InBrightestDay

Late again (dang it!) but Chapter 4 is up.  We get to know some more characters and begin planting the seeds of what’s to come.

AAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!
Well, I had written quite a lot here, and then went to open another tab to check something, and in the process accidentally clicked the little x at the top of this one, closing it, and while AFF sometimes saves what I’m writing, this time it didn’t.

*sigh* Alright, let me try and recreate all of it.
First off, I’m obviously way behind on getting involved in this thread, and that has to do with work.  I got back from Thanksgiving vacation, and then was promptly scheduled to work seven days in a row.  I thought I’d have time on Tuesday, but my little brother decided to come into town for Christmas early, so my mom had me helping her get a bedroom ready for him, moving furniture with her, running down to Goodwill to drop stuff off and basically spending the day running errands, and then it was back to work Wednesday, but I’m here now!
I don’t have any fascinating behind the scenes details to share about the creation of Chapter 2, as while I was heavily involved in re-writing a lot of the early parts of the story, this is the one chapter where I didn’t do that; not one word of that is mine.
Of course, since I didn’t do that...mini-review!
I really like the concept of what @Sparrow calls the eyrie (after the term for the nest of a large bird of prey).  In the story that inspired this one, I don’t think the hell flyers had any sort of communal sleeping area, but this is an idea I’ve seen in movies and pulp adventure stories going way back: the place the monster puts someone it’s not ready to eat yet.  This is also where we first meet Cindy, and this was yet another character I’d never heard of before (it’s funny, because character-wise this story contains a mix of “Oh yeah, I know them” and “who the hell…?”).  I seem to recall she’s from something Sparrow wasn’t super fond of; I think he said she was the only really good thing to come out of that story arc or something.  I really like her interactions with Chun-Li, especially
Highlight of the chapter is still Chun-Li strangling the hell flyer through the bars of her “cell”.  Something I didn’t quite realize was going on when I read Chapter 1 and saw Chun-Li hit the thing with a kikoken was that Sparrow was giving it a distinguishing feature.  By injuring it in a specific way, he made sure we could tell that one apart so we can see Chun-Li get some very satisfying payback here.
And yeah, also guilty of confusing Marvel’s Spinneret with the webcomic Spinnerette.  I’d never even read the webcomic, merely knowing about it through TV Tropes, but it was enough to cause a mixup.  Sparrow found me an online version of the comic that showed how we got the Spinneret that appears here (no spoilers, so I can’t discuss more), and I was actually rather pleased to find out there was a universe where One More Day had never happened.
Always a good thing.
I freaking loved JayDee’s summary of the moment I asked that question, by the way.
 
It turned into a cool WitS moment, though, so it all worked out!
To be fair, I’m blanking on other candidates for this myself, and as for keeping Harry from being too OP, we did have a readily available out.  I won’t spoil anything for anyone who doesn’t know about the source material for this story, but you may have noticed that while magic works in the Necropolis, it’s getting nerfed somewhat.  That nerfing is variable, but not random, and results in a lot of magic-based characters being significantly weaker than they ought to be (this will come up again in, I think, Chapter 8 or 9).
I did get somewhat more involved here, writing some of the new stuff inthe action scene involving Harry.  Originally, as mentioned, he would have had his natural magic, but no training, so he couldn’t really fight.  When he gained five years worth of Hogwarts schooling, he obviously gained the ability to participate, so I put in some stuff about him hitting zombies with the disarming spell, which isn’t the best thing for actually hurting them, but expelliarmus is kind of his signature move, and I don’t know if he’d learned enough to throw an incendio at any of them (also that might have just resulted in flaming zombies, sending things from bad to worse).
The other two characters, Black Widow and April, are doing pretty much the same stuff as Sparrow originally wrote for them.
I can’t wait to discuss this, and my initial reaction to it, when it actually happens.
I mean “Baby Got Back” isn’t that...*Googles*...1992.  Holy shit, that’s 28 years ago.  Man, now I feel old.
Also, Damn it, JayDee!  Now that’s stuck in my head.
I...I can speak no more of this here.
As for why the character in the next chapter doesn’t provide the Terminator line, I always assumed the line’s use here was intended as foreshadowing.
Regarding the next chapter itself, I personally like it, though I do know things slow down for some scene-setting.  I’ll talk about it more when we get there.

Late on this (to the point that JayDee already left a review!) but Chapter 3 is up.

Yeah, I wonder now if I would’ve done better with someone else for this part. Originally the idea was that I wanted a male character who wouldn’t be too overpowered, and to facilitate that I had Harry be from literally the very start of the series, when he’s 11 and doesn’t know any magic. Then I realised that (and what happens to him) was too much even for me, and aged him up some. Hence why it possibly feels a bit awkward.
Actually had to think about that one for a second to figure out what reference you were making. Not sure if that’s more distressing than the fact you made a pop-culture reference that’s older than I am or not.
You joke, but initially I had planned to introduce more Spider-people further down the line, who’d end up hooking up with Spinneret, but then realised this would be massively OOC for her, and more importantly, might make people think I’m catering to a cuckolding fetish, so I noped way out of that.
Yes, and in light of one of the characters introduced in the next chapter it really makes me wonder why I didn’t have them provide this line instead, would’ve made much more sense. Nevermind.
Mm, we’ll have to see if you feel the same way in the next chapter, as that’s when a bunch of characters all get introduced at once. Though it might not be as bad on here, as I’m unable to use the pictures I inserted originally to illustrate what they look like.
Pity, though, I spent ages finding all of them.
Probably a good idea, though I’m unsure how to name all the characters in a way that wouldn’t give away which characters survive the story (via the ones having the biggest roles) or make people think that some characters get more screentime than they actually do. Plus, this is an ensemble piece, so in theory everyone has equal billing. You see my problem?

I get the feeling. I never really thought too close ‘bout stuff I wrote either. Then years later someone says “Why do the eyes glow at this bit?” and I just looked baffled. Still, does read well as if planned here!
It’ll maybe depend on the reader – lot of folks don’t mind slower character/story building… and yeah, some’re just here for sex or violence or both. I hope they stick it out, builds to a great ending on what I read before!

Uuuh, honestly, I don’t think I thought about this very hard. As I recall initially (and indeed, as I restored it for the less gnarly cut) all that’s left by the time Chun-Li arrives is gnawed bones, tats of fuchsia hair everywhere, and a ragged team rocket t-shirt that Chun-Li notices still has most of an arm in it. In this case let’s say sure, they’d been keeping her alive until they had someone new. Makes it seem like I actually planned this part of the story.
Yeah, as it happens, for a while @InBrightestDay thought I was making reference to this character as well, but in fact, once she reveals herself properly in a chapter or so I’m sure you’ll recognise who she is.
Though I worry we may lose some viewers between now and then; after what I thought was a good start, I’m less confident about the next three chapters. Feel like they’re kind of slow.

Authors: Sparrow and InBrightestDay
Title: Mortuus Orbis
Summary: No one knows how it happens. Plucked seemingly at random from their everyday lives, they are drawn to another place, a world where dark clouds blanket the sky above a bustling metropolis gone eerily quiet. From different worlds and different times, hero and villain alike are drawn inexplicably to this dead world. Here they must band together, try to learn how they came here and find out if there’s a way home. There are more immediate concerns, though. It will take all of their skills to survive, and even that might not be enough.
Because the city may be dead, but it is not empty.
Feedback: Reviews and constructive criticism very much appreciated!
Fandom: Misc Video Games/RPGs > Crossovers
Warnings: Angst, Bigotry, BMod, Hum, MCD, M/F, MiCD, Minor2, Preg, Racist, Rape, Tent, UST, Violence, Xeno
Solo or chaptered story: Chaptered
URL: http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091389
Review Reply thread: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/69143-mortuus-orbis-discussion-thread/
This is a collaborative project that Sparrow and I have been working on for quite a while now (going back to well before I finished WitS), and I’m happy to see it finally posted here.  I’d say it’s mostly horror, though there’s definitely some character drama as well, and more action scenes happen as the story progresses.

Chapter 2 is up!

Chapter 2 is up!

Wow, this site’s been around for how long and nobody’s ever used this tab before? That’s almost impressive.
Anyway, this thread is for anyone wanting to leave thoughts or comments concerning the story I’m starting to put up on here now, Mortuus Orbis, a work I cowrote with my good friend InBrightestDay. I hope there will be some.

Great to see it showing up here! @InBrightestDay sent me through the chapters previously and I sent ‘em some feedback, which I think they passed on. Possibly not the tangents about how there could be a fresh donut store. For anybody else looking at this I highly recommend the story! It has Best Girl, Chun Li.
I’ll get around to re-writing the feedback I sent IBD as reviews at some point.
 

Er yeah, I think they just passed along the main part of it, cause this is the first I’ve heard about a donut store. What’s that about?
Yeah, though the events of the first chapter may put them off if they’re a big enough fan of her. I actually produced a sort of “director’s cut” version of this story not long after it was finished, to both make it less overtly pornographic, and to remove some of the parts I found didn’t fit so well going forward. Such as the end of this first chapter. It being the first thing written meant that when the story was finished, some three years later, what I was interested in focusing on in it had shifted a great deal. You’ll probably see what I mean as it goes on.

...donuts, mostly. Come to think of it, I don’t think I did sent the donut tangents. Possibly I decided to use it if I ever finished my Deathstalker homage.
Awww! I liked the pornographic bits! There’s one cunnilngus bit I saw that was amazing, but I I enjoyed all the sexual stuff! As long as the great fight scenes are still in there – I fucking loved seeing Chun Li’s game moves show up! My short fom review is that the two arcs I read were great, you two oughta be pretty darn proud of your work on it.
I’ll get around to longer re-reviewing the updated chapters properly at some point, for sure. Hopefully other folks’ll look it over and review too, although it’s kinda odd on this site – some stuff you’d think would do great for reviews gets none, some gets reviews that makes you think “Wait, what the fuck? Who likes Spyro the dragon snuff?”

Not to worry, this one is the original. Figured I might as well go for the full version on here. Porn and splatter remain. 
Though when you mention cunnilngus I think you must be thinking of the second story, which I doubt will end up on here for donkey's years, assuming I think it's worth posting here at all. 
Which would be a shame if so, as I think part two is much better. 
By all means, though as I said this is the same version as IBD already showed you. The Director's Cut is just this but with some stuff taken out here and there.
 
Would like other people to review also, yeah, but given how I'm literally the very first person to use this particular tab on the forum I won't hold out much hope. 
As for Spyro... Well, looking at this story, I don't think I should judge. 

Whoohoo!
I hope you do post it. Even though some folks are quiet as little mice with feedback, it’s still a good story and will hopefully be read.
I wouldn’t read too much into that – The forum is set out with subforums that kind of match the breakdowns of the archive sub-domains, but wih the odd exception most folks seem to try and get away with sticking under general. For me, I just have review reply topics that are sub-domain specific rather than individual story specific. If I did it by story I’d probably have more topics under threesomes or what have you.

Alright, I have a review for another story to write today, but I must leave soon, and I’m not entirely sure what the internet situation will be like.  The review I can do on my phone, though it’ll take quite a while, but this will be easier to do here now, so with that in mind, reviewing another story being a thing done later today or tonight, for now let me finally  address @Thundercloud’s review for the final chapter of The Woman in the Statue.
About the action scene, believe it or not, I kind of figured that would be what happened, at least to some extent.  If I do any future stories with Luzurial, I can go into more detail with how her powers work and hopefully establish more of an idea of just how much energy any given attack consumes, but with this setup (the fact that she’s in a weakened state for most of the story and can barely use any of her powers), the only one we knew about was divine fire, which uses 100% of Luzurial’s power, and then it very sklowly comes back.  Aside from that, I couldn’t think of a good way to establish how the system worked without slowing down the action.  I’m not saying there wasn’t a good way, mind you; I just didn’t think of it.
I also knew right off the bat that I needed to keep this phase of the fighting shorter than the others...because it’s just fighting.  It’s one of the things you get away with far more easily on film than you do in prose.  In a movie or other visual medium, Eparlegna and Luzurial duking it out at full power is something I could show on screen in ten or fifteen seconds, but those seconds take a lot of descriptive text (the old saying, “a picture is worth a thousand words” is very true when you’re trying to describe something visually), and the longer that text went on the more it would start to drag.  To that end, I did my best to cut it down, just having a few flashy attacks from Eparlegna (the tentacles and the red lightning) and then move into the character-based part of the fight with Luzurial’s interaction with the mortals, as you noted.
Thank you!  Milyn is sort of from someone else’s story (I’ve updated the Author’s Note to point that out, because I stupidly forgot about it at the time of posting ).  TimeWise has shown up on this thread before for reviews, and the whole reason for that was my asking if I could create my own version of the character.  Since Conversion, her story of origin, is a fantasy story set in a completely different world, so I had to find a real-world religion she would fit into.  I looked at her name, and one source indicated that it might be based on the Slavic element milu, meaning “gracious” or “dear”, and built on that, thinking she might be Eastern Orthodox, and finally went with Serbian Orthodox and settled on Belgrade as the city where she was born.  Her personality in her original story fit perfectly with what I wanted to do here, as she has a low opinion of herself but is clearly a rather unreliable narrator due to low self-esteem, and that fit with the idea that people have caught on that champions exist, but still haven’t quite figured out who they are.
Thank you!  JayDee had made a point during Whore of Heaven that God had fully trusted humanity to deal with Eparlegna on their own.  Now, due to the focus on Luzurial as a character and her recovery from her trauma, I couldn’t not have her do that, but I really wanted to show that after 75 years of prep, humans are dangerous now, even to Eparlegna.  It’s also a bit of character illustration for Eparlegna.  He’s very calm and composed when things are going his way, as they are during WoH, but when things don’t go his way, he’s a very sore loser, and he will destroy the game before he will accept losing it.
That scene was one I wrote even before I had finished the rest of the story, so JayDee had an advance preview.  At the time I was just calling it “The Punishment of Eparlegna”, after the interlude in The Slumber Party of Evil Doom.  I’ve always loved scenes where we get introduced to a really serious villain, and they’re more calm and quiet and all the more menacing for it.
Thank you for following me all the way to the end here.  I do indeed have more stories planned, and I hope you’ll enjoy them as well!

Authors: Sparrow and InBrightestDay
Title: Mortuus Orbis
Summary: No one knows how it happens. Plucked seemingly at random from their everyday lives, they are drawn to another place, a world where dark clouds blanket the sky above a bustling metropolis gone eerily quiet. From different worlds and different times, hero and villain alike are drawn inexplicably to this dead world. Here they must band together, try to learn how they came here and find out if there’s a way home. There are more immediate concerns, though. It will take all of their skills to survive, and even that might not be enough.
Because the city may be dead, but it is not empty.
Feedback: Reviews and constructive criticism very much appreciated!
Fandom: Misc Video Games/RPGs > Crossovers
Warnings: Angst, Bigotry, BMod, Hum, MCD, M/F, MiCD, Minor2, Preg, Racist, Rape, Tent, UST, Violence, Xeno
Solo or chaptered story: Chaptered
URL: http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091389
Review Reply thread: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/69143-mortuus-orbis-discussion-thread/
This is a collaborative project that Sparrow and I have been working on for quite a while now (going back to well before I finished WitS), and I’m happy to see it finally posted here.  I’d say it’s mostly horror, though there’s definitely some character drama as well, and more action scenes happen as the story progresses.

“How’s Abdul?”
“He went after you and he’s in pieces.”
“Ah, my wounds don’t look that bad do they? Luzurial healed me?”
“No, he walked into the Lego Trap. He’s literally in pieces.”
Makes a lot of sense! I do wonder if Kizzy after spending time amongst mortals would be less fast to sacrifice them. I mean,  except Drew.
Working with the mortals there was great, I think everyone’ll like the champion and there’s always a nice action moment when the tank kicks in!
We had a discussion about this as I recall.
You: Just remembered this. What’s that about?
Me: *Looking baffled and slightly scared, poking Whore of Heaven with a stick* I… don’t know.
The possibilities are endless!
Lupa: “Who the fuck brought a one-legged man to an ass kicking contest?”
*Sees Luzurial glare*
Lupa: “...is what I heard those cabrons over there say.”
Kevin: “I’m going put my foot right up your ass! And leave it there, to give my sump a break!”
Definitely think you made the right choice. Hell, you could probably even fit in some stories during the year where she has caused to do her job around Kevin. Especially if he found himself in suipernatural hijinks – gonna be some Eparegna fans out looking for revenge etc etc!
Whoohoo!

Oh no that’s not what I meant!  I appreciate that you think i deserve more reviews, but that was more of a “satisfied completion of task” thing than a “bemoaning too few reviews” thing.  I know I’ve got reviews coming from at least one more person (maybe two), and after that it’ll be about sticking around, posting more stories and hoping people click on my “Stories Written” section
Possibly.  We might be tied.  WitS has twelve chapters and you’ve reviewed all of them, while G.S.P. has thirteen chapters and I’ve reviewed twelve of them, though I will get that last one read (to avoid spoilers, I’ll just say I’m more than 1/3 but less than halfway through).  Admittedly, if you’re tallying reviews for every story each of us has written, this gets more complicated...wait, why are we doing this as a competition?   At any rate, I will get there.
But first, time to respond to more reviews for the WitS finale!   This one comes to us from @JayDee!
It’s less than that, i guarantee it.  I’m certain several hundred of those are me going in to have a chapter open as a reference when posting the next one (so I get everything formatted the same, make sure the disclaimer’s in the right place, etc.), checking to make sure the Author’s Note is right or just re-reading chapters to see if they’ve gotten worse since the last time I looked.
Still, 2,800 or so ain’t bad.
I’ll take your word for it.
That’s yet another example of me catching something during the writing process.  Originally, they were going to realize that Kevin was unguarded up there, and then just go up and get him, but then I realized that while there weren’t any traps on those floors, none of the PPD folks could know that, so it was much safer for them to stay where they were and for Kevin to be brought down after the battle was over.
The property damage was sort of the inevitable follow-up to what was established way back in Whore of Heaven, where the reason the host can’t intervene because of the casualties that would result from a full-scale engagement.  So I figured the armies of Heaven and Hell fighting all-out would pretty much destroy the Earth, similar to a nuclear war.  So what’s the smaller version of that look like?  I couldn’t allow it to go on too long (for reasons I’ll get to in the response to Thundercloud’s review), but I had to show at how much damage just one angel and demon were doing by themselves.
I spent a while trying to come up with solid comebacks from Luzurial, but then in the end I realized it might be better if she didn’t even give it a response, and the more I thought about that, the more I liked it.
The idea of the humans seeing her helping them, and them stepping up to help her, was all meant to build to the final moment, the “nuclear option” as you called it.  See, this all goes back to something you said at one point when discussing the character and what happened 75 years prior.  As you’ve explained, Kizzy would never have been trapped (well, not as completely as Luzurial), as she would have nuked the area and sacrificed Eparlegna’s prisoners for the greater good.  it was only their bodies that would have been destroyed, after all  But Luzurial, as you said, was just too nice.  I spent quite a while thinking about that, wondering if there was a way for her to outgrow this weakness.  Unfortunately, every time I came back to the same idea: that Luzurial would have to allow someone to die.
And then it occurred to me that maybe this could be about realizing that some weaknesses shouldn’t be outgrown.  Yes, the level of care Luzurial has for the mortals can be a weakness, but maybe it’s also a strength, and that was what I tried to show at the end, the moment of realization and acceptance that allows her all the way back to full power, where she can use Divine Fire.  I picked moments where her treatment of humans was paid back, essentially, and in this chapter I showed how a mortal champion (Sister Milyn) and then National guard forces all rallied around her, epitomized by their brief bit of fighting together (Luzurial puts up a barrier to protect them, and then the moment she drops it everyone opens fire).
 
Thank you so much!  I loved your description of her glowing eyes in WoH (“the suddenly glowing maelstrom of her eyes”), and I wanted something that was at least a little like that, so the idea of the core of a star came up, and that was about the best I could do.
So, fun fact, the line Lucifer has there  is taken from something Loki says in The Avengers, where he orders the people of Stuttgart to kneel.  They hesitate, and he kind of loses it a bit: “I said...KNEEEL!!!”  His loss of control there is, I think, indicative of his status as the bad guy of the story, but ultimately not the overarching villain, as even back then, Thanos was being hinted at as the man behind Loki.  Here, Lucifer is in his element and remains in control, and we get just a hint of his shifting emotions with the weird effect on his voice.
I mean, I might have come up with a gag for Kevin and his handily expendable leg…  And yeah, I loved the kissing too, as well as the way she’s basically excited for Kevin to see her wings for the first time.
Luzurial’s explanation of why she wants to continue her relationship with Kevin are a continuation of the beat from Part Ten, and sort of my thoughts on action heroes and heroines and their significant others.  It does seem to be important to the drama that the love interest not be completely removed from the central conflict of the story, but at the same time I feel like it really ought to be ok for a combat-capable character to have a non-combatant love interest.  It makes writing the story a bit trickier, but I do think it should be seen as something permissible.
So, JayDee knows this, but for those who don’t, there were two endings for this story.  The first one, which I thought of as the Patience ending, was where Luzurial could come back to see Kevin again, but only to spend a little time with him, and to let him know that he would have to wait; to live a good life and do the work he needed to do here, and then, when the time finally came, she would be waiting for him at the gate.  I love stories about people who are willing to wait a lifetime for each other, but it was definitely a bittersweet ending.
The second ending, which I called the Sunrise ending, was the one you see here, where Luzurial is granted the right to visit Earth every year and spend a day with Kevin.  This was less bittersweet, and it also left the door open for possible future stories, where Luzurial is visiting Kevin, something preternatural happens and she gets drawn into it.  JayDee and I were talking via email, and they said something about kind of not wanting to see Luzurial and Kevin broken up, and that, along with the possibility of future stories, was what nudged me toward settling on the Sunrise ending.
 
I don’t know exactly how much free time I’ll have to write everything, but I will absolutely continue writing, and thank you again for everything.

That sounded very depressing...I hope you will get more reviews after all your hard work.
There is a reason the final battle of stories usually include quite much fighting.
As for the matter of action...I actually think you peaked there in chapter 10. The Woman in Statue is bound to end with an epic duel given the groundwork of JayDee, but the real action IMHO happens on the way up in the actual “dungeon”.
I think you did a good job with this. Her reflection there increase the tension of the final battle.
It is very much the best line. The others are not even close...”My name is” for instance suffers from interference with far too many songs and movies.
I have done my review for the final chapter so now you know the answer. I look forward at hearing your thoughts about my stuff...I think I am ahead of you in the number of reviews by quite a few now.

Skipping a little in the order, as JayDee’s reviews are huge and I have a limited amount of time here so I’ll get to theirs after work, we have the final review from Symbalistic.
Thank you so much!  That was the main thing I worried about, and hearing that you enjoyed it is a huge relief.
There was definitely some anime influence here, and that moment you actually mentioned definitely brought to mind a certain piece of anime music you’ve no doubt heard.  The actual moment with Luzurial remembering things, regaining the last of her self-confidence and releasing a massive attack would be from 2:05-2:55 or so.
Yes, “You Say Run” really does go with everything.
Thanks for coming on this trip with me, and I’m glad I could give you a fun read.

It’s been a long road...gettin’ from there to here…
The Woman in the Statue is finally complete and posted in its entirety, so let’s get to the reviews for Part Twelve.  First up is one from @InvidiaRed.
It would be nice to be published some day.  For now, thank you so much for the compliment!
 
Yeah, we took different approaches to portraying Lucifer in these stories.  Yours was intended, from my read, to be somewhat comedic, and generally not as smart as he thought he was.  I went with “intimidating”, or at least sought to.  Setting him in contrast to Eparlegna, Lucifer was meant not to be in any way a better person, but rather the more dangerously intelligent villain, and one who has, by now, become deeply irritated by this particular demon’s antics.
I went back and forth a bit about what kind of angel Lucifer had been before the Fall.  The book of Ezekiel describes what might be Lucifer’s fall, and uses the word cherub, and since I was rolling with the imagery used in the Bible being literal instead of symbolic (technically the images of angels we have show up in visions, which tend to be laden with symbolism, so there aren’t any “this is what an angel looks like” literal descriptions in the Bible; just descriptions of how people react to an angel in its natural form), the cherub imagery is pretty insane (four wings, four different heads, skin like metal and eyes all over the place), and a demonic creature based on a cherub would have looked really horrifying.  However, other sources seem to have Lucifer as either an archangel (what you went with, I believe) or a seraph, and the seraph sounded really striking as well.  The tie-breaker came from Islam, wherein as far as I can tell Iblis is a fallen jinn, which in the Quran are elemental fire creatures, hence the portrayal of Lucifer here as a fallen seraph.
As for the quote, yeah, never piss off your boss when your boss is the scariest thing in a place full of scary things.

Yeah, this is sort of the result of the world building I did to explain why angels think they have to be celibate.  Going all the way back to Part Three, where I brought in the hierarchy and explained that only the Seraphim speak directly to the Creator, so if a mistake happens (and no one thinks to ask for clarification), it can potentially stick...for like billions of years.
Thank you for the review, and thank you for following me all the way to the end here!

Whore of Heaven
Thank you for the  review! It’s always great to get some feedback on old stories. I’m glad you liked the writing style! I totally get where you’re coming from with that line. It’s,uh,
Her awesome breasts were revealed in their entirety for the first time, perfect unblemished mounds of flesh, tipped with dark brown areola and large nipples.
it’s more than a litty cringry really. But it is possibly one of the lines that persuaded @InBrightestDay that this was their type of character, so I’ll just take a minute to promote their just-finished follow up story The Woman in the Statue that not only goes into great, better-written detail about what happens next to Luzurial after this story, but also takes a brave brief stab at explaining the somewhat skimpy outfit. The meta-reason for the outfit is that the original person who requested I write an angel story, provided a picture with a similar outfit for what they’d liked to see and I never really stopped to think, “Well, this ain’t so pure...”
Thank you again! I hope parts 2 and 3 are not disappointing.
 

Skipping a little in the order, as JayDee’s reviews are huge and I have a limited amount of time here so I’ll get to theirs after work, we have the final review from Symbalistic.
Thank you so much!  That was the main thing I worried about, and hearing that you enjoyed it is a huge relief.
There was definitely some anime influence here, and that moment you actually mentioned definitely brought to mind a certain piece of anime music you’ve no doubt heard.  The actual moment with Luzurial remembering things, regaining the last of her self-confidence and releasing a massive attack would be from 2:05-2:55 or so.
Yes, “You Say Run” really does go with everything.
Thanks for coming on this trip with me, and I’m glad I could give you a fun read.

It’s been a long road...gettin’ from there to here…
The Woman in the Statue is finally complete and posted in its entirety, so let’s get to the reviews for Part Twelve.  First up is one from @InvidiaRed.
It would be nice to be published some day.  For now, thank you so much for the compliment!
 
Yeah, we took different approaches to portraying Lucifer in these stories.  Yours was intended, from my read, to be somewhat comedic, and generally not as smart as he thought he was.  I went with “intimidating”, or at least sought to.  Setting him in contrast to Eparlegna, Lucifer was meant not to be in any way a better person, but rather the more dangerously intelligent villain, and one who has, by now, become deeply irritated by this particular demon’s antics.
I went back and forth a bit about what kind of angel Lucifer had been before the Fall.  The book of Ezekiel describes what might be Lucifer’s fall, and uses the word cherub, and since I was rolling with the imagery used in the Bible being literal instead of symbolic (technically the images of angels we have show up in visions, which tend to be laden with symbolism, so there aren’t any “this is what an angel looks like” literal descriptions in the Bible; just descriptions of how people react to an angel in its natural form), the cherub imagery is pretty insane (four wings, four different heads, skin like metal and eyes all over the place), and a demonic creature based on a cherub would have looked really horrifying.  However, other sources seem to have Lucifer as either an archangel (what you went with, I believe) or a seraph, and the seraph sounded really striking as well.  The tie-breaker came from Islam, wherein as far as I can tell Iblis is a fallen jinn, which in the Quran are elemental fire creatures, hence the portrayal of Lucifer here as a fallen seraph.
As for the quote, yeah, never piss off your boss when your boss is the scariest thing in a place full of scary things.

Yeah, this is sort of the result of the world building I did to explain why angels think they have to be celibate.  Going all the way back to Part Three, where I brought in the hierarchy and explained that only the Seraphim speak directly to the Creator, so if a mistake happens (and no one thinks to ask for clarification), it can potentially stick...for like billions of years.
Thank you for the review, and thank you for following me all the way to the end here!