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SaigoKarasu

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  1. http://anime.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600044621 I'm trying to fine-tune this as much as I can yet I feel there is still errors in pacing and grammar. If you could help me sort those out, I'd Be most grateful. This is a Pokemon fanfic that is based on the games. It has nothing to do with the anime or manga. If you desire further details, notify me on MSN, AIM, or via Email. AIM: SaigoKarasu MSN: Saigokarasu@aol.com Email: Saigolarasu@aol.com
  2. http://anime.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600044621 I'm trying to fine-tune this as much as I can yet I feel there is still errors in pacing and grammar. If you could help me sort those out, I'd Be most grateful. This is a Pokemon fanfic that is based on the games. It has nothing to do with the anime or manga. If you desire further details, notify me on MSN, AIM, or via Email. AIM: SaigoKarasu MSN: Saigokarasu@aol.com Email: Saigolarasu@aol.com
  3. Here's the link: http://anime.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600044621 I'm trying to fine-tune this as much as I can yet I feel there is still errors in pacing and grammar. If you could help me sort those out, I'd Be most grateful. This is a Pokemon fanfic that is based on the games. It has nothing to do with the anime or manga. If you desire further details, notify me on MSN, AIM, or via Email. AIM: SaigoKarasu MSN: Saigokarasu@aol.com Email: Saigolarasu@aol.com
  4. My Opening Paragraphs: -------------------- Rio pursued the remnants of Team Galactic desperately throughout Sunnyshore City with nothing but his sixth sense as his guide, striding blindly throughout the city like a bat following the distant echoes of his prey. Rio drew out his PC Portable and cycled through his data files. He opened the folder of the person who was his only link to Cyrus and the remnants of Team Galactic: a girl who defeated the Team Galactic leader and his Commanders on top of Mount Coronet and helped Cynthia, Champion of the Elite Four, and his fellow “members” of AEGIS with the incident dubbed “The Mt. Coronet Incident” and, to top it all off, had defeated seven of the eight Gym Leaders of Sinnoh in a mere thirteen months. Her name’s Dawn Berlitz, and she’s only twelve years old. -------------------- I need help improving this so that'll grab readers by the throat and keep them on the edge of their seats. --------------------- ‘Crippled?’ she thought. Dawn let the hot tears flow from her eyes and stream down her delicate features. The nurse wrapped her arms around Dawn’s shoulder, whispering “It’s okay. Shhh. It’s going to be alright”. Dawn rested her head on her shoulder and threw her arms around her, digging her fingertips into the nurse’s back, clenching the inexpensive fabric. She remembered the times he fought with Altair, showing off his new techniques in a vainglorious attempt to prove his superiority, even as a Piplup which she found so adorable. Every time she called him out to battle, he would strut his chest out, daring the opponent to try to land the first hit. Ever since he saw some nimrod wrestler shout, “This is my house!” while pounding his chest on television, he would emulate his gesture in every single battle to exhibit toughness and confidence in ability even when he was outmatched. As he evolved, his little displays only grew more and more dopey and exravagant. It didn’t matter, for she always found them to be so adorable. Suddenly, something hit her. She removed her hands from her eyes and looked at the nurse, the tears still pouring from her eyes. “Um, a ‘she’? He’s not a ‘she’.” “S-she…um…gave birth,” the nurse replied. The faint tick-tock on the clock fell silent. Stretched across the brindled darkness of the sick room, she lay bereft of will. “We…don’t know if there will be any defects when the baby Piplup hatches. We saved the egg, but…it’s just…I’ve never seen them so distraught…so unsure of how to proceed. They had to cut her stomach open to save the egg.” She had... sent an expecting mother out to fight. She... passed off the faded look in Trident’s eyes as... as mere happenstance, and... and she her child... robbed a mother’s precious blessing, her world, her... her happiness... of it’s future... Trident put her child’s life in her hands and... she had forsaken her. She had forsaken her best friend and... and her child, now, was...'“Why,” she asked as her eyes swelled up with tears, “Why didn’t I realize…” ---------------------------------- I desperately need help pulling this one off. Help me, please?
  5. Title: The Devil Thaumaturgist Author: SaigoKarasu Rating: Adult+ Summary: Cosette and the last survivors of the Royal Family, attempting to escape the clutches of a band of cutthroats, believe they have escaped their morbid lust. They truly believe they have escaped the darkness... Anal, AU/AR, BDSM, CBT, Death, Dom, Humil, Inc, Language, M/F, MC, Other, Violence, WIP Feedback: A story I hope to get published one day Fandom: Original URL:http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600096313
  6. Title: Before I Forget Author: SaigoKarasu Rating: Adult+ Summary: Dawn is the key to getting his life back and putting Cyrus down for good. He is a double-agent gone rogue who was decieved by both Cyrus and his own father. He is a trainer whose career is in a stranglehold. He is Rio Maddox. Anal, AU/AR, Language, M/F, MC, Minor, SoloF Feedback: My story, which I am trying my best on. Fandom: Pokemon URL:http://anime.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600044133
  7. Any comments and criticism would be lovely as I hope to publish this one day. The Devil Thaumatugist
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