Joe Long

Something I really liked was Jack and Nick having lunch for the last time.  Especially when Nick said he was going to spend the summer reading books.  That is exactly what I did the summer after I graduated.  Up to that point I only read what I was required to read— never for my own enjoyment.  It was the weirdest thing that I didn’t have to read anymore but that I wanted to.  An awakening of sorts.
One thing Nick was right about was going back and re-reading a book at a later date.   You always pick up things you missed and gain a new appreciation of the author’s work.  Good luck in the future, Mr. Tallorn.

I could see that. It has the added advantage of being able to spite her parents. "You won't let me be with Alan? Then I'll be with a GIRL!" Helena can sit at the Thanksgiving table.

sounds reasonable to me!

I won a karaoke a couple years ago with that song.
My dad had a sticker with that "Beware the owner" message on his back door, so I thought of that being on a sign at the end of the driveway. Then I had the character ask, "What's the sign say?" and as soon as I wrote it down, "Long haired freaky people..." just popped into my head, so I had to include it. I'd forgotten that the song also had "trespassers will be shot on sight!"

That's what I was aiming for. I didn't want anything definitive. I've heard stories about Becky for almost 50 years, many of them different (and most involving alcohol), so I tried to convey that confusion. I had at least one character witness something that they'd swear was supernatural, but that they'd still have a hard time convincing anyone of later "You had to be there..." so that a day, a year, even 20 years later, my characters would be telling the same kind of stories that I grew up hearing.
My brother-in-law had some to drink, went to the cemetery by the mall and was scared shitless. He won't go back. A writing friend from town read the first draft of this and asked, "Have I told you my story?" Seems her brother and a friend also went to the cemetery by the mall and said they took a flag off of Becky's grave. When they got to the friend's house, his mother said, "Becky called, and said you have something of hers!"
I was also trying to add humor, and with things like the sign, stuff just pops into my head and I go with it.

Ah, miss meaning you didn't read it (skipped) rather than the story missed.
This Halloween chapter fits in with the overall story, and will be included as a future chapter when the timeline gets to late October. No sex takes place in the Halloween chapter, but the characters make reference to sex that has happened in earlier chapters (yet to be published)

I'm fine as long as it's not mean spirited.
The times I've offered criticisms of stories I strive to explain why and stick to the 'facts.' In once case, there was a popular series on another site where I left some negative remarks, although I pointed out that overall I liked the story. He replied in a PM, I sent him detailed remarks, and he followed up with a new chapter that expressed some of my concerns with character growth.
Perhaps some people struggle to criticize without doing it harshly.

I agree that is very important. I think I do better than most by being an observant reader, but it also helps to have things pointed out.
The two things I remembered most when writing was to be concise and not repeat words. You made mention of 'action verbs', and as you said I was likely unaware when I made my edit. I knew the sentence read better, but I didn't know why, which makes it more difficult for me to continue the practice.
So not just reading, but discussing it as well.
I do data science type of work for a geospatial data company, and in my spare time create more data science apps that allow me to sell sports data and analysis as a growing home based business. Then I got caught up in writing, as I can be obsessive/compulsive.

I was working under a slightly different definition.
I use 'pornography' to describe works, written or film, that were primarily explicitly sexual, have the barest of plots, who's only existence is to arouse the reader/viewer.
I then use 'erotica' to describe regular works of literature in which portions describe explicit sex which is meant to arouse and titillate the readers, but is also meant to further the overall story line.
When writing fiction, we should only include the scenes and action that are necessary to the plot, which in my case the sex scenes are. It's then only a question of how explicitly the scenes are written. I've compromised on some of my word choices, in dialogue using what the characters realistically would have said, while the narrator tends towards more polite words, but not always - depending on the context. Even the level of explicitness - be it kissing, fondling, oral, intercourse - is necessary to the plot to develop the characters and their relationship. 'We went to the car and had sex' won't cut it. The details are important, all those motivations and reactions.
These details may be important if and when I try to get published on a place such as Amazon which his content rules. I'd have no problem labeling my story as 'Erotica' as it does include graphic descriptions of sex, but I fear they'd balk at underage sex - an nineteen year old guy and a thirteen year old girl. However, that's central to the story. The protagonist is looking for love and finds it in the wrong place. There wouldn't be much of a story without those complicating factors.

I don't mind preaching, that's part of how I learn.
Use the first person past tense POV, yes, the reader is seeing the story through only one person's eyes, and is not omniscient. The narrator might not know another person's thoughts until they're spoken, but the writer can us the narrative to describe the scene in such as way as to give clues. The body language, facial expression, how the words are spoken (soft, loud, public, private, etc) to show a lot of the emotion of the other character.
When I started writing my story last year I did it much as if I was sitting across the table from the readers, telling my story, and I write it as I remembered it. Reading back later I saw how it lacked detail and failed to foreshadow well enough. Joe and his dad will have a big fight later on, but other than two paragraphs in the first chapter, dad was rarely seen and had no voice. I went back to write dad into scenes, showing that he loved his son even while being hard on him and frequently being sarcastic. Then, when a big event happens later on what happens is in character and a logical progression.
I'll use an example to show how I changed how described a character.
This is Tweety Bird.” She had a little deeper voice, perhaps she was a smoker...

We were there in a flash. The three of us stood out in the dark alley, introducing ourselves and giving each other visual inspections. She did ask if we had any cigarettes, but neither of us smoked.

Her name was Julie, and she was actually fairly nice, about five-six, slender, nice boobs and a pleasant smile. The meet was going rather well when the night air was pierced with a loud cry.

“HEY! Get the hell out of here! Ain’t none a’yunz going to be fucking my little sister! Git, right now, before I call the cops on yunz.”
Instead of telling the reader, I switched to describing what the MC was seeing at the time, using many more visuals
In her little bit of a deeper voice she replied, "This is Tweety Bird."

We were there in a flash, and spotted the girl, maybe five-six, waiting under a street lamp. She was fairly nice, slender, perky boobs and a pleasant smile. When we got out she said, "Hi, I'm Julie - got any smokes?"

I looked at Dave then shook my head. "Sorry, no. I'm Joe. My handle's Spock - and this is my cousin Dave."

With long unkempt hair tossed over her shoulders, and wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts, she was leaning against a wall, one of her knees bent with that foot on the wall behind her. She was eying us up as well when she asked, "Yeah, I remember you - so how old are yunz guys?"

I said, "Nineteen, and he's seventeen. You're fourteen, right?"

Just then the night air was pierced with a loud cry, "HEY! Get the hell out of here! Ain't none a'yunz going to be fucking my little sister! Git, right now, before I call the cops on yunz."

That was my technique. Instead of spending two paragraphs near the front having the narrator tell the reader what an s.o.b. his Dad was, I added two scenes of about 2500 words, first at dinner where the cousin could observe how Dad acts, then a reaction scene where the MC could tell his cousin about some of the issues in his life, including Dad.
And yes! That helps create plot bunnies. Drop lots of crumbs of back story and subplots and see where they go.
There's one subplot that I've decided I'll never resolve (and I won't tell you which one.) Every once in a while little hints and clues may be dropped in, other places stated more explicitly, but it will be left for the readers to ponder. It's fun that way.

Hi Ariana, I was playing around with 'New Content' and decided to check the hit counter thread, as I'm kind of a technical guy. Don't worry that the topic has strayed, as I'm also quite interested in the new subject as well, and I've gotten to know most of the people who've replied.
Also, after reading a few posts on this thread, I realized you were the person who left the flattering review of my story - so thank you, I really did appreciate that someone likes it. My hits appear to be decent (at least they've read a paragraph or two) but I lacked reviews and comments on the forum page I created.
I started my story about a year ago on the blue site, back when it allowed under 18 (even if post-pubescent). I'd written a handful of stroke stories over the years and gotten a fair amount of hits at a site which seems to specialize in those. I migrated my reading to the blue site because it, at that time, allowed portrayals of teenage sex.
Last summer I was caught up in reading two long form serials that focused on teen romance, with enough sex thrown in. I was inspired to pull out a story idea that originally had two scenes (seduction and sex) and expand it to a full length novel. It was my first try at serious writing and was OK in quality. It got a decent amount of hits and even topped the ratings lists once or twice, but soon I was caught up in the troll wars and the age nazis.
I bailed and went over to storiesonline where I re-posted. One thing I do like about their ratings system is registered users get to vote a story from 1 to 10. 7 was my most common, then 8, 9 and 10, followed by 6 on down to 1. Meanwhile the two authors who had inspired me ended up here, so I checked it out.
Since last fall I'd also been reading some blogs about fiction writing and as I tried to finish my latest chapter became disillusioned. Without changing the story line (which I have outlined from start to finish), I went back to the beginning and focused on "showing, not telling." Vast amounts of words were re-written, and many scenes added to create back stories and subplots and foreshadowing. That's what I've posted here, "The Re-telling", and so far three redone chapters of about 25k words total are at this site.
I have two beta readers who haven't done a lot in the editing area, but who have been able to give good comments on the story line and have suggested a few items which in my opinion have strengthened the story.
In conclusion, yes I like to see the hits and ratings, if they're honest, to give me a sense of the quality of my work. It's a story I want to tell, but I want to be able to do it well. I'm still learning, and feedback greatly helps that.
Also, even though this is my only piece of serious fiction, I do also write non-fiction under my real name, and have found that my overall writing skills, along with my ability to form and organize my thoughts, has greatly increased over the year that I've been working on the fiction.

yeah, that bulge looks quite humanoid

She's just a huge distraction. How can anyone, male or female, concentrate when DirtyAngel is in the room?

This site is a privately owned business, and they can set any rules they want. Freedom of Speech ("Congress shall pass no law...") is not in effect here. If you don't like it here, go somewhere else (that's how I came here). If you can't find somewhere else, start your own website.

Hey, I know I check here everyday, but take your time, make it worth the wait!

sounds like a wood chipper would do just fine (feet first, of course)

sounds like a wood chipper would do just fine (feet first, of course)

Right, Jack wasn't merely upset that he went two days without sex (if he thinks that's bad, wait unil he's married!), but why he didn't get any - Kayla said she wasn't interested! That may have never happened before.

not that they are justified (that's another show!) but that he can be calm and cool while doing the job he was sent to do.
I'd suggest reading this close to true life story that he's involved in
http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/60282-choices-in-originals/
The author (magus' #2 wife) was talking about ch2 in the shout box today. magus goes to her dorm room to confront her, the roomie's boyfriend comes after magus with a baseball bat, but he tosses him aside all while maintaining a calm conversation with her.
I'm laving out a lot of details to not spoil it. If you don't know his story, please read. It is quite unique, and he and his wives are quite entertaining in the SB.
And, in case you didn't pick up on my phrasing, a special operator is one who engages in special operations

that's what you get carrying 300 lb beams on your shoulders

yeah magus, she was getting really worried about you, didn't answer any texts...then wanted to know what "fucking the heat pump" meant. how would one do that?

and who is this they? might have to block them

and they never killed kids until "The Thing"

Just this morning had a beta reader give a thumbs up to chapter 1, so now it's mostly down to editing. Soon.