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BashfulScribe

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I love double entendres.

Hello to all, like, seven visitors! I am Bashful Scribe and after months, I've broken down and gotten a forum up. You may know me from my series, Being More Social, and virtually nothing else.

If you don't know my series at all, feel free to check it out here:

http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600107539

It's your usual teen male/teen female original high school story. Unlike my friend Jashley13, virtually nothing in this story has happened to me. It probably still has that personal quality to it. I hope. Allegedly some of the emotions in the story feel 'real,' or so people have told me, so there's that. It follows the story of a young Adam Watson who becomes introduced to a sex life abruptly and early, and sees firsthand the consequences of having such a life. Grab a soda and enjoy. And if you don't have a soda then get out of my house.

If you're here to give feedback, ask about anything going on with my stories or even myself, don't be shy! I'm currently writing chapter 13 of BMS, after leaving that cliffhanger last time. I'm also working on several other erotic stories and a game project with a friend. If you're reading this, whether you're a fan or not, I appreciate your time and interest, and you're a good person.

All the best,

Bashful Scribe

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Since last fall I've been following K.M. Weiland's blog "Helping Writers Become Authors" and her latest post is about "Dramatic Irony" http://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com/want-to-level-up-your-fiction-take-the-dramatic-irony-challenge/

I didn't really see one in my own story, but quickly spotted how when bashful wrote about Jeff and Phil, he gave the misogynistic brothers the last name "Love". Love is about giving and the Love brothers are, well, only about taking!

Edited by Joe Long
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So read chapter 12 and, and please don't take this the wrong way, I really didn't like the party scene. It just seemed so out of character for Adam not to get jealous because he does love Nicole and he is kinda insecure. I kinda expected him to freak and Nicole to feel bad when she realized that he loves her, she loves him, and that she should have known that he would get upset to have the fact she was screwing other guys shoved in his face.

So that said, still love the story and your writing style is amazing, anxiously awaiting the next chapter.

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So read chapter 12 and, and please don't take this the wrong way, I really didn't like the party scene. It just seemed so out of character for Adam not to get jealous because he does love Nicole and he is kinda insecure. I kinda expected him to freak and Nicole to feel bad when she realized that he loves her, she loves him, and that she should have known that he would get upset to have the fact she was screwing other guys shoved in his face.

So that said, still love the story and your writing style is amazing, anxiously awaiting the next chapter.

Well, maybe like Kayla's idea for a three way, he may have gotten caught up in the moment but it will start sinking in on him later (bashful has a chance to rescue it). But meanwhile, they'll all be distracted with Phil & May. That needs immediate attention.

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SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Please make sure you've read chapter 12 before continuing.

I really didn't like the party scene. It just seemed so out of character for Adam not to get jealous because he does love Nicole and he is kinda insecure. I kinda expected him to freak and Nicole to feel bad when she realized that he loves her, she loves him, and that she should have known that he would get upset to have the fact she was screwing other guys shoved in his face.

Let's go step by step.

We know Nicole and Adam are best together, but it's to clear to both that they are not exclusive.

Nicole craves intimacy (from anyone) to feel wanted, but fears commitment. The other aspect of her that is highlighted in this chapter is her sense of control. Commitment to being a girlfriend might also place Nicole in the #2 spot in a relationship, and because of her fears she wants to stay in control, to be the #1.

Nicole puts this Fish Mooney type of manipulation on display at the party when she chats up the three guys who used to make Adam's life miserable. She flaunts her sexual relationship with one of Adam's tormentors in front of him, at the same time publicly shaming ("owned by a girl") the guy who called her "bitch" (Fish was even more emphatic when she insisted, "No one calls me Babe"). Nicole made it very clear to the three who who calling the shots. Then she did it again by showing them that she was going to go upstairs to have sex with Adam instead of any of them.

Meanwhile Adam is drunk. He may have only had two, and calls it a buzz, but his reasoning is not 100%. When I was in college my limit was 3 1/2, sipping that last 1/2 all night. Now, as a very occasional drinker, two will have me saying things I might not normally.

Once Nicole and Adam get naked upstairs, he pushes back. He knows he's always been #2 in his relationship with Nicole and wants to see how far he can go, with the rough sex from behind and pulling of her hair, which leaves Nicole physically vulnerable to Adam. To what extent will she control her fears to trust Adam?

When the opportunity develops, she makes Adam the vulnerable one by putting their sex on display to the other couple. Then Nicole sucks the other guy's cock in front of Adam as if to say, "You can't control me, you can't change me!"

You have a very point in the reaction at that point being out of character for Adam, but I'll give bashful some cover in praising how he had developed the plot to that point, as I've just described. I'll argue, once the other couple was in the room and later when Nicole and Adam switched partners, that Adam was caught up in the moment while under the influence of alcohol.

That doesn't man he won't feel shitty about it later, after he's done punching out Phil for assaulting May. (after which Nicole wonders, "Wait a minute, who does he really love, me or May?")

Edited by Joe Long
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and I think may be by switching partners in the party Nicole showed Adam that though she trusted Adam to be a Dom on her but she did not give her complete reign to him to control her feelings by doing so. she is still her independent self and is not exclusively committed to him weather he like or not. though I must say that it'd be interesting to what will Nicole think or do after witnessing Adam's reaction after the "Phill/May drama" I can be wrong though. as only the author knows what to do with the plot. these are my silly assumptions only.

what do say guys?

Edited by Samara
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she trusted Adam to be a Dom on her but she did not give her complete reign to him to control her feelings by doing so. she is still her independent self and is not exclusively committed to him weather he like or not. though I must say that it'd be interesting to what will Nicole think or do after witnessing Adam's reaction after the "Phill/May drama" I can be wrong though. as only the author knows what to do with the plot. these are my silly assumptions only.

Nicole trusted Adam to an extent, but there was push and shove, a back and forth. It will be a huge step for Nicole to surrender herself to Adam, to let herself be vulnerable. That takes a huge amount of trust she might not have yet. To do this she might also need to be convinced that Adam trusts her enough to let her stray, confident she'll be back.

Not silly assumptions! It's fun to talk these out, and learn about humanity through literature. My experience with jashley as been that we discuss ideas on the forum, he lurks and takes what fancies him to work into later chapters. Sometimes we may see something in the characters, or maybe even know them better, than the author does himself.

I don't like to ask for or recommend specific scenarios, although sometimes I do suggest plot lines privately. I prefer to look at where the character is now, the issues they are facing, and the decisions they need to make. The author then sees that, in addition to his one thoughts, and decides where to take the story. Last year I privately reviewed some characters where I wasn't happy with their development. It was written well enough, but I didn't like the people the characters had become. The author took those comments and did a very good job of finishing off his story with a satisfactory ending.

Also, it's a bunch of us guys, young and old, sitting around writing and talking about women and their attitudes towards sex and relationships. It will be refreshing to get the viewpoint of a real woman.

Edited by Joe Long
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Nicole trusted Adam to an extent, but there was push and shove, a back and forth. It will be a huge step for Nicole to surrender herself to Adam, to let herself be vulnerable. That takes a huge amount of trust she might not have yet. To do this she might also need to be convinced that Adam trusts her enough to let her stray, confident she'll be back.

I agree with you ..
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Also, was this the first time that Nicole was willing to go public with being physically involved with Adam? Everybody knows she's been with other guys, but if I recall correctly she and Adam were always private. At the party she let people know about, and let people watch, her and Adam having sex.

At least she's not embarrassed by him. That does lift Adam's social standing.

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Hmmm, I see the various points but still think Adam would have flipped out when he heard her flirting with his old tormentors...sort of smacks of betrayal...retroactively. I even think that Adam would have been fine with knowing she had others but I just don't think he cpuld have handled having shoved under his nose so to speak.

And if Nicole has a problem with May, well that would be sort of hypocritical wouldn't you say? Would that be the start of her realizing she does love him?

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Hmmm, I see the various points but still think Adam would have flipped out when he heard her flirting with his old tormentors...sort of smacks of betrayal...retroactively. I even think that Adam would have been fine with knowing she had others but I just don't think he cpuld have handled having shoved under his nose so to speak.

And if Nicole has a problem with May, well that would be sort of hypocritical wouldn't you say? Would that be the start of her realizing she does love him?

I think Nicole was testing Adam. He always knew that she was with other guys (as he was with other girls) but it was out of sight. At the party Nicole did put it in Adam's face, talking to another guy about their casual relationship, and then later (unplanned) doing another guy right in front of Adam.

I do think Nicole's trying to find out how much Adam trusts's her, but it can very easily blow up in her face. Adam would know that if he allows her to see him react negatively it might drive her away, so he holds it in - for now. I do think he'll like shit about it later, and maybe confront Nicole privately.

Nicole has allowed and encouraged Adam to be with other girls, presumably so he won't be fixated on and demand a relationship from her, but Nicole has always been the puppet master, keeping control over his love life. I think if Adam starts showing any genuine attachment to another girl, such as May, Nicole will try to steer him away, trash talking the other girl.

So anyway, what's written is written. Adam didn't flip out. We'll see how bashful will handle it in future chapters. There may yet be a delayed and/or more subtle reaction.

Edited by Joe Long
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Hmmm, stabs her in the eye...too much?

Maybe when Adam is stabbing her with something else, when she's in a vulnerable position (his hands around her throat?)

"So what's up with blowing some dude right in front of me? I know you're with other guys, but you don't have to throw it in my face!"

"Adam, I...I can't breathe!"

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