pippychick
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Posts posted by pippychick
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You guys are merciful Gods… lol
- Deadman and Desiderius Price
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42362… and a half
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6 hours ago, Deadman said:
Curious how you define “dash of infinity”. As in the horrible ending goes on forever?
Yes, either via immortality or some kind of endless loop. Or it’s clear that the nightmarish quality of the ending is not static and is going to get measurably worse over time, and there’s nothing the MC can do to stop it. I, um, did that too. (sorry Abbe)
- BronxWench, Wilde_Guess and Deadman
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Tragic endings with a hint of nightmare and a dash of infinity.
Wow I’ve written like three of them, just like that. Damn.
- BronxWench and Deadman
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I think it depends whether you’re reading straight up porn or erotica, since erotic writing is more character driven, and that tends to be what I want from my fanfiction, when I consume it. In any case it’s extremely rare to see multiple orgasms written well, but that’s just my opinion.
QuoteWhen you read a story, do you become less interested in a story if there’s an orgasm in the middle of the story? Or do you continue on to the end?
I’m not sure you’re asking the right question. If I’m answering this as a reader, and you’re the author, I’m countering with: how did you hook me into your story? Was it the promise of porn/sexual gratification, or something more? Did you make me curious about the consequences/aftermath or make me want more? Because those things are the job of the author. If you hook me right, I will read it.
- Deadman, Melrick and BronxWench
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Omg, well done…. I’m going to enjoy this. Got it on amazon.
- CloverReef and BronxWench
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Reviews for Awakenings
BY : pippychick & Melrick
From InBrightestDay on June 28, 2019
First times are magical things. The emotional content in this chapter is really strong.
Should he call it off? If he backed out now, would she feel like she’d done something wrong?
“Do you want me to continue?” he asked her gently.
Nina opened her eyes, placed her hands on his face and kissed him. After a moment, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her.
That whole thing really made me smile, showing how much these two care about each other, and the part where Nina almost cried because of how happy she was almost made me tear up a little.
Of course, there is the inevitable coming back to reality, on two fronts. First, the future of this relationship is rather uncertain due to the age difference. Second, Ray did come inside her, which is going to be an absolute nightmare if she gets pregnant at fourteen. Still and all, this was a really sweet chapter.
I did kind of tilt my head at one thing. Nina's house is way out in the middle of nowhere, and she says that it has no phone reception (and presumably no landline). That seems really dangerous if there's a medical emergency. I've never been to Australia, mind you, so for all I know this is a common thing out in the country and it doesn't really cause any problems. It just kind of caught my attention while reading.
On a final note, you've officially done it. I felt disappointed when the "this is just sex" reality check came up, meaning that yes, I am rooting for this couple now. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Thank you @InBrightestDay
I’m really glad this chapter worked, and that Nina’s feelings about it all came across so well.
Yes, the potential for her getting pregnant is a worry, and both of them need to take that more seriously than they are right now.
As to the isolation, I suspect the must be some way for Nina to contact the outside world, just as I’m equally sure she’s keeping the knowledge of how to do so all to herself, for her own purposes (kind of like how she didn’t tell Ray her mobile/cellphone only worked at school).
I am glad you’re rooting for them. There is something quite deep going on here, even if neither of them realise it yet.
Thank you again!
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16 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:
Apologies for doing all the reviews so quickly, but I wanted to get caught up before the next chapter was posted.
lol… I’ve only just realised how that sounds. Of course I meant I hope you will continue reading!
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Reviews for Awakenings
BY : pippychick & Melrick-
From InBrightestDay on June 18, 2019
Chapter 4
Well, I'm all caught up! Also, I can confirm that Ray and Nina having that conversation in the previous chapter really did help, since this chapter didn't creep me out.
He’d never felt the breasts of a girl that young before, not even when he himself was that age, and there was no denying the difference. They felt soft, sure, but firmer than the breasts of an adult.
Although I will not have the honor of adult breasts impugned! They're magical things and I am not budging on that front.
Anyway, I liked how awkward this is for both of them, and not just in the sense of Ray thinking about the fact that he's about to have sex with a fourteen year old.
He’d understood that he was in too deep at this stage to care about whether she was 15, 14 or even 13.
...Goddamnit it, Ray.
Anyway, what I was getting at is that he's honestly just kind of awkward around members of the opposite sex to begin with, which works to sort of complement Nina's awkwardness over her lack of sexual experience.
So yeah, I'm now actually looking forward to how things go next chapter!
And lastly… for now, hopefully…
lol… I will not say a word about breasts, or we’ll be here all day.
But they are kind of equal in being awkward, so I’m glad that comes across. Ray is extremely lonely, and he’s not having an easy time of it even without having a girl throw herself in his way... and Nina is so terribly curious. “Goddamnit Ray” made me laugh though.
I hope you enjoy the rest
Thank you so much!
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From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019
Chapter 3
This chapter helped me a lot, as silly as it may sound.
I realize that my previous reviews might have come off as me saying that this story wasn't well-written. That's not the case at all. If anything, my on-and-off discomfort has been a result of how well done the characters are. See, what got to me wasn't the age difference or the legality, but rather the question of abuse. You've done a phenomenal job of depicting Nina's childlike naivete, so in spite of the fact that she's obviously gone through sex ed, when Ray started fondling her, I was still unsure of whether or not she truly understood the sort of thing she was getting into. That bit where she wanted to say no but couldn't didn't exactly help.
So why do I say this chapter helped? Simple: they talked about everything. It may sound very silly, but having both of them discuss what they were feeling and what the stakes were, so to speak, made me feel a lot better about the relationship. It also helped more than you may realize to hear Ray say that he didn't want to hurt Nina, because it was something I don't think he mentioned in previous chapters; he seemed far more worried about the legal consequences of having sex with Nina than of the potential damage it would do to her, so hearing that he does care about that makes him seem like a better person.
Well, now that all the super dramatic stuff is out of the way, I do also have to say this:
Blue balls. It was two words that most guys rightly feared, right along with the words ‘impotence’, ‘erectile dysfunction’ and ‘premature ejaculation’. Okay, those last ones were worse
That made me laugh. Truer words...
Thank you for this one too!
I’m glad that their communication made you feel better about them. Well, he has been worried about those consequences, so they’ve been at the front of his mind. Even though Melrick and I are really making him go there. He doesn’t mean to do any harm.
Ah… Melrick made you laugh… (points)
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From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019
Okay, so I ended up just reading the second chapter right after the first. Sorry.
Chapter 2
Well, that slow build thing lasted all of one chapter. Um...this was somehow both erotic and kind of alarming. Like, it was hot, and then we discovered that Nina was actually frightened and wanted to tell Ray to stop and just like that it wasn't hot anymore.
He thought about asking her to just keep it a secret between the two of them, but isn’t that what creeps and perverts say?
FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT, RAY.
Again, I am glad that Ray caught onto what he was doing and backed off, especially considering that this was moving far too fast for Nina there. Still, it's not a good sign when his self-control is that tenuous. It does make me wonder how we as readers are meant to see Ray's actions. The first chapter made him seem like a decent guy, but are we meant to see him that way, or as something for more disturbing? It's definitely something to think about.
Anyway, I will be back for the next chapter.
Hey again, and thank you!
Well… I think she was more frightened of herself just then. She hasn’t been in any situation like this before, but she’s also very daring. It’s amazing how easy it is to get right out of your depth… lol. Silly Nina! But Ray is a good guy really. He’d never hurt her or deliberately scare her. He’s not thinking rationally at all right now.
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From InBrightestDay on June 17, 2019
Well, having read some of pippychick's other stuff, I had to read this collaborative effort here! No offense intended to Melrick; I just haven't read any of your work before. Anyway...
Chapter 1
I'm stepping a little out of my comfort zone here. On the one hand, I'm not averse to Minor stuff in general, depending on how it's written, but on the other, I wouldn't usually read something featuring a fourteen year old girl (full disclosure, when Nina mentions how she'll be fifteen in a coupe of weeks, I did cringe a little), but the way you two are writing this really helped me.
I think, had you jumped right into this relationship, I probably would have noped out of there pretty quick, but the slow build you seem to be going for is doing wonders, with neither Ray nor Nina really consciously moving this relationship forward, at least here at the start; it's just sort of happening.
I do also appreciate that Ray, at least, seems to realize how wildly inappropriate this is. I mean, this is absolutely the stuff you hear about on the news: "And finally tonight, a middle aged bus driver has been arrested for having sex with one of his fourteen year old passengers..." I'm very curious to see if this story actually gets me to root for these two as a couple.
At any rate, this is written really well so far, and I'll get to Chapter 2 soon!
Hey, @InBrightestDay and thank you so much!
Thank you for reading, even if it is out of your comfort zone. I’m entirely responsible for Nina’s age, and it’s interesting to think back and imagine what she would be thinking and feeling. But we wanted to try and write about two characters first and foremost, so if you do stick with it, be prepared for this to go a lot deeper.
As for Ray, he absolutely does realise, and I think ordinarily nothing would happen here. But this is fiction, so we are just having a little fun as the Gods of this world, and watching what unfolds, so I’m really happy that it seems to be just happening, rather than being forced. I hope you will root for Ray and Nina by the end. Together, they are more than their age difference
- InBrightestDay and Melrick
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Reviews for The Music Room
BY : pippychick
From JayDee on June 16, 2019
It's really great how you fit all the emotion of the loss into so few words. The passage remembering Hannah sexually is very bittersweet, but I love the way the language changes from playing the instrument to comparing playing Hannah.
" It seemed less painful now because they had loved, "
It's like the old saying "It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" you've got a great way of putting it.
Thank you so much, @JayDee – I’m so glad you liked it. I’m glad you noticed the comparison of playing the instrument and the lover. They both do involve a kind of purposeful caress.
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Reviews for The Music Room
BY : pippychick-
From Melrick on June 15, 2019
That was both beautiful and melancholy. Really well done, but then again, every single thing you write is really well done.
Thank you so much, Melrick
I really love that piece of music and the character of the duet. I hope I wrote something to do it justice.
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Reviews for Awakenings
BY : pippychick & Melrick-
From JayDee on May 19, 2019
You folks have done a good job of setting the scene and building up the sexual tension there. Ray's definitely showing an interest isn't he, but knowing how inappropriate it is, while Nina just seems to be getting into him. I guess it's lonely on the farm. There's a bit of a twist there with the reveal of her actual age - I'll give the future chapters a miss because it's gonna be too young for me, but I wanted to leave a review on part one because it's very well written.
I was trying to work out where it was set - I initially thought Britain with Pippychick's past stories set there, but then there's kilometres for distance and mention of new guy's pants, but also arse - so Australia on behalf of Melrick?
Hey @JayDee
Thank you so much for this review, and I completely understand about the minor2, it’s why the tag is there. For me, it is kind of fun recalling my younger self so that Nina can borrow her for a bit (I was terrible).
I’m glad the build up comes across well, nevertheless.
@Melrick and I added the setting to the summary, because you gave us a reminder.
I know I have so much catching up to do reading-wise (covers the ears of fate), and with any luck, this week could be my week, because I am really looking forward to it! I’m sorry I’ve been absent for such a long time now.
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3 hours ago, JayDee said:
Thank you again, I appreciate your reading and reviewing this story.
Just fantastic, from beginning to end. I loved it.
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Reviews for Demonizing Angel
BY : pippychickFrom tcr on March 14, 2019
Best disclaimer ever. Nuff said there.
One point I think might have been an interesting addition to it: if you had used singular “they” for the beginning intro to the characters, I think that would have been interesting. And then, when they change over to female, they could be switched to she. It would add to the idea of “neutral” and, shall we say, for less that you have kind of hinted on. And the idea of switching forms (as hinted by the line “She wondered what form Demon had taken, and then with a smile decided to let it be a surprise for later.”)
I do love that touch of history in there. That little bit of information that grounds the world of Angel and Demon, and make the story real. And, having my love of history, almost sounds like the Thirty Years War.
Love the description of the form Demon took. Mmmmmmm. Wonderfully delicious and beautifully written. And Angel's look. Wow! Two sexy women!
The foreplay between the two from Angel's viewpoint was well done. It was both hot and written with just enough hardness to show Demon's personality. Thumbs up, thumbs way up!
And Demon's viewpoint continues it. And gives more of a sight into her own psyche. Definitely loving the build up.
And chapter two… bit of a twist, but an interesting and compelling twist. Demon loves Angel and, from the sounds of it, Angel loves Demon. A message of the complicated nature of good and evil and the ever convoluted attempts to differentiate them?
It was hot to the end. And an interesting take on religious themes. I definitely loved the Aramaic in there, too, very nice touch. Definitely a fantastic piece of writing and I certainly hope you come back to it
Thank you for this review too tcr!
I think that if I rewrote this, I might try that very short beginning part without the use of pronouns at all, which would make it a smoother read.
From what I remember, I was creating an entire mythos here, represented by Angel and Demon. I’m sorry I didn’t continue it in some ways, because they were good candidates.
I’m glad it was hot…. that’s honestly the most important part.
You’re very good to me, and kind with these reviews. Thank you
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Reviews for The Pollution of George Farrow
BY : pippychickFrom tcr on March 14, 2019
Wow, that was bloody intense. Not in a highly action oriented way, but in the entire situation. In your wording and the atmosphere you created. It was superbly written. And I found it to fit in with the prompt line quite well (although JayDee may think otherwise).
The character of George... Honestly I liked the evolution. He started off, to me, as an unsympathetic douche, then shifted, quite reasonably to less douche, then average, then sympathetic (in his own way). And the way you did it was fantastic. Word choices and descriptions helped this transition elegantly. (In some ways, it reminded me a little of Stephen King's Thinner.) And that's a bonus. I do like the twist at the end, too. I won't say it here, but it was a good way to usurp expectations I had going in.
Despite not being in there long, too, i felt the connection between Liz and George strongly too. You did an amazing job, the subtleties of their relationship and the backstory there, it's too bad the events that transpire. And the dogs... My heart just... Animals, my weak spot.
Now for the setting. I like the beginning and ending, and the tie that binds them together. I think it was a great touch and a nice little foreshadowing to his change.
All in all, excellent work.
Thank you tcr!
Wow… I have reminded someone of Stephen King. I have now reached the pinnacle of my powers, lol. Chuffed to bits about that, especially since I do love Thinner. It’s a great horror story.
Aww… no dogs were hurt in the writing of this story.
I’m glad that the relationship with Liz came through, and that you saw that echo in the beginning and the end. Thanks again!
- InBrightestDay and JayDee
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I thought some might find this interesting. Vermont University have tracked word usage on social media etc to create this, a listing that assigns a ‘happiness’ score to words.
http://hedonometer.org/words.html
I know it’s only one connotation, and probably not infallible, but if you’re trying to create a certain mood, where your descriptive work lies here might be helpful.
- InBrightestDay, Tcr, BronxWench and 1 other
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19 hours ago, JayDee said:
Plus, I’ve got one muse it’s better for us all if it doesn’t wake up.
Damn it… I’m bloody writing in emoticons. Somebody please put me down. It’s over.
- InBrightestDay, JayDee and CloverReef
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Reviews for Butterfly
BY : pippychickFrom tcr on March 12, 2019
Chapter 1:
First off, Pippy, thanks for telling me about this. Lol.
Second... The chapter is well written, as I've seen from you, so that's not a surprise. You continue your well chosen words, descriptions, and, even though based off the show, the characters are well written. This chapter feels like it could have been part of the show. Even the attraction between Walter and Astrid, whose chemistry in the show could have gone that way in a different situation, feels natural. You did a wonderful job with it. It's a great start and I definitely look forward to reading through the rest.
Third, as touched on, you have done a great job transferring characters from the show into this story. They don't feel out of character or out of place (and the scenario definitely fits the show). Two thumbs way up for that. And Walter, definitely makes the show and I found him to be one of the best characters, so I certainly look forward to what you do with him and Astrid.
Chapter 2:
First off, I loved the beginning of the chapter. I think you presented Walter's inner thoughts extremely well, with the same idea as the show presents. I thought it remained perfectly in character (especially Walter's thought process, normal for him, disjointed for others, yet you've weaved it perfectly).
Second, the interaction between Astrid and Walter was enjoyable, too. The show of concern by Walter for Astrid felt like a bit of role reversal from the series (although, I do believe similar things happened, too... I might be a little fuzzy on details). It was a good scene and I love the subtleties in your writing. You're a master wordsmith.
But now it seems things are going to get strange, just like the show!
Thank you @Tcr
Well, I am rewatching it. Ostensibly, I’m writing Iason/Riki, but it never hurts to have a backup plan.
I’m so glad you’re enjoying it, and that it seems in character. I probably say this about a lot of characters, but Walter really is a joy to write. The mixture of genius and insanity that makes him up is fascinating.
It’s a bit of a bumpy start, but they get there. I hope you enjoy that too.
Should be fun to have them hide what they’re up to from Olivia and Peter, and show that they’ve been working during their hours and hours of alone time in the lab, lol.
Thank you again!
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Reviews for The Ruined Abbe
BY : pippychick
From ANON - Laney on November 16, 2018
Thank you for this. It was an absolute treat! They are so in-character, and the intimacy is so gorgeous. I’m making a video tribute to Joaquin Phoenix, so I’m watching a lot of his films, and Quills always makes me want depraved stories of this pairing. I adored your story! I was hoping Marquis would teach Abbe a bit about blood play....maybe slip a knife under his pious collar and cut a shallow slit in his throat, then kiss the wound and leave a trail of bloody kisses up the column of his neck.... I should probably write that lol. Anyway, I loved your fic and how it entertwined with the story. Your version answers a lot of questions and is damn hot to boot. All the best to you <3
I seem to have missed this when catching up with review responses (or I think I have – if not, sorry for the repetition), and I am sorry for late reply, but thank you so much, Laney!
I don’t know if you will ever see this response, but...
I’m glad they’re in character, and that the sex scenes work well. I had a great deal of fun writing this one. Maybe it was having Sade as a muse for a bit, maybe it was playing with JP’s version of Coulmier. Interestingly, the historical Coulmier was not as pretty as JP, and was a hunchback. Also he was much older, but he was a pioneer in treating mental illness. I’d love to go back in time and listen in on one of their real conversations. Alas, I probably wouldn’t understand anything, since I don’t speak French. Sade had a great sense of humour, which you can see in the letters he sent from prison, particularly to his mother-in-law. He was part of the aristocracy, but he soon jumped ship and produced subversive and revolutionary pamphlets for circulation when required, and in his work, his address to women is light years ahead (in liberty) of where we are, even today. I suppose it’s difficult to say what he really believed; it’s likely he just worked in his own self-interest, but my more forgiving self wants him to be a hero for sexual liberty, and particularly sexual writing.
Gah… sorry, I did a lot of research, lol.
Thank you!
Happy endings (literally or figuratively) or tragic endings?
in Writers' Corner
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(looks completely and utterly innocent)