Keith Inc.

When i was home on leave, we had an unrehearsed telling of one joke to great effect.I walked into the kitchen where my dad and a friend of his were talking to the friend's son. He'd just signed up for the Air Force and was leaving for boot camp in a couple of days. Dad turned to me and asked, "Hey, what was the most painful thing they did to you in boot camp?" I instantly replied: "Square needled in the left testicle. The one they stab you with to make sure your nervous system isn't compromised. See, they take you into-" Friend's kid screams something like, "My God! It's TRUE!" and runs out of the room, screaming. Dad and Friend, veterans both, laugh until they snort beer out of their noses.

Kinda reminds me of that 'author' in Throw Momma From The Train, and his coffee table book, '100 Women I'd Like To Pork.'

A Marine on the Tender called me a squid once. "Defined as an animal that swims in the ocean and shit on Marine life? Thanx."

13,501 to 14000 Seawolf 14001 to 14500 Los Angeles 14501 to 15000 Virginia 15501 to 16000 Ohio 16001 to 16500 Benjamin Franklin 16501 to 17000 Keith 16501 to 17000 Animedevildog 16501 to 17000 Dominic Shade 16501 to 17000 (Next person to get over 500 levels)

Sub classes: Seawolf Virginia Ohio (i was on the Maryland and the Rhode Island) Los Angeles Benjamin Franklin (I was on the Benjamin Franklin and the George Washington Carver)

Well, as a vet with 16 patrols on subs, i'd like to see 13,501 to 15000 = Trident II Submarine Then, i dunno, what about: 15001 to 17,500 = Keith 17501 to 19,000 = AniDevilDog ??? I mean, i think it'd just be nifty cool to see "Keith hits you with Keith and does 16034 damage."

I had an idea for a Time Turner story, but couldn't use Hermione. She's too young for me to publish the story in my usual haunts. I changed the witch's identity a teeny bit, moved it outside of the HP universe. for what it's worth, The Time Flip is here: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600099058 I do have one other story that uses time travel. Mad Scientist #3, Time Enough for Love and Love and Love and...: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600092549

No anal beads, but there are a lot of unusual toys in 'The Rubber Revolution:' http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600092847 Well, not of unusual design, but the rubber is extra springy. You might enjoy it...

Well, i don't know much about Warhammer, but it seems interesting. it seems to work. I'm flattered.

Yes, but when Cameron wants to turn my bible fanfic story into the next international sensation, i don't want it to be restricted in Australia because butthurt censors sweepingly decide that just because there's a unicorn in the sex scene it's bestiality.Oh. Wait...

It's the ENTER key. Or the ENTER/SUBMIT/PUBLISH button indicator. Somehow, that magnifies our intelligence. I swear, the computer could project a 10-foot tall message, written in bold, all caps, in a flaming font, saying "PERFORMING THIS ACTION WILL DELETE FOURTEEN HOURS OF EFFORT. DO YOU WANT TO CONTINUE, STUPID?" and if i'm in the zone, i can't hit ENTER fast enough. Or ACCEPT or 'Yes, i AM that stupid,' whatever it takes. Once that key or mouse button goes far enough down, though, once the computer recognizes the command, i instantly become aware of what i've done. what the consequences are. Where i will be on the weekend, trying to recover. Dammit. If only the SPACE key could make us that starm.

Australian censors are apparently putting a stop to any porn that features small-breasted women. The concern (made up out of thin air as far as i can tell) is that such porn promotes pedophilia. Of course, at the same time, other groups fear that depicting overly endowed women holds the more average women to an unrealistic standard. So? When i create a scene with a woman that's about to have whoopie smoochies with five or six guys on her daily bus, what's the best cup size to portray? Something that the pedos (who just absolutely do NOT read adult smut, it's not what they're interested in) won't find too childish, and the fems won't find too extreme but the horndogs will still find attractive? Where's the perfect average? Or is there another charge/issue/complaint i've missed?

Okay enough, i guess. Mostly working on the fetish stuff, though.

A comment i've heard a few times. Writers go back and read an older story and it feels funny. Not just details that we were ignorant of earlier, or grammar we thought was fine at the time but became a peeve later. I sometimes read something that's more than a year old, and it's like a complete stranger wrote it. I can't remember how i could have made some choices, or come up with some of the turns of phrase that i think work particularly well. Some of it, of course, i remember or recognize. But every so often i don't. It's almost a presque vu feeling. I wonder if that or something like it could be how the concept of muses came about? Some art is created, feeling almost like an out of body experience, especially when reviewed later. When it almost seems like another personality was working through us at that time. Does anyone know what i'm trying to talk about?

But on the other hand, how many people come to AFF to read about normal natural sex? I have two characters getting intimate inside of a dragon somewhere on my archive. And a scene of sexing a cloud giant. A demoness with a three-slot pussy. Transforming goddesses. Centaurs. A Tetris handheld. I don't think most AFF sex scenes would suffer horribly from a little porn-movie-sex. Of course, it has to be in the right setting. I would have a difficulty accepting if Smurfette finally gets Papa Smurf to show her who her 'daddy' is, shouting 'yer hung lahk a horse, so Ah'm gonna ride you like one, gor dammit!" But i can certainly see Major Carter telling Doctor Jackson that 'My, it's hot in this pyramid. Hot and humid. Hot and....so very...WET.' It's mostly a matter of styles, i think. Porn sex is the whole point. Characters exist only to justify the sex scenes, the plot is just window dressing so it doesn't all look alike. if you're trying to amplify the characters through the use of sex, if sex isn't the point of the exercise as much as the canon figures are, then most porn scenes would be inappropriate. it's jarring to go through realistic scenes of realistic people than hit wild, screaming, swing from the chandelier, string of profanity, bodily fluid splatter. It's liek a speed bump.

Certain phrases are used so often in adult literature, i begin to suspect that the authors just put placeholders in as they write. "He pulled off his pants and his [male thing] popped into view. Her [female thing] hungered for it." Then some day laborers in the publisher's basement rotate through 'throbbing member' and 'quivering quim' with other phrases to fill out the novel. Of course, there's a story i read before i wrote my Noah's Ark story where the author used 'penis' five times in one paragraph. It wasn't an improvement. Just, please, have your characters talk the way you talk, unless you have established a good reason for them to be superliteral, superclinical, or so overeducated that they use twenty-dollar words to express five-cent ideas.

Nice pic. I can definitely see wanting to create a story to frame that scene, hopefully one that does justice to the story already being told. I'm usually inspired by song lyrics or god-only-knows, but a few pics have sparked a story or two. This image: http://blutm8.deviantart.com/art/REMIS-60883565 Inspired this short: http://keithvii.deviantart.com/art/Remiss-65851849 This artists's work (warning, she is an amputee enthusiast...not for everyone...): http://samleviuk.deviantart.com/art/You-ca...for-me-66185038 Inspired me to write an amputee sex story: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600096220 I saw and read this work: http://posiechan.deviantart.com/art/snatched-66664523 And tried to move the story along: http://keithvii.deviantart.com/art/Snatched-part-2-66867670 Then this one: http://calistostears.deviantart.com/art/ju...r-pawn-18091592 Led to this one: http://keithvii.deviantart.com/art/The-Sho...rpheus-65954892

Yeah, there are some sex scenes out there that are hopefully written by virgins... Never mind the skies parting or being touched by the gods at orgasm, the mechanical details are so wrong it's offputting. But there are virgins who can write a surprisingly good sex scene. Figure out what it is that you'd want to happen in a good romp and make that happen on paper. Or, you know, screen. Then, and this is critical, go back through and throw out every other adjective or adverb. I tend to find myself going through some sexcenes counting the times size is related as a qualifier. Colossal breasts, humongous cock, huge sac, gigantic glans... And if you can get two people naked three times without saying 'quivering' i will make a sacrifice in your honor.

Who Shot Roger Rabbit?

A young resident was doing his Emergency Room rotation. One of his patients was brought in after a horrible trauma. Due to the great blood loss, the team was unable to even read his blood pressure. His heart beat started to stutter. Unsure what to do, the resident paused. One of the nurses reached into a drawer and pulled out a photograph. She held it over the patient's face and pried an eye open. The patient came back to life, coughing and sputtering. The picture went back in the drawer as the nurse on the blood pressure cuff shouted, "Fifty systolic!" They continued their efforts, successfully stabilizing him and passing him up to the waiting team in the operating room. As they cleaned up the ER, the doctor snuck a glance in the drawer. The picture that had brought the patient back to life was a glossy photograph. It showed a busty model in a revealing mockery of a nun's habit. She was fellating a bottle of vodka with a dreamy expression on her face. "What the hell?" he muttered. "It's a standard procedure," a passing nurse explained. "No matter how far out of it a patient is, they are going to have an opinion on religion, alcohol, sex or just poor taste." "How does that bring them back to life?" he asked incredulously. "Not quite resurrection," she said, sealing the bag of bloody towels. "But it does instantly affect their Sis-Stoli-Lick pressure."

Hey, is it me or does the time delay seem backwards? Some level zero drone manages to kill someone and they're out of game for 90 minutes. Some level, oh, let's say 1300 fighter kills someone with a super-cobra and they're back in 30 minutes? Shouldn't there be more of a grease-spot effect? Stabby-stabby with a dagger, you have to spend 10 minutes getting a bandaid out of the downstairs bathroom. Someone drops a nuke on you, you have to spend more time collecting your component atoms out of what's left of the air, that should take longer. Then as the power rises, the time for recovery should be proportionate... Theoretically, anyway.

Hey, just curious. What kind of experience points do you get from defeating me? I mean, you know, those times it isn't suicide to attack me...

it's back! Hooray! Now...what was my attack plan again? Oh, yeah. Everyone.

Would it be more interesting to leave as much as possible to the other students' imaginations? "Well, whoever asked this question, it's perfectly normal to have those thoughts about Lunch Lady Gladys. Unless you're dating a girl, of course."

I dunno. I'll buy that 90% THINK they're going to be published in the future and think that they're progressing towards that goal. But that number's going to include those that use fanfic for their 'ministry,' sure that yet another Teen Titans fanfic where Raven and/or her father turn out to be the Antichrist is actually helping fight Satan. And those that delete anything resembling criticism because the reviewer is a big meanie who hates Edward and what's the big deal about puncutation and spilling, anway. And those that have ten glowing reviews for their pedophile Pokemon/Jackie Chan fanfic so they can respond to criticism by claiming they're 'the best of the best' AND asking critics to 'give me a break, I'm just an armature at this writing stuff.' And, of course, those that are sure their Mary Sue character will be incorporated in the gloriously welcomed spin-off created for them. Ultimately, i doubt that bullshit glowing reviews hurt the author. Concrit can help the author, if the author has the mindset to use them, but if they already are sure they've written the Great American Tweet, nothing anyone can say will affect their writing. And if the reviews just bump an already-swollen ego, then the damage had already been done.