Sinfulwolf

This is my little den to share my thanks for those words shared on my work. Thank you to any who should leave a few words. The stories so far that I’ll reply to is my newer works since reactivating my account. My older stuff… well they’re there as relics mostly. Blood and Lace: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109054 Closing Time: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109070

I wish you luck @CloverReef. Though, writing M/M it’s gotta be obtainable.

Well, I never give feedback with the intention of the author to go back and rework the piece I’ve reviewed. I always just hope they keep in mind any points I’ve made… if relevant to their methods of writing… as they continue forward with other stories. We can be creatures of habit, and if something we do doesn’t work and isn’t pointed out as not working, we may well continue said trend. Also, I find for stuff such as bands, you could use fictional, or if the character is unfamiliar have something along the lines of “looked like one of those boys bands that was popular a few years ago”. Or something to that effect. Our character may well not know the band.

It can be done

It’s alll about that hook.

That is an issue with me as well. The safe and easy method. Sometimes I need to force myself against my own grain to get doing what I want done. But yeah, give the expression one a try. I think the simplest one of that type I’ve used was: Just a simple thing to get the scene flowing. I do use frowns far far far too often though.

Oh the action one is oh so fun. But I like my build up too much to rely on it overly much. I use the expression one too often methinks. Or, another one I use a bit two much. A couple sentences explaining what happened just before the scene started. I do this for finishing walks and such. Or, more recently to give a couple paragraphs description of a car ride through New York full of a bunch of pissed off protesters.

Sometimes I think about it in terms of a movie shot. What’s the first thing I want the reader to see, and why? Sometimes I’ll start with the environment and slowly pull in to the characters. I might do this because it’s an interesting set piece. Something odd, or helps ground the reader where they are. If I want things to get going really quick, I describe an action. Like a punch being thrown, or a moan as someone thrusts inside my hero… or perhaps she’s on top… Then of course the close up of a character. Show an expression, kind bring up that “why they frowning?” question into the mix. Hopefully it works as a hook. Or just open with dialogue. I do try to change things up for myself, but like many, I can fall into patterns pretty easily.

Your welcome, I do try to leave reviews. Tis only polite. And I shall have to go check out Cold Snap. I’ll tell them you sent me. Though… I can’t seem to find them in the Archive. Nevermind, found her.

Future is a fairly vague term after all. Besides, torture is bleak. Even if it’s just scratchy wool on your skin.

I personally like the soul sucking bit. I’ve been trying to work in succubus feeding habits in an interesting way in my current story. I think it’s interesting anyway. May we all pray for Jeff. His future may very well be bleak.

If it works, it works. While I’ve stated that my experiences with it haven’t worked, that’s because they’ve never been tied to the plot very tight. If it is, as you @GeorgeGlass are indicating, it may well work. But as with all things, mileage may vary. And something like including song lyrics can be rather polarizing.

Well we all have our little weaknesses. I love elves (thanks Warhammer for that...), and kind of wish I knew it.

I’ve seen it done before. Tolkien did it, and so did Brian Jacques in his Redwall series. I mean, it does let you get a bit more creative and potentially show a bit more of the world. In my personal opinion I always felt it slowed down the story too much. I got pulled out too much to try and figure out what the melody was, and to basically hear a story in the story I was reading. And being a good writer of narrative doesn’t make one a good song writer.

Heh, I was going for the old fashioned pulling out the soul thing through sex. But that works too I suppose.

Succubus end?

It was a nun? Oh dear oh heavens me!

That’s fair. It's all what works in the context needed.

Not necessarily. An accident in a substation, or from a transformer (the electrical devices, not the robots in disguise), can cause from very very serious wounds. However, I don’t know all the specific details of your particular case. I just wanted to state that electricity, even by accident, or perhaps especially when it’s an accident due to the massive amounts of power that’s in certain devices, can make messes.

They can, from what I’ve learned from my father who works as an underground electrician. Not only can burns be nasty, but he’s had groundhogs get decapitated when they get into substations. Electricity moving through the body can cause both entry and exit wounds, and those wounds can go quite deep. While not always visible on the surface, it certainly can be.

Wouldn’t someone who feels they are doing the right thing, and agree with what is happening even is it gets a bit “messy” actually be the people who believe the ends justify the means? Someone who’s more along the psychopath route, it almost feels like the means are the goal, and less about an end state.

I write soldiers a fair bit, so guns are around often enough.

Just to throw in some thoughts. A human antagonist will almost always believe they are doing the right thing. However, they don’t need to be sympathetic for it. There are many examples in history of people that were downright vile doing what they thought was a good thing. Beliefs of superiority due to race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc. have led to many atrocities that were supposed to be for the right reason. While some of these people are universally hated, some are heroes or villains depending on who you ask. Winston Churchill for example. Often seen as a hero by the media, but I’m sure the Irish and Indians have much different views on him. Or Sir John A. MacDonald. One of the leading figures in the formation of Canada as a nation and the first Prime Minister. However an alcoholic and involved pretty firmly in the Residential Schools. If not human though, minds work in different ways. A few examples have been brought up such as Jaws, or the Raptors in Jurassic Park. These though are primal creatures acting on instinct. Slasher villains such as Jason Vorhees or Michael Myers are often supposed to be embodiment of evil but they are really mostly instinctual and primal. Characters like Pinhead from Hellraiser though have objectives and goals though they are clearly not of the moral variety. My current story my villain is a demon. He has plots and schemes that involve the destruction of many lives in one way or another, and he’s not sympathetic to the pain he causes as that stands in his way. However, he just just go off destroying things for the shits and giggles of it. It’s less evil, and more amoral from common society’s standpoint.

Well I just hope I succeeded in an erotic horror/fantasy fusion. ] As @Desiderius Price has, death is part of life in my stories. I tend to go less simple. Even a gunshot makes a hell of a mess. I personally feel its what makes my stories mine. I’m curious though if others find that a messy death can make a character’s death less emotionally impactful. I don’t think so myself, but there’s always various opinions out there.