Tigro Spottystripes Posted February 14, 2012 Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 Based on what others were saying, and how a relative of the person in question was reacting to what others said, i judged (actually, in hindsight i should say misjudged) it was appropriate to ask certain questions and make certain hypothetical statements about this person. In the end it turned out i shouldn't have said stuff i said; my mistake was pointed to me and after i tried to explain why i thought the stuff i had said shouldn't have been taken seriously i made a general apology to all present; then i was instructed to apologize to the relative directly, but the relative said "apology accepted, lets just drop this conversation" (or somthing along these lines, i don't remember the exact words), so with my apology request explicitly accepted by the required individual and a explicit instruction to not touch on that topic again i assumed we were good as long didn't say anything else on the matter; but next thing i know i'm banned from the shoutbox. Would it be acceptable for me to request for a clarification on the exact motive for my banishment? I mean, was the apology that got accepted not enough, was the failed attempt at fitting in and being humorous such a humongous faux-pas? Or is the issue somthing else? ps: just to be clear; i'm not claiming the moderation action was incorrect or inadequate, i don't got enough information to be able to make such an assessment; the thread's title refer to my interpretations on how i was expected to act in the shoutbox. it is not an accusation towards the moderators. I just wanna know what was my exact mistake so i can try to improve my behavior in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ApolloImperium Posted February 14, 2012 Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 First off - Your mistake was deciding to get sexual in regards to a member's 16 year old daughter. We do not allow anything about real underage people on site. Yes, another member made an inappropriate comment before realizing who the subject of the conversation was and immediately apologized. Your comment Being gay shouldn't be much of an issue if she doesn't mind being dryhumped by straight guys... ¬.¬ was made after the subject's age and relationship was revealed. When I first repremanded you for your action, instead of apologizing, you decided to post a flip remark. It's not like she is reading this, and it's not like anything i say involving me and her has any chance of becoming reality; it's pretty much like as if i'm talking about a fictional character ¬.¬ Your 'apology' but if i offended anyone i sincerelly apologize, it was never my intention should have been directed at the member, as I clearly stated in my post. No. You are talking about a REAL girl who is a DAUGHTER. I do not allow stories about real underage people on the site and will not allow you to speak about ANYONE's daughter like that. The next post better be an apology or you WILL be suspended. Regardless of what a member states or does not state, please remember, I run the site. Even after the member stating that it was okay, I specifically stated: Not to anyone - To . It's her daughter. Apologize to her. You did not. You were told that you needed to apologize to the member and you were told what the consequences would be if you didn't and they were enforced. There is a difference at trying to be humorous at an adult's expense and trying to be humorous at a child's expense. I understand that you come from a different culture than many of us and that English is not your native language if I remember correctly from previous correspondence; however there are socially accepted norms across much of the civilized world. Not being sexual in regards to someone's child in front of them, to their face, tends to be one. Also if I recall correctly where you come, your country has in recent years even cracked down on pedophilia, hosting a World Congress against the Sexual Exploration of Adolescents and Children, so I fail to recognize culture as an excuse for such inappropriate, insensitive, ignorant, callous, disrespectful and reprehensible comments/follow through. You are welcome to return to the Shoutbox Thursday evening when I remove the ban after work. At which point, I hope you will conduct yourself with a more mature attitude. You have a tendency to debate, if I feel like being polite and calling that, so let me also warn you now, the interpretations of your actions and the consequences are not up for debate. I was not the only one that felt that you were way out of line. The ban is the shoutbox only and only temporary, do not make me consider making it for a more extended period of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigro Spottystripes Posted February 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 I understand all your points and do see now how much worse my actions were than i was assuming. Though one little note, which doesn't really have any effect on the wrongness of my attitude or the correctness of the moderation actions; i don't think it's much a matter of my country's culture or a language issue per-se, i feel the misunderstandings were prompted more due to some misadjustments in the way my brain works, i somtimes have a hard time noticing social clues , properly weighting different factors and evaluating the appropriateness of things in social contexts etc, i've noticed i don't exactly have a smooth transition between Carebears and Southpark, feels more like an on/off switch, either i repress myself with great intensity or relax and let open the flood gates allowing everything to pass, and not only these extremes in themselves are not well suited to the huge swatch of human interactions but i don't exactly manage to figure out the cues everyone automaticly sees and uses to modulate things (i've been diagnosed with Asperger's, but i think that doesn't explain it all, it feels like i got a swarm of syndromes, conditions etc in my brain; the world feels quite alien somtimes; whenever i think i'm starting to get the hang of it it doesn't take long for a situation along these lines to take place). Again, i'm not making excuses, i do understand now that my commentaries were inappropriate and were received in a manner much different than what i assumed they were, and i do understand i overthought my course of action following the reprehension and that i should've acted literally as i was told instead of assuming everyone pieced things together into the same conclusion i had arrived to; but i have this impulse to try to expose my inner workings, no matter how flawed, when i realize i made a mistake... There are a few more things i wanna say, but the odds are i'm already digging my own grave, and the number one rule for when you're stuck in a hole is to stop digging down... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigro Spottystripes Posted February 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2012 Oh, and this time just to avoid further complications, should i PM the person in question directly to apologize or would it be best to just let this conversation die? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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