SpartanAlchemist Posted July 2, 2016 Report Share Posted July 2, 2016 This will be where I reply to reviews and discuss with folks who want to how to improve my 'storytelling'. I wont reply to every review but Ill try and hit at lease a 50% ratio for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpartanAlchemist Posted July 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2016 (edited) Yuuya26 & SolarWolf - Pretty sure I got that. Natsumi is married to Kiba and Hinata to Shino. I changed quite a few things in the story literally hours before posting and missed a few fixes. Sorry bout that. AFFModerator - Fixed it. Sorry bout that. JoJo - Yeah I have pretty much all the chapters planned out just not typed. If I get enough feedback for certain characters I'll most likely add them. Natsumi will be the focus of the next chapter, mostly. Shiroma - Pretty sure you meant 'fic' but thanks. I hadn't planned to but if I get another 2 or 3 people asking I got no problem adding that. Or not. I've already got ideas floating around in my head for that so I might just do it anyways now. Edited July 2, 2016 by SpartanAlchemist Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JordoZ Posted July 2, 2016 Report Share Posted July 2, 2016 Hmm, am I right in guessing that the Rd-haired anbu is Kushina? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpartanAlchemist Posted July 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2016 Hmm, am I right in guessing that the Rd-haired anbu is Kushina? Yeah. I'm not really going for subtle on this one. Maybe my next fix. I'm just feeling stuff out and see what I can do atm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JordoZ Posted July 2, 2016 Report Share Posted July 2, 2016 Yeah. I'm not really going for subtle on this one. Maybe my next fix. I'm just feeling stuff out and see what I can do atm. Well, the only problem with the new story is that it could do with a bit more build up, and description, but other than that. It's fine. Will next chapter focus on someone different? Possibly a flashback to his arriving in the village? Either way, feel free to bounce ideas off of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpartanAlchemist Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Well, the only problem with the new story is that it could do with a bit more build up, and description, but other than that. It's fine. Will next chapter focus on someone different? Possibly a flashback to his arriving in the village? Either way, feel free to bounce ideas off of me. Next chapter I had planned as Jokuros entry into Konoha and why he's there featuring Kushina as his partner, despite me ending the chapter with Natsumi showing up at the end. And I did want to put more description into the chapter but I'm so hyper-critical of myself when entering a new genera that I'll just sit and rewrite things for months trying to get it 'perfect'. So I'll set a date up to post and put it up in whatever condition its in. And thanks for the offer, I'll most likely take you up on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JordoZ Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Next chapter I had planned as Jokuros entry into Konoha and why he's there featuring Kushina as his partner, despite me ending the chapter with Natsumi showing up at the end. And I did want to put more description into the chapter but I'm so hyper-critical of myself when entering a new genera that I'll just sit and rewrite things for months trying to get it 'perfect'. So I'll set a date up to post and put it up in whatever condition its in. And thanks for the offer, I'll most likely take you up on that. Cool, I'll check back with this thread every now and then, then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted August 10, 2016 Report Share Posted August 10, 2016 It would be cool if Naruto was in this story aswell, he wouldn't have to play a big role or anything, but just mention that he exists and is Kushina's son and Natsumi's twin brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JordoZ Posted August 10, 2016 Report Share Posted August 10, 2016 It would be cool if Naruto was in this story aswell, he wouldn't have to play a big role or anything, but just mention that he exists and is Kushina's son and Natsumi's twin brother. Not really. That just seems to be you wanting him humiliated. Kind of a turn off for people who actually like to read Naruto-centric fanfiction you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted August 11, 2016 Report Share Posted August 11, 2016 Not really. That just seems to be you wanting him humiliated. Kind of a turn off for people who actually like to read Naruto-centric fanfiction you know. I don't want him humiliated, I just think its hot that Kushina is fucking someone the same age as her son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpartanAlchemist Posted August 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 It would be cool if Naruto was in this story aswell, he wouldn't have to play a big role or anything, but just mention that he exists and is Kushina's son and Natsumi's twin brother. I did want to throw Naruto in there, and in fact had him as Hokage instead of Natsumi(though not married to HInata), but when I decided to make Natsumi Hokage he would have just felt shoe-horned in for pretty much whatever reason he would show up. So no Naruto showing up in this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tuake Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 I would like to see more detail in the story not about getting to the sex but during it felt like it was over very fast. Also please make the women in your story physically unique a lot of stories make a lot of women feel the same other then that this story has a lot of potential and hope you update soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpartanAlchemist Posted August 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 I would like to see more detail in the story not about getting to the sex but during it felt like it was over very fast. Also please make the women in your story physically unique a lot of stories make a lot of women feel the same other then that this story has a lot of potential and hope you update soon. Yeah as previously stated when entering into a new genere Im super-critical of myself so I set a date to post in whatever condition its in. Ill most likely go back and rewrite ch1-3 a few months after finishing this story. And I did plan to change the womens figures. I went through about 10 or 15 different bodyslide presets for the bodyslide mod for skyrim looking for what I think would look best for each kunonichi. Hinata was DMRA Enhanced if it matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JordoZ Posted August 19, 2016 Report Share Posted August 19, 2016 Yeah as previously stated when entering into a new genere Im super-critical of myself so I set a date to post in whatever condition its in. Ill most likely go back and rewrite ch1-3 a few months after finishing this story. And I did plan to change the womens figures. I went through about 10 or 15 different bodyslide presets for the bodyslide mod for skyrim looking for what I think would look best for each kunonichi. Hinata was DMRA Enhanced if it matters. What's your plan for chapter 2? Well, I know you plan on showing the MC arriving in Konoha, but do you have a plan on how your going to go about things? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpartanAlchemist Posted October 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2016 Ok so my muse has gone and left me for another writer...hopefully not for a hipster writing poetry, so I cant quite roll out ch2. I’m gonna work on some of the other stories and hope that gets things moving again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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