Tomb Raider: Fat Man Chronicles, review and discussion thread.

[Guest Guest]

gordo... Lara: "you know Vincent... I do recieve genuine pleasure from sex with you... right after you pull out."

"Anal sex feels just so right with you Vincent... where else does your seed belong than mingled in my shit?"

[Guest Guest]

You have one guy maimed by her? missing fingers?

hes making her nurse his dogs. "This isn't so bad... on the other hand...you come up a little short"

[Guest Guest]

you like any of these so far? morbo?

[Guest Guest]

first boss, after cums in her "What was it like being ravaged seventy men?"

lara: "A lot more sexualy stimulating than this... are you in yet?"

[MorbidFantasy]

Oh christ you really ran away with my prompt haha.

While I do enjoy the droll sexual banter, that's only a small part of what I mean when I say dialogue. Here's an example exchange from a scene in the next chapter:

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“Breakfast time!” Gordo said, when he was ready to cum, pulling out of her and promptly leaving a sloppily aimed pearl necklace all across Lara’s chest, more trailing down her abs as his momentum ran out. He watched Lara grimace as she sat up, used her fingers to scoop up his jizz, and licked the cum laden digits clean. While she did this, Gordo brought out the O-remote.

“Not now please.” Lara asked, masking her disgust with as much simpering as was possible.

“Oh? When do you want it then?” Gordo asked, goading Lara to give him an answer.

“After work today” Lara ventured, playing nice, which only drew a sinister laugh from Gordo.

“Oh you’re not going anywhere near the dig site today, if that’s what you thought was gonna happen. You’re only job today is to meet with Xavier.” Gordo said, ignoring Lara’s request and thumbing the remote, deliberately wagging that hand in front of Lara, taunting her as she immediately started bucking..

Despite having only just been introduced to the device recently, Lara was already adapting to its intense rhythmic pulsing, and as soon as she weathered the first bout of painful contractions, her hand snaked out.

Gordo hadn’t expected that move, and before he could respond, Lara had snatched the remote from his raised hand. He jerked the hand back, as if he had just been burned, looking alarmed as Lara brusquely got off the bed, her legs trembling slightly, and opened the drawer near the bed to see what clothes were packed for her.

“Give it back!” he said, annoyed by his sudden loss of power, but still felt lazy from having just cummed, and thus made no move to reclaim the remote.

“I’m getting dressed, then we can go see Salvatorelli and get whatever business he has with me over with. Then I’m going to the dig” Lara curtly stated, while she found a set of lingerie matching the ones that had been stolen from her the night before. It was one pair of several identical ones.

“Getting bossy now, are we? Do I need to remind you…” Gordo began, but Lara cut him off.

“You work for Everest, and my agreement with him stipulates cooperation with you but not subordination. If you want to boff I can’t stop you, but don’t think for a single second that I’m your plaything.” Lara hadn’t had any sort of control since Gordo and Kitty had shown up at her mansion, and that rage was now boiling over.

It was true. The written agreement had changed the dynamic of how Lara interacted with her blackmailers, such that she retained a modicum of autonomy outside of answering to direct sexual requests. Gordo was technically not allowed to do anything to Lara outside of asking for sex.

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Lara's use of the word "boff", which according to my research is a posh version of "shag", is deliberate. She still holds herself above the men she's with, and considers participating in sexual banter with them to be beneath her.

This is part of a larger move towards not portraying Lara as passively submissive. Anything they want of her they will still have to force upon her. Things like the pleasure-mobile and the incarceration all had to be introduced to her by surprise.

This also creates a dynamic where Lara knows her defiance is counterproductive because it just means more torment down the road, yet her pride won't just let her sit back and take everything. She feels the need to remind the men that she has no intention of continual escalation, and will fight tooth and nail for every bit of her freedom.

Since having the written agreement mean Lara's stay in sexual purgatory is no longer indefinite (on paper at least) and grants her much more freedom than before, this lets me write scenes of physical altercation where Lara can not just verbally but also physically fight back. Especially in the case of Gordo, Lara is not going to let him push her around as much as before, and there will be times when Gordo is at least a little intimidated by her.

I don't have any trouble writing the physical stuff, but it's the verbal jousting (sans sexual banter) that I could use help with.

An example would be Lara saying something like "Your men are out of their element. Stop sending them into the tombs like fodder. There are better ways to find the traps than stepping into them." This would be while being fucked by the person she was talking to. Lara is completely ignoring the sex, whilst belittling the intellect of her rapist. This is akin to the wife talking about the kids school lunch and the grocery list during sex with the husband, who(m?) I imagine would be very turned off and annoyed.

Edited November 1, 2013 by MorbidFantasy

[Guest Guest]

gordo cant injure her can he? he'd be fired... open season on him. He approaches her with the monster dildo... she smiles "Ohhh please bruise me internaly - damage HIS property... get fired."

[MorbidFantasy]

gordo cant injure her can he? he'd be fired... open season on him. He approaches her with the monster dildo... she smiles "Ohhh please bruise me internaly - damage HIS property... get fired."

It's not quite that simple.

Yes technically Gordo can't just keep stuffing things into Lara 24/7, and if Lara slapped him once or twice after he does something particularly violating, he'll probably have to let it slide.

However, Lara is still at Gordo's mercy whenever she's in the pleasure-mobile, as well as still being obligated to do whatever sexual acts he wants, so the relationship is far from fair towards her. Everest isn't going to take Lara's side on these matters as he knows it will only make her act out even more. As long as Gordo does no permanent damage, he pretty much is still free to do whatever he wants.

Also, under no circumstances will Lara ever identify herself as "Everest's property" As far as she is concerned, the agreement is still tantamount to blackmail, albeit with some semblance of limitations now.

Edited November 1, 2013 by MorbidFantasy

[Guest Guest]

thought so. this HIS property remark was her way of demeaning gordo where it hurts ... he is everests bitch - not his equal

[Guest Guest]

any info you can share regarding scenarios (character/ relative to plot lara) will help me dialogue wise

[MorbidFantasy]

any info you can share regarding scenarios (character/ relative to plot lara) will help me dialogue wise

Lol you should really register on the forums so I know who to give credits to, otherwise "ty to Guest_guest for dialogue help" isn't exactly specific.

The non-spoiler details will be that Lara won't be getting many more new sexual partners. So for the most part, the crime bosses and their right hand men will be the only ones. Some of them will actually be more interested in Lara's actual area of expertise. We can't expect them all to have the same level of lust as Gordo or even Everest, whom to this date has only had two explicitly written scenes with Lara. I want to limit the real horniness to a select few, while others will primarily be craving other forms of humiliation or dominance over Lara (non-sexual).

Xavier Salvatorelli, the boss for this arc, will want Lara sexually. His reasons for pursuing her were in an earlier draft of a chapter that predated the genesis of the prison arc. In that story, Lara once bought some equipment off of him (jeep, supplies) when she was digging in Peru (under the rader, not strictly legal). Back then, Xavier was only leader of a small guerilla group. When their business was done, he tried to get physical with Lara, things got violent, and he lost two fingers and an eye. Now, his power base has grown, enough to make him worthy of Everest using Lara to procure his business. Xavier will both want to get from Lara what he had failed to get years before, as well as humiliate her in front of his men to repay her for his own humiliation back then.

Xavier will be trying to humiliate Lara verbally, using mixes of spanish (which I don't speak a lick of but will try to google translate my way through it), as well as bdsm and exhibition. Lara won't try to physically fight back in this instance since Xavier is a violent man and she can't be sure that he won't injure her if she enrages him. however, she will try to belittle him subtly whenever she can and assert her own power. Rather than mocking his sexual prowess, however, I'm thinking she'll drop subtle ques that she thinks very little of his organization. Some possible quote examples would be like.

"Your men act like fodder, because you treat them so." insulting his wisdom of leadership.

"Considering it's owner, this base is not too shabby." backhanded compliment

"Wow... you must be the smartest man around here." another backhanded compliment after seeing one of Xavier's men do something stupid. Xavier will probably execute the man for the comment.

"Everest always did have the best business sense." situation comment, in context implying Everest's investment in Xavier was a poor one, as the latter isn't worth the salt.

The boss after Xavier will probably be Shogo Takamoto, from TR: Legend. Pretty much the same as the in game character. Lara dishonored him and humiliated him, and he wants her to speak to him with honor. Thus Lara will have to be extra creative in masking her words as backhanded compliments or sarcasm or deliberately fake sincerity.

The ones shown are still technically not dialogue, more like one liners. dialogue will be more complex as Lara will have to display a quick wit to turn the mens' words back against them. It's this sort of play on words that I'm still practicing. Some of the banter I've come up with seem too ham-fisted or contrived. There should exist a natural rhythm/flow to it.

[Guest Guest]

X: "So good to see you how you should be... finaly in your true vocation. I have been looking forward to this since I twice signed my signiture to your sore little hole - punta."

L: "To think I once saw you as a man of limited vision ."

X: MISSING IT "How wrong you were."

L: "You certainly got one up on me there... your so much more manly, more potent, I am impressed with how much further you've come since the last time we were here. Clearly you are a man who can win his own victories... and never has to pay for it."

X Smiles smugly

[Guest Guest]

i await your praise, or derision with equal dread and excitment... like a thug being smothered in Lara's cleavage

[Guest Guest]

T: "Croft san. are you prepaired to show me due honor? "

L: "Every ounce of respect you deserve for the honorable way in which it has been earned... by your most honorable business dealings"

[MorbidFantasy]

X: "So good to see you how you should be... finaly in your true vocation. I have been looking forward to this since I twice signed my signiture to your sore little hole - punta."

L: "To think I once saw you as a man of limited vision ."

X: MISSING IT "How wrong you were."

L: "You certainly got one up on me there... your so much more manly, more potent, I am impressed with how much further you've come since the last time we were here. Clearly you are a man who can win his own victories... and never has to pay for it."

X Smiles smugly

It's good. I'm still not completely set on how Xavier should be. There are two versions of him, one being crude and unsophisticated and the other being slick, seductive (or at least trying to be), and subtly threatening (shows his rage through a thin smile).

Xavier being hispanic should come through his dialogue. The hispanic cultural sense of manliness and honor has its own uniqueness compared to say Japanese honor or Western honor/respect/prestige. Even if he's crude, Xavier will probably try for a sort of eloquence that will come off as facetious to Lara but genuine to himself. If he is sophisticated the the eloquence will be better practiced but with more threatening undertones.

On the other hand, this sort of act will only happen when Xavier is in front of other people. In private, when he's alone with Lara, he'll be just like any other man. Much more direct, much less eloquent and with any false-politeness stripped away.

Your line of banter is similar to the exchange I've been mulling over in my head. It's possible for Lara to be even more obvious about her mockery, or mask it in elevated British language that Xavier won't be able to pick up because of the partial language barrier.

[Guest Guest]

i admit i rushed the second one T/L but i feel her reminding him HE didnt earn shit was important

[MorbidFantasy]

T: "Croft san. are you prepaired to show me due honor? "

L: "Every ounce of respect you deserve for the honorable way in which it has been earned... by your most honorable business dealings"

Takamoto is a different animal from Xavier. Xavier will want to lace any conversation he has with Lara in front of his men with evidence that he is going to/has physically dominated her. That is part of the overt spanish honor/pride.

Takamoto on the other hand will abide by traditional Japanese etiquette, which clearly separates business and private life. He will be completely cordial to Lara not out of respect or fondness, but out of his own pride. Remember that since I've implicitly mentioned that the events of Tomb Raider Legend have in fact occurred in this fic, Takamoto will have survived his fight with Lara from the game, which may affect his demeanor here. Regardless of whether the fight happened or not, the sort of respect Takamoto wants is not from his direct domination of Lara in front of his men, but of her being completely courteous and mannered in front of him (little bows, nods, subtle gestures).

While they're private however, Takamoto will be more like Xavier, with all pretenses stripped away. Whether he has a lot of libido is irrelevant. If he in fact doesn't really want Lara's sexual services, he might instead require her to offer them to a person of importance, whose services Takamoto would much rather have.

In both cases, the kind of open banter that you're offering will be most useful in the private arena, where Lara's verbiage will be her only way of maintaining the illusion that she is still in the fight, rather than submitted to the other person. In fact I think all mockery would either have to be very subdued while in public, or completely non-existent at all. The direction I'm taking the bosses in seem to have most of them valuing their respect quite a bit.

Currently the plot for Lara's stay in japan actually has a large detour in either mainland China, one of the islands in Micronesia, or one of Japan's smaller islands. That's where her professional skills+ private skills will be used by Takamoto

[Guest Guest]

does he rip her clothes off when he 'rapes' her before his men? as if he caught her?if so, when he arrogantly struts away... have her lightly bow to her 'audience' as his second drags her away

[Guest Guest]

that last note was refrence to X

[Guest Guest]

domo iri gotto morbid san

[Guest Guest]

one last glance backward... a little 'christmas' a time of giving reboot snippet

E: "How are feeling Lara dear?"

L: "Good. I LOVE to help the elderly, especialy this time of year."

[MorbidFantasy]

New preview chapter up.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vCOVyGhmykgvEaqpaUAjzyRJcGsXNlDTHwOTnpCcym4/edit?usp=sharing

This is Part 1 of "Not ready for work", Part 2's plot is malleable at this point and can go one of several ways.

1. Xavier rapes Lara in public, in the village that his military outfit runs. She is then taken to his private quarters to spend the night.

2. Lara is publicly displayed by Xavier as a conquered foe, whom he has brought back to show his people that he always settle his debts. She isn't raped in public but it's made very clear to Xavier's village that she will be receiving his "love" in private.

3. The plot from an old draft titled "the hunt". Lara is made to reenact her escape from Xavier four years ago, except this time, the game is rigged against her. Once she is caught, public humiliation follows.

Chapter progression for the rest of the Assignment One arc after this is as follows:

The Dig Part 1

The Dig Part 2

The Dig Part 3

The Dig Part 4

Then.

Assignment Two: Beginning

Assignment Two: Sea time interlude

The plan after that is currently branched, but as mentioned before, Assignment two will be focused on Shogo Takamoto and his enterprises in Japan, and more detail will be given to tie those enterprises to Everest.

I believe comments are enabled for the google doc shared link. You can comment there or post here. Right now what I'm really interested in is what you guys think Xavier would do to Lara once they're back in his base/village. I obviously have my ideas but as always I'm open to hot surprises.

[Guest Guest]

sally? in front of his men? number1

[Guest Guest]

if his men see any way in which he is weak (someone else caught her) there will be insurrection. IF he is motivated to regain "power" that was lost... he has to catch her, not have her chained and waiting for ANY to see - sans Fernando... who better be his son. unless you want him overthrown

[MorbidFantasy]

sally? in front of his men? number1

Spur of the moment decision. Xavier will of course want Lara to address him properly in front of his men.

if his men see any way in which he is weak (someone else caught her) there will be insurrection. IF he is motivated to regain "power" that was lost... he has to catch her, not have her chained and waiting for ANY to see - sans Fernando... who better be his son. unless you want him overthrown

No Fernando is actually working for Everest but just happened to be the liaison between Everest Inc and Salvatorelli.

The regaining of power is why I'm most likely going to go with the "hunt" at some point, where Xavier "proves" that he has no problem catching Lara, and rebelling is futile.

On Xavier's having a son however, I've entertained that idea myself. Maybe Lara maimed him not just in front of his men, but also his 9 year old son (who would be 13 then at this point), so not only is Xavier going to rape Lara, he's going to force her to be his son's "first conquest" (eg his son is still a virgin). Lara's lactation here would be quite appropriate in the theme of a corrupted familial relationship (both her "husband" and "son" enjoying her company). I haven't written anything using this idea, but it's been floating around in the back of my head.

Partly as a nod to the real world audience (many of Lara's fans are probably teenage boys), I do plan on having more young boys being "cradle robbed" by Lara.

[Guest Guest]

this is your baby, and with one or two issues i have regarding the unalterable chapters, it is amazing; that said, you need to recall what it is the characters want to achieve: yes Xavier wants her, but more than her he wants to be seen as a man who gets what he wants HIMSELF -THAT IS LATIN- THAT IS MACHISMO. NOT ONE of his men can think otherwise. a hunter traps a wild animal that maimed/ hunts a shark that bit off his arm; he doesn't buy it from a guy who 'broke' it... and if he does? he never lets the rank and file know it