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Two Masters and a Slave--what do you think?


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Okay, let me first give you a brief story summary so you don't get confused here. David is a slave working at an S&M club in Miami. He works for a woman named Chris, who owns the establishment but also trafficks drugs, mostly cocaine. David sells for her and is also pretty hooked on it. He lives with his roommate and childhood friend Lee. Often David goes out in drag and becomes Keira. A new guy comes into the Control Freak, David's place of employment, who calls himself Koichi. Japanese by birth, he is familiar with America and its customs but is more used to a complete M/s lifestyle (that is, living it in every aspect of your life, not just as a job) so sometimes the actions of those at Control Freak tend to throw him off. He and David are paired up unexpectedly one night and the two develop a great chemistry, but Chris doesn't like that at all... >.< wanna find out more, you'll just have to read it. XD

Master:: Koichi

Race of character: Human

Age of character: 29

Height of character: ?

Weight of character: ?

Brief background of character: Professionally dominates people for a living. He gets paid a good amount of money to be a Master for two or three slaves at one time.

Character's position or job: Master

Strengths/Skills: He is definitely not a cruel Master. He doesn't do torture or humiliation. He thinks it's beneath him.

Weaknesses/Bad habits: He smokes and drinks, maybe too much? He also will end up letting himself fall in love with his slave

Distinctive features, if any: Has black razor cut hair and several tattoos, is taller than your average Japanese guy.

How does your character get on with those around him/her?: He is very open and up front, always says what is on his mind. His Master personality shows in all aspects of his life, from the fact that he never looks down or backs down, to the fact that he's used to ordering people around and sometimes does it without thinking.

What does the other characters think of your character when they met her/him?: David (slave) is instantly interested and drawn to him. He has a sort of charisma about him and knows it! But Chris (another Master) feels instantly threatened when she sees their relationship growing.

Master:: Chris (female)

Race of character: Human

Age of character: 43

Height of character: ?

Weight of character: ?

Brief background of character: David's boss (not Master yet until much later in the story). She is a pretty devious person and traffics drugs, especially cocaine. Comes across as warm and approachable, though.

Character's position or job: Drug trafficker

Strengths/Skills: She is very possessive but has a soft spot for David until Koichi comes into the picture. Then she gets downright nasty.

Weaknesses/Bad habits: Likes making bets and deals. Gambling is her thing.

Distinctive features, if any: She is extremely dangerous. Her position affords her a lot of power.

How does your character get on with those around him/her?: Like Koichi she is used to being in charge. But unlike Koichi, she is a merciless Master.

What does the other characters think of your character when they met her/him?: David trusted her for the longest time. She does take very good care of the people who work for her unless they try to back out like David does.

Slave: David

Race of character: Human

Age of character: 22

Height of character: ?

Weight of character: ?

Brief background of character:

Character's position or job: David was in college with his twin Danny until Danny was killed in an accident. His family abandoned him because when they looked at him they saw 'the bad son', and the 'good one' that was dead. David left town, met Chris, and found himself headfirst into a drug soaked world.

Strengths/Skills: Is the most sought after slave in Control Freak, but doesn't really play the slave in life.

Weaknesses/Bad habits: Addicted to coke, possibly bipolar. (explained further in the story)

Distinctive features, if any: Frequently dresses as a woman, drag identity Keira, to make himself feel sexy and flirtatious.

How does your character get on with those around him/her?: He is a sort of antisocial person until he becomes Keira, then he is the life of the party. Prefers to be left alone than have to deal with stupid people, but at the same time hates being alone. Is naturally suspicious of others but when he meets Koichi he feels no trepidation at all.

What does the other characters think of your character when they met her/him?: Koichi sees someone in desperate need of a lifeline before he hits rock bottom. Chris sees someone simply not strong enough to get what they want out of life.

So there we are! What do I need to work on? Or do they sound okay? Thanks in advance for your advice!

Edited by TheApostleJudas
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  • 2 months later...

None of your characters sound Sue-ish to me.

I think the only thing you should look in to is that you made Koichi sound like he's more independent-minded than most Japanese. More simply put: you Americanized him. You should probably specify if he travels a lot or does work outside of Japan a lot to make it more believable that he'll act the way you've stated. It's super rare for any Japanese native to act so independent if they've never been outside of Japan for any length of time.

Other than that, you're fine. This actually sounds pretty interesting. :)

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  • 4 months later...

Thanks! He does actually come to America often, I edited my post to specify that. He is comfortable with America's ways in general, but not with the way Control Freak is run. XD I changed a lot, but the basic storyline is the same. He is used to living as a Master, not just switching into the mentality of one when he goes to work and then leaving it behind when he goes home.

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