Hairyhaggis Posted April 19, 2012 Report Share Posted April 19, 2012 Author: MalichisMinion Title: Night Intruder Summary: An original oneshot short story. Written in the first person, the story is about a woman who is visited in the night after leaving her window slightly ajar. Feedback: If you have time after reading please leave a small review. It would be much appreciated. Fandom: Purely fictional, original oneshot. Doesn't fall into any fandoms. Pairing: M/F Warnings: general M/F sex with a dominant/submissive tone, includes bondage. URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600105220 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbet_Adair Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 I had a read of this, and left you a review. May not have internet access until Monday, so I'm not ignoring you if you wanted to discuss anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hairyhaggis Posted April 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 I had a wee read and totally agree. I don't know what happened to half my commas. For some reason they don't always get added after editing, but I re-edited and double checked. Hopefully, it reads better now. I also added a bit more detail which I think fleshed it out a wee bit better. In my vision of the story it was a regular man that had lifted the window up, so that he could get in, but I like how you were able to take something else from it. I hadn't even thought of vampires but after reading your comment, I could see it as clearly. What I like about writing in the first person is that it allows the reader to be the main character, rather than the observer. Thank you for taking the time to review. It is much appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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