Thundercloud

Ages since I heard that name...Homer Vargas was one of big names among erotic author on the Internet around the period 1998 to 2002. His archive of stories should still be on ASSTR in case anyone is curious.

Feel no pressure about returning the review favor. I try to be good citizen and from time to go hunting for stories that have few or no reviews, but mostly I focus my reading time on those who had written a review about something of mine. If you find some story of mine that sounds interesting I would be delighted if you give it a shot, but what I write is not for everyone so no hard feelings if you don’t. If you are unsure about a particular story you can always drop me a PM, InBrightestDay did so for my G.S.P. story that he thought might or might not be his cup of tea...by now he has read and reviewed everything but the last chapter. I don’t know about the preferences of most readers...the number of reviews is always way lower than the number of readers so honestly I think we at best know what a tiny minority of the readers prefer. I assume there are many readers here that are okay with visiting AFF and read stories they enjoy but not being comfortable enough to register an account to state their opinion. As for the matter of you writing smut I think the sex scenes in later part of the story are quite good. One of the reasons I mentioned the upcoming sex in the later chapters is by the way that it is not totally rare for stories to have story tags for planned chapters that the author never came close to write before they lost their steam. A review that verify the story will end with actual sex can at least not lessen the likelihood that somebody check the story. In my experience quite many authors add the foreshadowing on later edits when they know what they need to foreshadow about. In your case I suspect you get it right because you have rather well developed characters so you can step into their perspective. I think it is quite fine to let the reader add the details in many situations, but adding the details over the story needs to be done with extra care. Maybe a possible simple solution would be that you add a reference to her hairstyle in the first chapter or something similar. It is rather short opening chapter so you have room to add some visual details without slowing things down too much. I am not suggesting that you should change anything about her personality, but that maybe these other characters could be used on more occasions. Possibly to highlight that Tamara is socially awkward. I would argue that it is the final story that matter and not if it took time to write. At least I try to tell myself this when I realize I have stories that I update about once or twice each year when things are progressing good.

Don’t feed the troll

I cannot speak for everyone obviously but the story have a far too low ratio of reviews considering how much dick girl fun there are. Keep the good work!

Thanks for the information. I agree there is a great difference between heroic sacrifice, characters that killed, characters that brutally murdered and actual snuff but we are stuck with story warning codes that is kind of catch all. No problem, it is not like I have time to spare really so take your time until you get your mojo back running. Sames goes for just about everything I have written. I cannot reread it without finding stuff to revise. New perspectives...my ignorance about the matter probably proves my assertion that I am not really into snuff. Sounds like Shannon was having a bit fun with a fellow erotica writer that she uses to spread the stories that Kizzy want suppressed... Well...making people laugh is important no matter if it stories or forum posts so if you keep the joke ratio up everything will be fine.

I would argue that Pandemic Head is a much more clever title than Getting Head...the latter one sounds like a cheap porno…. Btw, doesn’t it sound very likely Mike is using the head as bookend when he occupied with other stuff than to satisfy his carnal lusts. Don’t worry about it. You are free to dig through my backlog without it forcing me into reading any horrific garbage. The give review in return for reviews is more what you call a guideline than an actual rule. More seriously if I fail to find something new that sounds interesting I can always reread one of your better stories and give new input. There are a couple of your stories I have not read so far. In most cases it skipped the remaining ones since I was not in the mood for reading snuff porn. I am kind of assuming that your stories with MCD put a rather large emphasis on that part in most cases and it is not of a particular interest to me. The only story code that is sure to make me move away from the story isMinor1 that is sure to make me skip the stories. Besides that I don’t mind much even I very seldom click on stories that pure MM, they are very low priority. Speaking of your older stories I still think Mike rapes a Dyke could be revised to be so much better. If you are interested I would not mind giving a hand when the stars are right. I had planned to reading it anyway. Makes me think about Angel tv-series when he demands Wolfram & Hearth show him their main office where they do their darkest stuff….the response is that they take him to street outside since there is where their most evil things are done. I suspect the fetish fans would find it that scene too short in something that is already a flash fic. I believe you...dragon-snuff-rape sounds off the map when I think about erotic. Interesting to learn...but I was more on the level of wondering what stories she feature in. I don’t recall her from the Whore of Heaven story. Have you ever run into the situation that you learn to know somebody with the same name as one of your characters? It happened to me and quickly renamed the character just in case she ever manage to read it and realized I am involved. If we keep this discussion going it most certainly will.

I recalled why I never got to actually read The Least I can Do….I was looking for this before since you mentioed it in one of your stories (Jude’s Tale) but came to conclusion that it was not posted online yet. With other words...thanks for the tip that it is located in the books sections of the archive.

Amazingly enough I did not start with my current skills. I encountered my English teacher about 6 years after the last class and thanked him for his good lessons and he had no memory of me at all…looking at the texts I wrote back then that was probably quite fair. It is safe to say that I learned the bulk of my knowledge after school. The Azbezil story was written between 2001 and 2006 and I have improved quite a bit since.Going by the reviews it was first of my stories that had a really good plot, at one point I even got a significant group of people to answer a survey what they thought about the story, but when I check it now I see lots potential for improvement. We can say I do it because the other authors of AFF should get the message...I am big into reciprocal reviews. *hint* *hint* I already have that story on my possible-to-read list, but have not reached it yet. I also try to alternate around new authors on site so I don’t just read my favorites AFF writers and there is never enough free time for erotic writing/reading with family life intruding.

The webrowser ate my reply when I was about to post it...anyway I am not totally decided yet. A Carmen sequel kind of demands a good twist at the end and I don’t have any developed ideas for that. Another option would be a superhero story as sequel to my G.S.P. story. All the good feedback from InBrightestDay has made me start thinking about possibilities. Another obvious candidate is The Tale about the Laughter of Azbezil where I so far has only revised the first third. Considering how much feedback that story managed attract despite my lower grasp of English language it is shame the rest of the story is not done properly. I have an idea for sending the girls on a vacation abroad and in that scenario the ash-cloud would kind of obvious frame of reference. Maybe I should just send them by train and avoid the issue... I can understand where you are coming from after reading this chapter but there is lots more coming considering the cosplay Ronja has agreed to do for him and John being convinced they are in mutual agreed lets-break-the-rules-of-step-siblings-and-fuck relation. I am glad to hear you say that. I will be looking into reviewing something in you backlog later this week.

More like two stories who have struggling to get past the finishing line and I decided to synch the release since I managed to solve the final problems with the chapters about the same time. Nowthe pipeline is kind of empty. Yep, it is very pre-pandemic. Going by things that happen in the story it is not entirely obvious when it is set but it is meant to be 2010-ish. A careful Swedish reader could probably narrow it down to 2010-2013 since the Ronja and Maria at one time talk about the kid that died at the tunnels of Slussen 2009 and Beckomberga hospital was redone into flats in 2013. Maybe I should add some refrences to the ash cloud in the previous summer...or maybe more the story to 2011 to avoid the issue. I think it is fairly accurate description on what would happen with two white girls in Sweden. Persons from the Middle east or Africa would most likely suffered a much worse treatment. Speaking about my writing process you might find it fun to know that the plot with government building was not part of the original plan. I started with go looking for which famous ghost location I would use and decided Axel von Fersen was the one. After quite some writing I happened to walk past the street and saw the government sign on the door. First it looked very mysterious to me since it is an ordinary house until I realized the backside of the house is turned towards the old libarary. I have not in fact visited the back yard between the houses so there is a degree of fiction here but it was a too good plot twist to not use. I think I can draw them further down before the revelation of all the secrets. Cannot say who will surprise the other one the most...but it is sure to be a great scene to write. Good that the scene worked like intended. Innocent compared with later in the story seem to hold for every single chapter.... I am very satisfied with Maria POV part. I am toying with the idea to include John’s perspective in upcoming chapters. Thank you. *smiles* She should have joined her girlfriend in the shower. Thank you for the great encouragement. I very much appreciate the review.

That’s good idea. It is a sad story, but Steinbeck is very good at describing people so I would say it is great read. I agree with your recommendation. It does sounds like good partnership then since I could not tell who had written the ending of the story. Pearl talking about previous experiences that might refer to we-know-who was of course kind of a hint. Yep, there are plenty of possibilities. Her going from foreplay to there-will-be-food could easy play well with delusions of the invaders of them soon to have a good time. I look forward to it. Thanks for the story and I am so looking forward to the Woman in the Statue ending.

Yep, it is very cool atmosphere. Quite out of character I would say. Your point about Steinbeck’s story as template is spot on. I can most certainly see why it continue to draw attention. A detail I have been thinking about is that when Steinbeck recieved the Nobel price they did not talk specifically about Of Mice and Men but instead talked about Travels with Charley that is about a roadtrop around US that Steinbeck did. Never encountered anyone that has read that story. Yep, it is quite more easy with your own characters. Thank you for the story.

Chapter 8 has now been posted. If you review it the likelihood I review some of your story increases a lot...

The difference between now and then is spelled “vacation”. Not a bad idea for a story...but I was thinking along the lines of Fitzgerald’s “Show me a hero, and I'll write you a tragedy.” It makes sense that there eventually need to be a hero to try to make things right when the demon appears and there are plenty of reasons why this particular character might care a lot about what happened and have a story to tell. No worry really. Honestly I have read stories where such scene would have fitted well, but I am guessing there might be some readers around that are a bit wary about checking stuff that makes JayDee talk about such things...I think there is plenty of darkness in the story. With a lead character that is evil or suffering from severe amorality depending on your point of view bad stuff happens but there are also a number of places when I decided against using more severe abuse to not obscure the story. The scene with the rape of the witch for instance could been used a lots of more violence, but I decided that having her put up less resistance made it work better. The funny thing is that I started writing this with the aim to make something shorter than the epics that I normally get involved with. Problem was just that the story concept gave me such good ideas that the scenes kept adding themselves and scope keep growing. Thanks again for the reviews. They mean a lot to me. Like I mentioned before in an earlier review this is a story that has always got good ratings but very little actual feedback

Yay for the nice reivew. Thanks you for the very quick response on me posting the final chapter...almost as if you was sitting and waiting for me to post. This reply by the way turns up a couple of days later after a work week that was kind ofthe worst possible kind. I totally agree about the demon laughing at the outcome. It would be interesting to learn what kind of story ending you expected...maybe you could send it over PM to spoil things for other readers? He got five years with Carmen so he got more than one nice thing from it...before things turned out rather horribly. Could also be worth to mention that I deliberately left it unclear of what happened eventually with Philip. There might be a story worth telling there... Thank for the fair description of the fight. I think this really is one of my most badass fight scenes ever. Considering the killcount of lead character in my G.S.P story that says a lot. BTW...I am not sure if you are joking about the possibility of fuck scene afterwards. Quite sure that is not something that I would want to read. I am glad that you like it. Lol...little story…quite fair assessment compared to the length of some of my other stories. From another perspective is this story like around 60k words or something like that. Maybe I should self publish some day since it is a fair length for a novel...except there is always room for improvement without a beta reader.

Chapter 5/5 is now posted. This means the complete story is available. If you review it the likelihood I review some of your story increases a lot...

Fair enough, it is your story. My suggestion come from that I would argue that in reality there deeper levels to whythe wicked might need forgiveness than just that we are taught to forgive them. It is also a pretty good chapter title IMHO. Anyway forgiving a person for what he did is IMHO very different from getting an excuse because you caused bad things to happen. When your lead person would do it again...sounds kind similar to an excuse to me. I am not surprised that we are having this kind discussion since we probably come from very different social circles. I remmember a discussion back in school when we had read Crime and Punishment and the active Christians had read forgiveness as major theme in the book while many of the other totally had missed this angle when reading the book. This background made us view the text in very different ways.

Forgiveness is for the wicked

I think the reason the The Woman in the Statue is so good is very much since @InBrightestDay is always looking for deeper reasons for everything that happens in a story. From another point view it seems to me like your writing builds a lot on style...cool events will make a story even if you have not bothered to deeply analyze the reasons why the cool event would happen in the first place. Thing to remember are that there loads of authors out there who don’t manage to do neither cool scenes or deeper plot despite them trying.

Lucky you that actually get review notifications. Myself I have seen forum notifications to my gmail account but never any review notification at all. It was a very good conversation in the stairwell...but still not quite the same as soul searching talk with the main characters in the previous chapters. No worries there…I was kind of assuming they were driving a military vehicle and not just some random SUV, A future version of a gatling gun when they wanted to step out of the vehicle would also have been quite effective. Maybe those kind of weapons are banned in the future. If you google gatling gun one of first hits if it legal own such weapon...insane if you ask me. I am too lazy to do the numbers...but if we assume the height of the LTV is limited compared to how close they parked the LTV to hostiles shooting at them the base of the triangle should be huge since they hit the upper body on a shot that was mostly horizontal. Of course nothing wrong with them using the LTV to park very close...but then Gibbs shot become less impressive if it was just a point blank shot. The shot hitting the lower part of the wall behind the shooter would be cool and keep Gibbs shot as more fantastical. I saw your talk with JD about it and my comment is that by now it is starting to become habit that you explain what JD should have meant with his scenes. The more sinister author would have had Luzurial sacrificing the captured since she has learned she sometimes must make hard choices….but that is not kind of story you are telling. Reminds me of a LARP scenario when a friend was “this plot will make the players have to make a choice between killing an innocent elf and making progress in the fighting the big bad”...the veteran players was like “oh...we have already done this mistakes and it cost us a quarter ofthe world’s elven population…off with her head”. Took the friend that had written the plot very by surprise. Glad I could help. I loved that movie when I was kid.

Thank you. I am literally dying to learn what you think about the actual ending when it is revealed what is really going on with Jennifer. I really doubt that Hyper did stay in NY after her traumatic experience so it would makes sense that Hyper never would get the warning about what is going on with her body. Thank you. Very interesting observation. Myself I have also been thinking that there really should be 13 chapters for a story with such a theme. Thinking about it like an issue of a comic reinforce that thought. I say the same about your story...not quite ready to review chapter 9 of your story yet but with one more read you will get my review.

Yep...this chapter is very much setting up the endgame. The heroes are proved to be the superior super hero team, but things are going to get bumpy since there are consequences to how they won the day in chapter 12. I totally understand where you are coming from. I will comment more in the spoilers part of the review response. Good that the scene worked like intended. I wanted Fang to show off here here so that the reader gets an impression of how potent her new powers are before they are really needed. I made it ambiguous in the previous chapter to leave the reader with some uncertainty if the Thundercloud dumping Mernosh for Jennifer was fair of if he was doing something kind of shady. I also had plans for it to allow me to show Jennifer ‘s rather weird reaction to Thundercloud’s actions, but honestly I don’t think I quite succeeded there. Jennifer’s reactions are hard to write in a good way. Only in a superhero story can you just casually explain that's how your day went! I agree, but I would argue Fang’s personality play a role here too. A quite deliberate pun that is setting things up for surprising the reader when the horror of the chapter comes... Educating the readers about what happened at the Bikini Atoll is also a worthy goal. Did you know they used 23 bombs there after moving the people away...insanely enough the inventor of bikini knew about this and deliberately chose the name since of bomb testing done there. I actually have considered to write a follow up story when Hyper realize it was a fake pregnancy a couple of years later. Actually I think the false pregnancy spell is one of my most evil ideas ever... Thank you for input. It makes me very glad since this was pretty much one of the core objectives when writing the story. Thank you. It is an action sequence I am quite proud off. Thank you. The best part of it IMO is that Megaburst does it partly by mistake. Gives some perspective on the bitterness of Firefly for not been given fair handling by the press and fellow “superheroes”. I toyed with the idea of doing a full scene and even begun writing it at one point, but it looked like the page count would be huge with the full action scene included so I eventually went with the current news coverage of the final fight. Something I actually have been considering to do is to break out chapter 9 and 10 into a separate stand alone story since these events kind of break the flow of the main story and instead add more heroes vs demon fight towards the end. Problem is just that this would leave the presence of Avalanche kind of hanging and her use of powers in chapter 11 would seem even more over the top for the reader. Yep, it was all Avalanche’s doing. You might be interested to know that this was the scene that I added to story after your feedback about the shortcomings of the previous chapters. Originally the Megaburst sequence ended with Firefly getting his confession on tape and him quit being a superhero. Problem was just that this left this villain free to continue his abuse of females and go into being an official villain so it never felt quite satisfying. The added scene where Avalanche is proven to have learned to restrain her powers work great on giving Megaburst the ending he deserves. I hope you don’t will not be disappointed.

Suppose Santa spend 30 seconds of stop time on each child….days would be less than a week of stop time….lets round it to a week..24*60*2*7 => 20160 nice children in the world.

No problem really...another obvious reference is by the way the scientist John Dalton that has given name to the dalton unit than in recent years have replaced the unified atomic mass unit. I find it remarkable how you are able to plan out plenty of stories set in the same world that you intend to write later. Myself I might have plenty of stories in progress at any given time, but it is very rare that I have two stories planned/in progress for the same setting. I look forward to read your stories.

I agree that the dialogue here is unpleasant...but it drives me nuts with all the porn with gullible people that trusts their black mailer just because he says so and then stop acting like it is black mailing the moment they have sex. Maybe that is just lack of acting ability of your average porn actor… I can very much understand where you are coming from. I think it depends very much on how you do the details if the scene works or not. Good that you liked the concept and the sex.