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Dark Marvels: X-Men Review Replies and Discussion


ExodusSpinner

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Good evening, folks! This thread is in place to discuss my currently uploading fiction, "Dark Marvels: X-Men".

Dark Marvels is an AU story, obviously focusing on the X-Men, and taking place in a world where many of the Marvel Universe's greatest heroes are villains, and vice versa, and the United States are divided in an ongoing battle between the Professor and his mutant terrorists, against the agents of SHIELD and the Avengers.

The story is located at the following location: http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090963

Any comments, thoughts, and suggestions are welcome, and I promise to fully discuss any critiques that you might have without getting angry. ;)

* * *

And to kick off the thread without wasting a double-post, I figured I'd reply to AgentGV01's rather detailed critique. First, thanks for putting the thought into an intelligent review, even though you don't seem to have liked my introduction.

As far as the meat of your review goes, there seem to be three points, so I'm going to answer them in turn.

1) Background information: I made a decision to introduce the story in the middle of the action, so that I wouldn't waste a lot of time with setup. The plan is to have the setting reveal itself in bits and pieces. Ideally, I actually want people asking a lot of the questions that you were - who are these people, why do they think they can get away with kidnapping mutants, and what sort of a world is this where this seems to work out? It actually is supposed to feel like you're jumping into the middle of a story, and hopefully would then hook you so that you want to find out more about it.

Now, if that's not working, I can always whip up a short introductory background for the setting. I would be happy to know what people think on the subject.

2) Heroes and villains: Most of the traditional heroes and villains of the setting have had their positions reversed - the people in charge of the usual "good guys" are very much not good, and they have co-opted or wiped out much of their opposition. I hope that I can make many of them sympathetic despite their moral stances, however. If you can't cheer for people who do bad things, or hope for them to find a better path, I cannot lie - this is not likely to be the story for you. There aren't any pure heroes or moral innocents in play.

3) Individual plot points - Sorry you didn't like the invisible friend bit. Would you feel better or worse if I said it was going to become a bigger plot point over time?

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  • 5 weeks later...
Guest Marvel-Fan

Honestly this story just sucks by this point I feel, you have too much that makes no sense and have things happen for no real reason behind them. Take the mutant kidnappers, really they had to get that overly complex with them? There are MUCH easier way to control mutant powers they are canon like those Genoshan collars. Also you had the X-Men forget about Jubilee and suddenly they have her. You can't just retcon your mistakes like that as it seems sloppy as how you wrote it they left her in the building to die.

Also there is no reason at all to mutilate Jubilee (seriously they couldn't just put a cybernetic hand on her?) and you honestly think Danni or Tabitha would actually join them seeing what they did to their friend? Of course not! If you think that then you're an idiot (which I hope you're not). There is no point to a lot of the things you do, like what Reed is doing to Emma again, NO REASON for it, none is given what the point of it all is and gives nothing to the story.

There is NO ONE that anyone wants to read about or like in your story, it's just pointless stuff after pointless stuff with no real set up, proper planning and just seems like you have no idea what you're doing and just throwing in random scenes without any connections at all. The few people I know on this site has read this story we all agree that it's not very good for many of the reasons I've listed and more. You need a lot more experience in how to tell a story before writing a good one. Or maybe you just have no talent for dark type of stories I don't know at this point but I hope it's just that you have no talent for dark stories. You have to give reasons for why people do things if they're good or evil you can't just have them so sick twisted things 'just because' as that is just lazy writing.

The fact that no one is reviewing anymore should be a BIG hint that you're not doing well for the story. Honestly I say just delete this thing and start over with a totally different story or rewrite it so that it can actually make sense for once. Now normally I do try to give balanced feedback...but there just isn't anything in this story that I've found as good or even decent because as soon as you get close you screw it up before it reaches that point. I don't like to flame or be mean in fact I hate it but you keep making the same mistakes over and over and over that I have to point them out. I gave up on this awhile ago as did many others but I still see it updated.

So I have to wonder why write a story and post it online when it seems you're the only one that enjoys it? If it's just for youself okay but why post it then? Just write it out on your computer and keep it there for your own enjoyment if that's all you want it for in the end.

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