the relationship of  how some folks seemed to use Pokemon with “Morality is irrelevant. I caught you and so you belong to me. I can do anything I please with you. Isn’t that how Pokemon and humans relate?”

Oh and “Humans are more perverse than I could ever be.” Sounds like a challenge :p

You zeroed in on the thesis of the story (you know, besides the porking). That makes me happy. Challenge indeed. B-)

I thought the fucking was hot, with some fairly original mental images introduced by lines like “Mewtwo was masturbating himself with psychic energy” and Joy’s realistic gag reaction to him trying to go too deep. Creative use of the telekinesis to move and control as well. I think my favourite bits were when Joy was  getting screwed bent over the console, or later on when he used his power to feel her orgasm with her.

Thanks for this feedback, it validates my sensibilities. Heh.

I was able to enjoy it for the themes and interactions even with a vaguer/half forgotten memory of the source materials – my mental images of some of the surroundings might be a bit out, but that’s all.

Also I think you’ve fallen prey to the same oversight I make of checking the story for errors or spelling and typos (I still miss many of mine!) but forgetting to check the author’s notes, so there’s just a couple I spotted you might want to fix!

In Author’s note – you have descripitions for descriptions

In additional warnings - non-consentual for non-consensual

I will fix these – thank you for pointing them out!

I haven’t spelled checked this review so naturally there’s probably typos in it. Regarding the author’s note - My familiarity of the Pokemon universe comes from the original Game Boy games of the 90s, and the cartoons from around the turn of the millennium/a little later, which were popular when I was at college. I felt sure I could muddle through. Naming convention wise, I always thought Musashi sounded better than Jessie but that’s not relevant to this review.

There could be a bit more description and background information presented for readers that are fuzzy or not as familiar with the source. I was a bit lazy there. I get impatient with description because I’m primarily visual. It was something I planned to go back and fill in, but never did because I had already spent 50+ hours writing this over about a month period, and around 10,000 words never made it to the final version. It would be easy to keep re-working it, and honestly that is part of the fun of writing, I am discovering. I may go back and do a better job filling in the scenes.

Musashi does sound better. If I ever write another Pokemon erotica, it would definitely be for Musashi and it would be much more light hearted. She is one sexy cartoon lady.

One last thought on the additional warning, for the part where Joy twice asks Mewtwo to stop and he ignores her, well, it feels like it’s a bit just past bordering rape.  

Point taken. ><

Thank you for stopping by. :thankyou:

Edited by swirlingdoubt

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The thing with fanfiction is that 99% of the readers are going to know the scenery and the characters as much as you do. If I did a Buffy story in The Bronze, I wouldn’t explain it the setting either. You have enough scenery there for people to put in a mental image of the rest, I was just kind of saying that my mental image is going to be different to the cartoon. I definitely saw one of the movies but I can no longer remember which one! :)

Re-working absolutely can be fun – a few of my stories are heavy re-write/re-workings of my older stories which kept most of the themes/sex but heavily changed setting, characters and even in some cases endings. For a new story though I sometimes find it hard to keep teaking and will stick it out there knowing I’ve probably missed a typo or two. I guess it’s different for different writers.

 

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Review from Daveb

Quote

 

From Daveb on August 04, 2018

Fantastic story!! Deep characterisation. And the sex stuff was staggeringly well written

Hope he warms up to Joy. The bit about wanting to impregnate her was promising. Hope you continue soon

 

Thank you for the kind words! I’m glad you liked it (I hope that for every one positive review, there are at least a few others that enjoyed it even if they don’t review).

This was definitely a one-shot and there won’t be a follow up story. I don’t think Mewtwo would ever warm up to Joy, unfortunately. The impregnation comment was designed to purposefully horrify her, indicate his boundaries of what is taboo are nonexistent, and show the futility of his situation as a singular, sterile clone.

I’d be fun to have a psychologically complex female character if I wrote another story. Although complex females are much more intimidating. :lol:

Edited by swirlingdoubt

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