Luminita Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 I would greatly appreciate feedback about this character. I want to make her mutidimentional, yet not overly exagerated. She's destined to be one of the main characters in my next story, so I dont want her to drag down the story. Fandom: Original fiction Name of character: .Akira Caoimhe Nakamura Race of character: Mixed asian and european Age of character: 16 Height of character: 5 feet Weight of character: 135 lbs. Brief background of character: she was born in a small new england town. Akira moved to Ireland to be close to her maternal grandmother who was seriously ailing, at the age of five. Three years later her parents die in a car crash, and she is sent to live with a surpisingly liberal great aunt. Character's position or job: Tenth grade high school student Strengths/Skills: She's an exceptional artist and writer. Are these skills typical of the fandom? If not, why?: Depends on the story really, it is in some stories, but most of the time it isn't combined. Weaknesses/Bad habits: Tends to ignore people in general, and can have an overly acidic tone when speaking with others outside of her social circle. Distinctive features, if any: silvery blue eyes Are these features unique in the fandom? If so, why?: Not really Connections to canon characters (if any): It's my own piece of work so no connection to any cannon characters for other fandoms How does your character get on with those around him/her?: Generally apathetic, but fiercely loyal. Sarcastic and witty around her friends, but can seem condesending to others outside of her social circle. What does the other characters think of your character when they met her/him?: Generally other characters are put of by the way she acts. But if she allows them to see how she really is, they tend to end up liking her a great deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melrick Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 Well... to be honest, the character comes across to me, rather strongly, as a Mary Sue. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those rabid anti-Sue haters - I'm very forgiving indeed - but this really does sound strongly Mary Sue. She's not just an artist and writer, but an EXCEPTIONAL artist and writer, combined with "faults" that, to be honest, are pretty common to many teenagers of that age, so I don't see her flaws as being of any significance. I'm a strong believer in real flaws in characters, because they prevent them from seeming two-dimensional and just an extension of ourselves. And they also make the characters come across as more real and can gain the reader's sympathies better. So maybe if you could find ways to flesh her out a little more, I'm sure she'd be great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luminita Posted July 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 (edited) I hope that this modified profile sound more realistic. Please give me feed back on it. Fandom: Original fiction Name of character: .Akira Caoimhe Nakamura Race of character: Mixed asian and european Age of character: 16 Height of character: 5 feet Weight of character: 135 lbs. Brief background of character: she was born in a small new england town. Akira moved to Ireland to be close to her maternal grandmother who was seriously ailing, at the age of five. Three years later her parents die in a car crash, and she is sent to live with a surpisingly liberal great aunt. Character's position or job: Tenth grade high school student Strengths/Skills: She's an exceptional artist. She can also make her own clothing, and frequently does so. Smart and well read. Are these skills typical of the fandom? If not, why?: Depends on the story really, it is in some stories, but most of the time it isn't combined. Weaknesses/Bad habits: Atisocial and slightly paranoid. she also tends to snap at every one even her best and only friend. Tends to nibble on the skin of her fingers when worried about something, or to bite her nails until they bleed. Distinctive features, if any: silvery blue eyes Are these features unique in the fandom? If so, why?: Not really Connections to canon characters (if any): It's my own piece of work so no connection to any cannon characters for other fandoms How does your character get on with those around him/her?: Generally apathetic, and disintrested in people. Seems to hate every one but her best friend. Doesn't speak to any one but said best friend unless absolutely nessecary, and even then might not speak to any one else. What does the other characters think of your character when they met her/him?: Generally other characters are put of by the way she acts. Most don't like her at all, and find her to be snobish. Edited July 7, 2008 by Luminita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melrick Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 I think that's a good improvement. It's also entirely possible the character might grow and develop while you're writing the story, which is a good thing. I guess that's why I never put this level of work into a character before I write the story, so I can let the story develop the character, as it were. But I think it's looking good. I hope other people will give you their opinion as well, though, so you don't just have my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luminita Posted July 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 Thank you, i appreciate your feed back. I hope that some others give me some feed back on my character. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflower Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 (edited) Race of character: Mixed asian and europeanDistinctive features, if any: silvery blue eyes The eye description brought me up short, particularly in combination with the race. I guess it depends on the precise racial mix, but brown eyes tend to be more likely to be inherited genetically than blue eyes, as far as I know. So, not impossible perhaps but not especially likely. Also 'silvery blue' sounds both metallic and non-human, which might work for a non-human character but that's not the case here. If you really mean greyish-blue, it would be better to say that. As for the Mary Sue issue, I can never tell from a bunch of stats alone - I have to see the way the character turns out in the actual story. Absolute perfection can be a pointer, every character loving them (or hating them) without exception can be another, and if there's one thing that screams Sue to me more than anything else, it's a description of how incredibly talented or how beautiful they are on virtually every page. I'm actually less inclined to think it based upon background. I have read about characters with incredibly Sue-ish backgrounds who came over as interesting and engaging in spite of that, and I have also read cardboard cutouts of that kind too. It's good to have flaws but don't go completely overboard as it's just as easy to create a cartoon villainess type as it is Princess Perfect. Edited July 15, 2008 by Solaris minor fixing of a quote mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luminita Posted July 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 actually my grand dad had eyes that shade of blue, and both his parents were this kind of mix. His eyes were so pale a shade of blue they almost seemed silver. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CanadianGinger Posted July 10, 2008 Report Share Posted July 10, 2008 Maybe this is just my opinion, but it does seem like the background, talents and overall attitude of the character is very generic. An orphaned artistic girl with anti-social notions. I've read so many stories that match that, it can become quite tedious. Then again, there could be an abundance of these types of characters because people like them. I just don't them to be all that comparable to actual people. Maybe if you developed this character throughout the story then it will be better. Sorry to be so negative about this, I am just very picky when it comes down to original characters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflower Posted July 10, 2008 Report Share Posted July 10, 2008 actually my grand dad had eyes that shade of blue, and both his parents were this kind of mix. His eyes were so pale a shade of blue they almost seemed silver. It still seems like an odd way of describing them to me, and you may find that others react similarly. If you mean pale blue why not say so? Weird-sounding eye shades on humans without obvious recourse to contact lenses can be one of those things that set off the Sue-detector. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CanadianGinger Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 When I hear "silver" eyes, I think of some sort of hybrid demon or something more supernatural. I understand the colour you are talking about, as I have seen it myself, but I would not describe it as silver. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Shades_of_blue Wikipedia lists a few kinds of blue that are common. Maybe you are talking about one of these shades, as opposed to silver? The one Alice Blue seems closest to the silver. But of course you do not have to refer to it as Alice Blue, you could say washed out blue, faded blue, dull blue, light blue... You know what I'm getting at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canterro Posted July 14, 2008 Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 The clue is not the character description, but the way you can put life in it. Write If you do it well, then characters will defend themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luminita Posted July 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2008 When I hear "silver" eyes, I think of some sort of hybrid demon or something more supernatural. I understand the colour you are talking about, as I have seen it myself, but I would not describe it as silver. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Shades_of_blue Wikipedia lists a few kinds of blue that are common. Maybe you are talking about one of these shades, as opposed to silver? The one Alice Blue seems closest to the silver. But of course you do not have to refer to it as Alice Blue, you could say washed out blue, faded blue, dull blue, light blue... You know what I'm getting at. Yup I know what you mean, how about the name mercury blue. Mercury is silver in color, and at times it looks slightly blueish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luminita Posted July 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2008 The clue is not the character description, but the way you can put life in it.Write If you do it well, then characters will defend themselves. Thank you, I'm glad that you don't hold my characters cleche profile against me or her. I'm making it a romance story were her love intrest actually has to some how get to her and bring her out of her rather hard shell. I could make that love intrest her best friend, but i think that would be to cliched and generic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melrick Posted July 15, 2008 Report Share Posted July 15, 2008 Thank you, I'm glad that you don't hold my characters cleche profile against me or her. I'm making it a romance story were her love intrest actually has to some how get to her and bring her out of her rather hard shell. I could make that love intrest her best friend, but i think that would be to cliched and generic. Well now that you put it into that context, I think the character should work fine. It really goes to show how a bare-bones character profile only tells a very small part of the character, and is probably rather unfair to him/her/it by doing that. So you should write the story with the character how you wish, and make adjustments as the story goes along, if needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canterro Posted July 15, 2008 Report Share Posted July 15, 2008 So you should write the story with the character how you wish, and make adjustments as the story goes along, if needed. yup, exactly! then you can ask readers if a character is interesting and you'll get much more constructive opinions Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.