Review Replies: DaeMEon's Mass Effect fanfics

[DaeMEon]

So I made the mistake of replying under the reviews of my story and got a warning, so I'm trying to set up a reply thread for my stories. Since I won't be posting tons of them, I think one thread is quite enough for all discussion.

Let's start with The Ballad of the Pirate of Terminus a Mass Effect AU story.

(No Reapers, Shepard is a pirate, Ashley is his ex, and Miranda is caught in the middle. Some really dark abuse and major character death(s).)

Sundowner:

I admit I was about to stop reading this because by part 5 the whole story just became way too cruel for me. I was feeling bad just by reading it... But the love scene at the end was so well done and I was really happy for Miranda even though it was later revealed that scumbag Shepard was just playing with her.

Also, after reading the ceremony scene I'm now pretty sure that you managed to portray Miranda as the perfect/ideal woman in this story.

I'm really curious about what kind of team Ashley and Leng are going to build. I was having ME2-style band of badasses vibes when they were talking about it. I expect a very capable team.

So I'm looking forward to what happens next and hope for a good ending for Miranda.

The cruelty was not planned. I set up the situation and realized that it must go that way, so I kinda lost power over some darker scenes and they just happened.

The flashback scene was kind of a compensation, one that was not supposed to happen either. I should have cut it out, but I couldn't.

I really appreciate your observations about Miranda: it is always rewarding when the reader notices the underlying theme, especially if I myself noticed it later.

Also good eye on the team bulding aspect, once again, not 100% intentional, but I'm happy with the results.

At around chapter 5, I invested too much effort into Ashley's part of the story to let it go to waste, so it became clear, that this conflict had to play out completely.

Love scene was great as always, you are really good at this, but given the circumstances it was much more disturbing than... hot.

I was trying to balance it between the two things. Ideally it should be sitting in the middle.

I will post a reply to your final assesment the next time. I really, really appreciated it and it was very useful, so I intend to go through your very valid points soon.

Cheers!

[DaeMEon]

@Sundowner:

Thanks again for your review, it was tremendously useful.

Here are my thoughts on them.

The second half of the epilogue. It's actually pretty good, but I don't think it's a very good ending for this story.

Ashley needed a closure, too. Without it, the story didn't feel complete. I tried to involve Miranda in it, but couldn't figure out a plausible way for it. No other idea came to my mind about how to wrap it up, so I suppose it is a bit lacking but it gives closure and an idea about their future.

Jacob's death. I'm pretty sure it is one of the most anticlimactic deaths in fanfiction history.

On one hand, it was supposed to be anticlimactic. On the other hand, I was rushing it at that point, so it didn't come out as well as intended. You are right and I was impatient.

The sudden change of pace from chapters 9, 10, 11 to 12 was a bit distracting. After many chapters of slow Miranda abuse, it was strange that the story suddenly turned into a fast-paced action flick.

I was worried that I was dragging it on. The low amount of feedback I got (compared to other fills on the kmeme) at that point made me doubt that I was keeping it interesting and tight enough. I was worried that it was getting boring, not to mention I just about had it with torturing my heroine. I just couldn't do it any more. So the jump was intentional, if a bit jerky. It should have been a gradual buildup, but it would have taken me too long. That's a bug I decided to live with.

On that note, "murder your darlings" is something that needs to be done in every story. I threw out a lot of ideas because I was worried that it would distract and the story would lose momentum. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown all of them out (while keeping in the Ash/Miranda flashback and the Jack/Kai Leng scene).

Oh, and I would have loved if Kaidan had more scenes. He was frightening, but really miserable as well.

Ended up on the cutting room floor. Unfortunately, in general, if I were to do an "extended cut" version of the story and if I were to put stuff back in, it would mean more abuse for Miranda to balance it out, especially since we see everything through her eyes. It would include more Kaidan, more Liara and a more detailed end for Jacob. One reader commented that Liara reminded them of Drusilla from Buffy. That was a spot on observation, only Liara is more groupie in my version.

Now I'm going to write down my three favorite scenes just for fun. Chapter 6, ceremony scene. You know, I just realised how short it is, but it's very well done.

The flashback scene was not planned, and it should have been cut out because it's not relevant to the main plot. It was a "darling" and I'm glad I left it in, and surprised how well it worked apparently.

Like I said a few days ago, the reunion scene in chapter 12 was very nice, though I hoped that it would be surpassed in the epilogue. But the whole rescue mission was great.

The rescue mission was planned as one big action sequence and I had great fun writing it. I had to hold myself back to go into more detail, but then again, it had to be fast paced. And I desperately wanted a part where Aria makes an entrance. Other than that, I was worried that the Miranda in Ashley's arms part was going to be too sappy. I wanted more of that, too, but again: gotta keep the show rolling.

Without a doubt the peak of the story for me is the whole of chapter 8. The best.

Chapter 8 was also one part of the story that I more or less planned to have it in right from the start. I had no idea HOW I would write it I just wanted to do it.

On a closing note: Your review was very encouraing and useful. It made me consider an extended version of the story at a later time. I'm not making promises, but the ideas are there.

Still not sure though if this whole story could go on fanfiction.net without softening it down.

Fun fact: At some point I toyed with the idea of Ashley being too late and Shepard selling Miranda to the Blood Pack. Ash would still kill (or arrest) Shepard and go on a hunt after Miranda (maybe even with the forced help of Shepard), but that would have meant twice the size of the story, and I didn't know if I would have the strength and the time to actually write it, so I saved all the little ideas to put them in other stories. Look out for them in my other works (if any).

[Sundowner]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I'm very glad that you have appreciated my feedback so much! It's also great to know all the "behind the scenes" stuff. Thanks for the great story and I'm looking forward to read more from you!

[Guest Mr.Man]

@Sundowner:

Fun fact: At some point I toyed with the idea of Ashley being too late and Shepard selling Miranda to the Blood Pack. Ash would still kill (or arrest) Shepard and go on a hunt after Miranda (maybe even with the forced help of Shepard), but that would have meant twice the size of the story, and I didn't know if I would have the strength and the time to actually write it, so I saved all the little ideas to put them in other stories. Look out for them in my other works (if any).

I half expected something like this to happen, but that would have broke Miranda down completely with no hope of returning to her own self, plus if the blood pack started to get too much trouble from her then they would just kill her, because they didn't have some deep (f$cked up) love for her like Shepard did.

[Inletsurfer]

It is official Mr.Man has made a profile, huge fan, keep up the amazing work, can't wait for your next story.

[DaeMEon]

Greetings, and thank you all for your feedback on Played. It was a pleasant surprise that it worked this well when I was so uncertain about the end results.

Here are some answers and thoughts:

@Mr.Man/Inletsurfer & Nyan anon: Thank you for the review, but sadly, I don't think I would be able to write a direct follow-up to this story. I think it works better this way, that they don't get together any more. It makes their characters stronger (in my head).

(In the bonus scene there were a few lines that referred to Miranda and Jack being an item, but I couldn't make it fit into the story, so I sadly, had to cut it out.)

I think I kind of exhausted my ideas for the Ashley/Miranda pairing, so unless another prompt comes along that hits the right buttons, I'm going to move along to other stories.

Actually, after Ballad, I never thought I would write an other story with this pairing, so credits go to the awesome kmeme prompt that gave me an other idea.

Even in Ballad I was a bit iffy if people would buy an Ash/Miranda pairing, so in that one, I "bluffed" my way out of it by starting the story with them being in an established relationship.

I may be able to go back to Ballad and write an aftermath short with megatons of hurt/comfort. I certainly wanted to do it, but I thought it would be too sappy. We'll see.

I am also pleasantly surprised to read that Played actually works to establish the couple in Ballad. They don't exist in the same universe, of course, but it's nice that it can still work like that.

I was very nervous if Played could be pulled off, taking two strong female characters normally thought of being heterosexual and get them to a point where they could have at least a fling. Everything depended on establishing the situation and building it up to a point, where it would be plausible. I had to sell it to myself, too, hence the originally smutty prompt turning into a lot of plot and action to get to the smut. It was supposed to be shorter, but in the end, I just had to write it until the smut could finally happen.

I loved the prompt, it gave me great ideas and yes, it involved a bit of '80s road movie/buddy comedy nostalgia, along the lines of the brilliant Midnight Run.

The other trick was, which I worked hard on maintaining is that Shepard's gender is never established in the story. It had to work with both genders and still retain the same relationship dynamics between Ash and Shepard and Liara.

One criticism I got for the story at Archive of our Own was about the second romp in the train, where Miranda was sending mixed signals to Ashley. I always had this impression that it is possible that Miranda was abused by her father from a young age. I know it's not necessarily in the original character as established in the game, but from reading a bunch of fanfics, I could see it as a possibility.

Miranda was a damaged character even in the games, I just took the next logical step.

That gave me this idea, that the abuse made her unstable when it came to sex: that biologically she is turned on by roughness and that's the only way she can really get off, but also makes her freak out because of her father doing things to her. I'm not sure this part actually worked out that well in that scene, but that's what I was going for. She wanted it rough to get off on it, but panicking when Ash, who is quite athletic, overpowered her. I guess I might be able to improve that part in the future.

Fun fact: As I was writing Played, all the background ideas started to come together into a whole big, dark story that encompasses the whole timeline, in which Played is just a spinoff episode. I started to write my notes on that, sketching up a much darker, more epic story mostly about Miranda, but then, somebody threw an idea out there that forced me to shelf my plans and jump into a much darker, grittier story. So right now I'm working on that one, and I will see if after that, I still have the strength to return to the extended universe that Played occupies.

So watch out for the next one coming in a couple of weeks probably (check out Medicine Man in the meantime, it's silly, but I am fond of it), and until next time thank you very much for all the feedback!

[Inletsurfer]

@DaeMEon

Sad that you aren't sure on another Ash/Miranda story. Yes it is difficult to find ways to continue the story, but the two characters act as perfect foils to one another. Ash works in the open by the books while Miranda stays out of site and is willing to break protocol in order to complete a mission, Ash is tough and manish in a way, and Miranda is soft and girlish(not that she really is). In my opinion these two make a perfect couple the way you write them, and getting them to that point of desire for eachother would be difficult but you pulled it off perfectly how they slowly started to admire one another's bodies, mixed with their constant flirting of making they other annoyed, gave the perfect set up for a strong relationship. I think the way you write their relationship couldn't be better and that' why it would suck to see those two go, but always looking forward to your next read. And glad my little connection between Played and Ballad was noticed, keep up they great work.

[DaeMEon]

Well, never say never, but a pretty good prompt needs to come along that would fire up the imagination. If I find one of those anywhere, I'll probably jump on it, but I don't want to force it. I have a few unused notes and cut paragraphs that might some day make an other Ashley/Miranda story. I'm surprised that this pairing could actually work outside of my imagination.

Thank you for your feedbacks!

[Sundowner]

Hi!

I may be able to go back to Ballad and write an aftermath short with megatons of hurt/comfort. I certainly wanted to do it, but I thought it would be too sappy. We'll see.

Well, after everything they went through, I don't think it would be sappy at all. Besides, I doubt there are many fics dealing with the aftermath of something like this, so it would be rather unique as well.

I was very nervous if Played could be pulled off, taking two strong female characters normally thought of being heterosexual and get them to a point where they could have at least a fling.

You pulled it off nicely, and this reminds me that I forgot to mention the pool scene, which was another highlight for me.

I loved the prompt, it gave me great ideas and yes, it involved a bit of '80s road movie/buddy comedy nostalgia, along the lines of the brilliant Midnight Run.

And because of this I've decided to watch MR today and it's really brilliant, I can't believe I missed it for so long!

That gave me this idea, that the abuse made her unstable when it came to sex: that biologically she is turned on by roughness and that's the only way she can really get off, but also makes her freak out because of her father doing things to her. I'm not sure this part actually worked out that well in that scene, but that's what I was going for.

Hmm, this was pretty clear to me. I mean, I can imagine that someone might find it too disturbing, but it makes sense and it added a lot to that scene.

Fun fact: As I was writing Played, all the background ideas started to come together into a whole big, dark story that encompasses the whole timeline, in which Played is just a spinoff episode.

Alright, this sounds very interesting! I guess you don't want to elaborate more about the story at this point, right?

And once again, it's great that you tell us about these things!

[DaeMEon]

@Sundowner: Without spoiling too much, I can tell that there were several unfilled prompts (and one unfinished fill) on the kmeme that gave me ideas, plus a few of my favourite stories nudged me to toss these around my head (and steal some characters and situations), so when I wrote Played and brainstormed the background stories, they kind of lined up into one bigger, all-encompassing story. But the final push came when I read a completely unrelated book, which literally blew my mind, and it made me put such a spin to these snippets that it kind of started to get me interested. It would involve Miranda again, which is becoming kind of a pattern, but I can't really control what triggers my inspiration.

Of course, that was before a certain other prompt hijacked me, which is so dark, that I am a bit reluctant to work on a dark fill so soon after it. I am thinking that maybe I will be able to salvage these ideas and not write one big story like Ballad, but split it into several snapshot-like short stories. The biggest risk is overlapping motifs and overlapping scenes with the ongoing story.

It's something that could be developed during the holidays and maybe write it little by little starting in January. I'm not really sure about some stuff and if my mind lets me, I'd like to take a break after I finish my running fill.

[Sage of Discord]

Just read Stolen Moments, quite good, not a pairing you usually see. Perhaps continue?

[DaeMEon]

I started posting The High Cost of Perfection and I can hope that the readers find their way here for the replies to their feedback.

I find it awkward to leave messages at the beginning or end of a chapter, since I can't reply to a review directly.

In any case, to @SailorNemesis, I can say that on the kmeme, during the writing of the story, I specifically put a disclaimer after the first chapter, that this time it was not my idea to make Liara into a villain. There is no pattern in my stories, it is just an unlucky coincidence that Liara turned out to be an evil bitch in two of my stories.

I do have a soft spot for Miranda (and to a little extent, Ashley), but I don't <i>hate</i> Liara. The truth is, that I didn't want Miranda to suffer this much in either stories, they just sort of happened. In fact, I feel a bit guilty for all the bad things that happen to her in both stories, so I will try to make it up to both ladies in the future. Stay tuned for that one, it might be to your liking.

I'm sorry if you bow out, but I understand. However, if you stick around, you might find there are more surprises along the way in this story.

As for Stolen Moments, I have no plans for an other Jacob/Kasumi story, unless there is an other idea that catches my fancy. After reading the comment under the story, I checked on Youtube and indeed, Kasumi mentions the engineering room afterwards. I had no idea, but it's a nice touch.

Regarding Medicine Man, I never would have thought that I would write a smut scene with Garrus, let alone with Ashley, it was just one of those rare moments, where the prompt on the kmeme suddenly triggered this idea and it was too crazy to pass. There is even potential in continuing it and make it into a proper romance, I just don't have any idea or inspiration to write it.

I <i>might</i> eventually write other Ash/Miranda stories, maybe both in the Pirate AU and the "Played" universe. I'm just waiting for the inspiration.

Thank you all for the feedback.

Edited February 4, 2015 by DaeMEon

[Guest Inletsurfer]

This is inletsurfer, i'm just too lazy to sign in. But i say out of any other writers you are the best with Ash/Miranda stories, and any mass effect story for that matter. I'ld love to see more from "Played" it was just a really good story, and the "Pirate AU" is a maybe, it'ld be cool to see but it would be difficult to keep it going, but you can deffinitly do it.

[DaeMEon]

Hello all!

I'm not sure who reads this thread any more, and I'm certainly overdue with some responses. These will come later.

In the meantime, however, the 4th people's choice awards is going on on the kmeme (http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/) where you can read and vote to a number of wonderful stories in a dozen or so categories.

It's worth checking them out.

I'll be back soon with responses to the comments and thank you all again for reading!

[DaeMEon]

@DaeMEon

Sad that you aren't sure on another Ash/Miranda story. Yes it is difficult to find ways to continue the story, but the two characters act as perfect foils to one another. Ash works in the open by the books while Miranda stays out of site and is willing to break protocol in order to complete a mission, Ash is tough and manish in a way, and Miranda is soft and girlish(not that she really is). In my opinion these two make a perfect couple the way you write them, and getting them to that point of desire for eachother would be difficult but you pulled it off perfectly how they slowly started to admire one another's bodies, mixed with their constant flirting of making they other annoyed, gave the perfect set up for a strong relationship. I think the way you write their relationship couldn't be better and that' why it would suck to see those two go, but always looking forward to your next read. And glad my little connection between Played and Ballad was noticed, keep up they great work.

I'm not sure if you or anybody else is reading this, but it actually happened: I bumped into a prompt on the kmeme that requested "anything with Ashley/Miranda" and it clicked. It's called Need to Know, the completed story is already on the kmeme, but I'll be posting it here and ao3 in 9 chapters, too. It is sort of a variation on "Played". Not the same universe, but a lot of overlaps. I hope you'll like it.