pippychick

After all the crap lately, guess who is putting up the Christmas tree alone? Yep… because, well I’m not quite clear on the because. I took some poinsettia’s around to various neighbours earlier. My mother is under the impression it can be put off even further. Except it can’t, because later this week I will be good for nothing, what with work and various other things, like appointments and other activities. Her birthday meal is one. I haven’t done any christmas shopping. I’m looking at friday at this point.

I’d write in rebellion, but all the words are flying around in my brain like shrapnel right now, and have been doing for a few days. I don’t know what this means. Maybe an extended break again. I hope not.

I know moving all that furniture about seemed to finish me. I could barely move for two days… then I had to go back to work. I don’t know how to survive this week. I have to go out twice to eat. A dicey prospect on my medication, let alone with the lack of energy. I really don’t have a Christmas in me. 

I know retreat isn’t the answer. I know it. But honestly this shit is just like stumbling and crawling around in thick, black smoke and the urge to just stay still is unbearable.

I need space, and time, and something easy for fuck’s sake. Just one thing that’s easy. I am so tired of fighting this.

Damn. I’m going to make myself a neat, orderly list. When all else fails, a list. Because giving in is not an option.

*sighs*

Please send jokes. Or cute pictures.