RogueMudblood Posted May 12, 2013 Report Share Posted May 12, 2013 Can I Live Within You?Review from Tee 05/12/13I'm very glad you enjoyed it! I hope future chapters will also whet your reading palate. Thank you for taking the time to read, and thank you very much for taking the time to review! I truly appreciate it. Happy mother's day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogueMudblood Posted May 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2013 Review from AnnaBear 05/20/13: Thank you so much for the feedback! In regards to Sarah's willingness to hand over Toby: At this point in the movie, she's still fairly self-absorbed. She hasn't come to the realization yet that 'fairness' doesn't just apply to her, and that sometimes her actions have consequences that affect more than just her. In truth, I don't think she would care very much how the loss of a child would affect her step-mother as she doesn't like the woman. Jareth is selfish as well - he wants only to fulfill his own desires. That's evident throughout the film. His telling Sarah she's done well is just another way of endearing her to him. As to whether Sarah had the right to choose Toby's fate - she decided she had that right the moment she wished him away. At that moment, as far as Jareth is concerned, she accepted all responsibilities for any decisions that would be made regarding Toby. To him, she has the right. I wanted to bring out her selfishness through the act, actually, so I'm very glad that it worked so well to do that. I'm not trying to portray Jareth as the 'good guy' per se - he's not in the movie. He's a fey, and they're tricky bastards in all the lore. I truly appreciate you taking the time to give me so much detail in your review! I hope you'll continue to read the story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AnnaBear Posted May 24, 2013 Report Share Posted May 24, 2013 Actually, If you recall correctly, Sarah didn't mean to wish her brother away. She was just being melodramatic, as that character often is. She had no idea that there was any real power behind her words or that Jareth and his goblins were even a reality. The very first time she meets Jareth she tells him that she didn't mean it and that she wants Toby back. At the point after the ball scene she's already been through quite a great deal and stubbornly plods on to get Toby back. Each time Jareth tries to trip her up, she comes back full-force. The only reason she even pauses in the junk yard is because she's still recovering from the effects of the peach and can't yet recall her brother. It had nothing to do with her being selfish or willing to give in. Personally, I could never see that character ever giving in as easily as she does in your story. Its just really out of character for her. Even though she was always a bit self-absorbed, it was more than evident that she loved her brother and didn't want to be without him. Also, regardless of whether she liked her step mother or not, she still loved her father even though she felt that he wasn't always that attentive towards her. Just because they had disagreements doesn't mean she hated him and was malicious enough to give away his child. The whole thing contradicts the whole point of Sarah even entering the Labyrinth. She was given the chance after chance to take the easy way out from the very start and she always chose the hard route regardless of how hard it was on herself. Sarah was careless but she wasn't heartless. You would have to be pretty heartless to give away your brother. She was only portrayed as just a tiny bit selfish at the start, due to resentment from her parents divorce, but that quickly changes pretty much from the second she enters the goblin realm. I think you have talent for writing in general but this story just isn't for me. Sarah is just too OC for my taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogueMudblood Posted May 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 24, 2013 Regardless of whether she 'intended' to wish him away, the thought behind it was inherently selfish, reflecting her personality. Teenagers as a general rule feel a sense of entitlement. She is no different in that. Our interpretations of her reasons for leaving the ballroom scene are obviously different. I am aware that she was under a spell in the junkyard; I even reference it in the chapter and note that she is somewhat befuddled knowing that there had to be some reason for Jareth rushing a decision from her. You'll note that I only said that the spell which caused her to forget her brother had faded. I never said that there was no other outside influence directing her actions. I'm sorry that you feel Sarah is OOC. That was certainly not my intent. And I'm sorry that you feel the story isn't something you wish to continue to read. I wish you the best in finding something more to your tastes. I did tag the story as including angst, and so intended readers to be aware that there would be character conflict. What that conflict entails has not yet been fully revealed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogueMudblood Posted June 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) review from roguebitch 06/09/13: Thank you for your review! And thank you for pointing that out. >.< I always try to catch that duplication bit - and I really appreciate you pointing out that I missed one. Don't worry about it being far too short. I'm going to continue it, I've just been ... sidetracked a bit. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and tell me what you thought. Thanks so much! Edited June 9, 2013 by RogueMudblood Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogueMudblood Posted August 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) review from GossamerSilverglow 08/05/13: Thank you for reviewing! I really appreciate you taking the time, and your kind words, as well as your critique of the work. In regards to my line and Sarah holding on to her childhood - yes, it was intentional. I'm glad that you noticed it! Because I am generally as blunt as a spoon, I have learned that in communicating (and what is writing, but our attempt to communicate our thoughts and ideas to one another?) I need to choose my words carefully. Most people will choose to misunderstand me, so I must be sure that my message is clear. Having said that, in hindsight, given the review from both you and AnnaBear, I'm thinking I should have included an author's note that had the tagline of the movie: "Where Everything Seems Possible And Nothing Is What It Seems." You brought up that you think Sarah is out of character because you think she is not seeing the whole picture. I do have to reiterate what I stated to AnnaBear: the story is tagged Angst. There will be character conflict, and that hasn't happened yet. I'm not going to give away my plot, or what I intend to happen here; just know that Sarah is not intended to be out of character. A stage is being set still. I will tell you that Jareth will not be offering to send Toby above world. I'm very glad that you like the opening scene to the story. I do hope that you'll continue to give it a chance. There is quite a bit yet that has not yet been introduced. Edit: Oh! Bussed: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/buss Edited August 6, 2013 by RogueMudblood Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogueMudblood Posted September 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2013 review from cherylnixon 09/05/13: I assure you, I do intend to write more! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far, and do hope that you will continue to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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