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Until It Hurts


wanda_walker

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For Chapter 12:

To Leafy: You can hate Clint. Even Clint hates Clint. XD And Clint likes to be slapped, so . . . go ahead and try that, lol. Hopefully this chapter was better for you. :) Thanks!

To Fenrirsboy: Yeah, Clint's an idiot. And a coward. Just like Teo said. DX Clearly not super cowardly though, because he stalked Teo at Silk. Stalking > cowardice. PROGRESS.

To Katherine: It was a shitty thing he did. :( I can understand why someone might not want to confront their maybe-rapist, but yeah, he'll feel guilty as hell for a while for that.

To chibikodo: Lautaro and Teo are a bad fit. :T That's for sure.

To Mimi: If Clint will learn how to do anything, it's grovel. ;) He is a dumbass though. No shocker there. >_>

To Eve_Leigh: Thanks! I get that a lot, that people overlooked my story because of the description and then came back to it and enjoyed it later. Maybe I should start naming my stories something crazy like FUCK ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT. XD NO ONE WOULD PASS OVER THAT. But I'm glad to have you on board.

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To amoxi: I have some difficulty with pacing, because I'm always afraid of drawing things out too long (because I do this a lot). So you're right, it was probably too fast. :/ At the same time, this isn't to say that they will be happy with rainbows forever. Plenty of issues can come up while they're dating, for sure. XD And I would like to escalate the sex too, aha. They may feel more comfortable doing things if they're actually together as opposed to sex buddies. Thank you for the pick-me-up! I do feel especially grateful to people who drop me a line on how they like it! 59 reviews ain't too bad-- it's certainly better than what I have on Fictionpress, and Fictionpress has a much bigger audience. SILVER LINING.

chibikodo: All the drama ADDS to the sex, yo. XD They're like little kids with temper tantrums. Lautaro will slowly have to retract his claws, but he'll do it kicking and screaming. Lautaro has never led a happy life, and I don't think he knows HOW to. Something has to make him unhappy for him to feel normal.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest wanda walker

Replies to comments on Chapter 14:

To Leafy: You are allowed to lightly hug me, lol. Or awkwardly wave at me from a distance. That's my classic move. XD Clint and Teo can be adorable, and I'm sure you'll like the adorableness in Chapter 15 too. :) But yeah, Teo's a huge food snob and PROUD OF IT.

To chibikodo: It's very hard for Lautaro because he doesn't even know what a functional relationship looks like. Teo and his mother did what they could for him, but he grew up in a really shitty situation and unfortunately, it's hard to extricate yourself from that if it's all you know. But Marcos is definitely bad news. Clint's family is definitely kinda douchey. XD Thanks!

To Ghoti-Umbrella: Oops! That was not a misread, that was a typo. XD I don't know why I keep screwing that up, because it's not like "Clint" looks anything like "Teo". DX Thanks!

To areralin: Teo is indeed a douche to Lautaro, and he's always been kind of bossy and almost-mean to Lautaro because Lautaro is a big doormat. Not that this is Lautaro's fault-- he just requires someone a bit more patient like Rico. Teo is definitely flawed in this way, and I don't want to make excuses for him. But both of them are like flint and friction-- they just set each other off. Being nicer to people in general is something Teo must work on, and he knows it. He just has a very bossy personality that's difficult to control.

I'm glad Clint comes off as a privileged gay guy, because that's what I was going for. Not only is he pretty well-off, but he's straight acting and therefore has inherent privilege in that. Luckily he has much thicker skin than Lautaro, so Teo's bossiness just flows off of him like water off a duck's back. Thanks for the review! Hopefully my characters don't irritate you too much, lol.

To Alexandria: I love these things too. :D There's such a lack of dominant bottoms out there, so I wanted to do my part in remedying that. Hope you enjoy Thanksgiving with these two weirdoes, ha.

To VixenBabe: Thanks! I try my best to have diverse casts, since I know slash can be a very "white" genre. I'm also a huuuuge fan of fem men who boss people around, so it lends well to dominant bottoms. XD Thanks! Sex is kinda weird and awkward for me to write, but I'm more comfortable writing Teo than most. ;) Some people said Clint and Teo got into a relationship too early, which I think is kinda funny. Relationships can be so fickle. Thanks for the lovely review!

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To Mimi: Thanks! There's not any event in particular that has fueled scenes in my work, but as I consider myself a feminist, feminist themes are common (I hope!) in my work. I definitely don't want to be preachy-- I know that's irritating. So I'm glad I'm not. Teo however is a very strong-willed person who is discriminated against not only because of his race and his sexual orientation, but his gender expression as well, so I try to show that in opposition to Clint, who is not white either but has the advantage of being born upper middle class and masculine (e.g. "straight acting"). I love exploring gender stereotypes and tropes in my work, which is why I so often flock to feminine (and often very strong willed) male characters.

Clint's more romantic than he lets on, lol. I try not to make things too cute, but sometimes it wanders into that territory. >_>

I love power bottoms for the same reason I love dominant women. I like the idea of the receptive person being the one in control, because so often we assume that person (both a woman or a "bottom" gay man) are the passive ones. In reality, it's just a sex position. The dominance and submission are all in the mind, and I don't like to get them tangled up with gender stereotypes. It's one reason I don't like to read het stuff, because the woman always has to be "the woman" and the man always has to be "the man". If there were more well-written dominatrix stories, I'd be all over those too, ahaha. I'm more comfortable writing Teo dominating than I am with more masculine doms, so clearly I've struck a chord in my own psyche, lol.

To VixenBabe: Thanks! I'm getting better at sex scenes, I think. I actually have no real life experience (TMI, maybe?) so most of it is conjecture. And research. And many, many, many fics. Ehehehehe. Plus I've done a lot of reading on the BDSM community, so I know a little bit about it, though obviously not nearly as much as someone who actually participates. I'm looking forward to the fantasies play out too, not only because of the sexy sex but because it can help the characters grow a little. Thanks for the review!

To chibikodo: Clint's dad is definitely a tool. I'm shocked Clint survived. DX I hope to show that both of their families have shaped them, how Clint can be afraid of intimacy because he's not used to it and how Teo can be so passionate because his family is like that. They'll figure it out together, I think. ;) Thanks for reviewing!

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To amoxi: Thanks! Don't worry, Rico is a Perfect Boyfriendâ„¢. He has terrible taste in women, though. Ashley is probably the first one who is actually as nice to him as he is to her.

I'm glad you feel torn, because I've been (sort of) doing that intentionally. It's how Teo feels about Lautaro, at least. He loves him becuase they grew up and explored their sexuality/gender expression together, which means a lot to him. He knows he would not be who he is today without Lautaro's support. But at the same time, he's outgrown Lautaro and can't be what Lautaro needs. It's a complicated relationship, for sure. But you're allowed to hate Marcos. He's the WORST. Thanks for reading!

I know the scene in the latest chapter might make you frustrated because oh Teo was SO CLOSE but submission does not come easily to him. Part of it is who he is, but there's also a lot of fear and vulnerability at the core of it. Teo will get there eventually, I think. It was stupid of him to try it after a disastrous encounter with Lautaro. :T

To areralin: Lautaro is the one who really gets under Teo's skin. If they met as adults, I don't think they'd even try to have a relationship. But they grew up together, and so they feel a misplaced sort of loyalty to one another. Teo is totally capable of a normal, healthy relationship, which can be seen with Clint-- who he met as a mature adult. Unfortunately, a lot of the baggage and hurt feelings is what ruins Teo's relationship with Lautaro. :/ As you can see, Teo's not quite ready for submission yet. He does trust Clint, but he doesn't really trust himself yet. It means letting go of some preconceived notions of who he is, and what he meant to Lautaro. But I agree Teo could learn something from it. Thanks for reading!

To Alexandria: Thanks!

To chibikodo: Drama is Lautaro's middle name. His whole life has been one long stream of drama. DX Clint may have had less-than-pure intentions in the whole debacle, but I also think he just wanted Teo to know. I mean, he had to admit he was on Grindr, which probably wasn't the best idea. XD CLINT, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Wanda_Walker

To chibikodo: Ahaha, ANIME LOVE CONFESSION. I don't mind sappy. We all have our sappy moments. XD

To amoxi: Thanks! I can't reveal the ending, but Lautaro's ending won't be made of diamonds and rainbows, I can say that much. As you can see from this chapter, Teo has his doubts. about Clint. A lot of it has to do with insecurity. With Lautaro he felt like at least Lautaro was on his level, someone kinda girly and lame who understood him. Clint's "type" is not one he's used to, and Clint may even remind him a little of "that guy" in high school that Teo had been in love with for years. :T Thanks for your review!
To chibikodo: Clint is emotionally stunted. XD He's good at some things, like work and drinking and chilling with bros, but being open and honest with his feelings is not one. Lautaro will need more patience and work than Teo has for him. :(
To Smittywabablababerry: Thank you! Avoiding cliches is my largest prerogative. :) In regards to your question, Lautaro would often stay at Marcos' place, and sometimes he would "help" with Marcos' drug operation. So that's how he had access to so much heroin that he hadn't paid for. Teo was kind of stupid about throwing it out, but he didn't really know that it was Marcos', or that it hadn't been paid for. By now we all know how Teo acts first and asks questions later. XD
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To Leafy: No worries. I know it can be a pain to review, so I don't blame anyone for not doing so, ha. I'm glad you've been enjoying the story so much. :3 Once this story ends, there's always others. ;) I'm glad you love Teo, cuz I love him too. He works pretty well with Clint, despite their differences. I don't think Lautaro should be pitied either. What he needs is a really good therapist and a reliable place to stay. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that's going to happen. :/

I don't like stories in which the two main characters are mega attractive because I can't relate. I'm a pretty average person on the looks scale, so I relate most to people whose looks are average. And just because someone is "average" doesn't mean their significant other can't think they're the hottest person on the planet. :D Plus if a person is average, their self-consciousness over their looks makes more sense.
As you can see, this next chapter has the "fall" Teo predicted. :/
Thanks for reviewing! I love reading long reviews, lol.
To Mimi: Thanks! I enjoy crushing bubbly hearts, ehe. As Rico mentions, Teo can't be in a fight-free relationship-- he's too volatile. But his apologies are heartfelt, so there's that. I still think Clint was being a douche, but Teo's so determined to make his relationship work that he's willing to overlook Clint's douche tendencies sometimes. XD It's hard to get rid of internalized hatred too. I mean, I had a serious case of internalized misogyny as a middle schooler but eventually learned the error of my ways (way before 32 though, aha. Clint's slow). I appreciate the review! Thanks!
To chibikodo: Clint's dumb, lol. It's taken him a long time to get to where he is now, and it'll take longer to shed the rest of his internalized homophobia/misogyny because he grew up so saturated in it. Teo'll help though. :3 I hope you're pouting even harder at the end of Chapter 21. XD Thanks for reviewing!
To Ghoti-Umbrella: Happy New Year! Fighting is normal for these two, because Teo is a volatile person and Clint has some pride. The make up sex is probably pretty good though, haha. I will write until my hands fall off, and then I'll have to figure out a way to write with my feet. ;) I'm glad you thought Teo's submission scene was well done, because it was hard to do. Teo's not much of a sub to begin with, but he's got serious baggage about control and relinquishing it. You're right-- he lacks more trust in himself than he does in Clint. Chapter 22 will get more into this. Thanks for the reviews!
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  • 2 weeks later...

To chibikodo: Yeah, Lautaro and Teo should get their funds together to hire a hit man or something. XD In Chapter 22, it mentions that Teo's family is from Ciudad Juarez, which is insanely dangerous and rife with gangs, so paranoia about corrupt cops is in his blood. DX He's being overly cautious, but they did almost kill him, so he's not eager to step on any toes.

Leafy: I understand laziness for sure, aha. I'm glad you liked the picture! Clint turned out pretty well. :) Teo and Clint are always amidst some kind of relationship drama, but in the end they work it out. Lautaro always complicates things, unfortunately. :T Drug addiction is a terrible thing.

Aww, thank you. ^_^ I love cheese and drama and dorky people being dorks, as long as in the end everyone respects each other and gets along. I mean, I think "serious" authors lose something when they try to be too "edgy" or "different" with characters because real life people act in cheesy, cliché ways sometimes, and so I try to capture that without it being a "roll your eyes" moment. I love adorable things. Adorable animals, adorable clothing, adorable people... they make me happy. So I write what makes me happy. Thanks again!
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To chibikodo: Lautaro will finally have the chance to do this, but not without sacrifices. :( Sometimes it takes something drastic to change your life.

Clint is slowly learning how to deal with relationships, lol.

To romancelover: This last chapter is out of the frying pan and into the fire for Lautaro. DX
To TickledPickle: Thanks!
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To Anon: Thanks! It's been a while since I've had to listen to/speak/learn Spanish, so I'm rusty on these things.

To chibikodo: So far, so good. Lautaro's getting there. Now it's up to Teo to fix the rest of his life on his own. He can't blame Lautaro anymore. XD Thanks for reviewing!
To Ghoti-Umbrella: Teo's obviously still a little tense, freaking out over a guy on Grindr, lol. We're getting near the end, and it should be a happy one, promise. ;)
To v confused: Yeah, Lautaro sticks to his guns when he wants to. He should be fine. Anything is better than being homeless and addicted to heroin... unless it's being homeless and addicted to heroin in Guatemala. DX But I think Lautaro's good for now. Teo's getting there. This is a process for him, so I promise at least one more power play scene before I end it. Thanks for reviewing!
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