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Cruising


And Your Little Dog Too

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This forum is for my story Cruising (http://naruto.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600103689). It's a place where readers can ask questions and I can respond to reviews and comments. More to the point, it's also a place where I can respond to flames, since there will be sections of this story where flame-retardant underwear might be needed.

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  • 2 weeks later...

[quote name=Reviewer Jen'

Well so far, this scenario is all kinds of complicated romance-wise, but I like it. It seems like Sasuke really enjoys being straight and has a good, serious relationship with Sakura--to the point where he's even thinking of marrying her in the future. Sakura seems to really like him too, but may also have a soft spot for Kakashi. But as happy as the two of them seem, there was that weird scene at the end of the chapter where Sakura took too long in the shower to kiss Sasuke goodbye (on purpose?) and Sasuke suddenly felt out of place in her bedroom. Was that foreshadowing a deeper problem in their relationship--Sasuke thinks he's managed to emotionally connect with Sakura, is he wrong?--or was that indicative of a deeper problem within Sasuke--maybe he doesn't have as clear of an idea of himself as he thought?--or perhaps both? And then there's Naruto who, whatever his involvement in the gay leather underground may or may not be, is the son of a man who was probably assassinated by one of Sasuke's relatives. These are some serious hurdles for all of them to clear, will be interesting to see how you resolve them. :)

I'm a little worried about Sasuke's mission in the next chapter, though. It sounds like he's got all the military training he needs, but has never been on a serious police investigation like this one. (He's done secret missions for the military, but has he ever done police undercover work before?) I hope whoever Sasuke's contact person in the civilian police is that s/he can help him out with some of the finer points of investigating, particularly since he'll be the bait, more or less, for a killer! (I almost wonder if there isn't some kind of setup in choosing the relatively inexperienced Sasuke for this type of mission.)

Wow! Nice review. There are deep problems in Sasuke and Sakura's relationship. Future chapters will show this a little more. Their biggest problem is that the core of their relationship is no longer valid. He likes her because she is the exact opposite of the women of his clan: bright instead of dour, outspoken instead of subservient, sexually assertive rather than prudish. In short, she is one of his forms of rebellion. He performs the same function for her. His ne'er-do-well antics and punkish attitude are exactly the things which drive her parent up the wall. That's fine, until they reach the age where marriage starts looking less like a prison sentence and more like a personal goal. So, how do people who spent their idle hours deriding their parents drop all that and become parents themselves? Can they do it without shattering the relationship? (And many stories do exactly that--shatter the relationship--and then they reforge it into something stronger,)

And you're right, Sasuke's completely unsuited for this investigation. His only real qualifications are that he's the right age and looks similar to the victims. His father, who has spent all his time grooming Itachi to be the next chief, is too focused on his fantasies of restoring his clan's honor that he doesn't question the orders. And Sasuke questions everything; why should this be any different? And what's Ishikawa's motivation? Does he believe in Sasuke, or is he simply desperate enough to throw an inexperienced, hot-headed punk into the lion's den? Is he hoping that Sasuke will freak out and knife somebody, so he can claim the corpse as that of the killer? We'll see.

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I like Jen's reviews.. read lots of them. I generally agree with her and wish I could write just as much, logically, detaily and emotionally as she does.. I read and liked your story, too. But I couldn't write as good a review (FromAfar) as she did, I'm afraid (with good stories it's a bit complicated:)

I liked the part with Sakura's "flaming red panties" so much..!

It's curious that Sasuke's life (or story, generally speaking) is so strictly devided in chapters: job, family (prologue \ preface), sex life, feelings,past,childhood (ch.I), changes of scene = a new mission (ch.3). Yes, they ARE interconnected.. but we can try to interpret this distinct division as showing what kind of person Sasuke is. Very logical, detached, a shinobi, yes.

The lines that made me really look foward to reading more (promising!) are:

"I looked through your file." He tapped the folder with his finger. "Yeah, there's a lot of dumb shit in here, but I don't think that's who you really are. I once knew somebody that was just like guy in here. Always getting in trouble, didn't know who he was, or what he wanted out of life. Turned out, all he needed was something to focus on and to fight for, something that was more important than anything else in this world."

They say you should live for something you could die for (?)

Good luck with the story.

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I like Jen's reviews.. read lots of them. I generally agree with her and wish I could write just as much, logically, detaily and emotionally as she does.. I read and liked your story, too. But I couldn't write as good a review (FromAfar) as she did, I'm afraid (with good stories it's a bit complicated:)

It's curious that Sasuke's life (or story, generally speaking) is so strictly devided in chapters: job, family (prologue \ preface), sex life, feelings,past,childhood (ch.I), changes of scene = a new mission (ch.3). Yes, they ARE interconnected.. but we can try to interpret this distinct division as showing what kind of person Sasuke is. Very logical, detached, a shinobi, yes.

Sorry, Tribalista. I ran out of time before work and didn't include your review. I will rectify that shortly.

Sasuke's life is compartmentalized because all of our lives are. We are one person at work, another at school, still another in bed. This also has to do with the mountain of exposition that I have to shovel out, and getting it to sound semi-natural is tough.

The nice part about writing in the first person is that we have instant access to Sasuke's thoughts. More importantly, we can watch those thoughts get increasingly less logical and detached once the feces start hitting the fan.

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I'm very glad I've found your story 'cause it has lots of things I like, combined: (male)humor, humanlike Sasuke (a rare thing), detailed but quite short descriptive passages + not boring inner monologues, and several storylines - a detective story, a love story (hopefully), a story of a family (clan) - and more, I think.

I also like that the main character is set to explore something, be it an interesting criminal case, his own sexuality, his full potential and its limits.. so it's a quest, too.

What's it like being a homosexual? A dangerous thing to explore but if it's a part of Sasuke's mission.. let's see! Who said Sasuke is "straight"? You said?:) In the summary? Really?:) Hmmm.. We'll see.

There are so many things I liked.. f.e., Sasuke and Sakura's relationship (at least it's not all about status, money and poor guy's looks), but I'd better sum up - I 'll definitely wait for updates!

Thank you for the nice review and for enjoying my story.

"Straight cop infiltrates gay leather underground to catch a killer" is the high concept of the movie Cruising. It would have been an interesting film, too, if the director (William Friedkin) didn't turn the whole thing into a homophobic mess, where Al Pacino spends half the film drowning in a orgiastic sea of grinding male flesh. (To get an R rating, forty minutes of flesh-wallowing bar scenes had to be cut out. Forty!) In short, it's a lot like it's more famous predecessor, The Exorcist, except that Catholic guilt and ritualism has been replaced by fits of homosexual panic and messages of gay=serial killer.

Yes, you are right. The whole point of this story is to explore these exact issues.

The film Cruising does none of this. We have no idea what goes on under the surface of Al Pacino's character, or anybody's character. It's like somebody's holding up a cue card saying, "Resist the urge to act." We never find out who the real killer is; in fact, we see at least three separate killers...if you don't count Al Pacino's character, who is strongly implied to be the killer of his gay neighbor at the end of the film.

Edited by Self-IndulgentCarp
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Before i review any further i would like to know whats going to be the official pairing for the story as in who ends up with who? I kinda vomitted a little by reading the second chapter... If this is just a sasukesakura story i will take my leave now, that has got to be the most revolting thing i have ever read. Plus sasuke would never act like that, especially towards women he hates.

I understand your confusion. A majority of fanfiction is written in the Romance genre, or as one of the genres. In Romance, the intended couple meets in the first few chapters or in the first fifteen minutes of the film. After the "meet-cute", the central question become "How will these two people overcome the forces that keep them apart and achieve their happily-ever-after?" The pairing is obvious, the ending is obvious, and the only room for creativity are in the struggles they endure in between.

Romance isn't one of the genres of this story. Here, the central question is "Who is Sasuke Uchiha?" Once that question has been answered, fully and completely, then everything else follows: we will know the direction of his life, who he chooses to pair with, and how he comes to terms with his orientation, his family, and his role in life. Being a mystery as well, finding this answer must also show him who the killer is, or at least provide the key for unlocking the mystery. Revealing the pairing now would spoil the story.

HOWEVER...

The "Self-Indulgent" in my username is not an accident. When I work up story ideas, I often do so according to my own dubious tastes and desires. And I often forget about the needs of the readers. To that end, I will reconsider the ending chapter. The original is a bit of a downer and is not likely to satisfy anybody except myself. I can easily made the ending more fan-friendly with only minor alterations in the theme and plot. Thank you for reminding me to be less self-indulgent.

Edited by Self-IndulgentCarp
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I was a little confused by the start of the 4th chapter since I couldn't figure out why Sasuke would be taking out the trash, where he was, or who he was talking to. It eventually made sense, but I had to read the first bit a couple of times though. Although this is in the first person, I think occasionally getting a tiny bit more scene-setting info from Sasuke would really help flesh out the world you're creating. For example, when Sasuke described the neighborhood they were walking through on the way to the diner ("A dingy little diner that looked like it had been there for fifty years. The rest of this beat-down neighborhood looked older and crappier"), that was really good. It really helped me to picture the neighborhood that he was living in, but wasn't such a long description that it suddenly felt like it had stopped being first person.

Sasuke's not the type to waste words on description, so I've got to make every description count. And you're right. I've got to stop starting every chapter with a question. It was a cute trick at the beginning but now it's getting old.

Other than that little nit-pick, am definitely still really liking the story! Ishikawa is really good for an original character. He's believable as a cop, and seems like he'll make a good mentor for Sasuke. As for Naruto, OMG, he's such a sweetheart! But thankfully, nothing recognizably uke-ish about him. I dislike a wide-eyed, "innocent" Naruto because that's not what the character is actually like. Naruto here is pretty IC, I thought. I find all of Sasuke's violent reactions to homosexuality to be rather interesting since he's coming across as "protesting too much" about it. (LOL. Probably your intention?) I also liked the fact that around Naruto, there was a subtle change in Sasuke. He seemed to be a little more relaxed and empathetic than we've seen him before--he actually sympathized with Naruto's financial situation and even felt bad when he realized that his clan had wiped out Naruto's generations ago. I wouldn't say Sasuke is cold-hearted, but up until now, he's been pretty sarcastic and self-centered. It's nice that Naruto might be able to bring out other qualities in him?

Sasuke is definitely responding to Naruto's personality, just as everyone eventually does in canon. And, down deep, Sasuke could probably become a pretty good guy. But first, he has to get past his deeply-entrenched thoughts and values, which will require extreme measures. This fic is a chronicle of those measures.

Hi, I just wanted to say i like the story a lot... and can see where Sasuke can get disgusted by the mere thought of being gay, maybe because being straight is all he's ever known. I look forward to seeing more character development and to see how sasuke copes with possibly turning out to be gay :)

Thank you. And your review summed it up. Sasuke's never experienced anything other than military life, with its long-standing values and assumptions. He's never encountered anybody who's gay, or that he knows to be gay.

Edited by Self-IndulgentCarp
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When I started this story, I thought that I would only get a few reviews, and most of them would be flames. After all, this story isn't set up in the same way as most yaoi fics, and the sparse appearance of the Sasuke/Naruto relationship would piss off most SasuNaru fans. In short, this forum was originally for camage control. Since I seem to be getting a lot of positive reviews (so far), I will start responding to the ones I've skipped

Sounds really interesting, I really like it.:). I wonder who the killer is ?

Thank you. The killer will certainly be in the list of characters already introduced (or at least talked about.)

Really cool. Can't wait for next chapter. :D

Thank you. The chapters will now come out about once a month. I've had a lot of time in June to write but my work is now monitoring for any 'non-work-related' computer activity even during my lunch hours, so most of my writing time has vanished.

I love your writing style. It's really addictive to read. I don't like SasuSaku AT ALL, so i cringed through that part, but you wrote Sasuke really well the whole through the sex ahaha. I just can't wait until SasuNaru, that's gonna be hot!Please update soon ;0, i'm already addicted to this story :)

Personally, I've always hated both SasuSaku and SasuNaru. Part of the reason for this story was as a self-challenge: can I write SasuSaku & SasuNaru fiction that I do like?

I really like your writing style. You make sasuke sound like a total nonchalant asshole. I love it. Keep up the good work!

Thanks. I will.

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Chapter rocked! I like Naruto as a playwright; I don't usually get to see fics with him having some kind of creative profession. (I wonder why that is?) Will Sasuke eventually get to read something that Naruto has written? (I think there's always something kind of vulnerable/seductive about a writer character sharing something s/he has written with his/her love interest.)

Chapter brought up a lot of hints about Naruto & Sasuke's childhoods... Sasuke's family doesn't sound close at all, and I got the impression there's something up with Itachi, like he's not around anymore. I'm wondering why Naruto was raised in the civilian foster care system when his father was the Hokage, and why he was treated like the town pariah. (Since this is a normal, non-magical universe, this time around it can't be because of kyuubi. Maybe it was just a plain old social class thing since he was a foster kid.)

Should be a lot of fun watching Naruto and Sasuke get to know one another!

Naruto-as-playwright came from the movie Cruising. Much of Chapter 4 is based on the scene where Al Pacino's character first goes undercover and moves into his apartment. The playwright neighbor comes out of his room, starts a similar conversation, and invites Pacino out for coffee. His description of his play (boy meets boy, boy loses boy. boy goes out with analyst) is taken directly from the movie and, like the movie, also serves as confirmation that the neighbor is, in fact, gay.

Itachi is no longer around (alluded to in Chapter 1) for reasons that are currently a mystery, at least to Sasuke. The canon material can only stretch so far, and I won't cover the entire 4th Hokage/Naruto/Madara backstory. It just doesn't add to the plot.

If you're curious about what this whole Cruising-the-movie thing is, check out the trailer at

. A sample of the backroom bar scenes is at http://youtu.be/Wi0CxmDYKGA. Now you might understand why I'm infatuated with this superbly homophobic mess of a film. Just imagine Sasuke as Al Pacino, Sakura as Karen Allen, Naruto as the gay neighbor (not in any clip I can find), Kiba as Skip Lee (the violent guy by the pinball machine) and that about covers it. Edited by Self-IndulgentCarp
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  • 2 months later...

I missed 1 or 2 chapters, it seems.. shame on poor off-linish me. Do you plan to re-post them anytime.. soon? (hopefully) :))

So, this forum topic was for damage control? :) You managed pretty well, I thought, and now - did anything changed for you on AFF?

How I like the question "What's your damage, hm?" :)

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